Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s a trip to the rec center with a stop off at the Manhattan Diner.  There’s only a few more episodes left and this show cannot end soon enough.

Episode 5.13 “Weight on Jamal”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 27th, 2001)

Here’s the plot description, according to Wikipedia:

Jamal wants to get into USC, but his coach tells him that he isn’t in shape enough to be considered for the team. He starts working out and is offered steroids at the health club. Meanwhile Dawn, Cassidy, Chris and Al have to deal with a cruel pottery teacher. Ms. Hotz scares the students and they eventually fight back. She reveals that she is only mean because most people take her class due to her sexy looks.

Seriously, the pottery teacher is named Ms. Hotz?  Considering that L-Train apparently didn’t take the pottery class, I’m going to guess that he was busy convincing Jamal to give up the steroids.  Since when has Jamal wanted to go to USC?  Plus, didn’t he already get a baseball scholarship?

Eh, who cares?  I’m glad this episode isn’t on YouTube.

Episode 5.14 “Basket Case”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 27th, 2001)

God, this episode is stupid.

Jamal’s father is out-of-town and he’s left Jamal with a big responsibility.  Jamal has to run the diner, hire some new waitresses, and impress a food critic.  Here’s my problem with this.  Why is the food critic wasting her time with a generic hamburger place that seems to be exclusively used by the students of Manny High?  With all the restaurants in New York, why review that one?  As well, how irresponsible and stupid is Jamal’s father to leave Jamal in charge of the diner when something this important is about to happen?  When has Jamal ever shown that he can handle that type of responsibility?

Anyway, to the surprise of no one, Jamal screws everything up, misidentifies a friend of Ms. Noble’s as the food critics, and can only watch in horror as the actual food critics leaves in a huff due to not even getting a glass of water while waiting for someone to take her order.  Desperate to get the food critic to give the diner a second chance, Chris calls the food critic and pretends to be Jamal’s father.  (It’s just as cringey as it sounds as Chris lowers his voice and laughs heartily at his own jokes.)  The food critics agrees to give them a second chance.  As soon as Chris hangs up, Ms. Noble wanders by and informs Chris, Jamal, and Cassidy that the food critic is in her tango class and that she loves to dance.

This leads to perhaps the stupidest moment ever in the history of this show and that’s saying something.

The food critic returns to the diner.  She has a bowl of soup as Jamal and Cassidy watch.  She tells them that the diner’s food is some of the best that she had ever had.  Now, at this point, Jamal and Cassidy should be happy because the food critic has just told them that she loves the food.  There’s no need to do anything else, right?  Instead of just taking the victory when they can, they decide bring out “the chef.”  The chef turns out to be Chris, wearing a fake mustache.  Chris says that he loves to tango and then spins the food critic right out of the diner.  WHY!?  SHE WAS ALREADY GIVING THE PLACE A GOOD REVIEW!  HOW STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE!?  Anyway, Ms. Noble then enters the diner and says that actually, the food critic was not in her tango class but in her Bible study class.  WHAT!?

Anyway, the food critic still gives the diner a good review.  She recommends that anyone who likes to tango ask for the chef.  Except, of course, Chris isn’t actually the chef so anyone who asks is going to be massively disappointed.

GOD, THAT WAS STUPID!  And it was only the B-plot!

The A-plot dealt with a rec center, which we’ve never seen before despite the fact that everyone on the show acts as if it’s a huge part of their lives.  Dawn has a crush on the 50 year-old head of the center and when he says that the Rec Center may have to close down due to lack of money, Dawn decides to hold a fund raiser.  Her plans involves a basketball shoot out and apparently, it’s imperative that both L-Train and his new girlfriend, Kianna, compete.  (I’m not sure why.)  However, L-Train worries that competing against his girlfriend will lead to them breaking up.  Kianna reluctantly agrees not to take part in the shoot out but then, at the last minute, L-Train realizes he’s being a jerk and asks her to compete.  And, of course, she wins.

Why did L-Train have a change of heart?  I have no idea but the important thing is that the Rec Center stays open.

This was a dumb episode, all-around.  Graduation cannot come soon enough!