Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!
Tonight, we have the first Halloween episode of Friday the 13th: The Series!
Episode 1.5 “Hellowe’en”
(Dir by Timothy Bond, originally aired on October 26th, 1987)
Somehow, it was not until I watched this episode that I noticed that the Friday the 13th antique shop is names Curious Goods. I guess that’s a good name for a cursed antique shop. (It’s probably more inviting than going with something more honest, like Evil Junk.) Certainly, it appears that it was good enough to keep the place open, even though the owners spent most of their time taking back the antiques from the people who bought them.
This episode takes place during a Halloween party. Is it a good idea to throw a Halloween party in a location that is full of cursed items? That’s the exact question that Micki asks Ryan but Ryan thinks that the store needs to do something to let the neighborhood know that it’s not as scary as it looks. Ryan is actually thinking like a businessman, whereas Micki is thinking like someone who just wants to find all of the cursed antiques so she can get back to planning her wedding. Personally, I think Micki has the right idea.
That said, it’s not a bad party. Ryan dresses up like a renaissance prince. Micki wears a black gown that is to die for. (I assume Micki is costumed as the lead singer of an 80s goth band.) Jack, who really should have been the voice of reason when Ryan first suggested the party, dresses up like a wizard. A lot of people from the neighborhood come to the shop and they watch as Jack performs some simple magic tricks. Unfortunately, the party is ruined when two dummies wander down to the basement and accidentally activated a crystal ball. The lights in the store go out. There are scary noises. Everyone abandons the shop, except for Ryan and Micki.
Where is Jack? He’s taking a mysterious little girl trick-or-treating, just to suddenly discover that the girl is actually a Satanic creature who was sent to distract him while the ghost evil uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong) confronted Ryan and Micki in the shop. Lewis, who is wandering around because the damned are apparently allowed to do so only on Halloween night, lies and says that he needs the amulet of Zohar so that he can free his wife from a curse but, after Ryan and Micki stupidly bring him the amulet, Lewis announces that the amulet will actually allow him to transfer his spirt into the body of someone who has recently died, as long as that person died from natural causes. Lewis is going to use the amulet to return permanently to the land of the living.
Lewis and the little demon girl head down to the local morgue. Fortunately, Jack has broken free of the trap that the demon put him in and Ryan and Micki have, for once, managed to figure out what’s happening on their own. Between the efforts of Jack, Ryan, and Micki and Lewis’s own pickiness when it comes to picking a body, Lewis’s time runs out and he is dragged back to Hell.
This was a fun episode. Not only did did it feature Ryan and Micki wearing their very 80s Halloween costumes but it also featured an enjoyably over-the-top performance from R.G. Armstrong as evil Uncle Lewis. All Halloween episodes should be as enjoyable as this one.
Now streaming on Netflix, Sly is a documentary about the life and career of Sylvester Stallone.
The documentary opens with Stallone watching as all of his belongings in his Hollywood mansion are packed in boxes so they can be shipped to his new home in New York. As I listened to Stallone talk about how you sometimes have to return to your roots to discover who you truly are, it occurred to me that Stallone is one of those people who is never not playing a role. Even when he’s not Rocky Balboa or John Rambo or any of the other characters that he’s played in the movies (or, less frequently on television), he’s still playing Sylvester Stallone, the bigger-than-life movie star who has been an inescapable part of the American pop cultural landscape for longer than I’ve been alive. Watching Stallone talk about what it’s like to go, overnight, from being an unknown to being a celebrity, I never doubted his sincerity but I was always aware of how carefully chosen his words seemed to be. Sylvester Stallone lets the audience in but he’s still careful about how much he reveals about himself.
The same can be said of the documentary, which largely focuses on Rocky, Rambo, and The Expendables, with a little Lords of Flatbush, F.I.S.T., Paradise Alley, and Cop Land trivia tossed in as well. Stallone admits that he’s not proud of all of the films that he’s made, citing Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! as his biggest regret. (Arnold Schwarzenegger pops up to brag about how he was smart enough to turn down the script when it was originally sent to him.) That said, there’s not much attention given to Stallone’s films with Roger Corman or for the films that he did for Cannon. Sorry, there’s no Over The Top trivia. There are a few clips from Cobra and Rhinestone but not much more. If you’re looking for a documentary about the B-movies of Sylvester Stallone, this is not it. (Interestingly enough, even films like Demolition Man — which was one of Stallone’s better non-Rocky and non-Rambo films — are also glossed over.) Beyond talking his troubled relationship with his father, mentioning his love for daughters, and a moment where he gets noticeably emotional while talking about his late son, there’s not much information here about Stallone’s private life. And again, it’s not that Stallone owes anyone any of that information. At one point, Stallone says that he hasn’t had a moment of privacy since the release of Rocky and he’s probably right. He’s earned the right to keep some things private.
Also interviewed in the documentary are Frank Stallone, Quentin Tarantino, film critic Wesley Morris, director John Herzfeld, and Talia Shire. Frank comes across as a lot more genuine here than he did in his own documentary while Talia does the best job of understanding the appeal of Rocky.
This is a documentary that will probably best be appreciated by people who are already fans of Stallone. Stallone doesn’t attempt to win over his doubters but, having been a star for nearly 50 years, Stallone can definitely argue that his doesn’t owe his doubters any effort. Watching the documentary, it became clear to me that Stallone is one of those pop cultural figures who it is impossible not to love. Everything about him, from the rough Hell’s Kitchen childhood to his decision to write a movie for himself to his decision to move into the director’s chair, is pure Americana. There’s a reason why Rocky Balboa often appears with an American flag.
(That said, I still think that Stallone’s best performance was in First Blood and, in this documentary, Stallone gets genuinely emotional as he discusses when he discusses why he felt it was important for Rambo to survive the end of the film.)
He’s a survivor and he’s confident enough to admit that he got a bit arrogant after the success of Rocky. Stallone still has that confidence that borders on arrogance but he’s aging well and it’s hard not to feel that he’s earned the right to brag on himself. (It helps, of course, that he’s become a better actor as he’s aged.) Stallone may not totally open up but he still has his movie star charisma. When he talks, you listen. When he moves, you watch. We’ll miss him when he’s gone.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!
This week, season one of T and T comes to a close!
Episode 1.23 “Working It Out”
(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on June 23rd, 1988)
“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “push turns to shove and shove turns to ugly as a battle of sexes rages at Decker’s gym.”
Of all of the supporting characters who have been featured during the first season of T and T, Decker (played by David Nerman) has been the most prominent. That makes sense when you consider that each first season episode features at least a few minutes of T.S. Turner throwing jabs in a boxing ring or hitting the punching bag in Decker’s Gym. Decker is T.S.’s best friend. He may not be smart but he is loyal.
This episode finds Decker in a bit of quandary because Jessie (Allison Mang) wants to join the gym but, when she brings in the membership fee, Decker is shocked to discover that Jessie can also be a girl’s name! Decker’s gym is full of men who like to walk around in towels and say stuff like, “Where do you think you’re going, little girl?” Decker says the gym is men only.
(Myself, I don’t know why anyone would want to join Decker’s shabby little gym, which looks like it reeks of sweat.)
Amy decides to sue for her right to use the gym and she hires Amy Taler. Amy sends T.S. Turner down to Decker’s gym to talk to him about letting Jessie join. Decker explains he has no problem with Jessie joining but gym bully Madigan (Kevin Lund) doesn’t want to any girls to join. How much of a bully is Madigan? His nickname is Mad Dog and he even accuses T.S. of “getting soft!”
Meanwhile, Amy informs Jessie that the gym is a public business and therefore anyone can join. She also points out that there are other gyms in Canada, some of which are co-ed and women only. Jessie says that Decker’s sweaty, shabby gym — which, I would add, has been the scene of several major crimes since this season began — is the closest to her house. Personally, I would happily add a few minutes to my trip so that I could join a gym that doesn’t look like the set of a bad 70s porno but what do I know?
“She’s effeminate, isn’t she?” Sophie asks Amy about Jessie.
“You mean a feminist?” Amy replies.
“Yeah,” Sophie nods.
Amy rolls her eyes without answering Sophie’s question. Personally, I’m wondering how Sophie went from being a computer expert in one episode to not knowing what a feminist is in this episode.
Back at the gym, Decker tries to talk Madigan into accepting Jessie as a member of the gym. Decker tells Madigan that the men of the gym will just have to stop walking around without any clothes on. “We’re working out and sweating!” Madigan replies, “It makes sense to walk around without any clothes on!” And maybe Madigan would have a point if he was living in ancient Sparta but this is Toronto!
Decker goes to the law office, to talk to Amy. Decker is worried that Madigan will kill Jessie. Amy suggests turning his gym into a private club so that he can bar women from joining and offers to draw up the papers for him. Whose side are you on, Amy!?
The next day, when Jessie shows up at the gym, Madigan and every guy in the gym walks out. Only T.S. Turner stays to support Decker and Jessie. When the guys fail to return the next day, Turner says, “Who cares? I’m here. Jessie’s here. Amy’s here.”
Decker points out that everyone who left is going to want a refund on their membership fees and he’s not going to have the money to keep the gym open. Decker will soon lose his business but at least Jessie didn’t have to spend an extra 5 or 10 minutes driving to a gym that doesn’t have a history of people being murdered in the locker rooms.
Later, when Jessie is out jogging, she’s approached by Madigan who explains that Turner has set up a “fitness test” at the gym to prove that Jessie has what it takes to be a member. Jessie hasn’t heard anything about this and — oh no! Is Madigan trying to trick Jessie into returning to the gym so that he and his evil friends can attack her!? No, actually, it turns out that Turner actually did set up the fitness test but no one bothered to tell Jessie, which would seem to defeat the purpose of the whole thing.
(Amy says that Jessie left the gym before giving Turner a chance to explain his plan to her but why couldn’t he just call her and tell her? I mean, I know this show is set in Canada but surely Jessie has a phone. It’s not like they’re in Manitoba.)
Later, Amy takes Jessie to the gym, where Turner is waiting. “Oh, Amy!” Turner says, “That’s a nice dress you have on. You got plans?”
“Dinner date,” Amy says.
“Don’t stay out too late,” Turner growls.
Anyway, the fitness test ends in a tie, which means that Jessie didn’t beat Madigan. This is a problem because, as Madigan points out, Turner specifically said that Jessie would have to win to join the gym. Jessie admits that “Mad Dog” Madigan is right. Decker suggests letting the membership vote. (Why didn’t you just do that to begin with, Decker!?) Madigan says he wants to fight Turner without gloves.
“Now I see why they call you Mad Dog,” Turner replies before removing his jacket in slow motion and then flattening Madigan with one punch.
So, Jessie gets to join the gym, all because one man knocked out another.
“You know, Jessie,” Amy says, “I think you may have started a revolution.”
Anyway, this was a silly episode. Jessie absolutely should have been allowed to join the gym, if she really wanted to spend her time at that ugly, foul-smelling hub of crime. But the episode’s main message appeared to be that you can accomplish anything as long as Mr. T is around to beat up anyone standing in your way.
Episode 1.24 “Now You See It”
(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on June 20th, 1988)
Amy — and not T.S. — provides the introduction for the finale episode of season one. “In this episode,” she tells us, “a psychic sees through a violent drug rip-off but no one is willing to listen.”
Despite not doing the intro for this episode, T.S. is still present. At the courthouse, after Amy wins an acquittal for a shoplifter named Billy (Simon Reynolds, the stockboy from one of the other Canadian shows that I’m reviewing for Retro Television Reviews, Check It Out.). T.S. tells Billy, “Look here, little brother, if you want to change your life, meet me at Decker’s Gym.” Is he going to try to set Billy up with Jessie? T.S. leaves to buy the Billy a sandwich, which means that Amy is alone when she meets Emma (Gwynneth Walsh), a psychic who wants to sue the the police for firing her because they didn’t like her vision of what happened when a heroin dealer was murdered in a warehouse.
Amy agrees to sue the police — specifically Detective Thompson (A.C. Peterson) — for being rude to the psychic. As she later tells T.S., it may seem like a small thing but it’s important to her. “Sometimes,” T.S. replies, “it’s the small things that matter.”
Thompson agrees to apologize to Emma. After he does so, Amy snaps, “You can stop playing the nice guy! You’re off the hook!” And, of course, Thompson isn’t a nice guy. He’s the one killing the drug dealers! T.S. figures this out when Billy tells him that he doesn’t want to deal drugs anymore because “the streets are dry” and T.S. has a series of black-and-white flashbacks to Thompson talking about the dead drug dealers.
Anyway, Thompson is captured and season one ends with an episode that attempted to cram 60 minutes worth of plot into just 30 minutes. Overstuffed episodes were a frequent issue when it came to T and T‘s first season.
The first season can best be described as being uneven. The show was at its best when it took advantage of Mr. T’s unique screen presence. Though he definitely didn’t have the greatest range as an actor, Mr. T did show some comedic timing. The show struggled whenever it didn’t focus on T.S. Turner and oddly, that happened in more than a few episodes, as if Mr. T wasn’t the main reason why anyone would be watching this show to begin with. As a character, there was nothing particularly consistent about Amy, who was sometimes brilliant and sometimes woefully naïve. The supporting cast was frequently underused, though Catherine Disher had a few funny moments as Sophie. Seen today, the show is a time capsule of Canada in the late 80s and that is perhaps the main reason to watch it.
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.
Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1989’s UHF, starring Weird Al Yankovic!
If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
UHF is available on Prime and Tubi! See you there!
This mural was outside of Gilberto’s Taco Shop in Arlington. It depicts one of the greatest moments of baseball history, the moment when Rougned Odor sent Dave Bautista’s sunglasses flying. I don’t know if the mural is still there. I know some people were complaining about it so I hope the owner of the taco shop didn’t have to remove it.
This mural was done by DFW artist Juan Velazquez. I did not take the photograph of it. I actually don’t know who took this photograph so if anyone does know, please let me know.
This video for For Whom The Bells Tolls was filmed at a show at the San Diego Sports Arena in 1992. When Beavis and Butt-Head watched this video in 1995, Beavis said he was the show and Lars pointed straight at him.
Through the Shattered Lens 