Tag Archives: Valeria Golino

Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993, directed by Jim Abrahams)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Topper Harley (Charlie Sheen) is back but instead of being a knock-off of Tom Cruise, he’s now Sylvester Stallone.

When two separate teams of U.S. soldiers fail to rescue a group of hostages who are being held by Saddam Hussein (Jerry Haleva, who built an entire career out of his resemblance to the Iraqi dictator), it not only embarrasses America but threatens the reelection campaign of President Tug Benson (Lloyd Bridges).  President Benson can get away with throwing up on the Japanese ambassador and knocking over all the other Presidents with a shovel (though Gerald Ford falls on his own) but he can’t survive a hostage crisis.  Colonel Denton Waters (Richard Crenna) and Michelle Huddleston (Brenda Bakke) attempt to recruit Topper Harley from the Buddhist monastery, where he’s been living since the disappearance of Ramada (Valeria Golino).  Topper refuses to help with a third mission but, after Water is captured by Saddam, Topper does decide to lead the fourth mission.  Working with Ryan Stiles and Miguel Ferrer, Topper heads into the jungle to save Colonel Waters, reunite with Ramada, and discover his destiny.

The sequel to Hot Shots! is more of the same, a non-stop cavalcade of jokes, movie references, and deadpan one liners.  There are enough laugh out loud moments to make up for the jokes that don’t work.  I’ll always like the moment when Charlie Sheen sees Martin Sheen on another patrol boat.  (“Loved you in Wall Street!”)  It’s a movie made in the vein of Airplane! but the jokes aren’t as timeless as in that classic.  Everyone remembers Rambo enough to get the main joke and the interrogation scene in Basic Instinct has left enough of an impression that Topper’s “I know what to get your for Christmas,” comment to Michelle still draws a chuckle but do you remember Body of Evidence and the first President Bush vomiting at a state dinner?  Not all of the jokes have aged well but Charlie Sheen does a decent Rambo impersonation and Lloyd Bridges’s dim bulb President is one of the more relatable parts of the movie.  Fortunately, jokes about Saddam Hussein getting flattened by a piano will always be funny.

Hot Shots! (1991, directed by Jim Abrahams)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

There are a lot of reasons why it’s hard to take Top Gun seriously but, for me, the biggest problem is that I’ve seen Hot Shots!  Directed by Jim Abrahams, Hot Shots! does for Top Gun what Airplane! did for disaster movies.

Charlie Sheen plays Topper Harley, the hot shot Navy Pilot who is haunted by the death of his father.  (“I’ve even got my father’s eyes,” Topper says before revealing that he carries them around in a cigarette case.)  Topper has left the Navy and is living in a teepee with the Old One.  Command Block (Kevin Dunn) asks Topper to return to the Navy to take part in Operation Sleepy Weasel.  Topper puts on a leather jacket and hops on a motorcycle.  The Old One tells Topper to pick up some batteries for his walkman.

Cary Elwes plays Kent Gregory, who says that Topper is not safe in the air.  Valeria Golino plays Ramada, the psyciatrist who helps Topper deal with his father issues.  Jon Cryer is Washout, who has wall-eyed vision.  Kristy Swanson is Bo, the only female pilot.  William O’Leary is the pilot who has the perfect life and wife but who everyone calls “Dead Meat.”  And finally Lloyd Bridges is Admiral Tug Benson, who has never successfully landed a plane and who has suffered and recovered from almost every war wound imaginable.  Tug is clueless but he loves America and his admiral’s hat.

Hot Shots! is one of the better parody films to come out in the wake of Airplane!  Charlie Sheen’s limitations as a dramatic actor actually made him a good comedic actor and Cary Elwes does a decent Val Kilmer imitation.  Some of the jokes have definitely aged better than others.  In 1991, Valeria Golino singing on a piano automatically brought to mind Michelle Pfieffer in The Fabolous Baker Boys but does anyone remember that film (or that scene) in 2025?  (The 9 1/2 Weeks scene is even more of a distant memory to most but Valeria Golino is so appealing in those scenes that most viewers — well, most male viewers — won’t mind.  In this case, the parody is far more successful than the original.)  Hot Shots! is at its best when imitating Top Gun‘s kinetic, music video-inspired style.  The mix of quick-cut editing and ludicrous dialogue is hard to resist.  After watching Charlie Sheen dance on his motorcycle and Cary Elwes explain what a chafing dish is for, it’s hard to take Top Gun seriously ever again.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Blind Date (dir by Nico Mastokaris)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1984’s Blind Date, Joseph Bottoms stars as Jonathon Ratcliff, an American who works in Greece.

Jonathon would appear to have it all.  He has a good job in an exotic land.  He has a nice home.  He has a beautiful girlfriend named Claire (Kirstie Alley).  He has co-workers who love him so much that they insist on throwing him a birthday party and giving him his cake while he’s making love to Claire.  Jonathon enjoys jogging and listening to music and spying on his neighbor, which the film treats as a harmless little thing that all men do.  I mean, I guess we should be happy that Jonathon isn’t disguising himself as a taxi driver and murdering the women that he picks up with a scalpel.  No, someone else is doing that.

Jonathon suddenly loses his eyesight.  Fortunately, Dr. Steiger (James Daughton) has a solution.  He’s created a computer program that turns sound into very primitive, grid-like images.  As long as Jonathon is wearing his headphones, he can see … kind of.  At first, it’s all good fun.  Jonathon beats up the extremely flamboyant muggers who have been harassing him at the subway station.  And he continues to spy on his neighbor whenever she’s getting undressed which is not cool considering that Claire has stayed with him through his entire ordeal.

Meanwhile, the scalpel murders are continuing….

Now, to be honest, I assumed that Jonathon was going to form some sort of mental connection with the killer and start seeing the murder through the killer’s eyes.  Instead, Jonathon just hears the killer walking with one of his victims and he ends up investigating on his own, despite not really being able to see well.  Basically, the whole idea of Jonathon being blind doesn’t have much to do with the thriller aspect of the plot.  I could maybe accept that if the film hadn’t spent a huge amount of time explaining in pain-staking detail how exactly Jonathon’s “eyes” work.  The action literally stopped for a huge chunk of the film’s running time so that the film could make its most ludicrous plot point seem even more ludicrous.

Greek director Nico Mastokaris is obviously trying to do an Argento-style giallo with Blind Date and, indeed, Argento himself has a noted habit of including intriguing but ultimately pointless red herrings in his films.  Just as Asia Argento having the Stendhal Syndrome proved to be a bit inconsequential to The Stendhal Syndrome, Joseph Bottoms being blind is inconsequential to Blind Date.  That said, Argento can get away with that sort of thing because, even in his weaker films, he’s clever stylist and he usually maintain a solid narrative pace.  Blind Date, on the other hand, is rather draggy and Joseph Bottoms is not a particularly likeable hero.

On the positive side, James Daughton (he was the head of the evil frat in Animal House) gives a genuinely interesting performance and Kirstie Alley is likable as the neurotic Claire.  For the most part, though, one can see why the sequel promised in the closing credits never came to be.

The Films of 2024: The Beautiful Game (dir by Thea Sharrock)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

When we first see Vinny (Michael Ward), he is watching a group of children play soccer.  (Yes, I know that both this movie and the rest of the world calls it football.  I grew up calling it soccer.)  He looks at the jerseys of the players and provides a running commentary as they play.  “We’ve got David Beckham, we’ve got a big Messi, we’ve got a little Messi, we’ve got a classic Brazilian Messi….”  Finally, Vinny runs out onto the field and kicks the ball himself until the parents of the children tell him to go away.

Watching Vinny is a legendary scout named Mal Bradley (Bill Nighy).  Mal approaches Vinny and convinces to come meet his “dream team,” a collection of homeless men who all play soccer.  Mal explains that the men are going to be representing England at the annual Homeless World Cup tournament in Rome.  Teams made up of homeless from all over the world will be competing.  Mal explains that it’s not all about winning.  It’s about giving the players a chance to prove something to themselves.  Mal reveals that he wants Vinny to join the team.  Vinny announces that he’s not homeless.  He has a job.  He has a family.  Vinny then goes to the car in which he is currently living.

Eventually, Vinny changes his mind and agrees to accompany the team to Rome.  The team is welcoming but Vinny still struggles to open up to them.  Some of it is due to his pride.  Unlike his teammates, Vinny actually did once play professional soccer, though not for long.  Some of it is due to Vinny being in denial about his status as a homeless person.  When a teammate opens up about being a recovering heroin addict, Vinny leaves the room.  When one player reveals that he’s a compulsive gambler and another talks about his own failures as a father, Vinny tries to change the subject.  What Vinny doesn’t know is that he and Mal have a past connection, one that has left Mal wracked with guilt.

There’s a lot going on in The Beautiful Game.  The film focuses on Vinny, Mal, and England’s team but it also finds room for subplots involving the Italian team, the South African team, the American team, and the Japanese team.  Adlar (Robin Nazari), a Kurdish refugee who plays for England, has to decide whether to play against a team led by a player who was on the opposite side of the Syrian Civil War.  Sister Protasia (Susan Wokoma), coach of the South African team, struggles to get a visa for one of her players.  Rosita (Christina Rodlo) of the American team hopes to play well enough to receive a college scholarship.  Mika (Aoi Okuyama), the young coach of the Japanese team, struggles to inspire her older players.  It can sometimes be difficult to keep track of it all but, at the same time, it does capture the idea of the Homeless World Cup being a truly international event, one that gives hope and opportunity to people across the world.  For Rosita and Vinny, the competition is a way to change the direction of their lives.  For the Japanese team, the competition is way to see the world and enjoy themselves.  And for Mal, the competition is a chance to give something back to the game that he loves.

The Beautiful Game is overlong and a bit overstuffed but it still occasionally brought tears to my mismatched eyes.  It’s a film with a big heart but enough of an edge that it avoids the trap of being overly sentimental.  It’s a well-acted film, especially by Michael Ward and Bill Nighy.  In the end, I think my favorite performances came from Aoi Okuyama and the members of the Japanese team.  Early on, they say that all they want to do is score one goal against another team.  When they do, their joy is infectious.  One might even say it’s beautiful.