Our regularly scheduled review of Friday the 13th: The Series will not be posted tonight so that we might bring you this special presentation….
My retro television reviews will return next week. For tonight, check out 1984’s Contact For Life, an earnest and actually pretty well-acted short film about teenagers and drunk and driving. Yes, that is William Zabka in the thumbnail below. I imagine that Zabka is the main reason most people would watch this film today. He plays a slightly nicer version of Johnny Lawrence in this film. Be careful about getting too attached to him.
The film also features a hockey practice where everyone apparently practices getting hurt by deliberately falling on the ice and then slamming against a wall. Ouch! That game will never make sense to me. (Sorry, Leonard.)
TSL’s review of Highway to Heaven will not be posted tonight so that we may bring you this special presentation….
My retro television reviews will return next week but until then, enjoy this blast from the past. 1973’s Rookie of the Year stars 11 year-old Jodie Foster as Sharon Lee, who causes some controversy when she joins her brother’s little league team. I picked out this program specifically for my sister, Erin, who loves baseball the way that I love movies!
It’s strange to think, while watching this, that Jodie Foster was just three years away from creating even more controversy with her Oscar-nominated role in Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver.
Monsters will not be reviewed tonight so that we may bring you this very special presentation of 1983’s Have You Ever Been Ashamed Of Your Parents?
Yes, my retro television reviews will return next week but, until then, enjoy this blast from the past. In this hour-long presentation, Fran Davies (Kari Michaelson) is upset when her mother (Marion Ross) takes a summer job working as a maid for a rich family. At first, Fran thinks that Andrea (Jennifer Jason Leigh), the daughter of her mother’s employer, is a stuck-up snob but she soon learns that Andrea is instead painfully shy and that she has parents who are rich but unloving. Meanwhile, Fran’s parents are …. well, I wouldn’t call them poor. The film acts as if they’re poor but, from all indications, they appear to be comfortably middle class. The point is that they’re not rich but they are loving.
This is worth watching for Jennifer Jason Leigh’s performance as Andrea, a character to whom I could relate. It’s not easy being both shy and beautiful. Fans of great character actors will also be happy to see James Karen, playing Andrea’s father.
Now, without further ado, here is Have You Ever Been Ashamed Of Your Parents?
Episode 13 of SHANE opens with a beautiful woman walking into Grafton’s General Store while Joey (Christopher Shea) is there looking at the candy jars. Since Joey doesn’t have a penny, she offers him one, which he immediately converts to 8 pieces of peppermint. She asks Joey his name, and when he replies “Joey Starett,” she asks back, “Is your grandpa, Tom Starett?” When Joey answers in the affirmative, this classy lady takes on the look of someone who has found what she’s been looking for. She takes a room at Grafton’s and tells Sam that someone will be joining her soon and that she’ll need a second room for when he arrives.
Back at the ranch that evening, Joey is telling Shane (David Carradine) and his grandpa Tom (Tom Tully) about the woman at Grafton’s. Tom immediately gets a troubled look about him when Joey tells him that her name is Lydia Montgomery (Joanne Linville). Coincidentally, Shane knows Lydia Montgomery because he had worked for her husband Dave awhile back in Springfield, IL, which is where Tom had lived before moving out west to Wyoming to be with his son Joe & daughter-in-law Marian (Jill Ireland). Shane asks Tom how he knew Dave Montgomery, and Tom surprisingly reveals, “I had him hanged.” It turns out that Tom had been a judge in his prior life. Convinced of her husband’s innocence and blaming “Judge Tom Starett” for his death, Lydia and her hired gun Lee (Bill Fletcher) have come to Cross Roads to kill him on the 5th anniversary of the hanging. Even Shane may not be enough to stop them.
After mostly playing the kind old grandpa up to this point in the series, Tom Tully takes center stage in episode 13. It’s actually quite surprising because it reveals things about Tom’s past that had not even been hinted at in prior episodes. Not only do we learn that Tom was a judge, but we also learn that he was a terrible drunk who escaped out west to be with his son and daughter-in-law and get away from the guilt associated with decisions he made from the bench. His entire countenance changes from the man we’ve come to know the moment he hears the name Lydia Montgomery, and we watch him go through several stages that are quite predictable for a man living with guilt. First, we see him get extremely defensive and start lashing out at his family as he tries to explain why he sentenced Dave Montgomery to be hanged. This is clearly a man who doesn’t feel good about the decision. Next, we see him go back to the bar to get drunk, something he hasn’t done in many years, in order to numb his pain and help him forget, if even for just a little while. We can see that he almost feels that he deserves whatever he gets from Mrs. Montgomery, and her gunman. And finally, when he’s confronted by Mrs. Montgomery again at the end, he’s arrived at the point where he can plainly state the truth of what happened, admit his own shortcomings in the situation and accept whatever fate comes his way. I won’t reveal the entire circumstances of the case that brought all of this about, but I will say that it definitely points out the shortcomings of the American justice system where justice and the law don’t always coincide. Tully does a good job of presenting a much more complex man underneath the hardworking and kind grandpa character we’ve been presented with thus far. Tom is like the rest of us, we’ve all got our different stories and some of them aren’t so pretty when you scratch beneath the surface.
Guest star Joanne Linville is very good as Lydia Montgomery, the grieving widow who, in the years after her husband’s death sentence, has elevated him from being a mere mortal to a place of sainthood. Through her relationship with the gunman Lee Maddox, a man who clearly loves her, we learn that she has never come to terms with the reality of his life or death, and she certainly has never accepted that he’s really gone. Her obsession with taking revenge on one man, Tom Starett, has basically stopped her life in its tracks and she needs to deal with her emotions even more than Tom does. The rest of the cast doesn’t have that much to do in the episode, although there are a few good moments for them. Shane is mostly there to provide Tom some physical protection, while also questioning his decision on that fateful day from five years earlier. His interactions with gunman Lee Maddox are pretty good as they had worked together in the past and respect each other. They don’t want to have to go against each other, but they will if it comes down to it. Jill Ireland has a good scene as Marian where she confronts Lydia Montgomery about her plans to kill Tom. It’s a tense scene and the ladies go at it back and forth nicely. They don’t resolve anything, but it’s another effective way to beat home the moral dilemma the episode presents.
Prior to watching Episode 13, the last thing I was expecting was an installment of the series devoted entirely to Tom Starett, and I probably wouldn’t have really wanted one. With that said, I enjoyed it for what it was and I’m glad to be able to see Tom as a more complex man. This didn’t really leave any time for longing looks between Shane and Marian, but we did get a brief look of love at the very end, and I’ll take it.
“The Love Boat will not be reviewed tonight so that we might bring you this special presentation….”
My Retro Television Reviews, including my reviews of The Love Boat, will return next week. For now, let’s enjoy a blast from the past. First aired in 1973, Don’t Call me Mama Anymore was the second television special to feature Cass Elliott. Like the first one, it was essentially a pilot for a weekly variety show. This special was a far better showcase for Cass Elliott and it actually led to her getting a show for the 1974 season. Unfortunately, Cass passed away in London before filming began.
For now, here is Don’t Call Me Mama Anymore, featuring Cass Elliott, Joel Grey, Michelle Phillips, and Dick Van Dyke.
Normally, this is where and when I would post my weekly review of Fantasy Island but, due to this being a busy week, my Retro Television Reviews are on break until Sunday. Fear not, though, we have alternative programming!
From 1969, it’s The Mama Cass Television Program! This was actually meant to be a pilot for a variety show that would have been hosted by Mama Cass Elliott, formerly of the Mamas and the Papas. For that reason, there’s some comedy bits along with Cass singing. Keep an eye out for Martin Landau! The comedy, to be honest, is a bit cringey but it really doesn’t matter when you’ve got Cass Elliott and her amazing voice.
Fantasy Island will return next week but for now….
This is another busy week for me and I have got a lot of movies and shows that I need to catch up on so my retro television reviews will return on Monday with reviews of Miami Vice and CHiPs!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewingthe Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!
This week, Marlene gets an opportunity!
Episode 3.11 “The Naked Truth”
(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on November 21st, 1987)
Women Of The World magazine wants to do a story on Marlene’s life as a cashier. All of her coworkers try to worm their way into the interview but Marlene succeeds in kicking them all out of the breakroom. The reporter from the magazine informs Marlene that her life story is fascinating and now they’ll just need to take some naked pictures to go along with it.
Howard is stunned when Marlene says she’s going to pose nude. Marlene points out that Howard keeps adult magazines in his desk drawer. Howard denies it before then opening up his desk drawer and checking them out. Howard fears that Marlene is going to make Cobb’s look bad. Marlene, in the end, chooses not to get the pictures done because she doesn’t want her future daughter to be ashamed of her. Personally, I would have preferred for Marlene to have said, “It’s my decision and I’ll make sure my daughter understands that she has to do what’s right for her instead of worrying about what everyone else says,” but whatever. It’s just a silly sitcom.
Meanwhile, Viker’s wife is pregnant! Awwww, Viker! Gordon Clapp got to a do and say a lot in this episode, which I enjoyed. Viker is one of the more consistently funny characters on this show. Gordon Clapp played Viker’s stupidity with such an earnest sincerity that you just want someone to hug the guy.
This was not a bad episode. Gordon Clapp and Kathleen Laskey were often this show’s strongest assets and this episode featured both of them. Laskey did a great job portraying Marlene’s dilemma while Clapp made me laugh at even the silliest of jokes. Nope, not a bad episode at all, even if I do think Marlene should have just told everyone that it was none of their business what she chose to do.
This week, I was super-excited to discover the original Unsolved Mysteries on Tubi! I’ve been listening to Robert Stack as he talks about unsolved crimes and a paranormal mysteries and I have to say that Mr. Stack was truly an American treasure! I like that most of these episodes have updates and it looks like they’re still being updates. That said, I find the mysteries with no updates to be the most intriguing.
In other news, Case and I are nearly finished with Dark. We’ll be watching the final episode next Tuesday.
I am now caught up on Kitchen Nightmares. Chef Ramsay is saving restaurants that don’t really deserve to be saved. I don’t care if Gordon showed them their aware of their ways. There’s no way I’d eat in any of those places!
I watched a good deal of the news stations — BBC, FOX, C-SPAN, CNN, a little MSNBC, though that network is kind of annoying and whiny right now — this week. I won’t go into too much detail but I think I’m starting to become a news junkie.
I went over to Pluto TV this weekend and I turned on Dr. Phil for background noise. This poor woman was convinced that she was married to Tyler Perry.
King of the Hill on Hulu has definitely been my comfort show this week. It’s a Texas show and I’m a Texas girl.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show can be purchased on Prime.
Wedding bells are ringing!
Episode 4.21 “Ooh Ooh, I Do: Part Two”
(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on May 25th, 1979)
Horshack’s getting married!
For some reason, the Sweathogs throw him a bachelor party in Barbarino’s trashy apartment. Barbarino isn’t there. I assume he’s at work or maybe he finally moved back in with his family after realizing just how ugly and depressing his apartment was. Seriously, I will never understand why a show would try to get viewers invested in such an ugly location.
Anyway, the bachelor party is a bust. Epstein dresses up in drag and dances for Horshack. The Sweathogs love it. Horshack loves it. But then the Sweathogs make a joke about how Horshack and Mary Johnson are going to be so poor that Mary is going to have to get a job washing bricks to support them. Horshack realizes that they’re right. He’s getting married in high school and he has absolutely zero marketable skills. In fact, he’s such a weirdo that most people go out of their way to avoid him. How is he going to support Mary?
Horshask freaks out and runs away. After Mary shows them the note that Horshack left, in which he said that he was running away to become the type of man who could support her, the Sweathogs search all over Brooklyn for him. Epstein goes to a Marine recruiting station. Washington and Beau …. eh, I watched this show like 20 minutes ago and I’ve already forgotten what they did. That’s how well-written this episode was. Mary, however, knows that Horshack’s favorite movie is Wuthering Heights so she finds him at the local move theater.
They get married! The ceremony is small and pathetic. I don’t think a single member of Horshack’s family showed up. Gabe does show up and, when the Sweathogs realize that Horshack needs a ring to give Mary, Gabe gives up his own wedding ring. Julie approves. They’re probably going to get divorced as soon as the show ends.
Gabe, who is usually portrayed as being very concerned with the future of his students, is totally cool with Horshack getting married while still a high school student. At no point does he suggest that Horshack might be rushing into things or that a stunted manchild who can’t get a job might not be a good husband. This was one of Kaplan’s rare appearance during the final season of the show but he doesn’t act much like the Mr. Kotter that we got to know over the previous three seasons. It’s kind of like when Steve Carell came back for The Office finale and only said one line. It just doesn’t feel right.
Apparently, this episode was meant to a backdoor pilot for a series that would have focused on Horshack and Mary. I can’t imagine that working, though I would say that Mary and Horshack do look cute together at the end of the episode.
Speaking of endings, there are only two more episodes left! Will the Sweathogs finally graduate? We’ll find out!