Von Flores | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Friday the 13th features an international adventure!

Episode 3.11 “Year of the Monkey”

(Dir by Rodney Charters, originally aired on January 15th, 1990)

Mushashi (John Fujioka) is a modern-day samurai who owns a cursed tea kettle. When Jack, Micki, and Johnny come by his dojo in search of the kettle, Mushashi says that he will give it to them if they can prove that they are “honorable” by retrieving three cursed monkey statues that are currently in the possession an elderly businessman named Tanaka (Robert Ito).

Tanaka, however, has given the three wise monkey statues (“See No Evil,” “Hear No Evil,” and “Speak No Evil”) to his three children, Michiko (Tia Carrere), Koji (Leonard Chow), and Hitoshi (Von Flores). Tanaka explains that each statue will challenge it’s owner. Those who react in an honorable way will inherit Tanaka’s fortune. Those who are dishonorable will get nothing.

Jack, Micki, and Johnny split up to retrieve the monkeys. Johnny goes to New Yok to get Hear No Evil from Hitoshi. Micki goes to Hong Kong to retrieve See No Evil from Koji. Jack gets to stay in Canada (or Chicago or wherever this show is supposed to be taking place) so that he can retrieve Speak No Evil from Michiko. What they don’t know is that Tanaka is several hundred years old. Every time one of his children fails a monkey test, Tanaka gets a little bit younger.

It’s all about honor and dishonor and the code of the samurai in this week’s episode. To be honest, it’s a bit of a mess. First off, the title refers to the Chinese Zodiac but, other than our three regulars, all of the characters are meant to be Japanese. Secondly, it’s never really clear how the cursed monkeys decide what is honorable and what is dishonorable. Hitoshi uses his monkey to hear the thoughts of those around him and to take advantage of them. That’s definitely dishonorable. But then Koji is declared to be dishonorable even though his monkey did something on its own, without Koji telling it to. Michiko refuses to use her monkey to her own advantage and is judged to be honorable. She is told that it is now her duty to kill her father but instead, she commits suicide because killing her father would be dishonorable. Then, Tanaka is eventually judged to be dishonorable because he stabs Musashi while Mushasi is not holding a weapon but that’s just because Mushashi dropped his sword at the very least minute. It seems like Mushashi should be the dishonarable one for going out of his way to trick Tanaka.

My point is that this was a confusing episode. The monkey were actually kind of cute but their powers made no sense. I’m also not sure why experienced world traveler Jack decided to send Micki to Hong Kong instead of going himself. In the end, this episode was pretty silly, despite the cool monkeys and the samurai-themed finale.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, a pair of tattoo needles cause trouble!

Episode 1.16 “Tattoo”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbuck, originally aired on March 7th, 1988)

Tommy Chen (Leonard Chow) is a first generation Chinese-American who has a gambling problem. He owes several thousand dollars to the local gangsters and his grandfather, Lum Chen (Keye Luke), is no longer willing to help cover his costs.

However, Tommy thinks that he’s found the perfect solution for his problems. He has two cursed tattoo needles. All he has to do is tattoo something on someone’s body. That tattoo will come to life and, as long as the tattooed person dies, Tommy will win whatever game that he’s playing. With a gangster demanding that he pay his debts by the end of the night, Tommy is going from gambling den to gambling den, drawing tattoos and making money. Unfortunately, he owes so much that almost every dollar that he makes is taken away from him as soon as he receives it.

And, of course, he also has Ryan, Micki, and Jack trying to track him down as well.

I had mixed feelings about this episode. On the one hand, the tattoo needles are a totally impractical weapon because Tommy, who is a little bit on the small side, has to find a way to get his victims to lie still and not resist while he tattoos him. His first victim is a half-conscious woman at an Opium den and that’s at least believable. But, by the time Tommy is tattooing a gangster, you have to wonder if there isn’t a more practical way for him to make money.

On the other hand, the sight of the tattoos coming to life and crawling (or slithering) up their victims is definitely a frightening one. One tattoo turns into a giant spider. Another turns into a coral snake. One tattoo turns into a fist that bursts out of someone’s chest. (That made me jump.) The needles may be impractical but if you have a thing about spiders and snakes (as I do), it really won’t matter. They’re too frightening for the viewer to spend too much time worrying about the logic of how they actually work.

Fortunately, Ryan and Jack are able to recover the needles and use them to kill the latest tattoo before it can claim a victim. Unfortunately for Tommy, he’s playing Russian roulette at the time. Even more unfortunately for Micki, she’s standing close enough to get splattered by blood when Tommy’s gun turns out to have a bullet in the chamber. I have to admit that I’ve never gotten the appeal of Russian roulette. I’ve always assumed it must be a guy thing. Myself, I see the gun being traded back and forth and I say, “Yikes!”

Next week, a cursed electric chair falls into the hands of a dentist …. AGCK!