Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Horshack gets promoted and Julie finally leaves Gabe!

Episode 1.13 “Arrivederci, Arnold”

(Directed by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 16th, 1975)

In their tiny apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle, Malcolm Kotter.  Malcolm was a traveling salesman who left an umbrella in his hotel room.  When he went to retrieve the umbrella, he discovered the room was now occupied by a couple on their honeymoon.  Listening to their coital exchange from out in the hallway, Malcolm shouted, “Listen, when you get to the little umbrella, it’s mine!”  For once, Julie laughs at the joke.

At school, Mr. Woodman interrupts Gabe’s lesson on Thomas Edison to announce that Arnold Horshack has been doing so well in Gabe’s class that he is now eligible to attend regular classes.  Gabe is excited because not only does he now feel like a good teacher but he also sees Horshack as a symbol that proves that even the most difficult of students can be taught.  As for the other Sweathogs, they’re just confused.

Horshack, meanwhile, is miserable about going to a class without his friends and he’s even more upset when Gabe tells him that he should try to make new friends and fit in with the regular students.  Horshack is so upset that he goes to Kotter’s apartment building and turns down the heat so that Gabe will leave the apartment to complain.  With Gabe gone, Horshack slips in through the window and begs Julie (who seriously has the patience of a saint in this episode) to convince Gabe to “like me again.”

Awwwwwwwww!

Seriously, Horshack is a character about whom I usually have mixed feelings.  Of all the Sweathogs, he’s always come across as being the most cartoonish.  In fact, one could even say that Horshack’s a bit annoying.  But, in this episode, Ron Pallilo really broke my heart with how he played Horshack’s desperation to return to his old class.  He breaks Julie’s heart too and, after Horshack says that he’ll jump off the highest building in Brooklyn if he’s not returned to his old class (yikes!), Julie makes Gabe see the error of his ways.

How can the Sweathogs convince Mr. Woodman to put Horshack back in Kotter’s class?  They put on a play for him, in which they all talk about how important Horshack is to them.  Gabe plays the role of Horshack, just for the real thing to wander into the classroom and announce, “I don’t have a mustache.”

Woodman agrees to let Horshack be a Sweathog again.  For the most part, I think Mr. Woodman just wanted to escape Gabe’s classroom and return to the safety of his office.  I don’t blame him!

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about the parrot that his cousin bought for his aunt.  His aunt ate the parrot.

I felt bad for the parrot but otherwise, this was a sweet episode.  I’m glad Horshack returned to where he belonged.

Episode 1.14 “The Longest Weekend”

(Directed by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 6th, 1976)

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his aunt Esther, who has always dreamed of getting a singing telegram.

Because she feels like her life has gotten boring, Julie goes to Vermont for a weekend ski vacation.  Gabe says that he’s not worried about her being away from him but then he has a conversation with Mr. Woodman in which Woodman tells Gabe about how his fiancée went to Vermont on a ski trip and never returned because she fell in love with a German ski instructor.  Woodman says that, as far as he knows, his ex is currently living in the Alps with her husband, who is now pretending to be Swiss.  So Mr. Woodman’s fiancée left him for a Nazi war criminal?  No wonder Mr. Woodman seems to have so little faith in humanity!

Feeling lonely, Gabe invites the Sweathogs over to his apartment so that they can play poker.  However, even the Sweathogs realize that this is a strange thing for a teacher to do with his students and they leave after playing just a few hands.  Just as Gabe is about to go up to Vermont himself, Julie comes home early.  Apparently, her friend Candy Lieberman was getting on her nerves by talking too much.

With Julie back from Vermont, Gabe tells her about his Uncle Sanford the lumberjack.

This was an odd episode.  This show works best when it focuses on the school and not Gabe’s homelife.  Other than giving the great John Sylvester White a chance to reveal a little more of just how damaged a person Mr. Woodman truly is, this episode was fairly forgettable.

Next week: The Sweathogs protest the new cafeteria menu!  It’s time for a sit-in!