Author Archives: casewright

A Smiling Woman Halloween, Dir. Alex Magana, Review by Case Wright

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So, this is how it ends. This has been a very challenging October. Midterms, illness, and despair…at least two of those things were caused by Alex Magana. I still don’t fully grasp his motivation to make terrible things. Is it money? No, I checked his revenue from YouTube. Alex Magana makes these terrible terrible things for the love of the game and that game is pain. I wonder if he edits his films cosplaying as Pinhead?

The premise is just so strange! A lady soon to be victim is seeing people cosplaying as the Smiling Woman. I don’t get it; cosplaying as the Smiling Woman is like cosplaying as Sam, my neighbor, who is a fine man in his own right, but doesn’t warrant any fanboys or fangirls. Although Sam is a bit edgy, I mean he does wait until Wednesday morning instead of Tuesday afternoon to bring his garbage cans back from the curb and we all know what that does…..a stern letter/reminder from the HOA….take that society!!! I’ll be seeing a number of Sam trick or treaters tonight with his signature polo shirt and jeans.

The soon to be new smiling woman starts getting the texts!!! Yes, that’s the life cycle of the creature. She slides into your DMs, breakdances, consumes you, and you …. yes you are the next Smiling Woman. Never mind that it violates the First Law of Thermodynamics – Conservation of Mass! You can read about that here and yes poop is discussed!

Smiling Woman 2, Review by Case Wright

Look, we’ve all done something that we’re not proud of and we must perform some sort of act of contrition. Yes, you deserve this….you know you do…yeah….that’s right….maybe watch it two times…Feel that SHAME!!!!

If a meme no one know falls in the woods…something something…I whimper alone on the floor.

The Gift, Dir. Brian E-RAD Simmons, Review by Case Wright

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This is the Horrorthon short that I am used to seeing: a true James Nguyen level of garbage. There was nothing on IMDB to give me a title card; so, I went with this cute Crab-Dog. One note about this film is the outrageous number of easter eggs referring to people no one has ever heard of. It’s like giving yourself a nickname. I don’t understand. It’s also just a terrible short and what makes it worse is that it purports to be a comedy- WHY?

There’s a woman who gets home from a bad date and the date is presumably stalking her or might be Michael Myers from the Halloween films- I really can’t tell. I hope John Carpenter does a Cease and Desist order. She tries to block the creep and he shows up at her house and stabs her- laugh riot…it’s like some people want me to feel pain. Maybe I deserve the pain? Maybe they know that if they make this horribleness that I’ll have to watch it and reflect upon my failed existence?

If you want to punish yourself and the pain of 7 minutes feeling like 7000, this is for you! Maybe Pinhead made this film and I’m in a Hell Dimension in the Houston Suburbs?

This is the 7 minutes and change of my discontent.

FRIEND, Short Film, Dir: Saga Spjuth-Sall, Review by Case Wright

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Hello Horror Friends! I am taking a break from making meatball sliders and studying for Drilling to review something truly great. WHAAA? Yes, this is legit, guys. I was really worried that I was going to have to review a series of turds and just embrace them, but when I did my search this popped up and it is straight-up scary. It has Hitchcock levels of suspense with a simple story that ratchets up the tension for the entire film. It’s so great to see talent. From what I can tell, they’re Swedish artists and their story craft, directing, and acting just grabs you right by the proverbials and does not let go! 

Nathalie is a teleworking IT customer service agent and she gets a rude call. She takes a break and we see a shadow of a man is in her house; I’m still a little goose-fleshed. I know some of my readers are anti-gun. I used to have one for work, but I get your point of view……sort of. What I mean is this, if I were a single woman, I would be armed- ALWAYS….ALWAYS…ALWAYS- the shower, taking out the trash, playing pickle ball, maybe have a shotgun swung around my back The Last of Us style when I’m cooking marinara, and just a wee .22 caliber in an ankle holster when I’m cooking my Nutella gelato (oh yeah I make that, sup?). 

The entire film you’re so worried for Nathalie because the actress imbues the character with this sweet sort-of Audrey Hepburn in “Wait Until Dark” quality. Nathalie becomes a Rorschach image of every “girl next door/ nice college roommate” and knowing that she’s in peril is almost too much. I will NOT lie: I had … no joke…. 4 jump out of my seat moments. This is one of the best short films that I have ever seen; in fact, it might be the best short-film I’ve ever seen; now, I need to think on that. One thing is certain, it’s absolutely going to be impossible to top this short film for the 2023 Horrorthon; so, I wish the rest of the filmmakers well in all of their future endeavors. 

This film will grab you by the proverbials!

Rain, The Teskey Brothers – Rev. Case Wright

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Happy Horrothon! “I know you’re gonna say, this isn’t horror! This is Thor singing the blues!” I hear your critique and I reject it! The greatest horror stories especially in science fiction have trauma, fear, and hope. Alien, for example, terrible things happen to this crew of…. I guess…. miners, but at the end – there’s hope because Ripley overcomes. I always have a bit of anxiety at the end of the New “Outer Limits” or films like “Life” because it’s a good twist, but everyone is now dead and the heroes failed- that’s too much like life!

In “Rain”, a woman is alone and there appears to be a guy in the friendzone who REALLY wants to be with her and can sing and looks like Thor. For the interest of Horrorthon, we’re going to presume that- I don’t know this lady’s name but I’ll call her Susan- that Susan’s previous guy was eaten by a …got it…. a werewolf! Take that doubters told you I could contrive this into a horror review- BWAHAHAHA!

Side note: Susan, you’re being too picky. I’m sure that you had a rough time, but this guy even wrote a song for you, looks like Thor, and sounds like Otis Redding reincarnated. Maybe your standards are just WAY too high?

Susan’s boyfriend was werewolf puppy chow and Thor is trying to tell her that it will be okay. He has felt her pain because there is probably at least another werewolf in town that probably ate his girlfriend too. Can you imagine that support group? They must hate Iams and Doggy costumes! The line “Is that rain or are you crying again?” gets to me because when you’re broken-hearted – it’s like the tears can’t stop. “A soul with no face is a lonely embrace” this line is all about not seeing your soulmate again- Fucking Werewolves, we gotta do something about them, but then this song wouldn’t exist; so, I’m torn!

As they try console each other, “now’s there clouds between us all”; so, they likely hooked up, but they also have to worry about the full moon coming- probably. I like that at the end of the song – he says – “You ain’t gonna be ain’t gonna be alone” and notice, he doesn’t say- With me – Wonderful me. He’s left her better off and maybe he will be alone and live out his days as a werewolf hunter?

Out There, (Dir Uncertain), Review by Case Wright

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Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Happy Horrorthon! It’s October!!! Yes, I passed my engineering classes last year; so, I will be working for Big Oil. Huh, my mother works for Big Pharma and I work for Big Oil – hmmm if only I could get my daughters into banking; then, we could finally bring about He Who Shall Sit At The Head of All Tables……BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sorry, I digress. I’m beginning this Horrorthon with a scathing review, but sometimes people just aren’t good at things. “Out There” is 4 minutes and 21 seconds long and I can’t write that everything Laila Iravani did was terrible because in the first 20 seconds there is a title card and everything was spelled correctly; so, there’s that. The other positive is that it was only over 4 minutes long. I had a mild COVID heart attack in 2021 and I think that the heart attack was about the same amount of time….maybe this film was even shorter than my heart attack? So, this film was briefer than that.

“Out There” was a story because there were characters, people, and I guess somethings happened. There were three or four bad actors who kind of could not go outside or the movie would skip. I really couldn’t write about the plot because I would have to do a lot of Laila Iravani’s work for her. Hold on, I’m really trying to be positive…the camera appeared to be on the whole time. There, I did it!

I can’t say that I’m sad after watching this because I love October and maybe like some other years this is the year of the crap short film. I think it’s Alex Magana creep because he makes terrible films and other people are like – “Hey, I’m bad at things too! I’m gonna make something terrible and Case will have to review and I HATE him already without knowing him because he likes art and this will be the opposite of that.” Laila Iravani you made me hurt a little, but only for 4 minutes and 21 seconds! So, Yay?

I got a note that Laila Iravani might not have made this terrible film. Laila, I’m glad that you did not do this. Supposedly, it’s in a film festival circuit going round and round and round. Hopefully, it will stay within the circuit and not spread to the greater world. It is really terrible. I’m not sure who made this terrible film, but maybe that’s sort of its mythos? Maybe, “Out There” is like one of the old ones such as Cthulhu- it has always been …. Waiting and once it finishes the film festival circuitry, it shall be released to the greater world and devour all of mankind????

Close Your Eyes, Review by Case Wright

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Happy Halloween, once again my friends! I know many of you read my posts for the extremes. Really, who cares about the 3 Star Amazon Reviews?! It’s all about the love or the rage. This short did not scare me, but the writer and director has some talent. There’s actually no writer listed; so, it fits that it felt like improv. The story has a beginning, middle, and end. It is satisfying. Although this is a middle of the road short, come on keep reading because my last post helped you avoid Space Herpes! You owe me!!!

Vincent and Martin are roommates. Vincent sees his roommate sleepwalking and figures why not talk to him? I’m not sure what he expected of his half-asleep roommate, but apparently he’s communicating with an evil spirit with serious OCD. The half-asleep Martin has his ear against the door and says that “She will tell you secrets if I listen at the door.” Vincent tries it, ah….Martin corrects him- “you have to close your eyes.” My first response would be: Why the F#@& do I have to take orders from some ASMR whispering cretin in my own GD house- you melatonin addict?! I get the wanting to communicate with other side, but what’s with all the pre-requisites?! I’ve already had Differential Equations; so, tell your Evil Spirit Guidance Counselor to go #&*% and other various Q-Bert symbols!

I’m gonna spoil this a little because…. you know what you did! Vincent runs into the monster in the kitchen and she’s… super bendy and naked, which I guess is scary. I’d just be like take your best shot; you-not-showered-for-a-week-orthopedic-nightmare-somehow-forever-damp-naked- #$^& B@!! She’s obviously got bone issues. You have the greater reach!

He does pick up a guitar and try to fight, but defeats him with …… ASMR?! Is she reciting Goodnight Moon?

One note, what’s with the Darkness?! I can barely see what’s happening in films now with the lighting so low?! I’m not sure if he dies here or if she’s just a close talker. In any case, the film’s over and it basically is an ad for getting a deadbolt.

It Came Nameless in Spring, Review by Case Wright

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Happy Halloween! I really tried to contribute as much as possible this year. I’ve been beaten down by really really hard engineering classes and a Professor who shows up slurring words- Bombed. It’s annoying/sad. However, this short film is neither annoying, nor sad. I didn’t know that a person could make an alien invasion boring, but here we are.

There are survivors fighting and killing each other over basic staples. There’s a husband and wife, but he’s ill!!!! So, his wife goes on the hunt for medicine. What medicine? Who knows? Also, how would she know what to give him or how much? These questions aren’t raised or answered. She enters a supposedly empty home and fights the owner in the dumbest way possible. She knocks the owner down, but turns her back on her because it’s gotta be stupid.

Another issue with alien invasions stories I have is disease, people are all surviving. How? Our bacteria and viruses would not be able to compete. War of the World would’ve been mutually assured destruction.

I was always weirded out by Mass Effect that way; Shepard is way to eager to jump the bones of an alien species. We just got exposed to coronavirus, does this horny weirdo think that this hot blue alien wouldn’t have some sort of virus? She’s from another planet, you degenerate weirdo! Things evolved there and it wasn’t us! At the very least, she’ll give you an alien cold sore that’s probably Sapient Space Herpes (SSH), there’s not enough Blistex in the world to fight that!

I can’t stand morons! I was yelling at my computer screen the whole time and not in a good way. Listen, it’s either the apocalypse or not. If the aliens are killing everybody, you either fight or jump to your doom because chances are they will eat us. They’re not here to fall in love with us.

Back to my boring short film, you eventually see the floating alien, which is a big jellyfish. This is just dumb; I can suspend some disbelief for a spaceship, but you’re serving up a big Man-of-War jellyfish to take out humanity. We could just all pee on it! Problem solved!!! I’m sorry, things just float about in the air- stop it! I get Brian Otting slept through physics, but come on – haven’t you ever been on a plane before?! I’ll review something else! I can’t let this be the last of Halloween!

RUN! Short Film Review by Case Wright

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Normally, I would have all kinds of tags about the filmmaker and actors, but I can’t find any. There are far too many “RUNS!”. I didn’t know that the horror short of “a woman being chased while jogging with her headphones on” wasn’t as much of a subgenre as much as it was a meme.

Not to say that running alone with your headphones on is not an extremely dangerous activity- IT IS! However, do we really need 30+ shorts of this same thing?

HOW ABOUT NO?

They were trying to be funny, but they ended up being kinda scary. I know they didn’t mean to do it, but it failed up. I was unsettled by it. It’s also possible that I’m burned out from too many Alex Magana films and by studying this all day:

Yes, I know to solve this… mostly. Slow down ladies, there’s enough Case for everyone.

I know many of you are thinking: sure steam generators are hot and sexy and all, but we’re here for the short-film review and now I’m all sweaty. Fine, I’m here for it.

This film creeped me out because it’s too much like real life. When I moved across the country, I was alone except for my cat- Love you, wherever you are. I would see signs in Montana- Next Services 250 Miles. I realized that if my truck broke down, I’d die here or if some psycho disabled my vehicle, I’d be lost forever and ever. The actress’ vulnerable got to me. I mean Without a Trace had 9 Seasons – that’s According to Jim territory. Point is, we’re not as safe as we want to believe that we are. We could vanish. We are at the mercy of the social contract, but not everyone is a party to it.

This short tapped into that. It failed, but it did fail up.

Smiling Woman(s)? Review by Case Wright

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I get the idea of a franchise, but the underlying theme of a franchise is that the initial film was GOOD. Here, it’s all terrible and boring and dumb and terrible. Alex Magana, to my horror, did not just make a Smiling Woman 1&2…no no no no… he made:

Smiling Woman 3

Smiling Woman 4

Smiling Woman 5

Smiling Woman (animated)

Smiling Woman 6

Smiling Woman Story

This one I will watch – Smiling Woman Christmas.

Smiling Woman Christmas is it though. NO MORE! I just can’t review any more Alex Magana because it could encourage him. I think he could be like as long as people are talking about my art, I’ll keep doing it; I can’t responsible for that.

Smiling Woman Christmas is a full 4 minutes. We’re back at the same terrible train station. The soon to be victim is in Christmas Elf garb. There’s a lady in a yellow dress barefoot. Bleh. God, I hate it when people don’t wear shoes. That whole group of dirty footed people need to be stopped.

Anywho, the Smiling Woman gives her a present and then disappears. RUDE. Of course, she opens it it and it’s a ….. yellow dress.. DUN DUN DUN. The creepy texting starts. She still waits for her train. Then, the break dancing begins. Blah Blah Blah… she violates physics and absorbs her by destroying matter, which is impossible.

I am absolutely done with Alex Magana. I feel like I’m vaguely unclean in some way by watching his garbage trash. If you feel like watching this garbage trash, here you go….

Smiling Woman 2, Review by Case Wright

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Well Alex, here we are…again. I guess the demon-lady’s still smiling and will break dance her way into another murder-hug. Why can’t she visit me prior to watching this short? Come and get me!!!

We open with a parking garage and a business woman walking alone. Note: I can’t know this for sure without looking her up on imdb, but the actress seems really short. In fact, she doesn’t look much taller than the wastebasket next to the pillar in the parking garage.

Help me….*she squeaked*

I don’t know why Alex had the wastebasket in the shot; it gave her scale and made her so tiny. I will give Alex credit that he cast Ariel Fullinwider again, but now in the role of the smiling woman because it gives us the lifecycle of the creature. It goes around trying on flesh like “rent a runway”; so, it’s like a “rent a skin suit” *working corporate name*.

This whole skin suit thing doesn’t work for me in terms of Conservation of Mass, NO. Matter can neither be created or destroyed and this victim is really short; so, I don’t think the skin suit will work. Mathematically, it’s proven from this straight forward differential equation:

row= density, t= time, delta = divergence, and V= fluid velocity.

Basically, you can’t put a normal sized lady into smaller lady without it looking like a Michelin Man.

Depiction

Alex could’ve called and we could’ve worked through these partial derivatives together. Listen, I know what some of you are saying:

Case, you could’ve just shown me a straight-forward integral:

The change in Mass (M) of the monster about absorb short-lady would have to expand in mass and it wouldn’t matter how long you took. Monster Smiling Lady + Short Lady = Bigger Monster Lady because the total mass can’t change. Maybe she pooped the little lady out? No, I tell you, NO because she’s going from big to small; there is NO WAY that little lady could poo that much skin suit wearing monster. It fails in so many ways.

Furthermore, the whole “Breakin 2” monster moves is weird and the second lady gets absorbed with a smile-face with no mathematical proof to undue my clear and exciting explanation above. Alex does not get to break a fundamental law of physics because he’s not good at things. I get it the monster’s gotta eat or whatever, but there’d still be leftovers- an “Ariel Fullinwider To Go bag” if you will. Alex- you’re on notice!

BOOM!