Yorgo Voyagis | Through the Shattered Lens

Yuri the pimp is dead and his body has been stuffed into a washing machine …. or has it? The body’s missing. Did the cat eat it? Is someone lying about finding the body? Or is there something else going on?

Those are the questions that are raised by the 1993 Italian film, The Washing Machine. Directed by Ruggero Deodato (of Cannibal Holocaust and House on the Edge of the Park fame), The Washing Machine takes place in Budapest. It tells the story of three sisters. Vida (Katarzyna Figura) is a prostitute. Ludmilla (Barbara Ricci) is a percussionist who often emerges from the shadows, carrying a triangle with her. Maria (Ilaria BorellI), who is also known as Sissy, works with the blind. They all live together in a rather nice, two-story building and they have a washing machine located on the first floor. Yuri (Yorgo Voyagis) is Vida’s pimp and sometime lover. When Via discovers that Yuri has a piece of jewelry with Sissy’s name on it, it leads first to a fight and then to makeup sex in the kitchen, all while Ludmilla watches from the staircase and plays the triangle. Later, Ludmillas calls the police, claiming that she has discovered Yuri’s bloody body in the washing machine.

Inspector Stacev (Philippe Caroit) is sent over to investigate but, by the time he arrives, Yuri’s body has disappeared. There’s a rather self-satisfied black cat wandering about. “Did the cat eat the body?” I asked, just to then have another character in the film suggest the exact same thing. Stacev isn’t sure whether or not Yuri is actually dead but then again, it quickly becomes apparent that Stacev is more interested in the three sisters than he is in solving the case of death of a pimp. Despite the fact that Stacev has a loyal girlfriend named Irina (Claudia Pozzi), he is soon cheating on her with the sisters. When Irina finds out, she commits suicide. Stacev just shrugs it off.

So, you may have guessed that Inspector Stacev is not a particularly likable character. Normally, that might be a problem but it fits right into The Washing Machine‘s chilly view of a world that’s defined and ruled by greed and lust. Set and filmed in Budapest, The Washing Machine is full of shadowy and gothic images. Every location looks as if it’s hiding a hundred secrets and every shadow seems like it’s on the verge of coming to life. An atmosphere of continual menace haunts nearly every frame of The Washing Machine. It helps, of course, to know something about the history of Hungary. The Washing Machine is set just a few years after the collapse of Soviet-style communism in Eastern Europe. The characters in The Washing Machine move, speak, and act like people who lived too long with secrets and paranoia as their most valuable possessions to give them up now.

I liked The Washing Machine. The plot doesn’t make much sense but Deodato does such a good job of creating a sense of dread that it doesn’t have to make sense. A work of existential horror, The Washing Machine takes place in a world that’s governed by chaos and where men like Yuri and Stacev arrogantly assume that their place in society will somehow protect them. In the end, no one is innocent, no one is safe, and willful blindness is the downfall of everyone.

The 1970 film, The Adventurers, is a film that I’ve been wanting to watch for a while.

Based on a novel by Harold Robbins, The Adventurers was a massively expensive, three-hour film that was released to terrible reviews and even worse box office. In fact, it’s often cited as one of the worst films of all time, which is why I wanted to see it. Well, three weeks ago, I finally got my chance to watch it and here what I discovered:

Yes, The Adventurers is technically a terrible movie and Candice Bergen really does give a performance that will amaze you with its ineptitude. (In her big scene, she sits in a swing and, with a beatific look on her face, begs her lover to push her “Higher! Higher!”)

Yes, The Adventures is full of sex, intrigue, and melodrama. Director Lewis Gilbert, who did such a good job with Alfie and The Spy Who Loved Me, directs as if his paycheck is dependent upon using the zoom lens as much as possible and, like many films from the early 70s, this is the type of film where anyone who gets shot is guaranteed to fall over in slow motion, usually while going, “Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh….” A surprisingly large amount of people get shot in The Adventurers and that adds up to a lot of slow motion tumbles and back flips. Gilbert also includes a sex scene that ends with a shot of exploding fireworks, which actually kind of works. If nothing else, it shows that Gilbert knew exactly what type of movie he was making and he may have actually had a sense of humor about it. That’s what I choose to believe.

Despite the fact that The Adventurers is usually described as being a big-budget soap opera, a good deal of the film actually deals with Latin American politics. For all the fashion shows and the decadence and the scenes of Candice Bergen swinging, the majority of The Adventures takes place in the Latin American country of Cortoguay. If you’ve never heard of Cortoguay, that’s because it’s a fictional country. Two hours of this three-hour film are basically devoted to people arguing and fighting over who is going to rule Cortoguay but it’s kind of impossible to really get to emotionally involved over the conflict because it’s not a real place.

Ernest Borgnine plays a Cortoguayan named — and I’m being serious here — Fat Cat. Seriously, that’s his name. And really, how can you not appreciate a movie featuring Ernest Borgnine as Fat Cat?

Fat Cat is the guardian of Dax Xenos (Bekim Fehmiu). Dax’s father is a Cortoguayan diplomat but after he’s assassinated by the country’s dictator, Dax abandons his home country for America and Europe. While he’s abroad, Dax plays polo, races cars, and has sex with everyone from Olivia de Havilland to Candice Bergen. He also gets involved in the fashion industry, which means we get two totally 70s fashion shows, both of which are a lot of fun. He marries the world’s richest heiress (Bergen) but he’s not a very good husband and their relationship falls apart after a pregnant Bergen flies out of a swing and loses her baby.

Throughout it all, Fat Cat is there, keeping an eye on Dax and pulling him back to not only Cortoguay but also to his first love, Amparo (Leigh Taylor-Young), who just happens to be the daugther of Cortoguay’s dictator, Rojo (Alan Badel). In fact, when Fat Cat and Dax discover that an acquaintance is selling weapons to Rojo, they lock him inside of his own sex dungeon. That’s how you get revenge! And when Dax eventually does return to Cortoguay, Fat Cat is at his side and prepared to fight in the revolution. Incidentally, the revolution is led by El Lobo (Yorgo Voyagis), who we’re told is the son of El Condor.

The Adventurers is melodramatic, overheated, overlong, overdirected, and overacted and, not surprisingly, it’s eventually a lot of fun. I mean, the dialogue is just so bad and Lewis Gilbert’s direction is so over the top that you can’t help but suspect that the film was meant to be at least a little bit satirical. How else do you explain that casting of the not-at-all-Spanish Bekim Fehmiu as a Latin American playboy? Candice Bergen plays her role as if she’s given up any hope of making sense of her character or the script and the rest of the cast follows her lead. Ernest Borgnine once said that The Adventurers was the worst experience of his career. Take one look at Borgnine’s filmography and you’ll understand why that’s such a bold statement.

The Adventurers is three hours long but it’s rarely boring. Each hour feels like it’s from a totally different film. It starts out as Marxist agitprop before then becoming a glossy soap opera and then, once Fat Cat and Dax return home and get involved in the revolution, the film turns into “modern” spaghetti western. It’s a film that tries so hard and accomplishes so little that it becomes rather fascinating.

And, if nothing else, it reminds us that even Fat Cat can be a hero….