Last night, I gathered with about 17 friends over at SyFyDesigns and we watched an obscure little fantasy film from 1983, Prisoners of the Lost Universe.

Why Were We Watching It?

We were watching it because we are the late night movie crew and that’s what we do.  We watch movies and we watch them late at night and, since we are all intelligent and snarky people, we have a natural tendency to pick movies with titles like Prisoners of the Lost Universe.

(Add to that, since Prisoners of the Lost Universe is in the public domain, it has been included about a dozen different Mill Creek Box sets and it’s also on YouTube.  So, it was an easy film for everyone to watch.)

What Was It About?

News reporter Carrie (Kay Lenz) is interviewing Dr. Hartmann (Kenneth Hendel) when a sudden earthquake hits California.  Dr. Hartmann stumbles into an interdemensional transporter and disappears!  Then Dan (Richard Hatch) stops by Hartmann’s house and he stumbles into the transporter and disappears as well!  And then, after that, Carrie stumbles into the transporter and she vanishes!  Why is everyone in this movie so clumsy?

Anyway, Carrie is transported to the Lost Universe, which looks a lot like South Dakota.  (Actually, the movie was made in South Africa so apparently, South Africa also looks a lot like South Dakota.)  Carrie wanders around for a little while and spends a while talking to herself about how much she hates being in the Lost Universe.  Part of Carrie’s problem was that she was wearing high heels.  If you’re going to visit South Dakota, South Africa, or the Lost Universe, be sure to wear sensible shoes.

Eventually, Carrie is reunited with Dan and they meet a lot of other citizens of the Lost Universe.  They meet a green man.  They meet a gigantic cave man.  They meet a bearded thief.  They also meet a tribe of angry people who all have glowing red eyes.  When they’re climbing up a mountain, Dan offers a helping hand.  “Take your hand off my butt!” Carrie snaps back.  They’re not exactly Hepburn and Tracy.

Finally, Carrie is kidnapped by an evil warlord who happens to be played by John Saxon.  The warlord has a dueling pistol with him that he uses to enforce his will on everyone else in the Lost Universe.  He explains that it was built for him by a sorceror from another universe.  Any guess who that is going to turn out to be?

Anyway, it’s up to Dan to rescue Carrie and hopefully end the tyranny of John Saxon.

What Worked?

Prisoners of the Lost Universe is one of those otherwise forgettable films that suddenly becomes the most entertaining thing in the world if you’re watching it with the right people.  Last night, I watched it with the right people and our natural wit and snarkiness elevated the entire film.

Beyond the snarkiness, John Saxon made for a good and fun villain.  And I liked the Green Man.  He had an above-it-all attitude that was very entertaining.

What Did Not Work?

To be honest, it’s really a very bad movie.  If I hadn’t been watching this movie with 17 other snarky and talkative people, I imagine I would have been bored out of my mind.  If Prisoners of the Lost Universe had been produced by Crown International Pictures, it probably would have been a lot more fun.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I have a feeling that if I accidentally got transported to the Lost Universe, I’d probably be wearing high heels as well.  And I’d probably complain a lot.  Who wouldn’t?

Lessons Learned

Why go to the Lost Universe when you can just go to South Dakota?