Tag Archives: What Lisa Watched Last Night

What The Hell Did Lisa Watched Last Night #182: The Proposal Episode 1

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Though I’m really hesitant to admit it and I’ll probably deny it if anyone asks me in the future, last night I watched the first episode of the new ABC “reality dating” show, The Proposal.  How soul-searingly bad was The Proposal?  It was so bad that I am now convinced that not only is our current world about to end but also whatever world comes along to replace it is probably doomed as well.

 

Why Was I Watching It?

Because I’m an idiot.

What Was It About?

If you’ve ever watched The Bachelor, you know that it’s pretty much a tradition for the women (and the men, in the case of The Bachelorette) to announce that they can see themselves marrying the Bachelor after only knowing him for three days.  Of course, the audience at home always rolls their eyes when they say that.  We know they’ve probably been pressured to say that by the show’s producers, just like we know that there’s little chance that anyone on the show’s actually going to end up getting married to anyone else on the show.  It’s a fantasy and it’s kinda fun to get lost in it.

Well, The Proposal is basically The Bachelor on cheap steroids.  Now, instead of taking a whole three days to fall in love, The Proposal suggests that it can be done in an hour!  Woo hoo!

Here’s how last night’s show worked.  A man named Mike was sitting in a pod, hidden from the view of the audience.  Host Jesse Palmer assured us that Mike was a good guy and a police officer who deserved a good wife.  We were also told that, as the result of getting hit by a drunk driver, Mike lost part of his right leg but he was still an athlete who loved to go on hikes.  The message was clear: “If you think what’s happening is totally regressive and problematic, then you’re a terrible person who is saying that a one-legged first responder doesn’t deserve a chance at happiness.”

Ten heartbreakingly insecure women were brought out on stage.  While wearing swimsuits, each one made a pitch to Mike (who, keep in mind, was hidden from view the whole time).  Mike proceeded to cut five girls, all of whom were promptly ordered to get off the stage.  Mike then asked the five remaining girls a question.  Based on their answers, two girls were cut and three were left on stage.

From the beginning, it was obvious that the final three were going to be Jessica, Monica, and Kendal.  Jessica and Monica were the most attractive while Kendal was the only one who had a real job.  In fact, Kendal was a neuropsychologist who spoke movingly about how happy it made her to help stroke victims.  Given Mike’s own stated to desire to want to inspire people and create something good from his accident, Kendal seemed like the perfect choice…

Until, Mike’s best friend, Andrew, asked some questions!  Andrew wanted to know if the women were interested in having children. Kendal said that she didn’t want to have children.  The audience gasped in horror and Kendal got this panicked look on her face.  Oh my God, I’ve missed out on my chance to get proposed to by a man I’ve never seen before because I was honest about not wanting to have children!

Mike announced that the final two would be Monica and Jessica.  Sorry, Kendal!  I guess you should have lied until you got that ring!

Once Kendal was gone, the pod opened and Mike emerged.  Everyone breathed a sign of relief as Mike turned out to be a generically handsome guy who basically looked like a cop.  (He even sported the shaved head look that is oddly popular among police officers.)  At this point, I was sure that Monica and Jessica would get a chance to ask a question but no.  That’s not the way The Proposal works.  The fact that Mike looked like he might be distantly related to Wentworth Miller was good enough.  There was no need to know how he voted or if he was religious or if he drank or anything else.  Instead, Moncia and Jessica were sent backstage to work on their final plea and change into a nicer outfit.

After a commercial break, both Jessica and Monica returned and made their final pleas but it didn’t really matter what they had to say.  Mike was staring at Monica even while Jessica was talking.  Mike announced that he had been smitten with Monica from the first time he saw her an hour ago.  He got down on his one knee and proposed to her.  She said yes.  While Jessica silently headed backstage, Monica and Mike shared their first kiss.

“You’re a wonderful kisser,” she told her bald pod person, before adding, “Just wait until later!”

What Worked

Oh God.

Actually, let’s give credit where credit is due.  The off-stage announcer was properly snarky as each women was introduced.  The tone basically said, “Yeah, I can’t believe this is actually happening, either.”

Plus, I had a lot of fun live tweeting the event!  My anxiety was acting up something awful all day yesterday but making fun of The Proposal on twitter helped me calm down.

What Did Not Work

Every single moment of this show was icky and regressive.  Imagine The Bachelor without any of The Bachelor‘s goofy charm and you’ve got The Proposal.

“OH MY GOD!  Just like me!” Moments

None.  Absolutely none.  Well, okay — I did relate to the women’s obvious terror when, at the beginning of the show, they were forced to walk down a steep staircase in high heels.  I’m amazed that everyone made it down safely.

 Lessons Learned

The world is doomed.

Also, I’ll apparently watch anything.  What’s really sad is I know I’m probably going to watch next week’s episode, too.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #182: Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (dir by Doug Campbell)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Sunday night, I watched the third chapter in the Stalked By My Doctor franchise, Patient’s Revenge!

Why Was I Watching It?

The obvious answer is that I was watching it because it was on Lifetime.  This summer, Lifetime is going to be premiering a new movie every Sunday.  Given my obsession with Lifetime movies, it shouldn’t be hard to guess what I’ll be doing on most Sunday nights.

Of course, at the same time, I absolutely loved both Stalked By My Doctor and Stalked By My Doctor: The Return.  There was no way that I was going to miss the next chapter in the saga of Dr. Albert Beck.

And finally, there’s the Eric Roberts factor.  Quite a few of us here at the TSL Bunker are fascinated by the always interesting, often downright bizarre career of Eric Roberts.  He’s a talented and always quirky actor who apparently really likes to work.  The appeal of Eric Roberts is you never know where he’s going to turn up.  You can find him in theaters.  You can find him on Lifetime.  You can find in him in blockbusters and you can find him in short students films.  You can even find him in music videos.  Eric Roberts is everywhere!  And, even more importantly, he’s always willing to throw himself into every role that he plays, no matter how bizarre that role may be.

What Was It About?

Following the events of the second Stalked By My Doctor film, Dr. Albert Beck (Eric Roberts) was put on trial for kidnapping Sophie Green (Brianna Joy Chomer).  Despite all of the evidence against him, Dr. Beck was acquitted.  (Perhaps it had something to do with the way he smiled and waved at one certain juror during the trial…)  Now, Dr. Beck is teaching at a college in Arizona.  To most people, Dr. Beck appears to be perfectly normal, if understandably anxious.  However, it doesn’t take long to discover that Dr. Beck still has plenty of issues.

For instance, the first time he steps into a classroom, he immediately imagine all of his students undressing in front of him.  Whenever Beck talks to himself, he imagines that he sees another Dr. Beck sitting in front of him.  The imaginary Dr. Beck wears a Hawaiian shirt and always seems to disagree with whatever the real Dr. Beck wants to do.

Following Beck’s acquittal, Sophie has started dressing in all black.  She’s also secretly transferred to Dr. Beck’s school, where she immediately starts to circulate a petition to get him fired.  However, Dr. Beck apparently has a new girlfriend.  Her name is Melissa (Anna Marie Dobbins) and she appears to be just as obsessed with Dr. Beck as Dr. Beck once was with Sophie.  When Melissa says that she’ll do anything to protect Dr. Beck, she’s not exaggerating.  Soon, Melissa is taking things further than even Dr. Beck could have predicted…

What Worked?

Three words: Dancing Eric Roberts.  At one point, out of nowhere, Dr. Beck starts to sing to Sophie.  He takes her hand and the two of them start to dance by the side of the road.  Of course, it’s another one of Dr. Beck’s fantasies but who cares?  It’s a brilliantly strange and unexpected moment and it’s also a perfect example of what makes the Stalked By My Doctor films so much fun.  Dr. Beck is such a flamboyantly unhinged character that literally anything can happen.

Just as in the previous two films, Eric Roberts appears to be having the time of his life in the role of Dr. Beck.  He’s just so weaselly and desperate to be viewed as normal that it becomes fascinating to watch him try to fool everyone.  Each Stalked By My Doctor film starts with the question of just how far Dr. Beck is going to go this time and, thanks to Roberts, it’s always a lot of fun to discover the answer.  Rather brilliantly, in this installment, Roberts plays up Beck’s befuddlement.  Often times, not even Dr. Beck can believe how crazy he is!

(“Did I do that?” Beck sincerely asks himself at one point.)

Brianna Joy Chomer and Anna Marie Dobbins also did good work in their roles.  Dobbins, especially, seemed to be having a lot of fun outcrazying Dr. Beck.

There’s a twist towards the end of the movie, of course.  You might see the twist coming but it’s still entertaining.  In fact, the whole film is entertaining.  This is a fun and over-the-top Lifetime melodrama, one that knows better than to take itself too seriously.  With each wink at the audience, it invites us to relax and enjoy.

What Didn’t Work?

It all worked!

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Much like Sophie, I used to always wear black.  And, much like Melissa, I’ve learned that pretending to faint is a good way to become the center of attention.

Lessons Learned

You can’t keep a good doctor down!

 

 

What Lisa Watched Last Night #181: Nightclub Secrets (dir by Joe Menendez)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime Movie Network premiere, Nightclub Secrets!

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on the Lifetime Movie Network, of course!

However, I also have to say that I really liked the title.  Usually, whenever the word “secrets” appears in the title of a Lifetime movie, it’s a good sign.  And, let us not forget, this title not only promised us secrets but nightclub secrets as well!  As anyone who has watched 54 can tell you, nightclubs are full of secrets…

What Was It About?

It’s the story of two sisters and their alcoholic mother.  Rachel (Rachel Hendrix) is wild and does mysterious things.  Zoe (Kate Mansi) reads mysteries and teaches a creative writing class, in which she encourages her students to be sadists when it comes to coming up with difficulties for their characters to overcome.

It’s also the story of a murder.  When Zoe is informed that Rachel’s been murdered, she decides to investigate her sister’s secret life.  It leads to the shy and repressed Zoe getting a job as a “bottle girl” at the same nightclub where her sister worked.  How many secrets can you fit in a nightclub?  It’s time for Zoe to find out!

What Worked?

I liked the sibling relationship between Rachel and Zoe.  It rang true and it’s authenticity provided some needed depth to the film’s plot.  Kate Mansi, who played Zoe, has done a quite a few Lifetime films and always does a good job of striking the right balance between emotional honesty and melodramatic fun.  As well, I thought Gigi Rice did a good job playing the alcoholic mother.

Towards the end of the film, there was an enjoyably absurd twist.  I won’t spoil it in this review but it was still fun, even if it did demand quite a suspension of disbelief.

What Did Not Work?

For a movie that was called Nightclub Secrets, the film really didn’t feature enough secrets about the nightclub.  I was hoping for something that would be a little bit more fun and sordid like Confessions of a Go Go Girl or maybe Babysitter’s Black Book.  Instead, this movie was a pretty much a standard Lifetime murder mystery that just happened to feature a nightclub.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I related to both of the sisters.  I can be wild like Rachel.  I can be shy like Zoe.  Zoe and I both love solving a mystery.  That said, I don’t know if I’d ever want to work in a nightclub, if just because I’m not a huge fan of crowds, drunks, or, for that matter, working.  So, if I got a job in a nightclub, I supposed it would have to be one of those struggling nightclubs that no one ever goes to.  Of course, those nightclubs always go out of business after a few weeks so it probably really wouldn’t be worth the trouble to even apply for the job.

On an unrelated note, I used to live near a nightclub where you were required to bring your tax return if you wanted to get inside.  If you didn’t make a certain amount of money, you weren’t allowed to enter.  Needless to say, on any given night, you could find the least likable people in the world standing in line outside of the place.  If any business was ever begging to be the target of a wacky, Ocean’s 11-style heist, it was that place.  Of course, the last time I drove by there, it had been turned into a Gold’s Gym.

Lessons Learned

It’s not easy being a bottle girl.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #180: Mommy Be Mine (dir by Sean Olson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Friday night, I watched the latest Lifetime premiere, Mommy Be Mine!

Why Was I Watching It?

Finally, I’m healthy again!  After spending two freaking weeks getting my ass kicked by allergy season, I finally feel as if I can start writing about and reviewing movies again.  Obviously, after being knocked out for two weeks, I’ve got a lot to get caught up on so I decided what better way to start than to watch the Friday premiere of the latest Lifetime film, Mommy Be Mine?

What Was It About?

It’s Cara’s (Sierra Pond) first day at school and she already has a friend!  In fact, Cara has decided that Summer (Ava Locklear) is her best friend, despite the fact that 1) Cara has only known her for a day and 2) Summer already has a best friend, the wonderfully sarcastic Tori (Megan McGown).

Still, Cara is determined to not only make Summer like her but to also become a surrogate daughter to Cara’s mother, Lianne (Arianne Zucker).  In fact, Cara even starts to call Lianne “mom.”  Everyone agrees that’s kind of creepy but Cara seems like such a nice girl.  I mean, it’s not like she’s actually a psychotic killer who has killed in the past and who is planning on killing again…

Or is she!?

What Worked?

Sierra Pond did a good job as the scheming psycho.  It was obvious that she was having fun playing the role and, as a result, it was fun to watch her perform.  As well, Arianne Zucker was sympathetic as the overprotective mother.  When she finally snapped and told off Cara, it was a great moment.

What Did Not Work?

Usually, I have little trouble suspending my disbelief when it comes to a Lifetime film.  Lifetime films are specifically designed to be melodramatic and just a little bit silly.  That’s what makes them so much fun.  If the characters didn’t always do the stupidest possible thing, the viewer would miss out on the fun of yelling, “Oh my God, you’re so stupid!”

That said, even by the standards of Lifetime, Cara was a bit too obviously insane.  That’s not to say that Seirra Pond didn’t do a good job playing the role.  She appeared to be having a lot of fun with the role.  But, as a character, Cara was so obviously messed up that it was hard to sympathize with anyone who would actually be stupid enough to allow her into their house.  The minute she started calling Lianne “mom” should have been the minute that both Lianne and Summer announced, “Okay, time for you to go away now!”

As good as the rest of the cast was, Ava Locklear sometimes seemed to be lost in the role of Summer.  This was her first leading role and, in some scenes, her inexperience definitely showed.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

As always, I totally related to the sarcastic (if obviously doomed) best friend.  From the minute that she first met Cara, Tori not only knew that she was up to no good but she had no hesitation about sharing that opinion.  Unfortunately, characters in Lifetime films never seem to listen to their sarcastic best friend until it’s too late.  Sarcastic best friends always end up dying a little after the one hour mark and it’s a shame.

Lessons Learned

Seriously, if your oldest friend in the world says your newest friend is a psycho bitch, don’t question the conclusion.  Trust the voice of experience.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #179: Fiance Killer (dir by Fred Olen Ray)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and watched the latest Lifetime movie, Fiance Killer!

Why Was I Watching It?

It was on Lifetime!  By now, y’all should know that I’ll watch anything that’s on Lifetime!

What Was It About?

So, Cameron (Felisha Cooper) is about to be very, very rich.  As soon as she turns 25, she’ll be coming into a huge inheritance!  On top of that, Cameron also has a new boyfriend.  His name is Brent (Adam Huss) and he runs a non-profit!  Or, at least, that’s what he says.  Cameron’s mother (Kari Wuhrer) doesn’t trust him.  In fact, she does a background check on him and comes away convinced that Brent is only interesting in Cameron’s money.  Of course, Cameron doesn’t believe that.  In fact, Cameron is so offended by her mother’s paranoia that she elopes with Brent!

Except, of course, mom is right.  Brent is after Cameron’s money.  Of course, Brent doesn’t really have it in him to commit murder.  However, his girlfriend, Lexi (Jean Louise O’Sullivan), definitely does…

What Worked?

Lexi is one of my favorite characters of all time!  Seriously, she must have undergone ninja training at some point because she could seriously just pop up anywhere.  Someone gets in a car and there’s Lexi in the back seat!  Someone goes down to the kitchen and there’s Lexi hiding behind the refrigerator.  My favorite thing about Lexi was that, for all of the intricate plotting that went into her scheme, she didn’t really seem to care whether it actually worked or not.  Lexi was an agent of pure chaos, less a schemer and more a revolutionary.  Jean Louise O’Sullivan had a lot of fun with the role.

What Did Not Work?

Obviously, with any Lifetime film, you’re going to have to suspend your disbelief to a certain extent but seriously, Cameron was occasionally too naive to be believed.  Maybe if she had been 18, I could have bought that she wouldn’t be able to see through Brent and his schemes.  But, by the time you turn 25, you really should know better.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Obviously, it would have been nice if I could have related to Cameron, who was a very nice person and always tried to do the best for everyone.  But, honestly, I could never do the whole eloping thing.  When I do get married, it’s going to be a huge wedding and I’m going to expect a lot of expensive gifts.  As well, I couldn’t ever marry someone who worked for a “non-profit” because bragging about working for a company that doesn’t make a profit just seems strange to me.

So, that pretty much left with me with little choice but to relate to Lexi.  Unfortunately, Lexi killed people and I’m not really into that either.  However, I do enjoy making a scene so I guess Lexi and I had that in common.

Lessons Learned

I should sign up for ninja training as soon as possible.  Admittedly, I might not be a very good ninja and I’m not really sure if there’s much ninja work available where I live but I’d still love to learn how to just pop up anywhere whenever I wanted to.  That seems like that could be a valuable skill to have.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #178: Evil Doctor (dir by Brian Skiba)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Sunday night, immediately after watching Twin Betrayal, I watched and, working with TSL contributor Case Wright, live tweeted a film called Evil Doctor!

Why Was I Watching It?

The first reason was an obvious one.  It was a Lifetime movie and, as our regular readers know, there’s no way that I would ever miss the chance to watch a Lifetime film.

The other reason was that the film was named Evil Doctor, which made it sound like the origin story of perhaps the greatest MCU villain of all time.  As a general rule, any Lifetime film that has the word “evil” in the title is going to turn out to be good.  Evil is right up there with “Bad,” “Confessions,” and “…at 17” as far as words in Lifetime movie titles are concerned.

What Was It About?

Everyone wants something.

Aubrey Lewis (Jen Lilley) just wants to have her baby in peace.

Aubrey’s husband, Matt (Corin Nemec), wants to be a respected television writer, even if he is stuck writing for a sitcom called Family Phun.

And what does Dr. Natalie Barnes (Dina Meyer) want?  She wants to have a baby and she wants a baby now!  She also wants to deal with all of the unresolved issues that she had with her dead father, who happened to look just like Matt!  What better solution to Natalie’s problems than seduce Matt, steal Aubrey’s baby, and kill anyone who gets in her way?

Seriously, she’s not called an evil doctor for nothing.

What Worked?

Obviously, with a film like this, success is going to depend on how effectively the title character is played.  Fortunately, Dina Meyer really threw herself into the role of the evil doctor, kidnapping babies, seducing starlets, and murdering anyone who looked at her the wrong way.  Dina Meyer has always done a good job when she’s been cast as a Lifetime movie psycho and Evil Doctor was no different.  As well, Corin Nemec and Jen Lilley were likable as the objects of her obsession.

Evil Doctor was one of those Lifetime films that showed no hesitation about going totally and completely over-the-top.  Between the evil doctor plotting and the wayward husband trying not to get caught and the poor wife just trying to have her baby in peace, there was not one ounce of drama that this film did not explore.  It was outlandish, flamboyant, silly, and a hell of a lot fun!

What Did Not Work?

I think that the film missed a huge opportunity by not recruiting Eric Roberts to reprise his character from Stalked By My Doctor in a cameo appearance.  I would have ended the film with Matt and Aubrey going to see their new doctor and discovering Dr. Beck waiting for them in his office.  That would have been a legendary ending!

(For the record, according to the imdb, Eric Roberts currently has 57 films that are either currently filming or in post-production.  That has nothing to do with Evil Doctor but it is a fun piece of trivia.)

Other than the glaring lack of Eric Roberts, everything worked in Evil Doctor.  I mean, let’s be honest.  When you watch a film with a title like Evil Doctor, you know what you’re going to get.  You watch a film like this because you want to embrace the melodrama and you’re looking forward to trying to predict every outlandish twist.  Evil Doctor delivered exactly what it promised.

“Oh my God!  Just Like Me!” Moments

I totally related to Janelle (Kelsey Griswold), who was Aubrey’s sister and who moved in to help around the house while Aubrey was pregnant.  Janelle had this wonderfully sarcastic, no-bullshit approach to life, to which I totally related.  Janelle disliked almost everyone who came by the house and never made any attempt to hide that fact.

Lessons Learned

Always trust your sister’s instincts.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #177: Twin Betrayal (dir by Nadeem Soumah)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Sunday night, I watched the latest Lifetime premiere, Twin Betrayal!

Why Was I Watching It?

The obvious answer is that it was on Lifetime.  However, I also have a weakness for films about evil twins.  Don’t ask me why, I just do.

What Was It About?

Poor Jessica Klint (Jen Lilley)!  Not only is she struggling financially but her estranged husband (Peter Douglas) wants custody of their daughter.  We know her husband is a bad guy because he wears a suit even when he’s at home and his name is Lars.  Never in a Lifetime film has anyone good been named Lars.  (Before anyone mentions Lars and the Real Girl, allow me to point out that 1) that’s not a Lifetime film and 2) even if it was, it would be the exception to the rule.)

However, following a business trip to Dallas, Jessica’s problems get even worse!  After having a one-night stand with a cowboy named Henry (Nick Ballard), Jessica finds herself being blackmailed!  Where can she get the money?  Her wealthy father isn’t going to be much help.  How about from her twin sister, Alessandra (Jen Lilley)?  Sure, Jessica and Alessandra have a strained relationship and haven’t spoken in years but surely one twin will help the other, right?

And surely, no matter what personal issues there may be, one twin would definitely never try to frame the other for murder, right?

Right?

Watch the film to find out!

What Worked?

I enjoyed this one because, as any film about a twin betrayal should be, it was totally melodramatic, over-the-top, and very self-aware.  Whenever I give a film like this a good review, I always seem to get at least one comment from someone complaining that the film was too silly or implausible but I think those people are missing the point.  You don’t watch a film like Twin Betrayal because you want to see a serious exploration of what it’s like to be a twin.  You watch a movie like this because you want to have fun!  Twin Betrayal promised twisty entertainment and it delivered and, in the end, that’s all that really matters.

Jen Lilley obviously had a blast playing the twins, especially the wonderfully decadent Alessandra.  Alessandra had obviously been waiting for years for the chance to make her sister uncomfortable and she did not let the opportunity pass her by.

What Did Not Work?

On the one hand, I was really happy that part of the film took place in Dallas.  I don’t know if they actually filmed in Dallas but, at the very least, they at least included a shot of the Dallas skyline.  (Whenever a movie spends any time in Dallas, you always know that you’re going to get at least one shot of Reunion Tower and one shot of Bank of America Plaza.)  However, in reality, it’s doubtful that Jessica would have met any cowboys in Dallas.  Football aside, cowboys are really more of a Fort Worth thing.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Much like Jessica Klint, I have a weakness for cowboys.  Seriously, who doesn’t?  I’m also close to my sisters but, fortunately, none of us are twins.  If there’s anything that I’ve learned from watching Lifetime films, it’s that you can always depend on your sister unless she’s your twin sister.  Sadly, there’s always one evil twin and it seems like the good twin always ends up getting framed.  Hopefully, Lifetime will continue to explore this theme whenever they get around to making the inevitable Mary-Kate and Ashley biopic.

Actually, I guess if I was a twin, I probably would end up being the evil one.  Seriously, it just seems like it would be too much of a temptation to resist…

Lessons Learned

As I stated above, one twin will always be evil.  The trick is figuring out which one.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #176: Bad Tutor (dir by Jeff Hare)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime film, Bad Tutor!

Why Was I Watching It?

After you watch enough Lifetime films, you come to learn a few things.  For instance, any film that’s called Bad Something is probably going to be worth watching.  Over the years, there have been Bad Students, Bad Teachers, Bad Doctors, Bad Husbands, Bad Assistants, and Bad Realtors.  Really, it was only a matter of time until they got around to a Bad Tutor.

(My hope is that they will follow this up with a film called Bad Tudor, just because I assume all sorts of crazy stuff was going on with the court of Henry VIII.)

What Was It About?

It’s a simple film about three people who have hopes and problems.

For instance, Kelly (Vanessa Marcil) is a widow who is hoping to find a new husband but who also has a rebellious teenage daughter.

Emily (Alex Frnka) is Kelly’s daughter.  She hopes to become a famous singer but first, she has to pass her chemistry midterm.  When the movie starts, she’s currently on the road to getting a D in that class.  Emily says that people are going to be too busy responding to her music to care if she passed chemistry.  Kelly worries that Emily won’t be able to get into a good college with that D following her around.

Devon (Charles Hittinger) is a chemist who claims to be a former teacher.  Devon hopes that he’ll be able to get Emily to fall in love with him, largely because Emily looks just like his dead girlfriend.  Devon’s problem is that he’s batshit insane and the only reason his girlfriend is dead is because he pushed her off of a cliff.

When Kelly meets Devon, she decides that he would be the perfect tutor for Emily.  Little does she suspect that Devon is actually … a bad tutor!

What Worked?

Vanessa Marcil gave a pretty good performance as Kelly.  I liked the fact that, as opposed to the typical perfect Lifetime mother, Kelly not only made mistakes but also owned up to them.

The film’s opening, which started with Devon proposing to his girlfriend and ended with him pushing her off of a cliff, was well-handled.

What Did Not Work?

Here’s the thing: when it comes to Lifetime movies, we all agree, to an extent, to suspend our disbelief.  We accept the fact that characters will sometimes act stupidly and we try not to hold that against them.

But, sometimes, you run into a character who is just so utterly stupid that, try as you may, you just can’t forgive them.  That was the case with Emily in Bad Tutor.  Not only was Emily something of a spoiled brat but she also turned out to be amazingly gullible.  After spending the first half of the movie making fun of the nerdy Devon, Emily changed her tune when Devon claimed to have a friend in the recording industry.  Never did Emily ask for any proof or anything.  Instead, she just ran away from home with Devon.  Looking over her actions, I have to say I’m surprised that she was only failing one class.

Finally, Emily did sing a few times and … well, let’s just hope that she gets into a good college.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I related to Emily, largely because I too was a rebellious teenager who couldn’t sing.

Lessons Learned

I didn’t learn anything because he was a bad tutor.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #175: Devious Nanny (dir by Devon Downs and Kenny Gage)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and I watched Devious Nanny!

Why Was I Watching It?

I’ve got a long history with Lifetime nanny films.  I’ve watched films about Bad Nannys, Betrayed Nannys, Nightmare Nannys, Evil Nannys, Killer Nannys, and Dangerous Nannys.  So, how could I resist something called Devious Nanny?

(Actually, it was apparently also called both The Nanny Betrayal and The Au Pair.  Devious Nanny, though is an improvement on both of those.)

What Was It About?

Elise (Michelle Borth) and Brian (Antonio Cupo) have it all.  Elise works at an art gallery.  Brian works in … well, I think it was advertising but I could be wrong.  All I know is that he worked in an office and he was worried about landing a big account and he wore a suit to work.  Isn’t that what they do in advertising?  Anyway, it’s a good job.  Brian and Elise have a nice house and an adorable son.  All they need to complete the picture is … an au pair!

Enter Amber (Olesya Rulin), who appears to be the perfect nanny.  She loves kids and she’s even okay with cleaning up around the house!  Of course, Amber did lie a little to get her job.  And she didn’t tell her new employers that she grew up in the foster system and that she has a history of mental instability.  Soon, Brian and Amber are exchanging lustful glances and people are turning up dead.

But here’s the thing.  I’ve seen enough killer nanny films that I immediately realized that it was probably significant that the film never actually showed Amber killing anyone.  So, is Amber the murderer or is it someone else?  The film is full of suspects!

What Worked?

It all worked.  This was the type of Lifetime movie that made me fall in love with the unique Lifetime aesthetic in the first place.  Well-acted and full of snarky lines, Devious Nanny also featured a rather clever last-minute plot twist.  The end of the film also features a line of dialogue that is perhaps the coldest sentiment over to be offered up in a Lifetime film.

Needless to say, this was a fun movie to live tweet.  Those of us on twitter last night had a blast trying to figure out who the killer was and who was going to be the next victim.

All in all, it was a very entertaining movie.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked!  At first, I was worried that the film would turn out to be just another Lifetime Nanny film but the script, by Adam Rockoff, was full of unexpected plot twists.  I’m going to guess that Rockoff has seen enough nanny films that he knew exactly what most people would be expecting and he very skillfully manipulated those expectations.

In fact, my only issue is that Lifetime aired this on Friday night and it didn’t really seem like they made much of an effort to publicize it.  Sometimes, I think Lifetime doesn’t truly understand just how many people love watching their movies.  They’ll promote the Hell out of some forgettable (and often regrettable) celebrity biopic but entertaining thrillers, like this one, rarely get the fanfare that they deserve.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I’ve been lucky, in that I’ve never had to work as an au pair.  I’ve also never been suspected of murder.  I guess I’ve just lived a sheltered life.  However, if any of that did happen to me, I would hope, when it was all over, that I could be as snarky about it as Amber.

Lessons Learned

Life’s not easy when you’re a nanny.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #174: Cocaine Godmother (dir by Guillermo Navarro)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the Lifetime gangster epic, Cocaine Godmother!

Why Was I Watching It?

You can find the answer in this review’s opening sentence.  Cocaine Godmother was a gangster epic that was made for Lifetime!  How insane is that!

Add to that, the life of Griselda Blanco has, as of late, become a very popular subject matter.  Ever since everyone went crazy over a documentary called Cocaine Cowboys, there have been Griselda films in development.  Though Cocaine Godmother may have been the first to premiere, HBO has a film coming out starring Jennifer Lopez as Griselda.  There’s also another film in development, one which will star  Catalina Sandino Morena as the Godmother.  Apparently, 2018 is going to be the year of Griselda.

What Was It About?

The film follows Griselda Blanco (played, as an adult, by Catherine Zeta-Jones), from her youth all the way to her assassination in 2012.  Griselda grows up in horrific poverty in Colombia, pimped out by her own mother and committing her first murder when a man refuses to pay her.  Griselda tries to escape through a conventional marriage but, when that doesn’t work out, she marries a series of drug smugglers and soon proves herself to be just as ruthless and violent as any of her male rivals.  When she’s not snorting cocaine, she’s murdering husbands, mistresses, and even children.  It’s tempting to say that Griselda’s only redemption is to be found in the love she feels for her sons and for Carolina (Jenny Pellicer) but, actually, there is no redemption for anyone in this movie.  From beginning to end, everyone’s terrible.

What Worked?

Somehow, the entire film worked.  You don’t necessarily expect to see an effective and violent gangster film on Lifetime but somehow, Cocaine Godmother pulled it off.

Two things held this film together.  One was Catherine Zeta-Jones’s performance as Griselda Blanco.  Whether she was casually snorting cocaine on an airplane, explaining why children have to be killed along with their parents, or gunning down one of her husbands, Zeta-Jones was never less than compelling.

Secondly, there was Guillermo Navarro’s direction, which never allowed the pace to slacken.  For a two hour and thirty minute film, Cocaine Godmother was mercifully free of slow spots.  Considering that he was working under the restraints of television, Navarro did a great job bringing Girselda’s story to life.

What Did Not Work?

I was a little worried when I first heard the narrator.  Narrators are usually a sign of doom in a Lifetime movie and there were a few times when the narration got a bit too obvious.  That said, it was only a minor issue.  For the most part, the entire film worked.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Griselda may have been a terrible person but she had great tastes in movies.  For instance, we both appreciate The Godfather films.  That said, unlike Griselda, I probably wouldn’t name my son after Michael Corleone.  I’d be more likely to name him after Tom Hagan because Tom made all the money but he never had to shoot anyone.

Lessons Learned

Don’t get high on your own supply.