Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.13 “Habitat”

Posted on September 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week’s episode is an experiment that doesn’t quite work.

Episode 2.13 “Habitat”

(Dir by Bette Gordon, originally aired on January 14th, 1990)

Jamie Neal (a young Lili Taylor) is 23 years-old and newly single. She’s been offered an opportunity that could earn her enough money that she will never have to work another day in her life. She has to spend 9 months in an enclosed space. She’ll be given food to eat. She requested to be given a guitar to play. All she has to do is spend nine months in the room and react every time that she hears an annoying buzzing sound. Of course, she can’t go outside or have any contact with anyone else. The entire time, someone will be watching her.

Jamie starts the experiment feeling confident and almost cocky. She carefully reads over the contract, commenting on how easy it will be to handle all of the requirements, before signing it. Jamie brags that her ex-boyfriend was an attorney (though he preferred to be called a “litigator,” — hey, I know the type, Jamie!) and she knows exactly how to read a contract as a result.

The story jumps forward a few weeks. Jamie is in isolation, still reacting to every buzz and eating the pizza that’s randomly sent down to her. However, she is no longer cocky and confident. She’s grown tired of being trapped in one room and not even her guitar brings her joy anymore. She wanders around the room, demanding to be set free.

There’s a twist to this episode and I bet you already guessed it. That twist is that Jamie is a part of an experiment that is being conducted by a bunch of aliens. As they watch Jamie lose her mind and eventually her life in the small room, the aliens dispassionately discuss how strange humans are. They hate to be confined and yet they have no problem confining the animals that live with them. Jamie may have viewed herself as being a prisoner with no freedom but the aliens viewed her as being a pet. One alien (and I should note that the rubber alien costumes are absolutely ludicrous) says that he thinks he might be feeling an emotion that humans call “grief.” Someone was obviously hoping to play a half human/half whatever science offer on a Star Trek spin-off.

(“What is this thing you humans call joy?” Bleh.)

This episode was pretty dull. Obviously, Lili Taylor is a talented actress but in this one, she gets stuck with some really less-than-impressive dialogue. Not even the scenes where she’s losing her mind are particularly interesting. There’s nothing shocking about discovering that she’s had a breakdown. One can see that it’s going to happen from the minute that she steps into the chamber. By that same token, there’s nothing at all surprising about the big twist. Even though who haven’t read Slaughterhouse-Five will easily guess that Jamie is being put on display.

This was a rather forgettable experiment.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.22 “Sally’s Paradise/I Love You, Too, Smith/Mama and Me”

Posted on September 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher finds love!

Episode 4.22 “Sally’s Paradise/I Love You, Too, Smith/Mama and Me”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on March 7th, 1981)

Occasionally, on The Love Boat, a member of the crew would happen to find love.

It seemed to happen most often to Julie. Having watched three and three-quarters seasons of The Love Boat, I’ve lost track of the number of times that I’ve seen Julie tear up while saying goodbye to a passenger with whom she had fallen in love. Isaac also seems to have had his share of shipboard romances. Doc is almost always seen escorting someone to his cabin. The Captain is usually busy running the ship but he’s found a few opportunities to fall in love.

And then there’s Gopher. Poor, goofy Gopher. He’s had a handful of cruise romances but, compared to his co-workers, they tend to be few and far apart. This week, however, Gopher finally gets to have another romance. (Perhaps not coincidentally, the Gopher storyline was co-written by Fred Grandy.)

Angelina Blenderman (Joanna Pettet) is the by-the-book customs agent who always takes her time checking people’s luggage when they disembark from the ship. Blenderman and Gopher have an antagonistic relationship, with her making fun of him for wearing shorts with his uniform and Gopher complaining that Blenderman is a humorless scold. But when Blenderman boards the ship and Gopher discovers that her boyfriend, Ray (Christopher Pennock), is a total cad who is cheating on her, Gopher and Blenderman fall in love.

And you know what? It’s actually really sweet. Fred Grandy and Joanna Pettet had a lot of chemistry and they made for a cute couple. Pettet did an especially good job of capturing the insecurity lurking beneath the abrasive surface. My heart really broke for her when she first discovered Ray cheating on her. (Grandy himself had a nice moment where he shyly revealed to Blenderman that his little-used first name was actually “Burl.” “Stick with Smith,” Blenderman replies.) I was happy to see that Blenderman and Gopher were still together at the end of the cruise.

As for the other (less interesting) stories, Sally (Juliet Mills) is the manager of the ship’s gift shop. When Julie hears that Sally’s fiancé, Donald (Gary Conway), is boarding the ship, she is excited for Sally. Then Sally’s other fiancé, Ricardo (Pedro Armendariz, Jr.), unexpectedly boards the ship. And then Henry (Kenneth Kimmins) boards the ship and Julie learns that Sally has gotten engaged to a third man! None of the men know about each other. Sally explains to Julie that she loves something different about all three of them. When Donald, Ricardo, and Henry all stop by the gift shop at the same time, Sally’s secret is revealed. Realizing that she has to choose and having been assured by the men that they will respect her choice, Sally decides to remain single and continue to date all three of the men. Good for Sally! On the one hand, her actions are very manipulative, regardless of how much she loves each man. On the other hand, she is right when she says she has the right to explore different things and enjoy her life. Somehow, Juliet Mills makes Sally into a likable character. (One can only imagine how cringey this episode would have been if Hayley had played the role.)

Finally, Natalie Corson (Sylvia Sidney) boards the ship with her son, Stanley (Eddie Mekka). Natalie wants Stanley to marry a woman that he’s not in love with. Stanley would rather marry his childhood friend, Jill (Joan Prather). Natalie accuses Jill of being a nudist because she wears a bikini but eventually, Natalie comes to realize that she’s not being fair and her son deserves to be happy. The problem with this story was that Stanley was such a wimp that you couldn’t help but feel that Jill deserved better.

With the exception of the third story, this was a fun cruise. I’m glad Gopher found love and Sally found lust. It was an enjoyable trip on the boat that offers something for everyone.