Book Review: Thunderball by Ian Fleming

Posted on March 12, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

After the publication of Goldfinger in 1959, Ian Fleming’s next installment in the adventures of James Bond would be a short story collection, 1960’s For Your Eyes Only. It would not be until 1961 that another Bond novel would be published.

That novel was Thunderball.

Thunderball originally began life as a screenplay. In 1959, Ian Fleming met with producer Kevin McClory to discuss the possibility of McClory producing a Bond film. Working with McClory, Fleming developed not only the basic storyline of Thunderball but also created the villains who, in the 60s, would replace the Russians as being Bond’s main villains. It was while working with McClory that Fleming first created both SPECTRE and its enigmatic leader, Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

Ultimately, Fleming and McClory had a falling out, putting a temporary end to McClory’s plans to produce the first James Bond film. Instead, the first Bond film would be produced by Harry Saltzman and Albert Broccoli and Fleming would turn the screenplay into a novel. This led to problems when McClory and screenwriter Jack Wittingham sued Fleming, claiming that they owned the rights to Thunderball’s story. As a result of a settlement, McClory won the right to produce the eventual film version of Thunderball, with Broccoli and Saltzman received executive producer credits.

McClory would later claim that, as the producer of Thunderball, he had the right to produce other James Bond films as well. This led to several years of lawsuits, during which time McClory remade Thunderball as Never Say Never Again. Reportedly, he was trying to raise money for a third remake when he died in 2006. (Later, the McClory estate would sell the rights to Thunderball, SPECTRE, and Blofeld to MGM. The end result was SPECTRE, a film that totally wasted one of Fleming’s most intriguing villains.)

Reading Thunderball, it’s easy to see that Fleming was thinking in terms of cinema when he came up with the story. Most of the action takes place in the always photogenic Bahamas. There are lengthy action scenes, involving planes being hijacked and underwater combat. The storyline, which features two atomic missiles being stolen by SPECTRE’s Emilio Largo, is tailor-made for the movies.

Thunderball even starts with a lengthy prologue, the type that should be familiar to anyone who has seen any of the Bond films. M sends Bond to a health spa, where Bond ends up getting targeted by an international criminal named Count Lippe. The health spa scenes are among the most enjoyable in the book. Not only is Bond forced to drop all of his “bad” habits but afterward, he actually discovers that he does feel healthier and more active. Soon, he becomes a bit of a health fanatic and gets on the nerves of almost everyone who works with him with all of his “good” habits. It’s easy to imagine that Fleming was having a little bit of fun at the expense of all the critics who claimed that Bond was somehow a bad role model. Of course, by the next novel, Bond was back to all of his old habits.

As for the rest of Thunderball, this was a book that I wanted to like more than I actually did. After Bond gets finished at the health spa, he gets sent to the Bahamas track down the missiles and it becomes a rather standard thriller. It doesn’t take long for Bond to both figure out that Emilo Largo stole the missiles and to seduce Largo’s mistress, Domino. Felix Leiter makes another welcome appearance but, on the whole, it all feels rather slow and uninspired.

However, Thunderball will always be an important work in the Bond canon because it introduced the world to Blofeld. Though Bond and Blofeld never meet (that would have to wait for later novels), the book’s best chapters deal with Blofeld’s background and the way he manages SPECTRE. As is typical of many of Fleming’s villains, Blofeld is described as being someone who does not drink, does not smoke, and who has no interest in sex. A reoccurring theme in all of Fleming’s Bond novels is that a man with a certain amount of minor vices is far more trustworthy than a man with none. It’s a good thing that Bond eventually recovers from going to that health spa because otherwise, he never would have been able to defeat SPECTRE’s nefarious schemes.

Fleming would follow Thunderball with one of his most controversial novels, The Spy Who Loved Me. We’ll look at that one tomorrow!

Book Review: Goldfinger by Ian Fleming

Posted on March 11, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(SPOILERS)

In 1959, Ian Fleming introduced a character who would go on to become the quintessential James Bond villain. His name? Auric Goldfinger.

When I reread Goldfinger, Fleming’s seventh Bond novel, I was surprised to discover just how faithful the 1964 film adaptation really was. True, there were a few differences. While Jill Masterson was still killed via gold paint, it happened off-stage in the book and long after Bond had already left Miami. Meanwhile, Jill’s sister, Tilly, survived far longer in the book than she did in the movie. Pussy Galore, on the other hand, doesn’t appear until the very last few chapters of the book. There’s no scene with Bond being threatened by a laser. Goldfinger never laughs and says, “I expect you to die.”

And yet, while reading Fleming’s novel, it was impossible for me not to visualize Gert Frobe and Harold Sakata as Goldfinger and Oddjob. Outside of the actors who have played Bond, the casting of Frobe and Sakata in the film version of Goldfinger may have been the two best casting decisions in the history of the Bond franchise. And while that giant laser never made an appearance, Oddjob’s killer hat was present in the novel and loving described by Fleming.

Goldfinger’s lunatic plot to rob Fort Knox is present in both the novel and the book, though it’s somehow even more implausible in the book than in the movie. What’s interesting is that, from the minute Bond hears about Goldfinger’s plot, Bond continually says that it’s a crazy plan that can’t possibly succeed. Fleming never makes much of an effort to convince us that Bond could possibly be wrong about Goldfinger’s plan, either. For once, the threat isn’t that the villain will succeed. The threat is that Goldfinger will cause even more damage while failing. Bond’s mission is less to thwart Goldfinger than to contain him.

With a personality that is somewhat reminiscent of Moonraker‘s Hugo Drax, Goldfinger is one of Fleming’s best bad guys. Though there’s nothing subtle about Goldfinger, his flamboyant and cocky villainy serves as a nice contrast to James Bond’s more serious-minded personality. Like many Bond villains, Goldfinger is so defined by his single obsession (in this case, with gold) that he doesn’t show any interest in any of the activities — drinking, smoking, having sex — that tend to define Bond as a character. That’s one of the reoccurring themes to found in Fleming’s work. Men who do not indulge in “gentlemanly vices” are almost always evil.

It’s a good and entertaining book, marred only by some foolishness towards the end in which Bond is upset to realize that 1) Tilly Masterson is a lesbian and 2) she’s more attracted to Pussy Galore than to him. In fact, during Goldfinger’s assault on Fort Knox, Tilly ignores Bond’s orders and goes looking for Pussy instead. (I know, I know. Stop it.) Tilly is promptly killed by Oddjob and Bond mournfully considers that she would still be alive if only she had been attracted to men instead of women.

(As I mentioned in my review of Live and Let Die, Fleming may have been a “man of the world” but he was also a product of his time and all the prejudices that went along with it.)

Fleming would follow Goldfinger with a collection of short stories. The next James Bond novel, Thunderball, would not appear until 1961. We’ll take a look at it tomorrow.

Book Review: Dr. No by Ian Fleming

Posted on March 10, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Having survived his creator’s attempt to kill him off at the end of From Russia With Love, British secret agent James Bond returned in the 1958 novel Dr. No.

When Dr. No begins, M is concerned that his top agent might no longer have what it takes. After all, James Bond barely survived his previous mission. The doctors say that he’s recovered, Bond has spent months in rehab. Bond is desperate for a new mission but M still has his doubts. So, he gives Bond what should be an easy assignment. He sends 007 to Jamaica, to investigate the strange disappearance of John Strangeways and his secretary. (Strangeways previously appeared in Live and Let Die.)

It turns out to be anything but simple. As soon as Bond arrives, it becomes obvious that the mysterious Dr. No was somehow involved in whatever happened to Strangeways. Dr. No lives on a remote island and has made a fortune through the cultivation of bat guano. (Eck!) With the help of the loyal Quarrel and the beautiful Honeychile Ryder, Bond sets out to find out what Dr. No is actually up to. Of course, the natives say that Dr. No is protected by a dragon. Bond says that’s foolish but then the dragon shows up…

But it’s not just the dragon that Bond has to look out for! There’s Dr. No himself. When we finally meet Dr. No, we discover that he’s basically a cyborg. Oh, he’s never called that, of course. I don’t even know if “cyborg” was a word in 1958. But Fleming delights in telling us about Dr. No’s metal hands and the way that he glides across the floor. Fleming also delights in telling us all about the ins and outs of bat guano. Fleming came up with many creative deaths for his Bond novels but Dr. No is the first to feature suffocation by bat shit.

Dr. No is a departure from Fleming’s previous books, all of which may have featured villains with odd names but, at the same time, remained somewhat realistic. Dr. No, on the other hand, is so fanciful that it almost reads as being satire. Everything from Dr. No’s megalomania to Honeychile Ryder’s first appearance on the beach suggests that Dr. No is intentionally written to take place in a bigger-than-life fantasy world. That doesn’t mean that it’s a bad book. In fact, it’s one of Fleming’s more entertaining novels. But it’s almost as if, having brought Bond back to life, Fleming was determined to take a break from the real world with his next novel.

Interestingly, Dr. No started life as a non-Bond related screenplay. Though Fleming ultimately abandoned the script, he used it as the inspiration for his next book. It’s appropriate that, from such beginnings, Dr. No went on to serve as the basis of the first Bond film.

Book Review: From Russia With Love by Ian Fleming

Posted on March 9, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(MAJOR SPOILERS)

First published in 1957, the fifth James Bond novel was nearly the last. Despite the success of the previous books, Ian Fleming was growing tired of the yearly obligation of coming up with a new adventure for James Bond. His health failing and his marriage strained, Fleming wrote to his friend Raymond Chandler, “My muse is in a very bad way … I am getting fed up with Bond and it has been very difficult to make him go through his tawdry tricks.”

Perhaps that’s why From Russia With Love could have easily been retitled “The Death of James Bond.”

In fact, the promise of death hangs over every paragraph of From Russia With Love. Bond doesn’t even make a personal appearance until halfway through the book. Up until that point, we spend our time with the men and the women who are plotting his death. The Russians not only want to kill Bond but they want to do so in a way that will embarrass the British secret service. What better scheme than to use the naive Tatiana Romanova to entice Bond and get Bond to lower his guard long enough to be killed by their top assassin, the sociopathic Red Grant?

Indeed, From Russia With Love is unique among the Bond books in that the reader spends almost the entire book a few steps ahead of Bond. While Bond thinks that he is helping Tatiana defect to the West, we’re aware that Red Grant is waiting just around the corner. And while Bond is often unsure about whether Tatiana is really in love with him, we know that she is but we also know that the Russians consider her to be expendable.

Up until the final few chapters, Bond is almost as passive a character in From Russia With Love as he was in Casino Royale. When he arrives in Turkey to investigate Tatiana, he spends most of his time being led around by the older Darko Kerim. Much as in Casino Royale, Bond is a bit of a student, one who is briefly disturbed when Kerim ruthlessly assassinates an enemy agent. Kerim is one of Fleming’s best creations, an outspoken spymaster who is so full of life that he often overshadows Bond. It’s only when Kerim is dead that Bond can step up into his usual heroic role.

Throughout the book, Fleming appears to be fascinated by everyone but James Bond. However, the change-of-pace actually works out surprisingly well. Grant, Tatiana, Kerim, and the dangerous Major Rosa Klebb are such memorably drawn characters that it doesn’t matter that Bond spends most of the book in the background. More than being a good Bond novel, it’s a genuinely exciting thriller.

And then there’s that ending. After originally ending with Bond and Tatiana going off on a typical Bondian jaunt, Fleming revised the book’s conclusion. Now, the book ended rather abruptly with Bond, having been poisoned by Major Klebb, crashing to the floor. If you ignore the fact that you’re reading a James Bond novel then it’s obvious that the Russians have succeeded in assassinating MI6’s best agent. That may have been Fleming’s intention but, of course, that’s not the way things turned out. Instead, Bond would return a year later in Dr. No.

And why not? From Russia With Love was the best Bond novel up to that point. (I consider it to be the second best of Fleming’s Bond novels, behind On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.) Fleming may have been growing bored with Bond but readers? They loved him.

Up next: Bond gets strange with Dr. No!

Book Review: Diamonds Are Forever by Ian Fleming

Posted on March 8, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(SPOILERS FOR BOTH DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER AND FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE)

First published in 1956, Diamonds are Forever was the fourth of Ian Fleming’s original James Bond novels.

This time, Bond has been assigned to investigate international diamond smuggling. After assuming the identity of a burglar named Peter Franks, Bond infiltrates a smuggler’s ring. His investigation leads him back to the United States and into the untamed city of Las Vegas.

Diamonds are Forever is one of the weaker of Fleming’s Bond novels. Reportedly, it didn’t take long for Fleming to grow weary of the demands of coming up with a new Bond novel every year and he even considered killing off the British secret agent all together. As opposed to the first three books, the plot of Diamonds are Forever often feels rather hastily mashed together. Worst of all, Diamonds are Forever features the least memorable villains of the series, the Spang Brothers. The Spang Brothers are mobsters who talk like they’re in a bad crime movie and that’s about it. Certainly, they never come across like a legitimate threat to James Bond.

Probably the best thing about Diamonds are Forever is Bond’s growing relationship with the tough and cynical smuggler, Tiffany Case. More so than Vesper, Solitaire, and even Gala Brand, Tiffany seems like Bond’s equal and it’s no surprise when, at the end of the book, she and Bond end up moving in with each other.

(It’s also not a shock when, in the next novel, we learn that Tiffany soon left Bond for another man. Tiffany’s not the type to get tied down.)

It’s also interesting to read Fleming’s thoughts on Las Vegas. Remember how much Fleming hated on Florida in Live and Let Die? That’s nothing compared to what he does to Las Vegas. Reading his description of the famed gambling mecca, one gets the feeling that Fleming was both fascinated and disgusted by this quintessentially American city.

Finally, an entire chapter is devoted to Bond’s experience flying from the UK to the US. That may seem like filler to modern audiences. But you have to remember that Diamonds Are Forever was written at a time when commercial air travel was considered to be something of a luxury. For many readers in 1956, reading that chapter was probably as close to flying as they’d ever get.

Diamonds are Forever may be one of the weaker Bond novels but it was followed by one of the best, From Russia With Love!

Book Review: Moonraker by Ian Fleming

Posted on March 7, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First published in 1955, Moonraker was the third of the original James Bond novels and it was also the first of the series to be totally set in Great Britain. At no point does Bond leave his home country. In fact, he spends a great deal of the book in his office. (If you’ve ever wondered what Bond’s job entails when he’s not on a mission, this is the book to check.) That said, it’s appropriate that Moonraker remains in Bond’s home country because it starts with a very British problem.

Hugo Drax is the most popular man in Britain. Drax was horribly disfigured during the Second World War but, despite all of the scars and a somewhat boorish manner, he has managed to make himself into one of the most important industrialists in the world. Drax is building an immensely powerful nuclear missile, the Moonraker. His missile will keep Britain safe from both the USSR and the USA. At the start of the novel, even Bond admires Drax. Except…

…DRAX CHEATS AT CARDS!

It turns out that M and Drax both play cards at the same club and M is sure that Drax must be cheating. Why would such a powerful man feel the need to cheat? Even more importantly, how can a man be trusted with Britain’s security when he can’t even be trusted to play bridge? Both to prevent a public scandal and to make sure that Drax really can be trusted, M bring Bond to the club so that Bond can beat Drax at his own game.

One bridge game later and suddenly, Bond has been assigned to work at Drax’s laboratory. Already on the case and working as Drax’s secretary is Special Branch officer Gala Brand. Bond being Bond, he discovers that Drax is at the head of a nefarious scheme. He also tries to figure out why Gala Brand is apparently the only woman in the world who is not won over by his manly charm…

Moonraker is one of my favorite Bond novels. Drax is an interesting villain and Fleming makes a good decision by having Bond initially admire the man. Fleming takes a lot of joy in describing both Drax’s bad manners and grotesque appearance. Drax started a tradition of Bond having to face physically unappealing bad guys. After playing a minor role in the first two books, M takes a more central role in Moonraker and we also get a chance to explore his paternal but strict relationship with 007. Gala is one of the few of the so-called Bond girls to be portrayed as being an equal to Bond and the book’s final scene between her and Bond is considerably more poignant than it has any right to be. Finally, Fleming’s love of Britain is evident on every page. If Fleming spent Casino Royale and Live and Let Die being snarky about the places that Bond visited, Moonraker finds both the author and his most famous creation in a surprisingly sentimental mood.

Moonraker came close to being the first James Bond novel to make it to the big screen. In 1955, American actor John Payne pursued the rights to the book, hoping to star as Bond in the film version. However, it would be another 24 years before Moonraker was adapted to film. Other than featuring Drax as a villain, the film version would have little do with the original novel.

Book Review: Live and Let Die By Ian Fleming

Posted on March 6, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Minor Spoilers)

Having recovered from both the horrific torture he suffered in Casino Royale and the suicide of Vesper Lynd, British secret agent James Bond is ready to return to the field. His latest mission takes him to America, where his job is to investigate Mr. Big. Mr. Big is Harlem-based gangster who is suspected of helping to finance Russian operations through his criminal enterprises.

(Specifically, Mr. Big has been selling 17th Century gold coins that are believed to be a part of a legendary pirate treasure that was buried somewhere in Jamaica. Ian Fleming knew his pirate lore and devotes a good deal of the beginning of the book to discussing Sir Henry Morgan.)

In America, Bond partners up with his old friend Felix Leiter but he soon discovers that taking down Mr. Big is not as easy as he thought it would be. Using the fear of voodoo to control his minions, Mr. Big has agents all across America. As well, Mr. Big also has the services of Solitaire, a beautiful Creole fortune teller. The case takes Bond and Felix from New York to Florida to Jamaica. It also costs one of them a leg and an arm. In order to maintain some suspense, I will refrain from revealing who gets attacked by a shark.

Reading the original James Bond novels can be enjoyable but it can also lead to a good deal of culture shock. Because Bond is constantly changing in the movies and the role is regularly recast, we tend to forget just how long the character of James Bond has been around. In the movies, Bond is forever the same age and his villains and their plots continually change to reflect whatever’s going on in the world. In SPECTRE, Blofeld was even reinvented as a bored Christoph Waltz.

The books, however, are frozen in time. They all reflect the attitudes and concerns of the time period in which they were written. That can often make for a fascinating read but it can also leave modern readers cringing. Ian Fleming was a man of his time and he shared both the strengths and the weaknesses of his time and his class. That’s a polite way of saying that, in the Bond novels, Fleming tends to treat anyone who is not British, white, and male with, at best, a patronizingly condescending attitude. (At worst, Fleming treats them with outright disdain.) That’s especially obvious in Live and Let Die, in which Mr. Big and all of his henchmen are black.

Live and Let Die was first published in 1954. Interestingly enough, Fleming doesn’t come across as being as prejudiced as some of his contemporaries. For instance, even when the action moves the American south, the n-word never appears in the book. (Then again, neither do any redneck sheriffs.) I wouldn’t call Fleming a racial progressive but, at the same time, it’s obvious that he means it to be the highest compliment when Bond describes Mr. Big as being the “first great Negro criminal.” But then Fleming introduces us to two sympathetic black characters who do nothing but happily take orders from Bond and then he starts writing dialogue in phonetic dialect and you just find yourself cringing and saying, “Oh my God, Ian, stop it!”

Here’s what does work as far as Live and Let Die is concerned: Mr. Big is a great villain, far less of a wimp than Casino Royale‘s Le Chiffre. As well, James Bond is a far more active character in this book and less whiny than he was in Casino Royale. Bond once again gets tortured but he doesn’t threaten to quit the service just because his finger gets broken. Instead, he seeks revenge.

As an American, it was interesting for me to read Fleming’s thoughts on my home country. While Bond seems quite comfortable in New York, both he and Felix are absolutely miserable in Florida. In fact, Fleming portrays Florida as being Hell on Earth, hot and full of ill-tempered old people. It’s impossible not to be amused by just how viscerally Fleming disliked Florida.

Finally, Fleming’s skills as a storyteller were even stronger in Live and Let Die than in Casino Royale. I mean, whatever else you might say about the book, who can resist that perfect one line dismissal of a opponet: “He disagreed with something that ate him.”

Tomorrow, we take a look at Moonraker!

Book Review: Casino Royale by Ian Fleming

Posted on March 5, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(SPOILERS)

Earlier this year, I decided to reread all of Ian Fleming’s James Bond novels. On this site, I’ve written many times about how much I love all of the James Bond films so I thought it would be interesting, especially since a few years have passed since I originally read them, to reread the original novels.

The first Bond novel was Casino Royale. First published in 1953, Casino Royale introduced the world to not only MI6’s James Bond but also to the CIA’s Felix Leiter, the sinister assassins of SMERSH, and the tragic Vesper Lynd.

The story starts with a deceptively simple mission. James Bond has been sent to the Casino Royale, with specific orders to play against and humiliate Le Chiffre, a union boss who works for the Russians. Bond succeeds at his mission but quickly discovers that Le Chiffre is not the type to accept the loss of eighty million francs gracefully. Bond ends up undergoing a truly horrific torture, one that is described in harrowing details by Fleming. While it’s not a spoiler to reveal that Bond survives (after all, Casino Royale was followed by 11 novels and 2 short story collections), it comes at the cost of a terrible scar and a terrible tragedy.

In his first appearance, Bond already possesses several of the traits for which he’s best known. He’s a meticulous eater, a frequent drinker, and a chain smoker. He’s ruthless and is described as being cruelly handsome. When Vesper Lynd first meets him, she exclaims that he looks like Hoagy Carmichael, the British musician who Fleming originally hoped would play Bond in the films.

At the same time, while rereading Casino Royale, I was surprised by how passive Bond was for the majority of the book. Beyond the scene where he plays baccarat with Le Chiffre, Bond really doesn’t take a very active role in his first novel. When he’s captured and tortured, he doesn’t escape through his wits. In fact, he doesn’t escape at all. He’s rescued by SMERSH, who have decided that they no longer need Le Chiffre to launder money for them. After being rescued, he decides to retire from intelligence work and marry Vesper Lynd. Vesper Lynd is a double agent but Bond never figures that out on his own. He only discovers this fact from Vesper’s suicide note.

(Which, of course, leads to the novel famous and bitter final line: “The bitch is dead.”)

In fact, there are times when Bond almost seems to be … well, dorky. Early on, we’re informed that he hopes to create and make a fortune off of a new drink. (Minutes after meeting Vesper, he announces that he’s going to name the drink after her.) When he’s in the hospital recovering from being beaten, he’s hardly the Bond we all know and love. Instead, he’s rather petulant. When he explains that he’s quitting the service, he comes across like an angry teenager announcing that he’s not going to go to school anymore.

As for the novel itself, it’s a quick read and, even after all these years, I can see why it caused a stir when it was originally released. It’s not just that Fleming was telling a spy story that was full of intrigue and deceit. It’s also the Fleming was giving readers a glimpse into a glamorous world that they probably would never have a chance to experience for themselves. Fleming describes the casino with such care and attention to detail that you literally feel like you’re there, watching Bond gamble.

For the record, here’s my favorite line from the book. It occurs shortly after Bond first meets Felix Leiter and discovers that Felix is from my homestate:

“Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.”

And finally, here’s the ingredient for Bond’s drink, the Vesper:

“Three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it’s ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel.”

(Apparently, some of these ingredients are out-of-date. I rarely drink so I have no idea.)

Casino Royale was followed by Live and Let Die, which I’ll review tomorrow.

Book Review: The Chalk Man by C.J. Tudor

Posted on March 4, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last Wednesday night, we got hit by a huge storm. Around 11:00, after a brilliant flash of lightning, we lost all power. (The power wouldn’t return for nearly 12 hours.) Since I didn’t want to go to sleep until the power came back on, I ended up sitting in the living room and reading, by the glow of the flashlight, C.J. Tudor’s The Chalk Man.

In the year 1986, in a small English village, five children stumbled across a mystery. Eddie, Fat Gav, Metal Mickey, Hoppo, and Nicky followed a series of chalk drawing into the woods and what they found changed both them and the town forever. Their discovery would not only reveal several carefully held secrets but would also lead to accusations and tragedy.

30 years later, Eddie still lives in the village and that discovery continues to haunt him. Actually, many things haunt Eddie. He has yet to recover from watching his father slowly die of Alzheimer’s. A compulsive thief as a child, he’s now grown up to be a hoarder. In his more reflective moments, he admits that he’s become an alcoholic. He’s still a friend to some of his classmates from 1986 but his closest relationship is with his border, the much younger Chloe. He fears that, as a teacher, he’s not reaching his students. When Eddie was younger, there was one teacher who reached him, a teacher who was linked to that discovery in the woods.

And then, one night, an old acquaintance shows up on Eddie’s doorstep, bringing with him a business proposal. And soon, Eddie is once again trying to solve the mysteries of 1986. Everyone still has their secrets. No one can claim to be totally innocent. Not even Eddie.

The debut novel of C.J. Tudor, The Chalk Man alternates between scenes set in 1986 and scenes set in 2016. Though the structure may bring to mind Stranger Things or Stephen King’s It, The Chalk Man quickly establishes its own identity. It’s an intriguing book, one that uses its central mystery to explore themes of aging, loss, memory, and prejudice. While the book has a few flaws that are common to most first novels, it’s still an enjoyable and compulsive read and I look forward to reading what C.J. Tudor comes up with next.

Incidentally, I also look forward to inevitable film version of The Chalk Man. As long as Ewan McGregor plays the grown-up Eddie, I’ll be happy…

Guilty Pleasure No. 35: Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann

Posted on March 4, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Way back in January, I took the time to read the 1966 novel, Valley of the Dolls. While I had already seen the film that this work inspired, this was my first time to read the actual book.

Before I even opened to the front page, I knew that Valley of the Dolls had been a best-seller, that it inspired a countless number of imitations, and that it had a reputation for being really, really bad. As soon as I started to read the first chapter, I discovered that the book’s reputation was well-earned. To call author Jacqueline Susann’s prose clunky was a bit of an insult to clunky prose everywhere.

Opening in 1945 and covering 24 years in cultural, sexual, and drug history, Valley of the Dolls starts with Anne Welles leaving her boring home in New England and relocating to New York, where she promptly gets a job at a theatrical agency. Everyone tells Anne that she’s beautiful and should be trying to become a star but Anne says that she’s not interested in that. (You’ll be thoroughly sick of Anne’s modesty before reaching the tenth page.) Everyone says that Anne is incredibly intelligent, even though she never really does anything intelligent. Everyone says that she’s witty, even though she never says anything that’s particularly funny. In short, Anne Welles is perhaps the most annoying literary character of all time. Anne spends about 20 years waiting for her chance to marry aspiring author Lyon Burke. When she does, Lyon turns out to be a heel and drives Anne to start taking drugs. I assume it’s meant to be somewhat tragic but who knows? Maybe all of the pills (or “the dolls” as the characters in the book call them) will give Anne a personality.

They certainly worl wonders for everyone else in the book. Neely O’Hara is constantly taking pills and she’s the best character in the book. Unlike Anne, she’s never modest. She’s never quiet. She’s actually funny. Even more importantly, she doesn’t spend the whole book obsessing over one man. Instead, she’s always either throwing a tantrum or having an affair or abandoning her children or getting sent to a mental institution. Neely’s a lot of fun. Unfortunately, we don’t really get to see much of Neely until after having to slog through a hundred or so pages of Anne being boring.

The other major character is Jennifer North, a starlet who was apparently based on Marilyn Monroe. The parts of the book dealing with Jennifer are actually about as close as Valley of the Dolls actually gets to being, for lack of a better term, good. In fact, if the book just dealt with Jennifer’s tragice story, it would probably be remembered as a minor classic. Instead, Jennifer is often overshadowed by Neely (which is understandable since Neely’s insane and therefore capable of saying anything) and Anne (who, as I mentioned before, is the most annoying literary characters of all time).

Why is Valley of the Dolls a guilty pleasure? A lot of it is because of all of the sexual melodrama and pill-popping, the descriptions of which are often so overwritten that they’re unintentionally hilarious. Most of it is because Neely O’Hara goes crazy with so much overwrought style. Whenever the book focuses on Neely, Susann’s inartful prose is replaced with a stream-of-consciousness tour of Neely’s paranoid and petty mind. Interestingly enough, some of the most infamous scenes from the movie are also present in the novel. Remember that scene where Neely rips off Helen Lawson’s wig and then flushes it down a toilet? That’s actually in the book!

Anyway, it’s an incredibly silly but compulsively readable book … or, at least, it is if you can make it through all the boring stuff with Anne at the beginning. Then again, as annoying as Anne is, she doesn’t exactly get a happy ending. Perhaps that’s why Valley of the Dolls is such a guilty pleasure.

Previous Guilty Pleasures