Horror On The Lens: Mazes and Monsters (dir by Steven Hilliard Stern)


Hi there and welcome to October!  This is our favorite time of the year here at the Shattered Lens because October is our annual horrorthon!  For the past several years (seriously, we’ve been doing this for a while), we have celebrated every October by reviewing and showing some of our favorite horror movies, shows, books, and music.  That’s a tradition that I’m looking forward to helping to continue this year!

Let’s get things started with 1982’s Mazes and Monsters!

Based on a best-seller by Rona Jaffe, Mazes and Monsters tell the story of some college students who enjoy playing a game called Mazes and Monsters.  Now, I realize that Mazes and Monsters may sound a lot like Dungeons and Dragons but they are actually two separate games.  One game takes place in a dungeon.  The other takes place in maze, got it?

When the players decide to play the game in some nearby caves, it causes the newest member of the group (Tom Hanks — yes, Tom Hanks) to snap and become his character.  Convinced that he’s living in a world full of monsters and wizard, Hanks runs away to New York.  How does that go?  During a moment of clarity, Hanks calls his friends and wails, “There’s blood on my knife!”

It’s all fairly silly.  There was a moral panic going on about role playing games when this film was made and this film definitely leans into the panic.  But, in its own over-the-top way, it works.  If you’ve ever wanted to see Tom Hanks battle a big green lizard, this is the film for you.  And I defy anyone not to tear up a little during the final scene!

From 1982, here is Mazes and Monsters!  Happy Horrorthon!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 2.24 “The Shaman’s Apprentice”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Micki is faced with a moral dilemma.

Episode 2.24 “The Shaman’s Apprentice”

(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired on May 29th, 1989)

Micki’s friend, Blair (Isabelle Mejias) is in the hospital.  She’s been having serious chest pains and, as Micki puts it, she’s too young to be suffering from them.  Blair finds out that she has a sarcoma and the doctors are not giving her much chance to live.  Dr. Lamar (James B. Douglas), the arrogant head of surgery at the local hospital, doesn’t seem to really care whether Blair lives or dies.  All he cares about is taking care of the wealthy patients who might be moved to donate some of their money to the hospital.

However, Blair has found a reason for hope.  There is a Native American doctor named John Whitecloud (Paul Sanchez).  He has his own clinic, one that is funded by a rich man who Dr. Lamar said couldn’t be saved.  Dr. Lamar hates Whitecloud, largely because Lamar is a racist who views Whitecloud’s “shamanistic” techniques with scorn.  However, Whitecloud appears to be capable of saving anyone.  Of course, the doctors and the nurses who have failed to treat Whitecloud with respect have a habit of mysteriously dying, usually right before Whitecloud manages to save a terminal patient.

Whitecloud does indeed have an objects that Jack and Ryan are interested in retrieving.  It’s not a cursed antique.  Instead, it’s a rattle that Whitecloud stole from his grandfather, Spotted Owl (Gordon Tootoosis).  Whitecloud is using the rattle to cure his patients but, for every cure, he also has to use it to kill someone else.  Whitecloud even uses it to kill Spotted Owl, though Whitecloud seems to feel bad about doing it.  When Jack realizes that Whitecloud’s next target is going to be Dr. Lamar, he and Ryan are determined to stop him….

….except, as Micki points out, stopping Whitecloud will mean that her friend Blair will die.  Why, Micki wonders, should Lamar get to live while Blair dies?  Micki argues that they should at least let Whitecloud cure Blair but Jack gently explains that it doesn’t work that way.  Jack says that their job is not to play God.

Long story short: The spirit of Spotted Owl shows up to drag Whitecloud into the afterlife.  Jack gives the rattle back to the tribe, despite Ryan feeling that it should be in the vault.  (“It’s not ours to take,” Jack explains in that reasonable and reassuring way of his.)  Micki is angry and depressed that Blair is probably going to die.  Blair stands on a street corner and stares at Whitecloud’s now empty clinic.  Roll the end credits!

Wow, that was depressing!  But it was really the only way the episode could end and I respect the fact that the show had the courage and the integrity to stay true to itself and end on such a down note.  Not many shows would have had the courage to resist coming up with some sudden, miracle solution.  This episode had some really cheap looking special effects and some not-so-great acting from some of the guest stars but Chris Wiggins, Robey, and John D. LeMay were as strong as always.  This episode was especially an effective showcase for Chris Wiggins, who played Jack with just the right amount of weary gravitas.  This was a depressing episode but it was a good one.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.22 “Put Your Best Face Forward”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season two of this show finally comes to an end.

Episode 2.22 “Put Your Best Face Forward”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on March 22nd, 1987)

The second season of Check It Out! ends by revealing a little bit more about the origin story of Howard Bannister.

Howard’s stint at hotel management school has been mentioned several times throughout the series.  In this episode, he is upset because his reunion is coming up and he’s the only members of his graduating class to have not made a success of himself.  One of his classmates owns several motels.  Another manages a popular bed and breakfast.  Lester Pinkus (Alan Jordan) has had the most success of all.  He is the manager of a 5-star luxury hotel.  Meanwhile, Howard is just the manager of a small grocery store in Canada.

Howard explains to Edna that he was always at the top of his class but somehow, he flunked the final exam.  Lester, who was previously always at the bottom of the class, got the highest score on his final and received a great job right out of school.  With the reunion coming up, Howard is feeling inadequate.  When he sees that Lester still looks young and happy, Howard decides to take Lester’s advice and get a facelift.

Or, at least, that’s Howard’s plan until he actually meets the doctor (Jack Northmore) and learns what a facelift entails.  The doctor explains he’ll be peeling back Howard’s entire face and then breaking his nose. Agck!  Howard faints and goes to his reunion with a black eye.

(For the record, there was a time when I was determined to get a nose job but then I considered that I had inherited my nose from my mom and it would be disrespectful to do anything to it.  Big Nose Crew forever!)

At the reunion, Lester accepts an award for all of his success.  He then announces that he doesn’t feel like he can accept the award because he cheated on the final.  He stole Howard’s exam paper, put his name on it, and turned it in as his own.  As such, Howard was actually the one who got the best score on the exam while Lester was the one who should have flunked.  Lester says that he’s happy now because he’s rich, successful, and has a newly cleared conscience.

I have to admit that made me laugh.  Howard’s life sucks and it’s all because of Lester.  Lester’s girlfriend throws champagne in his face and then leaves him.  Howard thanks Lester’s girlfriend so Edna throws champagne in Howard’s face and season two comes to an end.

What a strange show.  Edna learns why Howard is so miserable and instead of offering him any sympathy over the fact that he’s doomed to spend the rest of his life as a grocery store manager, she throws champagne at him and accuses him of cheating.  Howard can’t win but that’s okay because Howard really isn’t that likable of a character.

Season two was …. well, yes, it was inconsistent and frequently downright bad.  But the show occasionally showed some sparks of life, usually when the focus was on the supporting cast.  Jeff Pustil, Kathleen Laskey, Aaron Schwartz, and especially Gordon Clapp were able to generate some laughs, even from the weakest of material.  The season season suffered because Howard’s personality seemed to change from episode-to-episode.  It’s hard to root for a guy who doesn’t behave in a consistent manner.

Will the third and final season be an improvement?  We’ll start finding out next week!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out 1.5 “Everyone’s A Winner”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Bingo turns dangerous!

Episode 1.5 “Everyone’s A Winner”

(Dir by Gary Plaxton, originally aired on October 30th, 1985)

Jack Christian, the assistant manager of Cobb’s, has been assigned to oversee the store’s bingo promotion!  He has handed out over 3,000 bingo cards to all of Cobb’s customers.  Each day, a new number is drawn.  The first person to get a bingo will win a free trip to …. GREECE!

Really, Greece?  That seems kind of random, especially for a grocery store contest.  It seems like it would be easier to just give the winner a discount or even a basket of free groceries.  But no, the contest is for a free trip to Greece and everyone in Toronto is excited about it.  However, when Murray the Stockboy takes a look at the bingo cards, he notices what everyone else has missed.  All of the cards are identical.  Apparently, in order to save some money, Christian gave the printing job not to the usual company that Cobb’s uses but instead to his cousin Lenny.  And now, once the number 35 is called, 3,000 people will be demanding a free trip to Greece.

Well, that could be a problem.

Another problem is that, when two blind men shop in the store at the same time, the leashes of their service animals get tangled.  Security guard Alf untangles the leashes but he gives the wrong dog to each man.  The men don’t notice because they’re blind.  That said, one of the dogs is considerably larger than the other and that really does seem like something that one should be able to sense, even without eyesight.  The dogs lead each man to the wrong home.  One man is injured when he falls in a pool.  The other man has sex with first man’s wife three times.  Now, both men want to sue Cobb’s!  Howard’s genius solution is to give both men a shopping cart and telling them to fill it up for free.  However, the two men’s dogs end up running through the store, knocking over the bingo machine, and causing the bingo balls to scatter all over the place.

Yay!  For some reason, that means the bingo promotion is canceled and everyone totally accepts it because Canadians are nice people.  Seriously, if they tried that in the States, the store would have burned to the ground….

Actually, one of the more interesting things about Check It Out! is that the show never specifically says that it’s taking place in Canada, even though it obviously is.  Almost every member of the cast has a Canadian accent.  All of the measurements make use of the metric system.  And yet the show itself will often toss in random references to places and people in the U.S.  For instance, Edna has a sister who lives in Florida.  In this episode, Howard makes a reference to Ronald Reagan’s economic policies.  One gets the feeling that the show’s producers hoped to fool Americans watching in syndication into thinking that this very Canadian show was actually taking place in the U.S.  It reminds me a bit of how Italian actors and directors would often be credited with stereotypically “American” name in order to hide the fact that a film was an Italian production.

As for this week’s episode, Jeff Pustil’s portrayal of Christian’s growing desperation was amusing.  Most of the episode’s jokes, however, fell flat.  I’ve noticed that this show repeatedly uses the same joke structure.  Someone will say something outrageous and then Howard will repeat it in a slightly shrill tone.  It gets old after the 10tth times it happens.  Admittedly, hhere was some potential to the story.  (Check out The Office’s “Golden Ticket” episode for an example of this type of story done effectively.)  But having everything resolved via a random case of Dues Ex Machina just felt like laziness on the part of the writers.

I guess the lesson here is that you’ll have to pay your own way to Greece.