The TSL Horror Grindhouse: The Toolbox Murders (dir by Dennis Donnelly)


In 1979’s The Toolbox Murders, someone is murdering the female tenants of a building in Los Angeles.  The killer, who wears a mask and a leather jacket, uses tools.  One woman is killed by a hammer to the head.  Another is skewered by a power drill.  One is stabbed with a screwdriver.  Another is shot with a nail gun.  The identity of the killer would be a total mystery if not for the fact that we’ve already seen Cameron Mitchell’s name in the cast list.

Indeed, it’s a bit pointless to cast Cameron Mitchell in any sort of whodunit-type of film.  Nine times out of ten, Mitchell being in a movie means that that Mitchell (who, in the early days of his career, originated the role of Death of a Salesman‘s Happy Loman on Broadway) is going to be revealed as the murderer.  In this case, Mitchell plays Vance Kingsley, the owner of the building.  Vance has never recovered from the death of his daughter so he’s punishing women who he considered to be sinful.

The actual toolbox murders are pretty much finished after the first twenty minutes of the film.  The rest of the movie deals with Laurie (Pamelyn Ferdin), a 15 year-old girl who is kidnapped by Vance and his nephew, Kent (Wesley Eure).  Joey (Nicholas Beauvy), who is Laurie’s brother, attempts to find and then rescue his sister and turns out to very much not up to the task.  The film itself ends on a rather sick note, one that is followed by a title card that informs us that the film is based on a true story.  Yeah, sure, it was.

The Toolbox Murders has somehow earned a reputation for being a gory and shocking grindhouse film.  It was among the films that was banned in the UK for several years.  It’s actually not that gory and the use of tools to commit the murders is not quite as clever as the film seems to think it is.  Even the nail gun murder (which is the film’s best known moment) feels rather awkward as the victim (Kelly Nichols) never really makes a run for it despite the fact that Vance has to stop to reload after every nail that he fires.

The scenes with Laurie being held hostage are far more disturbing and weird, largely due to Mitchell’s characteristically over-the-top portrayal of Vance’s psychosis.  When you watch a movie called The Toolbox Murders, you’re probably not expecting a lengthy scene where Laurie — pretending to be Vance’s dead daughter — tells a long story about what it’s like in the afterlife.  In the role of Vance’s nephew, Wesley Eure is even more disturbing than Mitchell.  As opposed to the sinister-looking Mitchell, Eure actually has the look of a nice, young community college student and that makes his actions at the end of the film all the more icky to watch.

The Toolbox Murders doesn’t quite live up to its bloody reputation but it’s still a disturbing film nonetheless.  Did you know that Heaven smells like lollipops?  After this film, you’ll never forget.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.1 and 3.2 “Roller Disco”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, season three begins with a classic episode!

Episode 3.1 and 3.2 “Roller Disco”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on September 22nd, 1979)

It’s the roller disco episode!

From the moment that I first announced that I would be watching and reviewing CHiPs for this feature, people have been telling me about the legendary roller disco episode.  Having finally reached it, I can say that it lived up to the hype.  You’re not likely to see anything more 70s than the third season premiere of CHiPs.

Now, this was a two-hour episode so there were actually quite a few subplot going on, all of which were typical CHiPs storylines.  In no particular order:

  1. A kid named Mark (Bobby Rolofson) is roller skating around the beach and idolizing three criminals.  Can Baker show him that the good guys always win?
  2. The three criminals are Lita (Helena Kallianiotes), Ty (Fred Williamson), and Romo (Jim Brown).  Lita sets up the targets.  Ty and Romo steal their purses and their wallets and then escape on roller skates.  Ty and Romo are tired of breaking the law.  Lita demands that they continue to steal.  Eventually, it falls to Baker and Ponch to arrest them.
  3. Carlin (Larry Linville) and Franco (Larry Storch) continually cause accidents on the highway.
  4. Rock star Jimmy Tyler (Leif Garrett) is so tired that he sleeps through one of those accidents.  Looking to break free from his well-meaning but overbearing manager (Bill Daily), Jimmy decides to manage his own affairs while staying at Jon Baker’s apartment.

There’s a lot going on but the main plotline is Ponch trying to find celebrities to take part in the annual highway patrol fund raiser.  Even with his big smile, Ponch struggles to charm the celebs.  He pulls over Ed McMahon at one point but fails to recognize him until McMahon drives off.  Gatraer tells Ponch that police work comes first but also tells him that he has to find celebrities.  Gatraer’s been giving Ponch a hard time ever since the first season.  Some things never change.

Fortunately, Jimmy feels guilty for overstaying his welcome at Baker’s apartment and he makes it up to Baker and Ponch by asking his celebrity friends to take part in the fund raiser.  It’s time for a roller disco with the stars!

It all leads to this classic scene:

I recognized a few of the stars, though certainly not all of them.  I recognized Victor French because I’ve been reviewing Highway to Heaven.  I’ve also seen enough old sitcoms that I immediately recognized Robert Mandan, who was apparently the best roller skater in Hollywood.  Melissa Sue Anderson, I knew from Happy Birthday To Me.  Cindy Williams, who got two shout-outs, I knew from American Graffiti.  Is it just me or did Nancy Kulp look kind of lost?  Neither Melissa Sue Anderson nor Cindy Williams seemed to want to talk to her.

The roller disco actually goes on for fifteen minutes, which I appreciated.  The show promised a roller disco and it delivered.  It was like stepping into a time machine and traveling to the 70s.  It was a great way to start season three!

Because of the holidays, this is going to be my final CHiPs review of 2024.  My reviews of this show will return on January 6th!