RIP, lyricist Alan Bermgan.
Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman
Scene That I Love: The Opening of Starship Troopers
Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to director Paul Verhoeven. This scene that I love is from Verhoeven’s 1997 sci-fi epic, Starship Troopers. Over-the-top, satirical, and violent, this scene epitomizes the aesthetic of Verhoeven’s American films.
“I’m doing my part!”
Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for Masters of the Universe!
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly watch parties. On Twitter, I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday and I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday. On Mastodon, I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.
Tonight, at 10 pm et, I will be hosting #FridayNightFlix! The movie? 1987’s Masters of the Universe!
If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! I’ll be there happily tweeting. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
Masters of the Universe is available on Prime and Tubi!
See you there!
Music Video of the Day: Nothing Changes by Simple Plan (2025, dir by Eric Richards)
This music video was directed by Eric Richards and not Eric Roberts. I’ve never been more thankful for a decision to double-check before clicking on publish.
Enjoy!
Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week, it’s Halloween!
Episode 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 28th, 1987)
This was a cute episode and one that I had actually seen before. My friend Mark recommended it to me three years ago, during an October in which I was looking for a little something to add to Horrorthon.
The Devil (Michael Berryman) makes his second appearance on the show, this time selling Mark a submarine sandwich on Halloween night. Mark eats the sandwich while watching I Was A Teenage Werewolf on television. (“Hey, this guy kind of looks like you!” he tells Jonathan. Michael Landon, of course, starred in I Was A Teenage Werewolf.) Mark is then haunted by nightmares in which Jonathan turns into a werewolf. (And yes, Landon is made up to look like he did in the film.)
Meanwhile, in the waking world, Jonathan helps a lost trick-or-treater go home and he briefly turns into a werewolf so that he can scare the kid’s mean older sister. I’m not really sure what the rules were about angels pulling Halloween pranks but it should be noted that Jonathan is actually a fairly nice werewolf and he allows the kid to be a hero by pretending to be scared of him.
The episode ends with Mark once again yelling in fear as Jonathan turns into a werewolf, just for Michael Landon to look straight at the camera, break character, and say, “Happy Halloween.”
Awwww, what a sweet episode!
After a few weak and heavy-handed episodes, it was nice to see Highway to Heaven return to its earnest roots. This was a likable episode, one that showed that Landon was willing to laugh at himself and one that, to me, seemed to indicate a genuine love for the Halloween holidau. This was a fun 60 minutes and watching it has left me even more eager about the approaching horrorthon season.
Made-For-TV Movie Review: The Cartier Affair (dir by Rod Holcomb)
In 1984’s The Cartier Affair, David Hasselhoff plays Curt Taylor. He has spent the last few years in prison, having been convicted of selling deeds to fake oil wells. He has passed the time by watching a soap opera that stars actress Cartier Rand (Joan Collins). He has also managed to get in debt to the local prison mob boss, Phil Drexler (Telly Savalas).
When Curt learns that he’s being released from prison, Drexler informs him that he’s still expected to find a way to pay off his debt. On the outside, Curt discovers that even his parole officer (Ed Lauter) works for Drexler! Curt is assigned to become the private secretary of Cartier Rand and to steal her jewelry. In order to get the job, Curt has to pretend to be gay. That’s the only way that Cartier’s boyfriend (Charles Napier) would be willing to accept the idea of a male private secretary.
(Wouldn’t it just be simpler for Curt to rob a bank or something?)
Once he’s a part of the household staff, Curt discovers that Cartier is more than just the star of his favorite soap opera. She’s someone who is tired of reciting melodramatic dialogue and kissing her co-stars. She has serious ambitions. Curt is immediately attracted to her and soon, Cartier is attracted to Curt. But, of course, Curt is pretending to be gay and, to his horror, Cartier sets Curt up with one of her gay friends.
Meanwhile, the bad guys want their money….
The first half of the film is taken up by scenes of people mistaking Curt for being gay and there are more than a few moments and jokes that a film wouldn’t be allowed to get away with today. A scene where Curt finds himself in a gay bar is cringey because, rather than asking us to laugh at Curt for panicking about finding himself in the rather innocuous location, the film asks us to instead laugh at the sight of men slow-dancing with other men. Early on in the film, there’s a few scene where Hasselhoff overplays his attempts to come across as being gay. Fortunately, Hasselhoff soon stops doing that and his performance improves as the film goes on.
The film gets slightly better during the second half, when Cartier learns the truth about Curt and the two of them somewhat implausibly go on the run from the bad guys. They end up getting chased out to the desert, trading one-liners all the way, and I do have to admit that Collins and Hasselhoff displayed a surprising amount of chemistry during those scenes.
The film is tonal mishmash that doesn’t really work. It tries to parody the type of soap operas that made Cartier Rand a star and it also tries to be a relatively exciting chase film but it keeps getting bogged down in plot points that ultimately feel rather superfluous. My main issue that, if Drexler really wanted to get him money from Curt, it seems like he would have come up with a less complicated scheme, like robbing a bank or fencing stolen goods or something like that. Instead, Curt is supposed to go undercover, pretend to be gay, and rob one of the most famous women on the planet. I mean, Hell, he could have just broken into a jewelry store and gotten it all done in one night. That said, Hasselhoff and Collins have a bit of charm to them. It’s a shame they didn’t co-star in a better film.
Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.
This week, everyone on the show continues to be absolutely terrible. Every day, I am thankful that there are only a handful of episodes left.
Episode 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 22nd, 2000)
This week’s episode of Malibu, CA was perhaps the worst 22 minutes of television that I have ever watched. Not surprisingly, the episode focused on Lisa (the character, not me).
Lisa wants to be a doctor. She’s just received an ER internship. But when Scott cuts his finger, she sees the blood and faints. When she shows up at the ER, she gets overwhelmed by all the patients and runs around in a panic saying things like, “You could have flesh-eating bacteria!” The ER doctor tells Lisa that she has no business in the medical field.
And he’s absolutely right. If you can’t handle the sight of blood, you shouldn’t be a doctor. If you can’t check someone into the ER without telling them that they might have flesh-eating bacteria, you shouldn’t be a doctor. That’s just common sense. Being a doctor is an important job. You don’t get a second chance to not kill someone.
And yet we’re supposed to feel bad for Lisa as she worries about never becoming a doctor, even though it’s her own fault for telling a patient with sunburn that he has flesh-eating bacteria. Lisa’s reaction to what appears to be a rather small cut on Scott’s finger is so over-the-top that it should automatically be disqualifying as far as becoming a doctor is concerned. Being a woman means dealing with blood on a regular basis and I’m talking about a lot more blood then you’re going to get from cutting a finger. Lisa (the character, not me) is an unforgivable wimp.
And yet she is given a second chance, after someone injures themselves while surfing and Lisa tells everyone not to move his head. The doctor at the ER theorizes that Lisa only freaked out about the blood because of how much she loves Scott. “That why most doctors don’t treat their own family members!” he explains. Lisa was so worried about freaking out over the blood that she got overwhelmed during her first night at the ER and …. LISTEN, I DON’T WANT A DOCTOR WHO GETS OVERWHELMED! I don’t care what the excuse is. I don’t want an incompetent doctor!
Let’s move on. The B-plot was yet another plot where something good happens to Traycee and her stupid friends ruin it for her. Traycee runs into a record promoter on the beach and he automatically gives her a recording contract. She sings one of Jason’s songs. The music video is filmed overnight but, when Jason, Tracyee, and Alex watch the video, Jason and Alex realize that another singer has been dubbed over Traycee’s vocals.
Jason is offended. It’s goes against his …. his what? Up until now, Jason has been portrayed as a compulsive liar who only cares about money. Now, suddenly, he cares about integrity? Anyway, after Jason tells her, Traycee is also offended and she refuses to continue working with the promoter. I assume that means Traycee will now be sued for several million dollars. Way to go, Jason!
God, I hate this show.
Song of the Day: The Passenger, covered by David Hasselhoff
For today’s song of the day, we’ve got David Hasselhoff covering Iggy Pop and appearing to have an existential crisis. Sing it, Hoff!
4 Shots From 4 Films: Special David Hasselhoff Edition
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking.
It’s the Hoff’s birthday! That means that it is time for….
4 Shots From 4 David Hasselhoff Films
Starcrash (1978, dir by Luigi Cozzi, DP: Paul Beeson and Roberto D’Ettorre Piazzoli)
Witchery (1988, dir by Fabrizio Laurenti, DP: Gianlorenzo Battaglia)
Panic At Malibu Pier (1989, dir by Richard Compton, DP: John McPherson)
Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD (1998, dir by Rod Hardy, DP: James Bartle)
Scene That I Love: Donald Sutherland Discusses John Milton in National Lampoon’s Animal House
Today would have been Donald Sutherland’s birthday. Today’s scene that I love comes from one of my favorite Sutherland performances, as the professor who dislikes John Milton in Animal House.
“This is my job!”
Through the Shattered Lens 