Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 1.18 “Brain Drain”

Posted on February 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Jack falls in love but, unfortunately, someone is stealing brains.

Episode 1.18 “Brain Drain”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbuck, originally aired on April 25th, 1988)

Jack, Ryan, and Micki go to the Natural History Museum of Ontario to try to retrieve a trephinator, which is a device that the ancient Greeks apparently used to measure the size of people’s heads. The belief was that the bigger head someone had, the more intelligent they were. While at the museum, Jack runs into a former girlfriend, Dr. Viola Rhodes (Carrie Snodgress). Jack is so happy to run into Viola that he soon seems to forget about the trephinator but instead finds himself planning their upcoming wedding.

(Just to make clear, Micki canceled her engagement so she could spend the next few years of her life tracking down cursed antiques but Jack can apparently just decide to get married out-of-the-blue without it being an issue.)

Well, Jack may have other things on his mind but that trephinator is still out there and it’s dangerous! It has been incorporated into a chair that allows a formerly developmentally challenged man to steal the brain fluid of others and use it to increase his own intelligence. Stewart Pangborn (Denis Forest) used to be a test subject but now he’s a scientist. When he decides that Viola will be his next victim, Jack’s wedding plans are put in danger.

Even after watching this episode, I have no idea what a trephinator is, what it looks like, or how it was incorporated into the big bulky chair that Pangborn used to steal other people’s brain fluids. Was the trephinator the big needle that would be forcibly inserted into the base of the skulls of Pangborn’s victims? I don’t know but I do know that the whole point of Friday the 13th was that Chris, Jack, and Micki were searching for cursed antiques. Overall, it’s helpful to actually be able to look at the screen and say, “Oh, there’s the antique.”

The episode had quite a few flaws, from the bulkiness of the chair to the apparent ease by which Pangborn was able to set himself up as a scientist at the museum. (Do they not do background checks in Canada?) The episode’s dialogue had a “It’s only first draft, we’ll think of something better later” quality to it and the performances, even from the usually reliable Denis Forest, felt subpar. The idea of Jack meeting an ex-girlfriend and falling in love had potential but there was very little chemistry between Chris Wiggins and Carrie Snodgress. If anything, Jack’s romance reminded the viewers of how strange it was that neither the handsome Ryan nor the beautiful Micki ever seemed to have any amorous admirers.

It was a disappointing episode this week but apparently, next week will feature Ryan joining some sort of Amish death cult. That sounds promising!

14 Days of Paranoia #1: Fast Money (dir by Alex Wright)

Posted on February 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 1996, Fast Money opens with Francesca March (Yancy Butler) stealing a car.

This is what Francesca does for a living. She steals cars and she’s good at it. She’s the type of who can look in any trashcan and find something that she can use to pick a lock. She’s master at hot-wiring a car. I personally have no idea how to hot-wire a car but, judging from the movies that I’ve seen, it appears to be the easiest thing in the world to do. Francesca doesn’t just steal cars for the money. She sincerely enjoys doing it, to the extent that it’s a compulsion for her. If she sees a car, she has to steal it.

This has not made her popular with the LAPD. In fact, an entire taskforce has been set up to stop her. Realizing that she has to get out of town, she rushes to the airport. It’s there that she runs into Jack Martin (Matt McCoy), a nerdy journalist who is working on a story that could take down a powerful U.S. Senator. Jack is looking to catch a flight to Reno. For reasons that aren’t particularly clear, Francesca rushes up to Jack and pretends to be his wife and the recently widowed Jack goes along with it.

Further complicating matters is that Francesca impulsively decides to seal one last car and the one that she picks just happens to have 3 million dollars in mob money and a bunch of counterfeit printing plates in the trunk. The evil Sir Stewart (Jacob Witkin) wants his money back and he sends Regy (Trevor Goddard) and corrupt detective Lt. Diego (John Ashton) to track down Francesca and Jack.

Soon, Francesca and Jack are desperately trying reach the Mexican border while dodging corrupt cops, FBI agents, and mobsters. It leads to a lot of car chases, explosions, helicopters, and shoot-outs. (The otherwise meek Jack turns out to be a surprising good shot. Neither he nor Francesca freaks out after he shoots multiple people, which is the sort of thing that I would probably freak out about.) Francesca and Jack also find themselves falling in love but wondering just how much they can trust each other. Stolen money does that to people.

Fast Money is a cheerfully dumb but entertainingly fast-paced movie, one in which the chase never stops long enough for the viewer to have too much time to try to figure out why the ultracool Francesa would be willing risk her freedom for a relationship with someone as whiny as Jack. Yancy Butler plays Francesca as being so confident and so fearless that it’s hard not to admire her but there’s also no way that she seems like she would ever have much use for someone as meek and repressed as Jack, regardless of how deadly his aim might be. One gets the feeling that the only thing keeping this couple together is the adrenaline rush of being hunted. If Jack and Francesca do make it to safety, their relationship will probably be over by the end of the week.

Though Fast Money is ultimately a fun but somewhat generic direct-to-video action film, I appreciated the film’s vision of a world where everyone from the mob to the police to the FBI were basically working together to track down one career criminal and one innocent man. When even the usually likable John Ashton is trying to murder you in a cheap motel, you know you have reached the other side of the looking glass. Jack learns what Francesca has always understood, which is that one should be suspicious of authority. Though it may not have been the film’s intent, Fast Money‘s ultimate message becomes, “Trust no one but yourself.”

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.17 “T.S. Turner For The Defense”

Posted on February 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, it’s time for …. another clip show? Didn’t we just do a clip show last week? Far be it for me to complain about having an easy review to write but how does any show get away with doing two weeks straight of clip shows?

Episode 2.17 “T.S. Turner For The Defense”

(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on May 1st, 1989)

“Things don’t look too good for Amy when, after upsetting the law society, she gets threatened with disbarment. But even I got nervous when she doesn’t show up for the hearing and it’s left to me to defend her.”

Oh yay! For the first time since the start of the second season, an episode of T and T opens with Mr. T offering up a synopsis of the episode’s plot. It’s been so long since this weird but fun trick has been employed by the show that I originally assumed that this episode was originally meant for the first season. But then I spotted the character of Joe Casper in the background of a courtroom scene and Joe didn’t become a regular character until the second season. Who knows why Mr. T introduced this episode. I’m just glad that he did.

As for the episode itself, Amy’s adventures with T.S. Turner have finally led to her facing disbarment proceedings. Unfortunately, right before heading with Amy to the hearing, Amy’s attorney has a heart attack. Amy blows off the hearing to go to the hospital with her friend and, for whatever reason, it doesn’t occur to her to call Turner or anyone else at the hearing and let them know what’s going on. I mean, her lawyer had a heart attack. Under normal circumstances, this is the sort of thing that would lead to the hearings being postponed.

So, with Amy missing, T.S Turner takes it upon himself to defend her at the hearings. Keep in mind, T.S. is not a lawyer. Amy did not hire Turner to defend her. If there’s not much reason for the hearing to proceed without Amy or her actual attorney, there’s even less for the “law society” to allow T.S. Turner to serve as her counsel. Maybe they do things differently in Canada but seriously, none of this makes any sense.

Maybe I’m overthinking things. Like last week’s episode, this is a clip show and obviously, the main concern of the writers was to find an excuse for everyone to talk about Amy’s previous adventures on the show. Unfortunately, Amy’s adventures have never been as interesting as Turner’s so the clips pretty much all fall into the same three categories: Amy gets mad, Amy gets captured, and Amy flirts with some loser to get information. It all gets repetitive fairly quickly.

Halfway through the episode, Turner calls Joe to testify. “What about you, Joe?” T.S. asks Joe on the stand, “Have you ever gotten in trouble? Tell the court about it, Joe.” Joe proceeds to talk about how he first met T.S. and Amy and it’s hard not to notice that Joe’s entire story centers on T.S. but not Amy. Perhaps realizing that Joe hasn’t been of any help, Turner takes the stand himself and talks about …. himself. We get several flashbacks of Turner beating up criminals and it’s hard not to feel bad for Amy, who isn’t even the center of attention at her own disbarment hearings.

“Every legal indiscretion she has committed is justified,” Turner says as Amy finally steps into the courtroom, “because she has helped so many.”

That’s all it takes for the Canadian Legal Society to decide that Amy can continue as a lawyer. Yay!

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix For Mad Max!

Posted on February 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Mad Max (1979, dir by George Miller, DP: Dave Eggby)

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, we’ve got an action classic, 1979’s Mad Max!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Mad Max is available on Prime! See you there!