Retro Television Reviews: The Brady Bunch Hour Episode 1.7

Posted on March 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Brady Bunch Hour, which ran on ABC from 1976 to 1977. All nine episodes can be found on YouTube!

This week, Marcia’s getting married!

Episode 1.7

(Dir by Jack Regas, originally aired on April 4th, 1977)

We open, as always, with the Kroftettes doing a line dance in front of the pool. The announcer introduces the Brady Bunch and informs us that this week’s guest stars include Rip Taylor, Redd Foxx and The Ohio Players. The audience goes wild.

The Brady Bunch comes out, all dressed in red. They sing a song called Celebrate. It’s not the Celebrate Good Times Come On song. Instead, the lyrics are like, “I want to celebrate another good day blah blah blah.” According to Wikipedia, this song was originally recorded in 1968 by Three Dog Night. So, this song was only nine years old when the Bradys performed it. Considering that the Bradys usually performed the greatest hits of the 20s and 30s, that’s actually kind of amazing. That said, the family is so off-key and look so nervous while going through their very simple dance moves, you’ll want to celebrate when the song ends.

Of course, you may want to reconsider that reaction when you realize that the end of the song leads to the Bradys bantering. Cindy, proving herself once again to be the dumbest member of the family, asks, “What are we celebrating!?” with all the frantic energy of someone trying to figure out how to disarm a bomb.

“We’re back with another Brady Bunch hour!” Carol declares.

“YEAH!” the Brady Bunch children yell.

Mike announces that their special guest star tonight is “one of our daughter’s favorites, the star of Welcome Back Kotter–” TRAVOLTA? — “Robert Hegyes!” Oh. Well, he’s probably cool too. I’ve never seen Welcome Back Kotter. Fake Jan announces that the Ohio Players will be providing music. Peter says that “our good friend, Rip Taylor!” is in the studio. Greg announces that the Kroftettes and the Water Follies are going to be on the show. (They’re on the show every week, Greg.)

Suddenly, the notoriously profane nightclub comic, Redd Foxx, wanders out on stage and announces that he is going to have his own variety show, “right here on ABC.” Redd says that he’s going to hang around and watch everyone so that he can get ideas for “The Redd Foxx Comedy Hour.” Redd leaves the stage fairly quickly and I don’t blame him.

After we return from commercial, the Bradys sing If They Could See Me Now while dressed up as a wind-up dolls, complete with big keys sticking out of their backs.

Rip Taylor and Ann B. Davis come out on stage and start to awkwardly trade jokes about whether or not Rip was ever a young man. (Apparently, Ann B. Davis was very religious and Rip Taylor was very ribald and, as a result, Ann only spoke to Rip when they were onstage together.) The skit is interrupted by Redd Foxx, who comes out, insults Rip Taylor’s sideburns, and tells them to just go to the flashback showing what happened earlier this week.

We cut to the Brady Compound. Cindy and Bobby are arguing because, while they were out roller skating, Cindy met a guy but Bobby thinks the guy is a creep. Bobby told the guy to back off and then says he can’t understand why anyone would want to talk to Cindy or why Cindy would want to talk to them.

“Our little girl is becoming a woman,” Mike says, in a line that is not at all creepy.

Alice the Maid enters the living room and refuses to tell Mike where she’s been for the past few hours. Mike finds it amusing that his mad thinks that she can have a personal life. It turns out that she was hanging out with Jackie Merrill. Apparently, she and Jackie are a couple now, despite the fact that Jackie is Rip Taylor. Whatever happened to Sam the Butcher? For that matter, why is Alice even in Hollywood? Just because Mike decided to ruin his children’s lives by producing a variety show, does that mean Alice’s life has to be ruined as well?

Fake Jan comes into the living room and complains that she doesn’t have a boyfriend to drive her around. Her parents tell her to stop crying and accept that she’s the middle child.

Greg comes in the living room and worries that Marcia is acting a little weird. He mentions that Marcia is going out with some new guy, which takes Mike and Carol by surprise. Marcia finally enters the living room and announces that she wants her parents to meet her new boyfriend. She explains that he’s totally soulful and vulnerable and poetic.

“It’s either got to be Walter Cronkite or David Bowie,” Carol says.

Nope, it’s Winston Beaumont, played by tonight’s special guest star, Robert Hegyes.

After Winston flashes a peace sign and elaborately shakes everyone’s hands, Marcia announces that she and Winston are engaged.

“Whoa!” the audience says in unison.

We then cut to a cemetery, where Greg, Fake Jan, and Marcia sing Southern Nights. It’s actually a good song for Greg and Marcia’s limited vocal range. That said, Fake Jan’s voice is so good that it serves to remind the viewer of how vocally limited everyone else on the show (except for Florence Henderson) actually was.

We cut to Cindy asking Peter if he thinks that she’s pretty. Peter tells her that she’s totally awesome and that he would totally go out with her if she was a little older and if she wasn’t his sister. Technically, Cindy is only his stepsister but still …. ick! Redd Foxx comes out and asks how things are going with Winston. “Watch this!” Peter says.

Cut to the Brady Compound, where Mike and Carol ask Marcia and Winston what they mean by engaged. Marcia says they’re going to get married. Winston says Marcia is totally outrageous. “Hate is a four-letter word, man,” Winston says. And it’s true! Greg sits in the corner of the living room and stews. I guess it makes sense that Greg would be angry. Greg couldn’t even handle moving out of the house for two days and now, Marcia is getting married!

Mike says that he and Carol need to think all of this over. You can think about it all you want, Mike. Marcia’s over eighteen and can marry anyone she wants. Winston and Greg leave the living room and Mike tells Marcia that she’s not getting married. “I don’t want him to be my son-in-law,” Mike says. Marcia announces that she’s going to marry Winston whether they like it or not. “Whoa!” the audience says.

The next day, at the breakfast table, Alice tells Mike and Carol that sometimes, it’s hard to understand what people see in each other. Carol, in typical Brady fashion, responds to Alice’s attempted kindness by giving her a hard time about dating Mr. Merrill. On cue, Mr. Merrill stops by to see Alice and, misinterpreting the conversation, accuses Carol and Mike of trying to break up him and Alice. This leads to three minutes of Rip Taylor shouting, which somehow also leads to Mike and Carol deciding that they need to get to know their future son-in-law. Mercifully, the scene ends and the show goes to commercial. Since this show aired in 1977, it was probably a disco-themed car commercial starring California Governor Jerry Brown and the future king of England.

“And Jerry, it’s got more torque and handling than the average truck. Now, let’s boogie!”

We return to Mike and Carol standing on stage and introducing the second half of the show.

“In case you just joined us….” Carol starts.

“You should be ashamed of yourself! You’re half-an-hour late!” Mike snaps.

Redd Foxx walks out on stage and asks Mike why he doesn’t like Winston.

“Would you like your daughter to marry a mellow cat!?” Mike demands.

This is a weird episode.

Anyway, we then cut to the Brady Compound, where Greg is whining that Winston refuses to play beach volleyball because “he says sand has feelings!” It turns out that the entire family, except for Marcia and Peter, dislikes Winston. Marcia, of course, loves Winston because he’s her man. Peter likes Winston because Winston is apparently a baseball fan. Peter evens tells Marcia about how Winston was talking to a girl in “a tiny bikini” about baseball.

(Random sidenote: Winston should meet my sister!)

Marcia realizes that she and Winston have never discussed baseball. She also says that she just now noticed that Winston seems to agree with everything that he hears. She accuses him on being a phony. “I’m Marcia,” she snaps, “but who are you?” (Actually, you’re Maureen McCormick and you’re on a show pretending to be a part of an imaginary family.) Marcia dumps Winston so I guess that storyline magically resolved itself.

The show cuts to Greg and Peter standing by the pool. Peter tells Greg to just get it over with and push him into the pool. Peter seems to be so traumatized by the whole pool thing that it’s hard not to feel that Greg is one of the world’s greatest monsters. Peter ends up jumping into the pool himself, just to get it over with. Redd Foxx comes out and announces that he will be stealing the pool gag for his show but instead, it’s going to be a pool table. Redd then says, “I take care of my brothers,” before shoving Greg in the pool.

Redd introduces a band called The Ohio Players. The Ohio Players are best-known for a song called Love Rollercoaster but, on this show, they perform a song called Fire, which I immediately recognized as the theme song from Hell’s Kitchen.

We then cut to Florence Henderson singing her song of the week. This time, she sings How Lucky Can You Get? from Funny Lady. It’s not a bad performance. Florence could sing and this song is a good one for her somewhat overdramatic style. That said, Florence Henderson is no Ohio Player.

Redd Foxx comes out on stage and says, “Don’t tell the Bradys but I’m going to split now.” I don’t blame you, Redd. Redd admits that he’s not sure if he can do a Brady-style of show. “I can’t smile all the time,” Redd says. Redd also says he’s not sure if he can handle having six white folks on his show. Redd goes on to say that he can’t do any silly stories on his show, “like that thing about Marcia wanting to marry that dude.” Redd assures the audience, “The Redd Foxx isn’t going to look like the Brady Bunch Hour” and then walks off stage.

(According to the imbd, The Redd Foxx Comedy Hour was renamed Redd Foxx and aired in September of 1977. One more episode followed in 1978 and then the show was canceled. Among Redd’s guests were comedian Andy Kaufman and anti-gay rights activist Anita Bryant.)

It’s time for the finale! The Bradys stand on stage, holding flowers. Greg bitches that Marcia got a dozen roses while he got one crummy carnation. (Gee, I can’t imagine why Redd Foxx didn’t want to stick around for this.) Peter points out that he doesn’t even have a flower. “I’ve got a crummy onion!” Carol explains that he’s actually holding tulip bulb and Peter asks if Thomas Edison invited the tulip and WILL YOU GUYS JUST START THE GOT DANG FINALE!?

The finale music starts and the Bradys run off the stage in a panic.

Check out the finale for yourself! Some things just need to be seen.

This episode was actually not as painful as some of the previous ones, as the Brady banter was kept to a minimum and the Ohio Players performance of Fire definitely livened things up. The Bradys are still pretty annoying but at least Redd Foxx was there to assure us that he found them to be annoying too. Interestingly enough, the idea of Marcia Brady marrying a free-spirited mellow dude was reused in The Brady Brides. So, even though The Brady Bunch Hour has been deemed non-canonical by most Brady scholars (*snicker*), perhaps this show did have some influence on the Bunch’s future after all.

Next week, it’s the episode I’ve been waiting for. It’s …. DISCO NIGHT!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.2 “The Users” and 4.3 “Cheat Happens”

Posted on March 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Oh, Hell, it’s that time of week, isn’t it? It’s time to watch City Guys.

Episode 4.2 “The Users”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 23rd, 2000)

It’s midterm time!

Wasn’t it midterm time two episodes ago? And the episode before that? And maybe even before that? My point is that Manny High seems to have a lot of midterms. I mean, when I was in high school and college, you only took midterms once per semester because you could only be halfway through once. Manny High has midterms every week!

Chris and Jamal are not only worried about passing their midterms. They’re also concerned about what to do with Jasper, who is their new techie at the student radio station. Jasper is very friendly and a very exuberant and very annoying. Chris and Jamal feel that he’s trying too hard to be edgy and street and that’s really saying something when you consider that Chris and Jamal are the two biggest phonies not named Al at Manny High. Jasper also appears to be in his 30s but he swears that he’s a student and that he’s got a straight-A average. Chris and Jamal befriend Jasper so that he’ll tutor them but, when they get a chance to score an internship with a bigtime radio DJ, Chris and Jamal conspire to keep Jasper from finding out. (Oh my God, they’re just using Jasper! They’re users! The episode’s title makes sense!) After sending Jamal across town to pick up a fictional lunch order, Chris does his crappy Homer Simpson impersonation and the DJ is so impressed that it’s suddenly easy to understand why people eventually stopped listening to the radio. Unfortunately, Jasper makes his way to back to the radio station earlier than expected, finds out about the internship, and gets his feelings hurt. Realizing that they are the two worst people in the world, Chis and Jamal apologize to him.

“Yo yo, Jas,” Jamal says, “We didn’t mean to diss you, man.”

“Yeah,” Chris says, “we decided to give you some props.”

Yeah, guys, Jasper is definitely the one who is trying too hard….

(I am dramatically rolling my eyes.)

Anyway, Chris, Jamal, and Jasper all get the internship but, fortunately, it’s a summer internship so I guess we won’t actually have to watch any of the undoubtedly wacky adventures that they’ll have together.

Meanwhile, Ms. Noble is yelling at everyone. You would think that this would lead to all the students finally figuring out that their principal is not their friends but instead, Dawn, Cassidy, and Al discover that Ms. Noble is having man trouble and they decide to fix things between her and her boyfriend. (Her boyfriend, by the way, is the same guy that Ms. Noble had nostalgia sex with last week.) It turns out that her boyfriend has been working late every night because he’s been trying to save up enough money to buy Ms. Noble an engagement ring. He proposes to her at the crappy diner where all the students hang out. The audience goes crazy. Cassidy and Dawn get tears in their eyes. People — SHE’S THE PRINCIPAL! NOBODY IN HISTORY OF HIGH SCHOOL HAS EVER CARED THIS MUCH ABOUT THEIR PRINCIPAL!

God, this show is annoying. Let’s move on!

Episode 4.3 “Cheat Happens”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 30th, 2000)

Mid-terms are over and it’s time for finals. We’re only three episodes into the series and it’s already time for finals? What the heck? Anyway, Jamal says he’s not worried about his chemistry final because “this brother’s all about chemistry.” Plus, Jamal says, “Jamal ain’t down with summer school.”

“Bam! Bam! Bam!” Chris later shouts, as he turns in his final. Chris is feeling confident because he and Jamal made cheat sheets for the final. Even though they lost the cheat sheets, Chris and Jamal apparently learned everything about Chemistry while making them. Unfortunately, it turns out that they accidentally put the cheat sheets in L-Train’s textbook and when Ms. Noble spots the sheets, she accuses L-Train of cheating. When L-Train refuses to confess to cheating, Ms. Noble announces that the entire class will have to retake the test. Everyone blames L-Train. Chris and Jamal are the worst human beings ever.

That said, Chris and Jamal may be terrible but at least they know how to host a radio show. On the other hand, when Dawn and Cassidy demand to be allowed to host their own radio show, they totally blow it. I guess telling terrible jokes and doing lame impersonations is a lot more difficult than it looks. Luckily, Dawn and Cassidy get a second chance and, by making fun of the boys, they’re a success! Yay! I don’t know what the future episodes of this show may hold but I have a feeling that we will never again hear a word about Dawn and Cassidy’s radio show.

Anyway, after L-Train nearly gets into a fight trying to defend his honor, Chris and Jamal confess and Ms. Noble replies, “I’ll see you in summer school!” So, I guess that internship’s off! That’ll teach Chris and Jamal to be honest.

Next week, this crappy series continues.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.3 “Rocky/Julie’s Dilemma/Who’s Who?”

Posted on March 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Julie’s parents set sail on The Love Boat!

Episode 2.3 “Rocky/Julie’s Dilemma/Who’s Who?”

(Dir by Allen Baron and Roger Duchowny, originally aired on September 23rd, 1978)

After last week’s hurricane and hostage situation, things calm down a bit for this week’s episode of The Love Boat.

Julie is super-excited because her parents, Bill (Norman Fell) and Martha (Betty Garrett), are going to be on this cruise. Her parents, meanwhile, are only slightly excited about seeing where Julie works and getting to see all of the members of the crew. They would perhaps be more excited if not for the fact that they’re planning on getting a divorce as soon as the cruise is over. They haven’t told Julie, of course. In fact, they tell Captain Stubing before they tell Julie. Why would they tell someone whom they’ve only know for ten minutes before they would tell their own daughter? What awful parents!

When they do eventually tell Julie, she has an emotional breakdown and runs through the corridors of the ship, sobbing. Listen, I’ve been there. When my parents told me that they were getting divorced, I had a difficult time with it as well. Of course, I was twelve years old, whereas Julie is in her late 20s. Still, it’s never easy. Fortunately, Julie realizes that her parents still love each other so she just sets them up with different people on the boat so that they can get jealous and fall back in love. And it works! Julie’s parents get back together….

Which is nice, I guess. I mean, one doesn’t watch The Love Boat because one wants to see a realistic story about the complexities of love and marriage. Still, the show made it look so simple that it got on my nerves. It’s not that simple and any actual child of divorce can tell you that. Again, it’s The Love Boat so perhaps I shouldn’t judge too harshly but I would have had so much more respect for the show if Bill and Martha had told Julie that they were still getting a divorce at the end of the cruise. It would have been a lot more honest than presenting a story where a marriage can be saved by wishful thinking.

While Julie was trying to save her parent’s marriage and prevent several years of awkward holidays, a young girl named Rocky (Melissa Gilbert) was developing her first crush on a boy named Norman (Jimmy Baio). It was actually a sweet little story and both Melissa Gilbert and Jimmy Baio gave likable performances. When Rocky learned that her family would be moving after the cruise, she was upset until she learned that their new home would be in El Paso, which was also where Norman and his family lived. Again, it was simple but sweet. And it went along well with the divorce storyline. While one relationship nearly ended, another began.

Finally, in the silliest story of the week, TV network censor Pat (Dody Goodman) boards the ship and is told that she will be sharing a cabin with Marion Atkins. That’s fine with Pat. Her main concern is making sure that nothing shocking or sordid happens on the cruise. However, it turns out that Marion Atkins (played by James Coco) is actually a guy! Fortunately, Marion turns out to be just as puritanical as Pat. He even brings a bunch of pamphlets on chastity with him for the cruise. Pat and Marion first meet while wandering around the ship and they fall very chastely in love. Since their morals forbid them from following each other to their cabin, they somehow manage to go nearly the entire cruise without realizing that they are living together. When they do realize that they’re cabinmates, they resolve to get married as soon as the boat docks. This whole story was just incredibly dumb and not in a fun way either. Obviously, The Love Boat was taking a swipe at the same network censors who probably insisted that the show be relatively discreet about what was going on behind the closed doors of the ship’s cabins. But Pat and Marion were both so incredibly clueless that it was hard to care about them one way or the other.

This was a bit of uneven episode but, in the end, the boat still looked like a fun place on which to hang out and work. And really, that’s the important thing.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.11 “Carnival/The Vaudevillians”

Posted on February 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles everyone! Smiles!

Episode 2.11 “Carnival/The Vaudevillians”

(Dir by Georg Stanford Brown, Originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)

Tattoo has come up with a new way to become a millionaire! He’s invented a sleeping bag that he claims can hold two people. Mr. Roarke is a bit skeptical that the small roll of material that Tattoo is holding could possibly be big enough to hold two people. Tattoo tells him that all he has to do is remove a key and the material will inflate. Roarke removes the key and several feathers explode into the air. Tattoo shrugs and says that he obviously has to get back to the drawing board.

“Inventor indeed,” Mr. Roarke says, in a tone that suggests that the only he reason he’s not physically killing Tattoo is because it’s time for them to greet their guests.

(Why is Tattoo always trying to make extra money? Does Fantasy Island not pay well?)

This week, the fantasies are all about reliving the past. Charlie Parks (Phil Silvers) and Will Fields (Phil Harris) used to be stars on Vaudeville but, like so many of the old time entertainers, they’ve now found themselves forgotten. Charlie’s even been put in a nursing home. Still, he manages to make the trip to Fantasy Island, where his fantasy is to be reunited with Will so that they can try to bring Vaudeville back to life.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work. Tattoo loves their corny old jokes but when they perform for a larger audience, they only get a few pity chuckles. Dejected, Charlie plans to return to his retirement home when he and Will are approached by a man who claims that he works for the city of Baltimore. (Oh no! Run!) The man explains that he wants to hire Charlie and Will to perform at nursing homes, where their old-fashioned routines will enliven the golden years of people who don’t like loud music and R-rated movies. Charlie and Will agree. Yay!

Meanwhile, Dorothy Weller (Carol Lynley) is a woman who has spent the past few months in a coma. Now, she’s not sure if the man she thought she loved really existed or if he was just someone she dreamed up while she was in the hospital. Mr. Roarke arranges for her to travel to a recreation of the same Mexican town where she met the mystery man. She finds her former lover, Tom Parnell (Stuart Whitman), on the beach. Tom explains that he is real and he is in love with her. He’s also a spy and there’s an international assassin (an appropriately sinister Luke Askew) after him!

This episode was kind of a mixed bag. The Vaudeville fantasy featured charming performances from Phil Silvers and Phil Harris but their jokes were never quite as funny as Tattoo seemed to think that they were. The spy fantasy was not helped by the casting of the reliably dull Stuart Whitman but the story itself was intriguing and Carol Lynley gave a believable and emotional performance as Dorothy. The end result was a thoroughly pleasant but not altogether memorable trip to Fantasy Island. But really, when it comes to Fantasy Island, hasn’t the appeal always been just how pleasant everything is?

Well, except for the relationship between Tattoo and Mr. Roarke, of course. I still suspect Tattoo is secretly plotting to kill Mr. Roarke and take over the island. Who knows? Maybe that’ll be a future episode. We’ll find out soon!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.23 “Twister” and 3.24 “Goodnight, Vince”

Posted on February 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Please, oh please, let the whole basketball camp thing be over with….

Episode 3.23 “Twister”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 29th, 1997)

At Coach Fuller’s basketball camp….

OH GOD, WE’RE STILL DOING THIS CAMP CRAP!

Anyway, the episode opens with Fuller telling his counselor that the camp is nearly finished — YAY! — and that he’s going to be leaving the counselors in charge of the kids while he goes to the airport to pick up a special guest. However, the counselors have won tickets to a concert. They decide to violate Coach Fuller’s number one rule by taking the campers to the pizza parlor and leaving them there while the counselors take turns going to the concert. Coach will never find out, right?

Speaking of stupidity, Fuller also gives Mary Beth a priceless antique quarter to keep safe. The quarter is worth $50,000. Of course, Vince uses the quarter to get a Coke. So, while the other counselors abandon the kids in a strange pizza parlor, Mary Beth and Vince try to get the quarter out of a vending machine.

Now, you’re probably already guessing that Fuller comes back early. Accompanied by someone who I assume what a member of the WNBA, Fuller stops off at the pizza place. Kristy and Teddy see him pulling up and, in a panic, they rush the kids out through the back door and head back to camp. Unfortunately, a tornado also happens to show up and….

EVERYONE DIES!

No, actually, everyone survives. But, at the same time, they learn a valuable lesson about not allowing themselves to be conned into working as camp counselors by their high school basketball coach. And hopefully, their coach learned a lesson about giving too much authority to a bunch of teenagers who, over the course of 50 episodes, have repeatedly screwed up even the simplest of tasks.

The good thing is that the tornado pretty much destroys the camp so I guess that’s over with now.

Episode 3.24 “Goodnight, Vince”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 29th, 1997)

Yay! We’re back at Deering High! Once again, the team just needs to win one more game to go the state championships but Vince has missed his last few free throws and is suffering from a crisis of confidence. Will he recover? Of course, he does. He takes a nap and has a dream where he sees the future and is reminded that losing one game is not the end of the world. Actually, that’s not a bad message at all. After all the nonsense with the ski lodge and the basketball camp, it’s nice to see a simple episode of Hang Time that actually has something decent to say.

That said, this is a bit of an odd episode in that Julie and Michael do not appear to be dating (indeed, Michael talks about how he can’t wait to hit on the college girls at the state championship). For that matter, Mary Beth is not at all concerned that Vince is having a meltdown and she and Kristy are back to acting like ditzes. My guess is that this episode was probably written and filmed at the start of the season, before the writers decided to turn Julie & Michael and Vince & Mary Beth into couples. It’s not quite as bad as that season of One World where Cray’s age (and height) changed from episode-to-episode but it’s still a bit jarring for those of us who have been paying attention.

But, in the end, continuity be damned. The Tornadoes are going to the state championship!

The NAACP Image Awards Honor Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Posted on February 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The NAACP Image Awards were handed out last night. You can find the nominees here and the winners below!

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR NOMINEES

Angela Bassett

MOTION PICTURE CATEGORIES

Outstanding Motion Picture
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)

Outstanding Actor in a Motion Picture
Will Smith – Emancipation (Apple)

Outstanding Actress in a Motion Picture
Viola Davis – The Woman King (Sony Pictures Releasing)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Tenoch Huerta – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Angela Bassett – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)

Outstanding Independent Motion Picture
The Inspection (A24)

Outstanding International Motion Picture
Bantú Mama (ARRAY)

Outstanding Breakthrough Performance in a Motion Picture
Jalyn Hall – TILL (United Artists Releasing/Orion Pictures)

Outstanding Ensemble Cast in a Motion Picture
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)

Outstanding Animated Motion Picture
Wendell & Wild (Netflix)

Outstanding Character Voice-Over Performance – Motion Picture
Keke Palmer – Lightyear (Walt Disney Studios)

Outstanding Short-Form (Live Action)

Dear Mama… (Film Independent)

Outstanding Short-Form (Animated)
More Than I Want To Remember (MTV Entertainment Studios)

Outstanding Breakthrough Creative (Motion Picture)
Ericka Nicole Malone – Remember Me: The Mahalia Jackson Story (Hulu)

TELEVISION + STREAMING CATEGORIES

Outstanding Comedy Series
Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series
Cedric The Entertainer – The Neighborhood (CBS)

Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series
Quinta Brunson – Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Tyler James Williams – Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Janelle James – Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Outstanding Drama Series
P-Valley (Starz)

Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series
Nicco Annan – P-Valley (Starz)

Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series
Angela Bassett – 9-1-1 (FOX)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Cliff “Method Man” Smith – Power Book II: Ghost (Starz)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Loretta Devine – P-Valley (Starz)

Outstanding Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
The Best Man: The Final Chapters (Peacock)

Outstanding Actor in a Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
Morris Chestnut – The Best Man: The Final Chapters (Peacock)

Outstanding Actress in a Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
Niecy Nash-Betts – Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Netflix)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
Keith David – From Scratch (Netflix)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
Nia Long – The Best Man: The Final Chapters (Peacock)

Outstanding News/Information (Series or Special)
ABC News 20/20 Michelle Obama: The Light We Carry, A Conversation with Robin Roberts (ABC)

Outstanding Talk Series
Sherri (Syndicated)

Outstanding Reality Program, Reality Competition or Game Show (Series)
Lizzo’s Watch Out for the Big Grrrls (Amazon Studios)

Outstanding Variety Show (Series or Special)
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah (Comedy Central)

Outstanding Children’s Program
Tab Time (YouTube Originals)

Outstanding Performance by a Youth (Series, Special, Television Movie or Limited-Series)
Ja’Siah Young – Raising Dion (Netflix)

Outstanding Host in a Talk or News/Information (Series or Special) – Individual or Ensemble
Jennifer Hudson – The Jennifer Hudson Show (Syndicated)

Outstanding Host in a Reality/Reality Competition, Game Show or Variety (Series or Special) – Individual or Ensemble
Tabitha Brown – Tab Time (YouTube Originals)

Outstanding Guest Performance
Glynn Turman – Queen Sugar (OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network)

Outstanding Animated Series
The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder (Disney+)

Outstanding Character Voice-Over Performance (Television)
Kyla Pratt – The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder (Disney+)

Outstanding Short Form Series – Comedy or Drama
Between The Scenes – The Daily Show (Comedy Central)

Outstanding Short Form Series or Special – Reality/Nonfiction
Daring Simone Biles (Snap)

Outstanding Breakthrough Creative (Television)
Quinta Brunson – Abbott Elementary (ABC)

RECORDING CATEGORIES

Outstanding New Artist
Coco Jones – ICU (Def Jam Recordings)

Outstanding Male Artist
Chris Brown – Breezy (Deluxe) (RCA Records/Chris Brown Entertainment)

Outstanding Female Artist
Beyoncé – Renaissance (Columbia Records/Parkwood Entertainment)

Outstanding Gospel/Christian Album
Kingdom Book One – Maverick City Music & Kirk Franklin (Tribl Records, Fo Yo Soul Recordings and RCA Inspiration)

Outstanding International Song
No Woman No Cry – Tems (Def Jam Recordings)

Outstanding Music Video/Visual Album
Lift Me Up – Rihanna (Def Jam Recordings)

Outstanding Album
Renaissance – Beyoncé (Parkwood/Columbia Records)

Outstanding Soundtrack/Compilation Album
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever – Music From and Inspired By – Ryan Coogler, Ludwig Göransson, Archie Davis and Dave Jordan (Hollywood Records)

Outstanding Gospel/Christian Song
Positive – Erica Campbell (My Block Inc.)

Outstanding Jazz Album – Instrumental
JID014 (Jazz is Dead) – Henry Franklin, Ali Shaheed Muhammad, Adrian Younge

Outstanding Jazz Album – Vocal
Legacy – Adam Blackstone (BASSic Black Entertainment Records / Anderson Music Group / Empire)

Outstanding Soul/R&B Song
Cuff It – Beyoncé (Columbia Record/Parkwood Entertainment)

Outstanding Hip Hop/Rap Song
Hotel Lobby – Quavo, Takeoff (Motown Records/Quality Control Music)

Outstanding Duo, Group or Collaboration (Traditional)
Silk Sonic – Love’s Train (Atlantic Records)

Outstanding Duo, Group or Collaboration (Contemporary)
Chris Brown feat. Wizkid – Call Me Every Day (RCA Records/Chris Brown Entertainment)

DOCUMENTARY CATEGORIES

Outstanding Documentary (Film)
Civil (Netflix)

Outstanding Documentary (Television)
Everything’s Gonna be All White (Showtime)

WRITING CATEGORIES

Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series
Brittani Nichols – Abbott Elementary – “Student Transfer” (ABC)

Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series
Marissa Jo Cerar – Women of the Movement – “Episode 101” (ABC)

Outstanding Writing in a Television Movie or Special
Ian Edelman, Maurice Williams – Entergalactic (Netflix)

Outstanding Writing in a Motion Picture
Ryan Coogler – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)

DIRECTING CATEGORIES

Outstanding Directing in a Comedy Series
Angela Barnes – Atlanta – “The Homeliest Little Horse” (FX)

Outstanding Directing in a Drama Series
Giancarlo Esposito – Better Call Saul – “Axe and Grind” (AMC)

Outstanding Directing in a Television Movie or Special
Anton Cropper – Fantasy Football (Paramount+)

Outstanding Directing in a Motion Picture
Gina Prince-Bythewood – The Woman King (Sony Pictures Releasing)

Outstanding Directing in a Documentary (Television or Motion Picture)
Reginald Hudlin – Sidney (Apple TV+)

LITERARY CATEGORIES

Outstanding Literary Work – Fiction
Take My Hand – Dolen Perkins-Valdez (Penguin Random House)

Outstanding Literary Work – Nonfiction
Finding Me – Viola Davis (HarperCollins Publishers)

Outstanding Literary Work – Debut Author
Illustrated Black History: Honoring the Iconic and the Unseen – George McCalman (HarperCollins)

Outstanding Literary Work – Biography/Autobiography
Scenes from My Life – Raphael G. Warnock (Penguin Random House)

Outstanding Literary Work – Instructional
Black Joy: Stories of Resistance, Resilience, and Restoration – Tracey Lewis-Giggetts (Gallery/Simon and Schuster)

Outstanding Literary Work – Poetry
To the Realization of Perfect Helplessness – Robin Coste Lewis (Alfred A. Knopf)

Outstanding Literary Work – Children
Stacey’s Remarkable Books – Stacey Abrams, Kitt Thomas (HarperCollins – Balzer + Bray)

Outstanding Literary Work – Youth/Teens
Cookies & Milk – Shawn Amos (Little, Brown Books for Young Readers)

PODCAST CATEGORIES

Outstanding News and Information Podcast
Beyond the Scenes – The Daily Show (Central Productions, LLC)

Outstanding Lifestyle/Self-Help Podcast
Therapy for Black Girls (Therapy for Black Girls)

Outstanding Society and Culture Podcast
LeVar Burton Reads (SiriusXM’s Stitcher Studios)

Outstanding Arts and Entertainment Podcast
Two Funny Mamas (Mocha Podcasts Network)

COSTUME DESIGN, MAKE-UP & HAIRSTYLING CATEGORIES

Outstanding Costume Design (Television or Film)
Ruth Carter – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)

Outstanding Make-up (Television or Film)
Debi Young, Sandra Linn, Ngozi Olandu Young, Gina Bateman – We Own This City (HBO Max)

Outstanding Hairstyling (Television or Film)
Camille Friend – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)

OUTSTANDING SOCIAL MEDIA PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR NOMINEES
@KevOnStage – Kevin Fredericks

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/19/23 — 2/25/23

Posted on February 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

With this being the week of Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday, I didn’t watch much but I did watch some. And here are my thoughts!

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

PESCA …. PESCA …. PESCA …. I’m not really a fan of the whole “the charter school is coming for us!” storyline but I do love the Gregory/Janine storyline. Some of Tyler James Williams’s line deliveries made me laugh so hard that I nearly fell out of my chair while watching this week’s episode.

Animal Control (Thursday Night, FOX)

I like Joel McHale and I really like animals so I was hoping that I would really, really like this new sitcom but …. eh. The first two episodes just didn’t work for me. As tired as I am of the whole mockumentary format, I do kind of feel that maybe that was the approach that should have been taken with Animal Control. Right now, the show just feels a bit forced and awkward and the frequent lowbrow humor feels cheap. Despite the presence of McHale, this is definitely not Community. I did laugh when the weasel set that guy’s house on fire, though.

The Brady Bunch Hour (YouTube)

I wrote about The Brady Bunch Hour here!

California Dreams (YouTube)

Here’s this week’s review.

City Guys (Tubi)

Here’s this week’s review!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

Here’s this week’s review!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order on Monday night. It dealt with a shooting at a nightclub. The shooter was stalking his ex-girlfriend but the majority of the episode dealt with the cop who responded to the 911 call and who froze and sat in his police car for 3 minutes before entering the club. Obviously, this was meant to remind the viewers of both the cowardly deputy at the Parkland shooting and the cops who stayed outside of the classroom in Uvalde. The show had sympathy for the cowardly cop. I did not, just like I didn’t have any sympathy for Scott Israel’s deputies. This was another episode that ended with Price getting his conviction but still getting punched outside the court because all of the bad publicity led to the cowardly cop committing suicide. Again, the show attempted to put the blame on the tabloid press. Myself, I put the blame on the cop who let others die.

As for this week’s episode, it dealt with race as Detective Shaw filed a report on two cops who profiled him at a crime scene while the show’s defendant was a real estate guy who was spreading rumors about mostly black criminals in order to run down property values. This was one of those episodes where the person on trial was definitely a bad guy and he was probably guilty but I still didn’t think Price proved the case beyond a reasonable doubt. I think the Law & Order revival would benefit from occasionally admitting that even a good prosecutor can lose a weak case. It would make the show a bit more realistic. At this point, Price is apparently the greatest prosecutor who has ever lived because he has a 99% success rate despite the majority of his cases being noticeably weak.

What’s interesting is that, after basically spending a season and a half as a self-righteous loose cannon who did things like prosecute a pharmaceutical firm just to get revenge for his brother’s unrelated death, Price is now being portrayed as being a pragmatist while the cops are now the social justice warriors. Of course, who knows? The next episode could find Price once again tilting at windmills and Cosgrove once again acting like a reactionary. Narrative consistency is not one of this show’s strengths.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

When Abby’s train is delayed, she annoys all of the other passengers with her upbeat personality. I have no idea to whom this show is meant to appeal. The only reason I watched it is because I needed to have something in the background for thirty minutes while I did some dusting.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.3 “Principal Tiffani” and 4.4 “The Dateless Game”

Posted on February 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Surf dudes with attitudes….

Episode 4.3 “Principal Tiffani”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 30th, 1995)

Earl Boen returns as Principal Blumford! The last two times that Blumford appeared, he was given dialogue that deliberately harkened back to his days of appearing in the first two Terminator films. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen here but Principal Tiffani is still an important Blumford episode because this is the episode where it becomes clear that Tiffani and Blumford are having a secret affair.

Seriously, how else do you explain Blumford’s decision to appoint Tiffani to the role of “student principal?” In fact, I’m not even sure that there is such a thing as the student principal program, despite the fact that both Saved By The Bell and California Dreams did episodes about it. It just doesn’t make any sense. Why would a student be put in charge of the school for a week? In this episode, Blumford not only names Tiffani as student principal but he also expects her to run the school during mid-terms week. I mean, shouldn’t Tiffani be studying for her mid-terms? And why make Tiffani principal as opposed to someone who actually wants the job?

I think we all know the answer.

At first, Tiffani struggles with her new position. No one will listen to her. Then her other boyfriend, Jake, gives her a lesson in how to yell at people. Tiffani takes his lessons to heart and goes mad with power, handing out detentions and forcing troublemakers to stand in the corner of her office in time-out. Eventually, the entire school rebels and, on cut day, Tiffani discovers that the halls are completely deserted.

The entire school goes to Sharky’s, of course. The Dreams, minus Tiffani, perform. I imagine there’s nothing better than getting hired for a sweet cut day gig. Eventually, Tiffani and Blumford show up at Sharky’s but Tiffani has learned to not be such a martinet so she lies and says that students had her permission to go to Sharky’s. She then orders all of them to start studying, which they do.

Blumford pretends to fooled by Tiffani but, obviously, he knows what’s really going on. Technically, Blumford could have gotten in trouble for giving an important role like student principal to someone who was obviously unqualified for the job but the hearts wants what the heart wants.

This was a very romantic episode.

Episode 4.4 “The Dateless Game”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 7th, 1995)

Speaking of romance, it’s time for Jake and Tiffani’s first anniversary! They’ve only been dating for 2 episodes but whatever. Everyone acts like they’ve been together forever. (Actually, Lorena specifically says that Tiffani and Jake have been a thing for 3 months.)

However, before Jake can celebrate their anniversary, he decides help Sly and Mark out with their plan to take part in a charity dating game. When the third bachelor fails to show up for the event, Jake agrees to take the stage with Sly and Mark. Of course, despite his best efforts to pretend to be a shallow burn-out, Jake wins and it turns out his date is scheduled for the night of his anniversary! Instead of just coming clean to Tiffani, Jake attempts to go on both dates at the same time. That was a pretty dumb idea on Jake’s part and it helps to explain why Tiffani has been cheating with Blumford.

Needless to say, Jake’s dumbass plan explodes in his face. Fortunately, the Dreams know how to fix the situation, They hold a dating game of their own so that Jake and Tiffani can see that they belong together. Tony is the host and William James Jones totally throws himself into the performance. For some reason, the fake dating game is held at Sharky’s. As far as I could tell, no one was ordering food during the dating game. If Sharky’s goes out of business, blame it on the Dreams and their constant drama.

These two episodes felt very much like they belonged more on Saved By The Bell than California Dreams but no matter! This cast long ago proved that they had the chemistry necessary to transcend even mundane material and that’s certainly what happens here. Jake and Tiffani forgive each other and the audiences says, “Awwww!’ but somewhere, Principal Blumford’s heart is breaking.

Retro Television Reviews: The Brady Bunch Hour Episode 1.6

Posted on February 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh, we’re doing this again.

*sigh*

Okay….

Episode 1.6

(Dir by Jack Regas, Originally aired on March 28th, 1977)

As always, we open with the Kroftettes doing a kick line and then jumping into the pool as the announcer warns us all that we’re about the spend an hour with The Brady Bunch, Rip Taylor, Rich Little, and Edgar Bergen.

The audience goes crazy as the Bradys run out on to perform their opening number and why shouldn’t the audience be excited? For once, the Bunch is performing a song that was written after the Great Depression. In fact, I’ve Got The Music In Me was only 3 years old when the Brady Bunch performed it. Wisely, Fake Jan gets to sing the majority of the song while the rest of the Bradys just focus on the chorus. While the other members of the cast stare directly at the camera and struggle to remember one of the simplest choruses ever written, Geri Reischl shows off why she was the only Brady kid to have a truly successful musical career after this show ended.

The Kroftettes smile as they perform this week’s water ballet. The pool is full of balloons. Somehow, the underwater Krotettes manage to smile and hold their breath at the same time. Still, as the song ends, we get one of the show’s trademark close-ups of all of the Bradys gasping for breath, just so we know who really had to work hard on this show.

It’s time for the opening banter! Greg thinks that the Bradys should make a movie. Carol suggests that they make a movie called Greg Doesn’t Live Here Anymore. Uhmm, Carol, you tried that a few weeks ago. Remember? Greg moved out for 16 hours and everyone had a nervous breakdown.

We then cut to a production number so hideous that I can’t even get a decent screenshot of it.

The Bradys are all dressed up as scarecrows and, along with someone dressed up like a crow, they do a square dance while singing Consider Yourself. Consider Yourself is a song from Oliver!, which is a music that is based on Charles Dickens’s Oliver Twist. How exactly one associates Oliver! with a bunch of scarecrows dancing with a crow, I’m not sure. Cocaine was very popular in the 70s and that sun in the sky looks like it probably just took a snort from the moon’s coke spoon.

As the song ends, Bobby, Cindy, and Fake Jan announce that their next guest will be ventriloquist Edgar Bergen. They then argue about whether or not Bobby should have introduced Bergen’s dummy, Charlie McCarthy, as well. Edgar comes out and tells the Brady kids about how ventriloquism works. He says that his job involves using a dummy. “In our house, our dummy is Bobby,” Cindy says. That’s kind of mean, especially coming from Cindy who isn’t exactly going to be joining the Honor Society anytime soon.

Finally, Edgar brings out his dummy and they discuss pizza. “I don’t like those EYE-talian dishes,” the dummy says.

THAT DUMMY’S A BIGOT!

Speaking of dummies, we then cut to Rip Taylor who says that he was was supposed to introduce impressionist Rich Little but he can’t because there was an accident at rehearsals yesterday. We then get a flashback of Rich Little attempting to impersonate a swimmer by jumping into the pool. Underwater, Rich Little’s stunt double collides with Cindy and — oh no! — Rich Little has amnesia.

(In the 70s, Rich Little was one of the original cast members of Orson Welles’s The Other Side of The Wind. Despite having a key supporting role, Little reportedly left the production rather abruptly. I sincerely hope that he didn’t leave because he got offered The Brady Bunch Hour. That said, Peter Bogdonavich replaced Little on Welles’s film and gave an excellent performance as Brooks Otterlake.)

At the Brady Compound, Cindy feels bad for giving Rich Little amnesia and really, she should. STUPID CINDY! Things get even more awkward with Rich Little’s wife calls and asks how her husband is doing and Carol just can’t bring herself to admit that Rich has amnesia. Rich eventually shows up in the living room and tries to remember who he is by doing a series of imitations of people who he claims not to remember.

“What are we going to do!?” Carol wails.

“Frankly my dear,” Rich replies, “I don’t give a damn.”

Cut to Edgar Bergen and a dummy welcoming us to the second half of the Brady Bunch Hour. “These people don’t care about our problems,” Edgar says, “They want to know what happened to Rich Little.” Damn straight, Edgar.

At the Brady Compound, Alice tells Carol and Mike that Rich is asleep and they both hope that he’ll wake up as Rich. Cindy then comes in, still whining about how she’s responsible for Rich losing his memory. Carol tells her that, “This could have happened to anyone.” Stop lying, Carol. This literally could not have happened to anyone.

Rich wakes up and announces that he now remembers that he’s one of the Brady kids. Unfortunately, it turns out that he thinks that he’s the youngest and therefore most immature of all the Bradys. Of course, Rip Taylor shows up and explains that he’s also a psychologist and he can help Rich gets his memory back. What’s odd is that Rip is playing his character, Jackie Merrill, in this scene but he previously appeared as himself when he told us that Rich got amnesia at rehearsals. Seriously, not even the show could keep straight what was going on.

Anyway, Rich jumps into the ocean and bumps into Rip Taylor and he gets his memory back. Gee, I’m glad that worked out.

We then cut to Peter begging Greg not to toss him into the pool this week because he has a crush on this week’s musical guest. Mike shows up and says the weekly pool thing is getting boring and if there’s anything Mike knows, it’s how to be boring. Greg and Peter work together to throw Mike in the pool. Mike looks pretty mad so I guess we know which two sons are going to end up getting beaten once filming on the episode is wrapped.

A folk singer named Melanie comes out and sings a song in front of the pool.

Screenshots From Hell

Carol comes out and sings a song called Beautiful Noise. Beautiful Noise was only a year old when it appeared on The Brady Bunch Hour. Did someone at the show finally get the memo that trying to make The Brady Bunch look cool by having them sing showtunes from 1920s wasn’t working? As for the song itself, Florence Henderson has a good voice but she still oversings it. In all fairness, it’s hard to blame her for that. That was just her style of singing and it’s not her fault that she was often given songs that really weren’t right for her.

Next up is a weird skit where Ann B. Davis plays Apple Annie, a woman in the 40s who, one day, is given a wooden puppet named Pinocchio who dreams of being a real boy. Christopher Knight plays the puppet while Florence Henderson provides the voice of the fairy godmother who promises that he will someday become a real boy. Then Rip Taylor shows up as a director who wants to turn Pinocchio into a star. Maureen McCormick and and Barry Williams play Pinocchio’s co-stars and somehow, it all ends with everyone singing Ease On Down The Road from The Wiz. This skit goes on forever and it’s painfully unfunny. Cocaine was very popular in the 70s.

We then cut Greg, Peter, and Marcia talking about how Peter never knows what the finale is going to be. This time, Peter swears he knows what the finale is but then he admits that he doesn’t know what the finale is. Greg says, “You never what the finale is,” and OH MY GOD, MAKE IT STOP!

Carol and Mike come out. “Hi, kids are you ready for the finale?”

“I don’t know what the finale is,” Peter replies.

“You never what the finale is,” Mike says….

SHUT UP!

Anyway, Carol says that the finale is songs about the movies and then everyone scurries off stage. I will never understand why this show always thought it was a good idea to start every finale with everyone running off stage in a panic.

Mike and Carol get things started by singing That’s Entertainment! There’s nothing more hip than that, right?

Speaking of hip, here comes Greg to sing Pinball Wizard! Greg pays homage to Elton John by wearing big sunglasses.

Carol oversings For All We Know, from the 1970 films Lovers and Other Strangers.

The Kroftettes stand around while The Pink Panther theme plays.

The Brady Kids sing Live and Let Die with all of the wholesome enthusiasm of a church youth group.

Yes, they’re singing Live and Let Die.

Rip Taylor sings that annoying Superblahblahblah song from Mary Poppins.

Melanie, looking as if she realizes her career will never recover, sings Over The Rainbow.

And then the entire cast comes out to reprise That’s Entertainment!

And that’s it! This episode actually had potential. Rich Little thinking that he was a Brady Kid could have actually been funny but, in the end, the show didn’t really do much with it. The show tried to liven things up with some songs that had been written after the 20s but the Bradys were so naturally square that it didn’t really make much difference.

Next week: Marcia gets engaged! Awwwwwww!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.25 “Mom on the Rocks” and 4.1 “Kickin’ It”

Posted on February 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, one season ends and another begins. Will City Guys never end!?

Episode 3.25 “Mom on the Rocks”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on June 10th, 2000)

The third season comes to an end with …. mid-terms!

Mid-terms? Does school never end in the world of City Guys!? Is there no summer in New York City? Still, Ms. Noble assures everyone that they’ll be fine if “you’ve kept up with the school work.” I’m not sure how they’re supposed to keep up with anything when Ms. Noble is constantly giving them community service assignments but whatever. Someday, these students will graduate and discover that none of them have the slightest idea how to live without Ms. Noble telling them what to do.

Dawn is directing the school’s ballet (which is called, I kid you not, Cinderella In The Hood) and she needs an extra dancer. L-Train volunteers (“Can I get jiggy with it?”) and this, of course, leads to a lot of “Oh my God, a man is wearing tights” jokes. Jamal and Al also volunteer to work crew, mostly so they can hit on the dancers. (From my experience, this was actually a pretty accurate reflection of what the crew usually did during high school dance performances. Of course, it was also my experience that the stage crew tended to get in the way and no one would be caught dead checking any of them out.) Isn’t Al dating Dawn? I guess this is another case of NBC showing the episodes out-of-order. Anyway, if you couldn’t guess that two dancers are going to end up with broken toes and Jamal and Al are going to end up having to replace them, then you obviously didn’t see the episode of Saved By The Bell where Zack discovered he was one credit short of graduating.

(Of course, the dance is being performed on the roof of the school! How is that even practical? Does Manny High not have an auditorium?)

Dawn has more problems than just the fact that she’s apparently not a very good ballet director. She’s also agreed to tutor Chris and Cassidy on Biology but when they show up at Dawn’s house, they discover that Dawn’s mother (Jennifer Savidge) is an alcoholic! The next day, at school, Cassidy shows Chris all of the AA and Al-anon pamphlets that she’s spent the night collecting. Chris suggests that maybe they should stay out of it. “We have to do something!” Cassidy exclaims. Why, Cassidy? Why do you have to do something? It’s not your problem. To me, this is more evidence of the influence of Ms. Noble. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to leave people alone and let them deal with things on their own schedule.

Anyway, just as you probably guessed that Al and Jamal were going to end up wearing tights, you probably also guessed that Dawn’s mother is going to show up for the performance drunk. Dawn gets embarrassed but luckily Ms. Noble is there to tell Dawn that she shouldn’t have tried to hide her mother’s problem in the first place. Wait? What? Go away, Ms. Noble. Seriously, what was Dawn supposed to do? Walk into school and tell everyone that her mother was an alcoholic? Add to that, this is season 3 of this dumbass show. After three years of Dawn relentlessly pushing herself to always be the best and basically having a panic attack over the least little thing, how did it never occur to anyone that maybe Dawn had issues at home? It’s not Dawn’s responsibility to tell anyone. If anything, it seems like everyone else failed in their responsibilities towards her.

Ms. Noble also mentions that Cassidy and Chris got Dawn’s mother some coffee. Dawn’s mother then shows up, magically sober, and says that she’s willing to go to AA. Screw AA. It looks like all she needs is coffee!

This episode was cringe city. Let’s move on to the fourth season.

Episode 4.1 “Kickin’ It”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 23rd, 2000)

The fourth season begins with the school year already in swing. Al is a star soccer player and….

Wait. Let me re-read that to make sure I didn’t get that wrong.

Since when — in all of the episodes that have preceded this one — has Al ever shown any athletic ability? Then again, the show randomly turned Jamal into a baseball superstar so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Al is suddenly New York’s best teenage soccer player. Unfortunately, Al is so good at soccer that his coach encourages him to focus more on playing than studying. Fortunately, Ms. Noble catches him and L-Train giving a weakass oral report on Abraham Lincoln and she not only tells Al to get himself together but that he’s getting an F on his report. (L-Train, meanwhile, is just an innocent bystander who also gets an F because he was unlucky enough to be partnered with Al.) Al realizes that he needs to do better in school so he tells the coach not to give him any more special treatment. (That would definitely happen, as teenagers are notorious for refusing special treatment.)

Meanwhile, Ms. Noble wants to lose some weight because her high school reunion is coming up and she is looking forward to seeing an old boyfriend. Cassie, Chris, and Jamal make it their duty to help Ms. Noble get in shape. Cassie is so excited when she hears that Noble want to impress a man. Uh, kids — WHY DO YOU CARE!? SHE’S YOUR PRINCIPAL! NO ONE CARES ABOUT THEIR PRINCIPAL! And, seriously, doesn’t Ms. Noble ever get tired of having to share every aspect of her personal life with her students?

Anyway, the kids decide to crash Ms. Noble’s high school reunion so that they can tell her ex-boyfriend about all the success that Ms. Noble has had in her life since she was in high school and …. actually, you know what? This is too stupid to even detail. I mean, the reunion is held on the freaking roof of Manny High, for God’s sake. This is such a dumb show and I’ve still got 51 more episodes left to review. So, I’ll just wrap things up that Ms. Noble and her boyfriend head off to the auditorium, where I assume they’re going to spend the entire reunion having nostalgia sex. As a result, we now know that this school has an auditorium and there’s absolutely no reason why everything has to be done on the roof.

As for next week’s episodes, I’m sure something will happen that will annoy me.