Just a few hours ago, I gathered with my friends in the Late Night Movie Gang and we watched the classic Mexican “horror” film, Santo vs. las Mujeres Vampiro (or, as it was released over here in the states, Samson Vs. The Vampire Women.)  You’ll notice that I put the word horror in quotes because there was really nothing traditionally scary about Samson Vs. The Vampire Women.  

The film opens with a bunch of vampire women waking up after being asleep for hundreds of years.  When we first see the vampire women, they all look like they have really bad skin and could really use some moisturizer.  However, once they drink some blood and say some magic words, they all suddenly look really pretty and they get to wear these really nice white dresses as well.

The queen of the vampires, Thorina (Lorena Valesquez), has been tasked with finding a bride for the Evil One and her pick is Diana (Maria Duval), who is the daughter of Prof. Orlof (Augusto Benedico).  We know that Orlof is intelligent because he wears glasses, has a beard, and his English-language dialogue has been dubbed by an actor who has a deep, intellectual voice.  However, despite being brilliant, Orlof is totally ineffectual when it comes to protecting his daughter from being turned into a vampire.

(Diana, we’re told, is on the verge of turning 21.  She looks like she’s closer to 40.)

And, of course, we get all of the things that you would expect from a low-budget, black-and-white vampire movie.  Bats fly by on strings.  Whenever Thorina needs to hypnotize someone, we get a closeup of her eyes.  Whenever the sun shines, all of the vampires scream and run out of the room.  It’s all pretty typical and, as a result, not particularly scary.

What is scary, however, is the man who Orlof summons to protect his daughter.  Not only can Samson (played by real-life Mexican wrestler Santo) fight vampires and communicate with people via television but he’s a professional wrestler as well!  In fact, Diana would probably have nothing to worry about if not for the fact that Samson has to balance protecting her with his lucrative wrestling career.

What I’m saying here is that there’s a lot of wrestling in Samson vs. The Vampire Women.  Not only does Samson wrestle with vampires but he also wrestles with ordinary, every day wrestlers.  Even when he’s not wrestling, Samson runs around in his wrestling outfit — mask, cape, manties, and bulge.

(Oddly enough, none of the vampire women ever think to maybe kick Samson in that bulge, which is probably what I would do if I was ever suddenly approached by someone dressed like Samson…)

Now, I know what you’re wondering.  And the answer is no.  We never get to see what Samson looks like under the mask.  I assume that he looked like Jack Black but who knows for sure?

Anyway, Samson vs. The Vampire Women is probably one of those films that everyone should see at least once, if just because that way you won’t be left out of any inside jokes that may develop between your friends once they’ve actually experienced it for themselves.  It’s not a particularly good film but it’s certainly an odd one and there’s definitely something to be said for that.

You can watch it below!