Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Barbarino gets a girlfriend and Gabe nearly gets killed by Julie.

Episode 1.11 “Barbarino’s Girl”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 25th, 1975)

At the start of this episode, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his uncle and a monkey.  I didn’t get it.  Julie didn’t look that amused either.

At school, the Sweathogs are not in a good mood because it’s report card time!  Gabe tells the Sweathogs not to panic because apparently, even if they are failing Social Studies, they still have time to raise their grades.  (So, I guess Gabe is handing out progress reports as opposed to report cards.)  Epstein has a note from his mother’s doctor explaining that any bad grades would be bad for her health.  (He actually has several notes, one for each class.)  The note is signed “Epstein’s Mother’s Doctor.”

Freddie, meanwhile, tries to bribe Gabe with a half-eaten apple while Horshack falls to his knees and begs for a good grade.  Only Barbarino doesn’t beg, probably because he knows that he’s the best-looking guy in the school and when you’ve got a smile like that, who needs brains?

Gabe passes out the report cards.  Epstein says, “Thanks for killing my mother.”  Freddie takes back his apple.  Horshack starts to laugh in his braying way.  Gabe asks Horshack what’s so funny about his bad grade.  Horshack replies that he’s laughing at Barbarino’s even worse grade.  Barbarino, it turns out, actually does care about his grades because his mother is a saint who apparently hits him with rosary beads whenever he brings home a bad grade.  Gabe says that he can’t just pass Vinne to be nice.  He asks what Vinnie would become if everyone just passed him without checking to make sure that he actually learned something.  “A high school graduate,” Vinnie says and he has a point.

Speaking of high school and grades and getting held back, I noticed that Barbarino, Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack appear to be the only regular members of the class.  This episode featured a lot of students getting upset over their report card and I think one reason they struggled with Kotter’s class is that none of them had ever attended before.  Seriously, who are half these people!?  I definitely would have noticed that goony redhead sitting in the corner if he had ever attended class before this episode.

Gabe arranges for Barbarino to get some tutoring from Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), the same girl that ran against him for student body president.  Though Judy and Barbarino initially don’t get along, they soon bond of their shared love of rhyming insults.  Unfortunately, the other Sweathogs give Barbarino a hard time about his new friendship with Judy and Barbarino is stunned when Judy turns down his offer of a date.  However, Judy later changes her mind and goes to Coney Island with Barbarino and the Sweathogs.  Awwwww!

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his cousin, Gorgeous Jerry Kotter.  It was short joke and apparently, the point was that Gorgeous Jerry had a lot of back hair.

This episode pretty much existed so that John Travolta could do his dumb but sweet routine and I have no problem with that because he did it very well and he showed off that smile that could light up a room.  Plus, Barbarino and Judy Borden were a cute couple.  That said, I’ll be surprised if their relationship is ever mentioned again.

Episode 1.12 “California Dreamin'”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 2nd, 1975)

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about the time that his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence.  Gabe replied, “I didn’t sign it.”  Later, Gabe’s father came to the school and backed him up.  Good for him.

Back at school….

Hey look!  The goony redhead is back!

And the goony redhead gets some company when Mr. Woodman stops by the classroom to introduce a transfer student from California.  Her name is Bambi (Susan Lanier) and she tells everyone that she loves the beach.  She also requests that everyone call her Sunshine.

All the Sweathogs are smitten but Bambi seems to be more interested in Mr. Kotter, asking him what his sign is.  Gabe reveals that he’s an Aquarius.  “I knew it!” Bambi shouts.  Bambi asks Gabe to show her around.  Gabe suggests that she ask one of the Sweathogs.  “They’re not groovy like you,” Bambi replies.

After the school day ends, Gabe returns to his apartment.  Julie asks him why a girl named Sunshine has been repeatedly calling the apartment and asking whether or not Gabe wants to go skinny dipping.  Julie is so annoyed that she even puts on her glasses so that her withering stare can be magnified.

Julie asks Gabe if he has anything to say for himself.

“Yes,” Gabe replies, “Can I go?”

Gabe explains that Sunshine has a crush on him but he also tells Julie that he’ll explain to Sunshine tomorrow that they cannot run off together.  He says that he’s sure that he can get Sunshine to understand and, “If she doesn’t, I promise I’ll write.”  Julie attacks Gabe with a pillow in a way that suggests that she’s genuinely furious with him.  Reportedly, Marcia Strassman and Gabe Kaplan did not get along during the production of Welcome Back, Kotter and, in this episode, Julie really does seem like she’s just looking for an excuse to kill her husband.

Back in the classroom, each Sweathog tries to impress Bambi.  Epstenin chants her name.  Horshack shows up with a walking stick, an overcoat, and sunglasses and pretends to be a Hollywood producer.  Freddie sings a calypso song about how Santa Claus is black.   Barbarino rushes into the room and sings, “I’m singing ba-ba-ba-ba-Barbino!” while the audience goes crazy.

Gabe, however, asks to speak to Bambi in the hallway.  He reveals that he checked her records and discovered that she’s not from California.  She’s from Lubbock and she’s been to 11 different schools, where she has always caused trouble.  Bambi decides to show Gabe what type of trouble she can cause by entering the room and announcing that her pencil is on Gabe’s desk.  Barbarino, Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack lunge for it.

After Gabe points out how foolish everyone is acting over her, Bambi sees the folly of her ways and tells everyone the truth.  The Sweathogs are very forgiving, probably because the last thing they were interested in, as far as Bambi was concerned, was what state she was from.

Back the apartment, Gabe wakes up Julie in the middle of the night to tell her about his Uncle Herbie.  Julie rolls her eyes as Gabe talks about how his Aunt Estelle tried to trick Herbie into giving up alcohol and how it didn’t work.

I liked this episode more than I thought I would.  My family moved around a lot when I was growing up so I could relate to how Bambi felt about having to always make a big first impression at every new school that she went to.  Even if Marcia Strassman seemed to be annoyed by his very existence, Gabe Kaplan gave a good performance in this episode, especially in the scene where he confronted Bambi with the truth about her background.  All in all, this was a pretty good episode.

Next week — Horshack gets promoted out of remedial classes!