Retro Television Review: Dance ‘Til Dawn (dir by Paul Schneider)

Posted on November 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1988’s Dance ‘Til Dawn! It can be viewed on YouTube.

It’s prom time and the seniors at Herbert Hoover High School are excited! Patrice Johnson (Christina Applegate) is especially excited because not only did she organize the prom but she’s also the leading contender to be elected prom queen. She’s looking forward to having a wonderful night with her boyfriend, Roger (Matthew Perry).

Patrice is especially excited because her only real competition for prom queen, Shelley (Alyssa Milano), has broken up with her jock boyfriend, Kevin (Brian Bloom). Shelley has declared that she will instead be attending a very mature and very fun college fraternity party. Meanwhile, Kevin will be attending prom but he will be coming with Angela (Tracey Gold), who has a reputation for being a bit nerdy. Kevin only asked Angela to prom because he was under the false impression that she’s easy but he soon finds himself falling for her for real.

Meanwhile, Shelley doesn’t really have a party to attend. Instead, she decides to spend prom night avoiding her friends and watching an old movie at the town’s movie theater. Shelley is convinced that no one from school will be at the theater. Instead, she runs into nerdy Dan (Chris Young), who also came to the theater because he didn’t have a prom date. Dan and Shelley end up having a fun time hanging out together.

While this is going on, all of the parents are having dramas of their own. Patrice’s embarrassing parents (Cliff de Young and Mary Frann) relive their own youth. Dan’s father (Alan Thicke) is convinced that Dan is not only the most popular kid at school but that Dan is also having a wonderful prom. And Angela’s parents (Edie McClurg and Kelsey Grammer) are so paranoid about the idea of Kevin trying to sleep with their daughter that they actually sneak into the prom to try to keep them from getting too close. Of course, they are mistaken for waiters and are immediately put to work.

I watched this two weeks ago, when I was still struggling to process the shock of Matthew Perry’s passing. Unfortunately, Matthew Perry is not in much of the film and it’s not really until the end of the film that he really gets a chance to show any of the sardonic wit for which he was best known. That said, Christina Applegate appears to be having fun as the snooty mean girl and she and Perry do make for a cute couple. Actually, all of the couples in the film are cute, with Alyssa Milano and Chris Young especially making for an adorable couple. This is a pleasant and, for many, nostalgic diversion, as long as you’re willing to accept that there is absolutely nothing go on beneath the film’s slick and occasionally colorful surface. The humor is broad, the messages are obvious, and, as always, it’s amusing to watch Kelsey Grammer running around in a panic.

Dance Til Dawn doesn’t really bring anything new to the high school genre but it’s still worthy of the name of Herbert Hoover.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.5 “My Zombie Lover”

Posted on November 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Youtube.

For this week’s episode, the dead rise and …. hey, wait a minute. Horrorthon’s over! And yet, here I am reviewing another show about zombies. Oh well, let’s get to it!

Episode 1.5 “My Zombie Lover”

(Dir by David Misch, originally aired on November 19th, 1988)

It’s the night of the dead!

In a small town, the dead rise once a year and feast on the flesh of the living. No one is sure why this happens. As one person explains it, some people think that it’s a gypsy curse and some people think that it’s due to radiation and others think that it’s just the result of poor embalming techniques. But every year, for one night, families in the town head out with their guns and they spend a few hours killing zombies.

Dottie (Tempestt Bledsoe) is home, visiting from college. She doesn’t want to go out and hunt zombies. Nor does she want to go see her old high school acquaintances. She just wants to stay on the couch while Dad (Ed Wheeler), Mom (Marcella Lowery, the terrible principal from City Guys), and her younger brother, Brad (Eugene Byrd), head outside. Dad can’t wait to kill some zombies. Brad, meanwhile, thinks that the zombies should be left alone and is carrying a protest sign.

After her family boards up the house and then leaves, Dottie is surprised to hear a knock at the door. She answers the door and finds Paul Nichols (Steve Harper) standing outside with some flowers. Paul was in Dottie’s French class but he died before he could graduate from high school. Now, he’s back in zombie form and he just wants Dottie to know that he always had a crush on her. Soon, Paul and Dottie are talking about old times. Unfortunately, Paul cannot resist the temptation to bite Dottie’s hand but Dottie forgives him.

Suddenly, Dad, Mom, and Brad return. Dad takes one look at Paul and aims his rifle. Shouting that she loves Paul, Dottie jumps in front of her zombie boyfriend and is killed by the bullet that was meant for him. However, since this is the night of the dead, Dottie immediately returns in zombie form. She and Paul are both hungry and they ask if there’s any meat in the house. Dad and Mom think for a moment and then they both look down at Brad and share a smile.

In other words, Brad was the only person in town who cared about the zombies and now, he’s going to be eaten.

I appreciated this episode’s rather macabre sense of humor and I especially liked the way Dad ran through all the possible reasons for the zombies returning. (They are all reasons that have been suggested in various Romero zombie films.) Unfortunately, a few too many of the jokes fell flat for this episode to really be considered a total success. Tempestt Bledsoe, in particular, seemed to be confused by the episode’s grotesque humor, giving a performance that never quite found the right balance between sincerity and humor. That said, I did like Steve Harper’s performance as the saddest zombie in the world. He only gets to eat once a year but, rather than do that, he just wants to let Dottie know that he liked her. Awwwwww!

Despite some tonal inconsistences, this was an entertaining episode, one that I appreciated as a fan of zombie films.

Lifetime Christmas Movie Review: Jingle Belle (dir by Peter Sullivan)

Posted on December 25, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As our longtime readers know, I’ve never been one for false modesty. I know that there are things that I do well and I don’t see any reason not to brag about my natural talents. On occasion, I’ve been told that it can be a little off-putting but so what? As long as its justified, what’s wrong with a little arrogance?

That said, part of knowing what I can do means being honest about what I can’t do. And if there’s any job that I would absolutely suck at, it would be writing advertising jingles. I mean, there’s a reason why none of my poems ever rhyme. Coming up with pithy one-liners that will make you want to “buy! buy! buy!,” just isn’t my specialty. Fortunately, jingles themselves are no longer as important as they were back in the Mad Men era. In fact, off the top of my head, I can only think of one current jingle and that’s the “Liberty Liberty Liberty Lib-er-ty!” song.

(And everyone hates that!)

Fortunately, Belle Williams (Tatyana Ali), the main protagonist of Jingle Belle, doesn’t have that problem. Long ago, she abandoned New York for Ohio and she’s established herself as one of the best jingle writers around. Unfortunately, it appears that she might be losing that magic touch. As this film begins, she’s suffering from a terrible case of writer’s block. In fact, when the mayor of her hometown calls and asks her to return home and help write the annual Christmas pageant, her initial reaction is to say no. However, her boss (Loretta Devine) insists that Belle take the assignment. Perhaps a trip back home is just what Belle needs to break through her writer’s block.

Belle returns home, planning on helping the town out. What she doesn’t know is that the Christmas pageant is being directed by her ex-boyfriend and former performing partner, Michael Hill (Cornelius Smith, Jr). Can Belle and Michael set aside their differences and their complicated personal history long enough to put on a successful Christmas pageant? And how will Michael the purist react when Belle’s boss tries to turn one of their songs into an advertising jingle?

Of course, you already know the answer to all those questions. Jingle Belle is predictable even by the standards of a Lifetime Christmas movie. As I’ve said quite a bit this month, how much you enjoy this film will depend on how much tolerance you have for Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas films in general. (That’s kind of become my mantra this month.) Anyway, there’s no surprises to be found in this one but Cornelius Smith, Jr. is appropriately charismatic as Michael and the great Loretta Devine mines a lot of humor out of the role of the demanding boss.

The film’s final message is that small towns are better than big cities and you can write jingles anywhere. It’s a nice little message but, then again, it does seem like, if you work in advertising, it would be a good idea to live near the hub of the advertising industry. That said, I’ve never written a jingle in my life so I could be wrong. All I know is that, wherever Belle lives, she’ll come up with something better than the Liberty Mutual jingle and really, that’s the most important thing of all.