On the one hand, it sounds like everything else.
On the other hand, it does feature some cool car-in-the-desert action.
Enjoy!
Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman
Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.5 “Excessive Force”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
Earlier tonight, I was thinking I might get to bed early as a way to battle my depression over the election in New York City. Then I suddenly remembered that I still had to review this stupid show.
Episode 3.5 “Excessive Force”
(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on September 7th, 1997)
A bank is robbed in Santa Monica so Chris and Victor ride their little bicycles really fast to the scene of the crime. Victor gets shot in the behind and he spends the rest of the episode with everyone laughing about the fact that it’s excruciatingly painful for him to sit down. (Wow, what a great group of people.) Chris shoots one of the robbers in the neck so he swears revenge on her.
Meanwhile, Palermo’s ex-wife is married to an abusive police detective. She briefly moves back in with Palermo, they end up going at it on the couch, and their daughter gets upset.
As is almost always the case with this show, it’s hard to get involved in the human drama because all of the humans are pretty dull. Chris ends up staying at TC’s apartment for her own safety and there’s a lot of “will-they-or-won’t-they” tension but it doesn’t add up to anything because TC is boring and Chris is equally boring so who cares? Meanwhile, Lt. Palermo just comes across as being the volleyball coach from Hell.
Oddly, this episode had a really impressive guest cast. Dey Young played Palermo’s ex-wife. Cliff de Young played her new husband. John Hawkes — as in future Oscar nominee John Hawkes — played the brother of the guy who wanted to kill Chris. Even Dorian Gregory, from the weird second season of Baywatch Nights, showed up as an FBI agent. The guest stars were the lucky ones. None of them had to pretend to be excited about riding a bicycle.
What a silly show.
Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.17 “Awakening of Love/The Imposter”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. The show is once again on Tubi!
It’s time for a trip to 1984.
Episode 7.17 “Awakening of Love/The Imposter”
(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 17th, 1984)
Wendy Collins (Robin Mattson) is a beautiful model who cannot overcome her trust issues. She fears that she might be frigid and she even resists Roarke’s attempts to make her fantasy of finding true love come true by setting her up with photographer (Rod McCrary). Wendy finally reveals the truth to Roarke. She grew up in a troubled home and, as a result, she has a hard time trusting people. She’s only had one lover and the lover was….
“An older man?” Roarke asks.
“A woman,” Wendy reveals.
The camera zooms in on Roarke looking shocked.
Welcome to 1984! Now, today, it’s pretty obvious what would happen. Wendy would fall in love with the photographer’s assistant, Carla (Renee Lippin), and she would realize that there was nothing wrong with that. But this episode aired in 1984, which means that Wendy has to find the courage to tell the photographer that her previous lover was a woman and that the photographer will then have to be willing to say that it doesn’t matter. Basically, Wendy’s fantasy is to be reassured that she’s straight despite having had one same-sex relationship.
Yes, well, hmmm …. hey, what’s going on in the other fantasy?
Arthur Crane (John Davidson) has a compulsive disorder that leads to him assuming other people’s identities. That’s quite a serious problem and Fantasy Island plays it for laughs. Roarke tells Lawrence to follow Arthur around the Island and to keep Arthur from taking on anyone else’s identity. Lawrence is terrible at his job. (Tattoo could have done it!) Arthur pretends to be a movie producer. Arthur pretends to be Mr. Roarke. (Okay, that did make me laugh.) Arthur pretends to be a doctor so Mr. Roarke zaps Arthur into an alternate universe where he is a doctor and he’s going to have to perform surgery on someone who has had a cerebral hemorrhage. Arthur points out that he doesn’t really have any medical skills or training.. Then he looks at the comatose patient and discovers that it’s ….. HIMSELF!
This storyline had potential but it was done in by some seriously bad acting and the fact that the fantasy was comedic so the viewer knows from the start that Arthur is not going to accidentally kill himself on the operating table.
This was a rather dated trip to the Island. The main theme seemed to be that Lawrence was thoroughly incompetent.
Scenes That I Love: Travis Bickle’s Paranoid Monologue from Taxi Driver
Taxi Driver is nearly 50 years old but it’s still one of cinema’s most definitive portraits of urban paranoia and societal detachment. Travis (played by Robert De Niro) obsesses on the city that he harshly judges even though he’s as much a part of New York as those who he wishes will be washed away.
This scene features Robert De Niro, Martin Scorsese, and Paul Schrader at their definite best. I imagine that, for a lot of people, this is one of those scenes that solidified their opinions on New York City. For the record, the last time I was in New York, everyone was fairly pleasant. They weren’t exactly friendly but I also didn’t get my bag stolen. (Those of us who don’t live in New York tend to assume that we’ll get mugged as soon as we leave JFK.)
I do worry about the future of New York, especially with the election that is being held today. To say I’m not a fan of either of the two front runners would be an understatement but, at the same time, it’s not my place to tell people in New York City how to vote. (I’m a big believer in not telling people in other cities and states how to vote. Whenever anyone from up north asks me why Beto didn’t win in 2018, I tell them the truth. A bunch of pro-Beto yankees came down here and got on everyone’s nerves right before they voted.) Instead of telling people what to do, I’ll just say that I sincerely hope that whatever happens will work out as well as it possibly can.
(That’s another reason I don’t endorsements. “Vote for the candidate who will work as well as he possibly can,” probably isn’t going to gets the cheers that some other slogans would.)
Music Video of the Day: Escape From New York by John Carpenter (2016, dir by John Carpenter)
After today, this song might suddenly be very relevant.
Enjoy!
Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.20 “Dead Man’s Riddle”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week, the CHiPs team investigates an accident and a guest star gives a really terrible performance.
Episode 4.20 “Dead Man’s Riddle”
(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on May 10th, 1981)
An accident in the mountains causes three cars to explode and one driver to die. Since the dead driver was a captain with the Los Angeles fire department, the MAIT Team is sent out to recreate the accident and to try to figure out what happened. They know that at least three cars were involved in the accident. One driver died. One driver is in the hospital. And the other driver appears to be missing. Getraer suspects that the accident could be due to people racing each other in the mountains.
What makes this episode odd is the casting of Joanna Kerns as psychiatrist Colleen Jacobs. She’s assigned to the MAIT Team. She actually drives through the mountains frequently and she even gets involved in racing sometimes. In fact, she saw one of the cars right before the accident! At first, she doesn’t bother to share this with anyone. Instead, she just sits in the background with a guilty look on her face. Finally, Jon Baker — in an unmarked car — tricks her into trying to race him. That’s when she finally confesses….
….and faces absolutely no consequences! Oh sure, Getraer gets a little annoyed and says that it would have been helpful if Dr. Jacobs had been honest from the start. But Dr. Jacobs is allowed to continue to work with the MAIT Team. Even though she intentionally withheld evidence from investigators, she’s not charged with obstruction. Ponch tells her that she’s getting a chance to redeem herself which I don’t think is police policy. No one comments on the fact that, even though she was worried that she may have previously caused a fatal accident, she still tried to race Baker. Does no one care that, at the very least, she appears to have no impulse control?
Making things even stranger is that Joanna Kerns gives one of the worst performances that I have ever seen as Dr. Jacobs, delivering half of her lines as if she’s struggling not to laugh. Even when she’s admitting her fear that she may have been responsible for the accident, she still seems like she’s on the verge of breaking out into laughter. It’s very odd.
Speaking of odd, an eccentric old man named Max (Owen Brooks) claims that he saw a UFO before the crash. (Dr. Jacobs laughs when she repeats this.) It turns out that he just saw a hubcap flying through the air.
In the end, it’s proven that the captain was not at fault in the accident. That’s all that anyone really seems to care about. I assume that Dr. Jacbos and Baker then proceeded to race each back to Los Angeles.
Lisa Marie’s Six Favorite Charles Bronson Films
Brad listed his top Bronson films so I guess I should list mine! Below are my six favorite Bronson films. (Why 6? Because Lisa doesn’t do odd numbers!)
Now, to make clear, I’m not the Bronson expert that Brad is so I will picking from a smaller pool of selections. But no matter! Let’s do this!
6. Death Wish III (1985, dir by Michael Winner)
Yes, I have to start with Death Wish III. The Death Wish sequels are definitely a mixed bag but Death Wish III was wonderfully over-the-top, a film that cheerfully dropped Bronson in the middle of an absurd circus and allowed him to tame the lions, as it were. I will always love this film for the presence of Plunger Guy, a bad guy who heads into battle carrying a plunger.
5. Breakheart Pass (1975, dir by Tom Gries)
This is an enjoyable mix of a western, a murder mystery, and an adventure film. Charles Bronson is a mysterious man on a snowbound train. Charles Durning, Ben Johnson, Richard Crenna, Jill Ireland, and Ed Lauter co-star and everyone — especially Johnson and Durning — bring a lot to their roles. This may not be one of Bronson’s best-known films but it is one of his most enjoyable and Bronson himself is at his most likable.
4. Death Wish (1973, dir by Michael Winner)
“My heart bleeds a little for the less fortunate,” Bronson’s Paul Kersey says at the start of the film and those of us watching immediately say, “C’mon, Charlie, really?” That said, one reason why Death Wish works as well as it does is because Bronson actually gives a very good and very emotionally honest performance as a man who finally snaps and starts to take the law into his own hands. (I love the barely veiled contempt that’s present whenever Paul talks to his son-in-law.) Not surprisingly, considering that it was directed by Michael Winner, Death Wish is an often-sordid film that doesn’t have a hint of subtlety. But it’s also brutally effective, a film that captures the way a lot of people feel when they hear about reports of out-of-control crime. Even today, it’s easy to see why Death Wish was the film that finally Bronson a star in the United States.
3. Once Upon A Time In The West (1968, dir by Sergio Leone)
Bronson plays Harmonica in the most epic of all of Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns. Leone pays homage to the American western while also gleefully subverting it. The quiet and unemotional Bronson is the film’s hero. Henry Fonda is the sadistic villain who guns down a child. Jason Robards is an outlaw. While I don’t consider it to be quite as good as either The Good, The Bad, or the Ugly or Once Upon A Time In America, Once Upon A Time In The West is still one of Leone’s masterpieces.
2. From Noon Till Three (1976, dir by Frank D. Gliroy)
For all of his reputation for being a tough guy who didn’t show much emotion, there was no denying Bronson’s love for his second wife, Jill Ireland. From Noon Till Three brings Bronson and Ireland together in a film that is a third western, a third romantic comedy, and a third social satire. It’s a film that gives Bronson a chance to show off his romantic side and it might leave you surprised! The film also featured Jill Ireland’s best performance in a Bronson film. I always highly recommend this one. It’s proof that there was more to Bronson than just shooting the bad guys.
- Ten To Midnight (1983, dir by J. Lee Thompson)
This is the ultimate 80s Bronson film and one that I like for a reason that might surprise you. On the one hand, you’ve got Bronson as a tough cop, Andrew Stevens as his liberal partner, and Gene Davis as the disturbingly plausible serial killer, Warren Stacy. Bronson is great as the world weary cop. His scenes with Stevens are amusing and, at times, even poignant. (It helps that Stevens was the rare co-star that Bronson liked.) Davis is terrifying and the film’s final moments are very emotionally satisfying. (“No, we won’t.”) But the reason why I love this film is because of the relationship between Bronson’s cop and his daughter, who played by Lisa Eilbacher. Their scenes together — testy but loving — are well-acted by both actors and they always make me think of me and my Dad. Ten To Midnight is the Bronson film that actually makes me cry.
Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.5 “Borrasca”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!
This week, Vice helps the communists once again.
Episode 5.5 “Borrasca”
(Dir by Vern Gillum, originally aired on December 9th, 1988)
Martillo Borrasca (Juan Fernandez) is a drug dealer who uses the money to fund anti-communist revolutionaries in his native South American country. Castillo, Tubbs, and Switek want to arrest him, especially after Barrisco and his men use a machete to hack an undercover cop to death. CIA agent Reese (Brion James) wants the Vice Squad to lay off Barrisco because Barrisco is working to overthrow a communist.
Personally, I’m on Reese’s side. Sure, Borrasca is a bad guy and he deserves to be punished for his crimes but the communist dictators in South and Central America were just as bad. Just because they quoted Marx and spouted a lot of anti-imperialist propaganda, that didn’t change the fact that they oppressed their own people and many of them were involved in the drug trade themselves. This episode aired long before the rise of Hugh Chavez but one need only look at the state of Venezuela today to see that the CIA perhaps had a point.
Castillo, of course, doesn’t see it that way. He assassinated Barrisco while the latter is trying to make an escape via helicopter. “I have a code,” Castillo says. Really, Castillo? That’s your code? Assassinate a drug dealer but don’t do anything about the dictators who would have allowed the Russians to plant nuclear missiles in their countries?
This episode was actually pretty routine. How many times have we been through the whole “The Vice Squad is after a drug dealer who has friends in the government” thing? On the one hand, I always appreciate Miami Vice’s cynicism about the War on Drugs. On the other hand, it’s frequent defense of communism has always been one of the show’s more glaring blind spots. Communists make just as much money from the drug trade as capitalists.
Crockett was not in this episode. Instead, Tubbs worked with Switek. It was nice to see Switek get to more than usual but, in the end, this was definitely a Castillo episode.
Join #MondayMania For Lethal Seduction!
Hi, everyone! Tonight, on twitter, I will be hosting one of my favorite films for #MondayMania! Join us for Lethal Seduction, starring Dina Meyer!
You can find the movie on Prime and then you can join us on twitter at 9 pm central time! (That’s 10 pm for you folks on the East Coast.) See you then!
Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us for Excessive Force 2: Force on Force!
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.
Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be Excessive Force 2: Force on Force!
It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Excessive Force 2: Force on Force on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!
Enjoy!
Through the Shattered Lens 