No Holds Barred (1989, directed by Thomas J. Wright)

Posted on January 10, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

In No Holds Barred, Hulk Hogan plays a professional wrestler who is best-known for his mustache, his thinning blonde hair, and for ripping his shirt in half when he climbs in the ring. Hulk Hogan is playing himself except that everyone in the movie calls him Rip Thomas. Why is Hogan renamed Rip Thomas? It seems strange because No Holds Barred features “Mean Gene” Okerlund and Jesse “The Body” Ventura as themselves and there’s nothing about Rip that’s any different from Hulk Hogan’s own wrestling persona.

Rip is the World Wrestling Federation Champion and is loved by fans across the globe. Rip may be fierce in the ring but outside of the ring, he loves children and is devoted to looking after his younger brother, Randy (Mark Pellegrino). Tom Brell (Kurt Fuller), the evil owner of World Television Network, wants to harness the star power of Rip but, when Rip refuses to sign with WTN, Brell goes his own way and hires ex-convict Zeus (Tiny Lister) to star in The Battle Of The Tough Guys.

Rip still wants nothing to do with Brell, not even when Brell sends Samantha Moore (Joan Severance) to seduce him. In fact, Rip is such a beacon of goodness that he brings Samantha over to his side. But when Zeus puts Randy in the hospital, Rip has no choice but to seek revenge in the ring.

No Holds Barred is a movie with an identity crisis. It’s a pro wrestling movie that was made to capitalize on Hulkamania and a lot of the humor was meant to appeal to the kids who were a huge part of Hogan’s fanbase but it’s also a movie in which people die, Samantha is nearly raped, and Randy is crippled by Zeus. The movie lacks the sense of fun that has made professional wrestling a worldwide phenomena. The most surprising thing about No Holds Barred is that Hulk Hogan has very little screen presence. I don’t think anyone would expect him to be a great actor but he also shows little of the charisma that made him a phenomena back in the day. Especially when compared to the ferocious Tiny Lister, Hogan is just boring. Maybe that’s the difference between Rip Thomas and Hulk Hogan.

David Paymer has a small role in No Holds Barred, playing a nervous television executive. Out of the cast, Paymer was the only one who later went on to be nominated for an Oscar and Jesse Ventura was the only one to later be elected governor of a state, at least so far. Hulk Hogan’s only 71. He’s still got time.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Unspeakable (dir by Thomas J. Wright)

Posted on October 22, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, here’s a few good things about the 2002 film, Unspeakable.

First off, Jeff Fahey plays the governor of New Mexico. Any film that presents us with a world where Jeff Fahey can be elected governor of an actual state has to be worth something. Seriously, I’ve long thought that the country would be more interesting if actors were elected to run each state. Here in Texas, for instance, there was a movement to draft Tommy Lee Jones a few years ago. (Personally, I’d rather live under Governor McConaughey.) Steven Seagal (agck!) apparently wanted to run for governor of Arizona and, of course, Cynthia Nixon actually ran up in New York. There’s always a chance of Alec Baldwin running for something and, of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger actually did govern California for two terms. Val Kilmer, I should add, came close to running for governor of New Mexico, where this film is set! Personally, I’d vote for Jeff Fahey over Val Kilmer, It’s the eyes.

Another good thing about Unspeakable is that it features Dennis Hopper playing a crazed prison warden who rambles about how much he enjoys sending people to the electric chair. “I am God!” Hopper says at one point and you have to enjoy any scene that features Dennis Hopper saying, “I am God!” in a southwestern accent.

Another fun thing about Unspeakable is that it features Dina Meyer and Lance Henriksen as scientists! Meyer invents this weird little headband thing that allows her to look into your mind and see your thoughts. Let me repeat this for those of you who might have missed the significance: DINA MEYER HAS INVENTED A MACHINE THAT ALLOW HER TO SEE EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING IN SOMEONE’S MIND! If that wasn’t amazing enough, there’s also the fact that no one seems to be that impressed. In fact, no one really cares. Everyone just kind of shrugs it off.

Meyer and Henriksen ask for permission to test their invention out on death row inmates. Sure, why not? It’s not like Warden Hopper cares what happens to the inmates, right? Meyer discovers that one of the inmates is innocent! Unfortunately, no one cares. Gov. Fahey, who is also Meyer’s former lover, refuses to commute the sentence because he’s got an election coming up and voters love the death penalty. And so, that innocent man goes off to the electric chair.

But wait! There’s a new prisoner on death row. His name is Jesse Mowatt and he’s played by Pavan Grover, the doctor who wrote this film. It turns out that he is America’s most prolific serial killer! He’s murdered hundreds of people, all because of some weird issue he has with religion. Anyway, it’s pretty obvious that this killer has a date with the electric chair but first, Meyer gets to use her amazing-invention-that-nobody-cares-about on him. What she discovers is that this serial killer might be a demon-possessed monster who can use his mind to drive other people to do things like rip their faces off. Or maybe he’s just really clever. He does definitely have super strength and beats up any guard that comes near him. It never occurs to the guards to use handcuffs on him or anything. That’s just the type of prison that it is.

Anyway, I appreciated the film’s anti-death penalty theme but the film still got a bit too heavy-handed for my tastes. Pavan Grover wrote himself a pretty good part but he doesn’t really have the screen presence necessary to do the whole irresistible sociopath thing. Still, I appreciate any movie that features Jeff Fahey as a governor.

FAHEY 2024!

Horror on TV: Night Visions 1.10 “Hate Puppet/Darkness”

Posted on October 10, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s televised horror, we have the tenth episode of Night Visions!

Night Visions was an anthology show that aired in 2001. Each episode featured two different stories and was hosted by Henry Rollins.

Our first story was directed by Thomas J. Wright and is called Hate Puppet. It’s about a man who can’t figure out why everyone hates him. In some ways, this story almost seems prophetic. In 2001, I imagine it was shocking to think of someone suddenly being hated by complete strangers. Today, we just look at that type of behavior and say, “Well, that’s 2017 for you…”

Our second story, Darkness, was directed by Ian Toynton and tells the story of a man who inherits a house but soon learns that maybe it would have been better if he hadn’t.

Like many anthology series, Night Visions was always an uneven show but I think these episode are always fun to watch in October.

Enjoy!

A Movie A Day #66: Deadly Game (1991, directed by Thomas J. Wright)

Posted on March 7, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Seven strangers are invited to a remote island by a mysterious billionaire named Osiris. There is a doctor, a dancer, an auto mechanic, a mercenary, a football player and his agent, and a member of the Yakuza. The auto mechanic points out that, in Egyptian mythology, Osiris judged mankind’s sins. For some reason, none of the seven think twice about going to the island but, once they arrive, they soon discover that they should have. Osiris is willing to give them seven million dollars but to get it, they have to reach the other end of the island without being killed by Osiris or his men.

Of the many movie adaptations of The Most Dangerous Game, this is probably the worst. The cast, which includes Michael Beck, Marc Singer, Jenny Seagrove, Mitch Ryan, John Pleshette, Soon-Tek Oh, and Roddy McDowall, isn’t bad but the script is terrible, full of overwrought dialogue and plot holes. Across the island, Osiris has left clues that are designed to trigger flashbacks and lead to each member of the seven explaining what it is that they did in the past. But for that to work, Osiris would have to know exactly what route the seven of them were going to use to cross the island and he would also have to know who would still be alive by the time that they came across each clue. Also, whenever they come across the clue, everyone stands around and wastes valuable time arguing about it. Considering that there are armed men trying to kill them, no one seems to be in that much of a hurry to make it to the other side of the island. The flashbacks themselves are interesting in how clumsily they are put together. 40ish Marc Singer plays himself as a senior in high school.

Like Hitler’s Daughter, Deadly Game was originally made for the USA network. The first time I saw it was in the UK where, for some reason, it seemed to air frequently during the mid-1990s. (Possibly this was because it starred quintessential Hollywood Brit Roddy McDowall. That’s the only reason I can think of.) It’s now on YouTube, for anyone who wants to sit through it.