I was finally able to get caught up on some of my shows this week. Here some thoughts on what I watched.
Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)
I’m kind of worried. There’s so much about this show that works but I worry that it’s going to lose sight of all of those things by getting bogged down with this whole Charter school subplot. This week was great when Jacob was freaking out over the mural and when Janine and Gregory were trying to work up the courage to tell Maurice about what happened at the convention. (And I loved Maurice’s reaction to the news.) But the Charter school stuff is such a drag! It’s the same sort of thing that ultimately kept Parks and Rec from being as good as it could have been.
American Idol (Sunday Night, ABC)
I watched the two latest episodes of American Idol on Hulu on Monday. It’s always a bit weird to me when I see the newest episodes of the show and I see how positive and friendly the judges are. Obviously, times have changed and I guess you couldn’t really get away with Simon and Randy laughing at someone for having a bad voice nowadays. Today, old school American Idol would probably be seen as bullying. I’m not necessarily saying that the show should go back to its old style. To be honest, I always hated it whenever someone who was obviously developmentally challenged was brought in to audition just so the show could try to score a few mean-spirited laughs off of them. Still, the upbeat atmosphere of the current version of the show feels a bit forced at times.
The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)
I watched the last three or four episodes this week. They all kind of blended together but I’m all caught up now. Zach is not particularly interesting but I did enjoy seeing London. If I don’t seem like I’m really into this season …. well, I’m not. To be honest, I kind of feel like maybe this franchise needs to either take a longer break between seasons or change up the format a bit. When the show’s bachelor or bachelorette is interesting, it’s fine if the season itself is a bit predictable. But when you got someone like Zach, it becomes a lot harder to overlook just how artificial this entire show is.
On Sunday, I watched and wrote up reviews for several hours worth of City Guys. As such, I won’t have to watch the show again until June. Yay! Read this week’s review by clicking here!
Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)
I got caught up on the last four episodes of Ghosts this morning and I have to say, it remains a surprisingly fun show. Depending on what happens with all that charter school nonsense, there’s a chance that Ghosts could replace Abbott Elementary as the best sitcom to currently air on network television.
This is a British true crime series about women and men who were killed by their lovers. I watched two episodes on Wednesday morning. I fell asleep while watching the third episode, not because it was boring but just because it was three in the morning. I’m pretty sure I had a bad dream or two as a result of watching this before dozing off.
Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)
This week, Abby’s mother dropped by the court and Abby, as usual, reacted in a totally unprofessional way. There is a part of me that really wants to this show to improve, just because I do like Melissa Rauch and John Larroquette can get laughs out of even the weakest of lines. But there’s just a blandness at the heart of Night Court. Even writing up these very brief reviews, I sometimes struggle to really come up with anything to say about the show. It’s neither great nor terrible. It’s just kind of there.
The SAG Awards (Sunday Night, YouTube)
This year, the SAG Awards were broadcast on YouTube, which I think is probably a sign of things to come. It might not happen for a few years but, eventually, the Oscars are going to be an exclusively streaming event as well. I’ve always assumed that the inevitable move to a streaming platform would improve the Oscars but, to be honest, the SAG Awards on YouTube were just as bland as the SAG Awards on television so who knows?
I was a little bit surprised at how completely Everything Everywhere All At Once swept the awards. I was expecting the film to win Best Ensemble but I was certainly not expecting Jamie Lee Curtis to beat Angela Bassett for the Supporting Actress award. Other than that, the SAG Awards were most memorable for Fran Drescher announcing that SAG is apparently going to save the world. Good for them!
(Actually, as I watched Fran Descher’s speech, I suddenly remembered that she lobbied to be appointed to the Senate after Hillary Clinton become Secretary of State. U.S. Sen. Drescher? Actually, that’s kind of a fun idea.)
South Park (Wednesday Night, Comedy Central)
I’m happy to say that I’m now caught up on the latest season of South Park. “We want our privacy!”
The Weather (Thursday Night, Every Channel in North Texas)
On Thursday, North Texas got hit by a huge thunderstorm and there were rumors of tornadoes in the area. The local weather people were overjoyed to have an excuse to interrupt regularly scheduled programming. For an hour or two, they went out of their way to try to terrify anyone watching. “We think we may have spotted some tornadic activity!” Fortunately, North Texas survived but you better believe these folks will be patting themselves on the back for at least the rest of the month.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, Jake learns an important lesson about how ruthless and heartless the music business actually is. Meanwhile, Sly is forced to defend a lifetime of bad ethical choices.
Episode 4.5 “Fallen Idol”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 14th, 1995)
Never meet your idols!
Jake learns that lesson the hard way when his hero, faded rock star Zane Walker (Julian Stone), wanders into Sharky’s. Jake is stunned to see Zane. Jake is overjoyed when Zane agrees to listen to the Dreams play. And Jake is stunned when Zane steals Jake’s latest song and releases his own version of it. The song becomes a hit in record time. (Apparently, it only took about a week for Zane to steal the song, record it, and then release it.) Jake and the Dreams crash Zane’s press conference, with Jake still convinced that Zane is going to give Jake credit for writing the song. Instead, Zane smirks and takes all the credit for himself. Tiffani and Sly suggest suing Zane. Jake replies that it’s not about the song. He can write a hundred good songs. But he’ll never get another idol….
Wow, what a depressing episode! I mean, Jay Anthony Franke really poured his heart into his performance and it’s good that the show taught kids about the importance of copyright laws but still…. let’s move on to something happier.
Episode 4.6 “Defending Sly’s Life”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)
The episode opens in a court room. All of the Dreams are in costume. Sam is a court reporter. Jake is a judge. Tiffani and Tony are lawyers. Poor Mark and Lorena are forced to wear unflattering bailiff’s uniforms. Meanwhile, Sly is wearing an orange jumpsuit because apparently, he’s on trial for being the most greedy, selfish guy on Earth. Tony is his lawyer. Tiffani is the prosecutor.
Is this a dream?
No, it’s a clip show. Each member of the Dreams testifies about how Sly has been both a bad and a good friend. Why are they in court? It’s never really explained and I actually appreciated that. It was a nice break from the usual “Remember that time that we played Sharky’s?” format of most clip shows. Interestingly enough, we even get clips from the first two seasons despite the fact that there’s no way Sam, Lorena, and Mark could have remembered any of that stuff. But at least the show is acknowledging that Matt Garrison and his sister used to be members of the Dreams.
(If I may briefly go off-topic, I always found it weird that, after Matt left, the Dreams went on without him. I mean, Matt started the band. He named the band! Was he okay with the Dreams continuing to perform his songs and under the name he came up with even after he left? Did Jake and the other band members even ask? After he moved, they could have at least come up with a new name for themselves. I would have suggested something like Jake Sommers and Funtime Quartet.)
Anyway, after all the Dreams testify about all of the sneaky things that he’s done, Sly testifies about the time that he helped Tiffani get off the steroids that he had previously given her. Apparently, that’s enough to convince Judge Jake to rule that Sly is not the most selfish person on Earth and Sly is allowed to go free. What would have happened if Sly had been found guilty? Who knows? I just like the fact that this totally weird episode came out of nowhere and will probably never be mentioned again. This is something that you won’t ever see on City Guys or One World!
Next week, the recently acquitted Sly is rude to multiple people, therefore proving that Jake shouldn’t have been the judge.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Brady Bunch Hour, which ran on ABC from 1976 to 1977. All nine episodes can be found on YouTube!
This week, Marcia’s getting married!
Episode 1.7
(Dir by Jack Regas, originally aired on April 4th, 1977)
We open, as always, with the Kroftettes doing a line dance in front of the pool. The announcer introduces the Brady Bunch and informs us that this week’s guest stars include Rip Taylor, Redd Foxx and The Ohio Players. The audience goes wild.
The Brady Bunch comes out, all dressed in red. They sing a song called Celebrate. It’s not the Celebrate Good Times Come On song. Instead, the lyrics are like, “I want to celebrate another good day blah blah blah.” According to Wikipedia, this song was originally recorded in 1968 by Three Dog Night. So, this song was only nine years old when the Bradys performed it. Considering that the Bradys usually performed the greatest hits of the 20s and 30s, that’s actually kind of amazing. That said, the family is so off-key and look so nervous while going through their very simple dance moves, you’ll want to celebrate when the song ends.
Of course, you may want to reconsider that reaction when you realize that the end of the song leads to the Bradys bantering. Cindy, proving herself once again to be the dumbest member of the family, asks, “What are we celebrating!?” with all the frantic energy of someone trying to figure out how to disarm a bomb.
“We’re back with another Brady Bunch hour!” Carol declares.
“YEAH!” the Brady Bunch children yell.
Mike announces that their special guest star tonight is “one of our daughter’s favorites, the star of Welcome Back Kotter–” TRAVOLTA? — “Robert Hegyes!” Oh. Well, he’s probably cool too. I’ve never seen Welcome Back Kotter. Fake Jan announces that the Ohio Players will be providing music. Peter says that “our good friend, Rip Taylor!” is in the studio. Greg announces that the Kroftettes and the Water Follies are going to be on the show. (They’re on the show every week, Greg.)
Suddenly, the notoriously profane nightclub comic, Redd Foxx, wanders out on stage and announces that he is going to have his own variety show, “right here on ABC.” Redd says that he’s going to hang around and watch everyone so that he can get ideas for “The Redd Foxx Comedy Hour.” Redd leaves the stage fairly quickly and I don’t blame him.
After we return from commercial, the Bradys sing If They Could See Me Now while dressed up as a wind-up dolls, complete with big keys sticking out of their backs.
Rip Taylor and Ann B. Davis come out on stage and start to awkwardly trade jokes about whether or not Rip was ever a young man. (Apparently, Ann B. Davis was very religious and Rip Taylor was very ribald and, as a result, Ann only spoke to Rip when they were onstage together.) The skit is interrupted by Redd Foxx, who comes out, insults Rip Taylor’s sideburns, and tells them to just go to the flashback showing what happened earlier this week.
We cut to the Brady Compound. Cindy and Bobby are arguing because, while they were out roller skating, Cindy met a guy but Bobby thinks the guy is a creep. Bobby told the guy to back off and then says he can’t understand why anyone would want to talk to Cindy or why Cindy would want to talk to them.
“Our little girl is becoming a woman,” Mike says, in a line that is not at all creepy.
Alice the Maid enters the living room and refuses to tell Mike where she’s been for the past few hours. Mike finds it amusing that his mad thinks that she can have a personal life. It turns out that she was hanging out with Jackie Merrill. Apparently, she and Jackie are a couple now, despite the fact that Jackie is Rip Taylor. Whatever happened to Sam the Butcher? For that matter, why is Alice even in Hollywood? Just because Mike decided to ruin his children’s lives by producing a variety show, does that mean Alice’s life has to be ruined as well?
Fake Jan comes into the living room and complains that she doesn’t have a boyfriend to drive her around. Her parents tell her to stop crying and accept that she’s the middle child.
Greg comes in the living room and worries that Marcia is acting a little weird. He mentions that Marcia is going out with some new guy, which takes Mike and Carol by surprise. Marcia finally enters the living room and announces that she wants her parents to meet her new boyfriend. She explains that he’s totally soulful and vulnerable and poetic.
“It’s either got to be Walter Cronkite or David Bowie,” Carol says.
Nope, it’s Winston Beaumont, played by tonight’s special guest star, Robert Hegyes.
After Winston flashes a peace sign and elaborately shakes everyone’s hands, Marcia announces that she and Winston are engaged.
“Whoa!” the audience says in unison.
We then cut to a cemetery, where Greg, Fake Jan, and Marcia sing Southern Nights. It’s actually a good song for Greg and Marcia’s limited vocal range. That said, Fake Jan’s voice is so good that it serves to remind the viewer of how vocally limited everyone else on the show (except for Florence Henderson) actually was.
We cut to Cindy asking Peter if he thinks that she’s pretty. Peter tells her that she’s totally awesome and that he would totally go out with her if she was a little older and if she wasn’t his sister. Technically, Cindy is only his stepsister but still …. ick! Redd Foxx comes out and asks how things are going with Winston. “Watch this!” Peter says.
Cut to the Brady Compound, where Mike and Carol ask Marcia and Winston what they mean by engaged. Marcia says they’re going to get married. Winston says Marcia is totally outrageous. “Hate is a four-letter word, man,” Winston says. And it’s true! Greg sits in the corner of the living room and stews. I guess it makes sense that Greg would be angry. Greg couldn’t even handle moving out of the house for two days and now, Marcia is getting married!
Mike says that he and Carol need to think all of this over. You can think about it all you want, Mike. Marcia’s over eighteen and can marry anyone she wants. Winston and Greg leave the living room and Mike tells Marcia that she’s not getting married. “I don’t want him to be my son-in-law,” Mike says. Marcia announces that she’s going to marry Winston whether they like it or not. “Whoa!” the audience says.
The next day, at the breakfast table, Alice tells Mike and Carol that sometimes, it’s hard to understand what people see in each other. Carol, in typical Brady fashion, responds to Alice’s attempted kindness by giving her a hard time about dating Mr. Merrill. On cue, Mr. Merrill stops by to see Alice and, misinterpreting the conversation, accuses Carol and Mike of trying to break up him and Alice. This leads to three minutes of Rip Taylor shouting, which somehow also leads to Mike and Carol deciding that they need to get to know their future son-in-law. Mercifully, the scene ends and the show goes to commercial. Since this show aired in 1977, it was probably a disco-themed car commercial starring California Governor Jerry Brown and the future king of England.
“And Jerry, it’s got more torque and handling than the average truck. Now, let’s boogie!”
We return to Mike and Carol standing on stage and introducing the second half of the show.
“In case you just joined us….” Carol starts.
“You should be ashamed of yourself! You’re half-an-hour late!” Mike snaps.
Redd Foxx walks out on stage and asks Mike why he doesn’t like Winston.
“Would you like your daughter to marry a mellow cat!?” Mike demands.
This is a weird episode.
Anyway, we then cut to the Brady Compound, where Greg is whining that Winston refuses to play beach volleyball because “he says sand has feelings!” It turns out that the entire family, except for Marcia and Peter, dislikes Winston. Marcia, of course, loves Winston because he’s her man. Peter likes Winston because Winston is apparently a baseball fan. Peter evens tells Marcia about how Winston was talking to a girl in “a tiny bikini” about baseball.
(Random sidenote: Winston should meet my sister!)
Marcia realizes that she and Winston have never discussed baseball. She also says that she just now noticed that Winston seems to agree with everything that he hears. She accuses him on being a phony. “I’m Marcia,” she snaps, “but who are you?” (Actually, you’re Maureen McCormick and you’re on a show pretending to be a part of an imaginary family.) Marcia dumps Winston so I guess that storyline magically resolved itself.
The show cuts to Greg and Peter standing by the pool. Peter tells Greg to just get it over with and push him into the pool. Peter seems to be so traumatized by the whole pool thing that it’s hard not to feel that Greg is one of the world’s greatest monsters. Peter ends up jumping into the pool himself, just to get it over with. Redd Foxx comes out and announces that he will be stealing the pool gag for his show but instead, it’s going to be a pool table. Redd then says, “I take care of my brothers,” before shoving Greg in the pool.
Redd introduces a band called The Ohio Players. The Ohio Players are best-known for a song called Love Rollercoaster but, on this show, they perform a song called Fire, which I immediately recognized as the theme song from Hell’s Kitchen.
We then cut to Florence Henderson singing her song of the week. This time, she sings How Lucky Can You Get? from Funny Lady. It’s not a bad performance. Florence could sing and this song is a good one for her somewhat overdramatic style. That said, Florence Henderson is no Ohio Player.
Redd Foxx comes out on stage and says, “Don’t tell the Bradys but I’m going to split now.” I don’t blame you, Redd. Redd admits that he’s not sure if he can do a Brady-style of show. “I can’t smile all the time,” Redd says. Redd also says he’s not sure if he can handle having six white folks on his show. Redd goes on to say that he can’t do any silly stories on his show, “like that thing about Marcia wanting to marry that dude.” Redd assures the audience, “The Redd Foxx isn’t going to look like the Brady Bunch Hour” and then walks off stage.
(According to the imbd, The Redd Foxx Comedy Hour was renamed Redd Foxx and aired in September of 1977. One more episode followed in 1978 and then the show was canceled. Among Redd’s guests were comedian Andy Kaufman and anti-gay rights activist Anita Bryant.)
It’s time for the finale! The Bradys stand on stage, holding flowers. Greg bitches that Marcia got a dozen roses while he got one crummy carnation. (Gee, I can’t imagine why Redd Foxx didn’t want to stick around for this.) Peter points out that he doesn’t even have a flower. “I’ve got a crummy onion!” Carol explains that he’s actually holding tulip bulb and Peter asks if Thomas Edison invited the tulip and WILL YOU GUYS JUST START THE GOT DANG FINALE!?
The finale music starts and the Bradys run off the stage in a panic.
Check out the finale for yourself! Some things just need to be seen.
This episode was actually not as painful as some of the previous ones, as the Brady banter was kept to a minimum and the Ohio Players performance of Fire definitely livened things up. The Bradys are still pretty annoying but at least Redd Foxx was there to assure us that he found them to be annoying too. Interestingly enough, the idea of Marcia Brady marrying a free-spirited mellow dude was reused in The Brady Brides. So, even though The Brady Bunch Hour has been deemed non-canonical by most Brady scholars (*snicker*), perhaps this show did have some influence on the Bunch’s future after all.
Next week, it’s the episode I’ve been waiting for. It’s …. DISCO NIGHT!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Oh, Hell, it’s that time of week, isn’t it? It’s time to watch City Guys.
Episode 4.2 “The Users”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 23rd, 2000)
It’s midterm time!
Wasn’t it midterm time two episodes ago? And the episode before that? And maybe even before that? My point is that Manny High seems to have a lot of midterms. I mean, when I was in high school and college, you only took midterms once per semester because you could only be halfway through once. Manny High has midterms every week!
Chris and Jamal are not only worried about passing their midterms. They’re also concerned about what to do with Jasper, who is their new techie at the student radio station. Jasper is very friendly and a very exuberant and very annoying. Chris and Jamal feel that he’s trying too hard to be edgy and street and that’s really saying something when you consider that Chris and Jamal are the two biggest phonies not named Al at Manny High. Jasper also appears to be in his 30s but he swears that he’s a student and that he’s got a straight-A average. Chris and Jamal befriend Jasper so that he’ll tutor them but, when they get a chance to score an internship with a bigtime radio DJ, Chris and Jamal conspire to keep Jasper from finding out. (Oh my God, they’re just using Jasper! They’re users! The episode’s title makes sense!) After sending Jamal across town to pick up a fictional lunch order, Chris does his crappy Homer Simpson impersonation and the DJ is so impressed that it’s suddenly easy to understand why people eventually stopped listening to the radio. Unfortunately, Jasper makes his way to back to the radio station earlier than expected, finds out about the internship, and gets his feelings hurt. Realizing that they are the two worst people in the world, Chis and Jamal apologize to him.
“Yo yo, Jas,” Jamal says, “We didn’t mean to diss you, man.”
“Yeah,” Chris says, “we decided to give you some props.”
Yeah, guys, Jasper is definitely the one who is trying too hard….
(I am dramatically rolling my eyes.)
Anyway, Chris, Jamal, and Jasper all get the internship but, fortunately, it’s a summer internship so I guess we won’t actually have to watch any of the undoubtedly wacky adventures that they’ll have together.
Meanwhile, Ms. Noble is yelling at everyone. You would think that this would lead to all the students finally figuring out that their principal is not their friends but instead, Dawn, Cassidy, and Al discover that Ms. Noble is having man trouble and they decide to fix things between her and her boyfriend. (Her boyfriend, by the way, is the same guy that Ms. Noble had nostalgia sex with last week.) It turns out that her boyfriend has been working late every night because he’s been trying to save up enough money to buy Ms. Noble an engagement ring. He proposes to her at the crappy diner where all the students hang out. The audience goes crazy. Cassidy and Dawn get tears in their eyes. People — SHE’S THE PRINCIPAL! NOBODY IN HISTORY OF HIGH SCHOOL HAS EVER CARED THIS MUCH ABOUT THEIR PRINCIPAL!
God, this show is annoying. Let’s move on!
Episode 4.3 “Cheat Happens”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 30th, 2000)
Mid-terms are over and it’s time for finals. We’re only three episodes into the series and it’s already time for finals? What the heck? Anyway, Jamal says he’s not worried about his chemistry final because “this brother’s all about chemistry.” Plus, Jamal says, “Jamal ain’t down with summer school.”
“Bam! Bam! Bam!” Chris later shouts, as he turns in his final. Chris is feeling confident because he and Jamal made cheat sheets for the final. Even though they lost the cheat sheets, Chris and Jamal apparently learned everything about Chemistry while making them. Unfortunately, it turns out that they accidentally put the cheat sheets in L-Train’s textbook and when Ms. Noble spots the sheets, she accuses L-Train of cheating. When L-Train refuses to confess to cheating, Ms. Noble announces that the entire class will have to retake the test. Everyone blames L-Train. Chris and Jamal are the worst human beings ever.
That said, Chris and Jamal may be terrible but at least they know how to host a radio show. On the other hand, when Dawn and Cassidy demand to be allowed to host their own radio show, they totally blow it. I guess telling terrible jokes and doing lame impersonations is a lot more difficult than it looks. Luckily, Dawn and Cassidy get a second chance and, by making fun of the boys, they’re a success! Yay! I don’t know what the future episodes of this show may hold but I have a feeling that we will never again hear a word about Dawn and Cassidy’s radio show.
Anyway, after L-Train nearly gets into a fight trying to defend his honor, Chris and Jamal confess and Ms. Noble replies, “I’ll see you in summer school!” So, I guess that internship’s off! That’ll teach Chris and Jamal to be honest.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, Julie’s parents set sail on The Love Boat!
Episode 2.3 “Rocky/Julie’s Dilemma/Who’s Who?”
(Dir by Allen Baron and Roger Duchowny, originally aired on September 23rd, 1978)
Julie is super-excited because her parents, Bill (Norman Fell) and Martha (Betty Garrett), are going to be on this cruise. Her parents, meanwhile, are only slightly excited about seeing where Julie works and getting to see all of the members of the crew. They would perhaps be more excited if not for the fact that they’re planning on getting a divorce as soon as the cruise is over. They haven’t told Julie, of course. In fact, they tell Captain Stubing before they tell Julie. Why would they tell someone whom they’ve only know for ten minutes before they would tell their own daughter? What awful parents!
When they do eventually tell Julie, she has an emotional breakdown and runs through the corridors of the ship, sobbing. Listen, I’ve been there. When my parents told me that they were getting divorced, I had a difficult time with it as well. Of course, I was twelve years old, whereas Julie is in her late 20s. Still, it’s never easy. Fortunately, Julie realizes that her parents still love each other so she just sets them up with different people on the boat so that they can get jealous and fall back in love. And it works! Julie’s parents get back together….
Which is nice, I guess. I mean, one doesn’t watch The Love Boat because one wants to see a realistic story about the complexities of love and marriage. Still, the show made it look so simple that it got on my nerves. It’s not that simple and any actual child of divorce can tell you that. Again, it’s The Love Boat so perhaps I shouldn’t judge too harshly but I would have had so much more respect for the show if Bill and Martha had told Julie that they were still getting a divorce at the end of the cruise. It would have been a lot more honest than presenting a story where a marriage can be saved by wishful thinking.
While Julie was trying to save her parent’s marriage and prevent several years of awkward holidays, a young girl named Rocky (Melissa Gilbert) was developing her first crush on a boy named Norman (Jimmy Baio). It was actually a sweet little story and both Melissa Gilbert and Jimmy Baio gave likable performances. When Rocky learned that her family would be moving after the cruise, she was upset until she learned that their new home would be in El Paso, which was also where Norman and his family lived. Again, it was simple but sweet. And it went along well with the divorce storyline. While one relationship nearly ended, another began.
Finally, in the silliest story of the week, TV network censor Pat (Dody Goodman) boards the ship and is told that she will be sharing a cabin with Marion Atkins. That’s fine with Pat. Her main concern is making sure that nothing shocking or sordid happens on the cruise. However, it turns out that Marion Atkins (played by James Coco) is actually a guy! Fortunately, Marion turns out to be just as puritanical as Pat. He even brings a bunch of pamphlets on chastity with him for the cruise. Pat and Marion first meet while wandering around the ship and they fall very chastely in love. Since their morals forbid them from following each other to their cabin, they somehow manage to go nearly the entire cruise without realizing that they are living together. When they do realize that they’re cabinmates, they resolve to get married as soon as the boat docks. This whole story was just incredibly dumb and not in a fun way either. Obviously, The Love Boat was taking a swipe at the same network censors who probably insisted that the show be relatively discreet about what was going on behind the closed doors of the ship’s cabins. But Pat and Marion were both so incredibly clueless that it was hard to care about them one way or the other.
This was a bit of uneven episode but, in the end, the boat still looked like a fun place on which to hang out and work. And really, that’s the important thing.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Smiles everyone! Smiles!
Episode 2.11 “Carnival/The Vaudevillians”
(Dir by Georg Stanford Brown, Originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)
Tattoo has come up with a new way to become a millionaire! He’s invented a sleeping bag that he claims can hold two people. Mr. Roarke is a bit skeptical that the small roll of material that Tattoo is holding could possibly be big enough to hold two people. Tattoo tells him that all he has to do is remove a key and the material will inflate. Roarke removes the key and several feathers explode into the air. Tattoo shrugs and says that he obviously has to get back to the drawing board.
“Inventor indeed,” Mr. Roarke says, in a tone that suggests that the only he reason he’s not physically killing Tattoo is because it’s time for them to greet their guests.
(Why is Tattoo always trying to make extra money? Does Fantasy Island not pay well?)
This week, the fantasies are all about reliving the past. Charlie Parks (Phil Silvers) and Will Fields (Phil Harris) used to be stars on Vaudeville but, like so many of the old time entertainers, they’ve now found themselves forgotten. Charlie’s even been put in a nursing home. Still, he manages to make the trip to Fantasy Island, where his fantasy is to be reunited with Will so that they can try to bring Vaudeville back to life.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work. Tattoo loves their corny old jokes but when they perform for a larger audience, they only get a few pity chuckles. Dejected, Charlie plans to return to his retirement home when he and Will are approached by a man who claims that he works for the city of Baltimore. (Oh no! Run!) The man explains that he wants to hire Charlie and Will to perform at nursing homes, where their old-fashioned routines will enliven the golden years of people who don’t like loud music and R-rated movies. Charlie and Will agree. Yay!
Meanwhile, Dorothy Weller (Carol Lynley) is a woman who has spent the past few months in a coma. Now, she’s not sure if the man she thought she loved really existed or if he was just someone she dreamed up while she was in the hospital. Mr. Roarke arranges for her to travel to a recreation of the same Mexican town where she met the mystery man. She finds her former lover, Tom Parnell (Stuart Whitman), on the beach. Tom explains that he is real and he is in love with her. He’s also a spy and there’s an international assassin (an appropriately sinister Luke Askew) after him!
This episode was kind of a mixed bag. The Vaudeville fantasy featured charming performances from Phil Silvers and Phil Harris but their jokes were never quite as funny as Tattoo seemed to think that they were. The spy fantasy was not helped by the casting of the reliably dull Stuart Whitman but the story itself was intriguing and Carol Lynley gave a believable and emotional performance as Dorothy. The end result was a thoroughly pleasant but not altogether memorable trip to Fantasy Island. But really, when it comes to Fantasy Island, hasn’t the appeal always been just how pleasant everything is?
Well, except for the relationship between Tattoo and Mr. Roarke, of course. I still suspect Tattoo is secretly plotting to kill Mr. Roarke and take over the island. Who knows? Maybe that’ll be a future episode. We’ll find out soon!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Please, oh please, let the whole basketball camp thing be over with….
Episode 3.23 “Twister”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 29th, 1997)
At Coach Fuller’s basketball camp….
OH GOD, WE’RE STILL DOING THIS CAMP CRAP!
Anyway, the episode opens with Fuller telling his counselor that the camp is nearly finished — YAY! — and that he’s going to be leaving the counselors in charge of the kids while he goes to the airport to pick up a special guest. However, the counselors have won tickets to a concert. They decide to violate Coach Fuller’s number one rule by taking the campers to the pizza parlor and leaving them there while the counselors take turns going to the concert. Coach will never find out, right?
Speaking of stupidity, Fuller also gives Mary Beth a priceless antique quarter to keep safe. The quarter is worth $50,000. Of course, Vince uses the quarter to get a Coke. So, while the other counselors abandon the kids in a strange pizza parlor, Mary Beth and Vince try to get the quarter out of a vending machine.
Now, you’re probably already guessing that Fuller comes back early. Accompanied by someone who I assume what a member of the WNBA, Fuller stops off at the pizza place. Kristy and Teddy see him pulling up and, in a panic, they rush the kids out through the back door and head back to camp. Unfortunately, a tornado also happens to show up and….
EVERYONE DIES!
No, actually, everyone survives. But, at the same time, they learn a valuable lesson about not allowing themselves to be conned into working as camp counselors by their high school basketball coach. And hopefully, their coach learned a lesson about giving too much authority to a bunch of teenagers who, over the course of 50 episodes, have repeatedly screwed up even the simplest of tasks.
The good thing is that the tornado pretty much destroys the camp so I guess that’s over with now.
Episode 3.24 “Goodnight, Vince”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 29th, 1997)
Yay! We’re back at Deering High! Once again, the team just needs to win one more game to go the state championships but Vince has missed his last few free throws and is suffering from a crisis of confidence. Will he recover? Of course, he does. He takes a nap and has a dream where he sees the future and is reminded that losing one game is not the end of the world. Actually, that’s not a bad message at all. After all the nonsense with the ski lodge and the basketball camp, it’s nice to see a simple episode of Hang Time that actually has something decent to say.
That said, this is a bit of an odd episode in that Julie and Michael do not appear to be dating (indeed, Michael talks about how he can’t wait to hit on the college girls at the state championship). For that matter, Mary Beth is not at all concerned that Vince is having a meltdown and she and Kristy are back to acting like ditzes. My guess is that this episode was probably written and filmed at the start of the season, before the writers decided to turn Julie & Michael and Vince & Mary Beth into couples. It’s not quite as bad as that season of One World where Cray’s age (and height) changed from episode-to-episode but it’s still a bit jarring for those of us who have been paying attention.
But, in the end, continuity be damned. The Tornadoes are going to the state championship!
Outstanding Character Voice-Over Performance – Motion Picture
Keke Palmer – Lightyear (Walt Disney Studios)
Outstanding Short-Form (Live Action)
Dear Mama… (Film Independent)
Outstanding Short-Form (Animated)
More Than I Want To Remember (MTV Entertainment Studios)
Outstanding Breakthrough Creative (Motion Picture)
Ericka Nicole Malone – Remember Me: The Mahalia Jackson Story (Hulu)
TELEVISION + STREAMING CATEGORIES
Outstanding Comedy Series
Abbott Elementary (ABC)
Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series
Cedric The Entertainer – The Neighborhood (CBS)
Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series
Quinta Brunson – Abbott Elementary (ABC)
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Tyler James Williams – Abbott Elementary (ABC)
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Janelle James – Abbott Elementary (ABC)
Outstanding Drama Series
P-Valley (Starz)
Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series
Nicco Annan – P-Valley (Starz)
Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series
Angela Bassett – 9-1-1 (FOX)
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Cliff “Method Man” Smith – Power Book II: Ghost (Starz)
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Loretta Devine – P-Valley (Starz)
Outstanding Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
The Best Man: The Final Chapters (Peacock)
Outstanding Actor in a Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
Morris Chestnut – The Best Man: The Final Chapters (Peacock)
Outstanding Actress in a Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
Niecy Nash-Betts – Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Netflix)
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
Keith David – From Scratch (Netflix)
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Television Movie, Limited-Series or Dramatic Special
Nia Long – The Best Man: The Final Chapters (Peacock)
Outstanding News/Information (Series or Special)
ABC News 20/20 Michelle Obama: The Light We Carry, A Conversation with Robin Roberts (ABC)
Outstanding Talk Series
Sherri (Syndicated)
Outstanding Reality Program, Reality Competition or Game Show (Series)
Lizzo’s Watch Out for the Big Grrrls (Amazon Studios)
Outstanding Variety Show (Series or Special)
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah (Comedy Central)
Outstanding Children’s Program
Tab Time (YouTube Originals)
Outstanding Performance by a Youth (Series, Special, Television Movie or Limited-Series)
Ja’Siah Young – Raising Dion (Netflix)
Outstanding Host in a Talk or News/Information (Series or Special) – Individual or Ensemble
Jennifer Hudson – The Jennifer Hudson Show (Syndicated)
Outstanding Host in a Reality/Reality Competition, Game Show or Variety (Series or Special) – Individual or Ensemble
Tabitha Brown – Tab Time (YouTube Originals)
Outstanding New Artist
Coco Jones – ICU (Def Jam Recordings)
Outstanding Male Artist
Chris Brown – Breezy (Deluxe) (RCA Records/Chris Brown Entertainment)
Outstanding Female Artist
Beyoncé – Renaissance (Columbia Records/Parkwood Entertainment)
Outstanding Gospel/Christian Album
Kingdom Book One – Maverick City Music & Kirk Franklin (Tribl Records, Fo Yo Soul Recordings and RCA Inspiration)
Outstanding International Song
No Woman No Cry – Tems (Def Jam Recordings)
Outstanding Music Video/Visual Album
Lift Me Up – Rihanna (Def Jam Recordings)
Outstanding Album
Renaissance – Beyoncé (Parkwood/Columbia Records)
Outstanding Soundtrack/Compilation Album
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever – Music From and Inspired By – Ryan Coogler, Ludwig Göransson, Archie Davis and Dave Jordan (Hollywood Records)
Outstanding Gospel/Christian Song
Positive – Erica Campbell (My Block Inc.)
Outstanding Jazz Album – Instrumental
JID014 (Jazz is Dead) – Henry Franklin, Ali Shaheed Muhammad, Adrian Younge
Outstanding Jazz Album – Vocal
Legacy – Adam Blackstone (BASSic Black Entertainment Records / Anderson Music Group / Empire)
Outstanding Soul/R&B Song
Cuff It – Beyoncé (Columbia Record/Parkwood Entertainment)
Outstanding Hip Hop/Rap Song
Hotel Lobby – Quavo, Takeoff (Motown Records/Quality Control Music)
Outstanding Duo, Group or Collaboration (Traditional)
Silk Sonic – Love’s Train (Atlantic Records)
Outstanding Duo, Group or Collaboration (Contemporary)
Chris Brown feat. Wizkid – Call Me Every Day (RCA Records/Chris Brown Entertainment)
DOCUMENTARY CATEGORIES
Outstanding Documentary (Film)
Civil (Netflix)
Outstanding Documentary (Television)
Everything’s Gonna be All White (Showtime)
WRITING CATEGORIES
Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series
Brittani Nichols – Abbott Elementary – “Student Transfer” (ABC)
Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series
Marissa Jo Cerar – Women of the Movement – “Episode 101” (ABC)
Outstanding Writing in a Television Movie or Special
Ian Edelman, Maurice Williams – Entergalactic (Netflix)
Outstanding Writing in a Motion Picture
Ryan Coogler – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)
DIRECTING CATEGORIES
Outstanding Directing in a Comedy Series
Angela Barnes – Atlanta – “The Homeliest Little Horse” (FX)
Outstanding Directing in a Drama Series
Giancarlo Esposito – Better Call Saul – “Axe and Grind” (AMC)
Outstanding Directing in a Television Movie or Special
Anton Cropper – Fantasy Football (Paramount+)
Outstanding Directing in a Motion Picture
Gina Prince-Bythewood – The Woman King (Sony Pictures Releasing)
Outstanding Directing in a Documentary (Television or Motion Picture)
Reginald Hudlin – Sidney (Apple TV+)
LITERARY CATEGORIES
Outstanding Literary Work – Fiction
Take My Hand – Dolen Perkins-Valdez (Penguin Random House)
Outstanding Literary Work – Nonfiction
Finding Me – Viola Davis (HarperCollins Publishers)
Outstanding Literary Work – Debut Author
Illustrated Black History: Honoring the Iconic and the Unseen – George McCalman (HarperCollins)
Outstanding Literary Work – Biography/Autobiography
Scenes from My Life – Raphael G. Warnock (Penguin Random House)
Outstanding Literary Work – Instructional
Black Joy: Stories of Resistance, Resilience, and Restoration – Tracey Lewis-Giggetts (Gallery/Simon and Schuster)
Outstanding Literary Work – Poetry
To the Realization of Perfect Helplessness – Robin Coste Lewis (Alfred A. Knopf)
Outstanding Literary Work – Children
Stacey’s Remarkable Books – Stacey Abrams, Kitt Thomas (HarperCollins – Balzer + Bray)
Outstanding Literary Work – Youth/Teens
Cookies & Milk – Shawn Amos (Little, Brown Books for Young Readers)
PODCAST CATEGORIES
Outstanding News and Information Podcast
Beyond the Scenes – The Daily Show (Central Productions, LLC)
Outstanding Lifestyle/Self-Help Podcast
Therapy for Black Girls (Therapy for Black Girls)
Outstanding Society and Culture Podcast
LeVar Burton Reads (SiriusXM’s Stitcher Studios)
Outstanding Arts and Entertainment Podcast
Two Funny Mamas (Mocha Podcasts Network)
COSTUME DESIGN, MAKE-UP & HAIRSTYLING CATEGORIES
Outstanding Costume Design (Television or Film)
Ruth Carter – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)
Outstanding Make-up (Television or Film)
Debi Young, Sandra Linn, Ngozi Olandu Young, Gina Bateman – We Own This City (HBO Max)
Outstanding Hairstyling (Television or Film)
Camille Friend – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Marvel Studios)
OUTSTANDING SOCIAL MEDIA PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR NOMINEES
@KevOnStage – Kevin Fredericks
With this being the week of Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday, I didn’t watch much but I did watch some. And here are my thoughts!
Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)
PESCA …. PESCA …. PESCA …. I’m not really a fan of the whole “the charter school is coming for us!” storyline but I do love the Gregory/Janine storyline. Some of Tyler James Williams’s line deliveries made me laugh so hard that I nearly fell out of my chair while watching this week’s episode.
Animal Control (Thursday Night, FOX)
I like Joel McHale and I really like animals so I was hoping that I would really, really like this new sitcom but …. eh. The first two episodes just didn’t work for me. As tired as I am of the whole mockumentary format, I do kind of feel that maybe that was the approach that should have been taken with Animal Control. Right now, the show just feels a bit forced and awkward and the frequent lowbrow humor feels cheap. Despite the presence of McHale, this is definitely not Community. I did laugh when the weasel set that guy’s house on fire, though.
I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order on Monday night. It dealt with a shooting at a nightclub. The shooter was stalking his ex-girlfriend but the majority of the episode dealt with the cop who responded to the 911 call and who froze and sat in his police car for 3 minutes before entering the club. Obviously, this was meant to remind the viewers of both the cowardly deputy at the Parkland shooting and the cops who stayed outside of the classroom in Uvalde. The show had sympathy for the cowardly cop. I did not, just like I didn’t have any sympathy for Scott Israel’s deputies. This was another episode that ended with Price getting his conviction but still getting punched outside the court because all of the bad publicity led to the cowardly cop committing suicide. Again, the show attempted to put the blame on the tabloid press. Myself, I put the blame on the cop who let others die.
As for this week’s episode, it dealt with race as Detective Shaw filed a report on two cops who profiled him at a crime scene while the show’s defendant was a real estate guy who was spreading rumors about mostly black criminals in order to run down property values. This was one of those episodes where the person on trial was definitely a bad guy and he was probably guilty but I still didn’t think Price proved the case beyond a reasonable doubt. I think the Law & Order revival would benefit from occasionally admitting that even a good prosecutor can lose a weak case. It would make the show a bit more realistic. At this point, Price is apparently the greatest prosecutor who has ever lived because he has a 99% success rate despite the majority of his cases being noticeably weak.
What’s interesting is that, after basically spending a season and a half as a self-righteous loose cannon who did things like prosecute a pharmaceutical firm just to get revenge for his brother’s unrelated death, Price is now being portrayed as being a pragmatist while the cops are now the social justice warriors. Of course, who knows? The next episode could find Price once again tilting at windmills and Cosgrove once again acting like a reactionary. Narrative consistency is not one of this show’s strengths.
When Abby’s train is delayed, she annoys all of the other passengers with her upbeat personality. I have no idea to whom this show is meant to appeal. The only reason I watched it is because I needed to have something in the background for thirty minutes while I did some dusting.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Surf dudes with attitudes….
Episode 4.3 “Principal Tiffani”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 30th, 1995)
Earl Boen returns as Principal Blumford! The last two times that Blumford appeared, he was given dialogue that deliberately harkened back to his days of appearing in the first two Terminator films. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen here but Principal Tiffani is still an important Blumford episode because this is the episode where it becomes clear that Tiffani and Blumford are having a secret affair.
Seriously, how else do you explain Blumford’s decision to appoint Tiffani to the role of “student principal?” In fact, I’m not even sure that there is such a thing as the student principal program, despite the fact that both Saved By The Bell and California Dreams did episodes about it. It just doesn’t make any sense. Why would a student be put in charge of the school for a week? In this episode, Blumford not only names Tiffani as student principal but he also expects her to run the school during mid-terms week. I mean, shouldn’t Tiffani be studying for her mid-terms? And why make Tiffani principal as opposed to someone who actually wants the job?
I think we all know the answer.
At first, Tiffani struggles with her new position. No one will listen to her. Then her other boyfriend, Jake, gives her a lesson in how to yell at people. Tiffani takes his lessons to heart and goes mad with power, handing out detentions and forcing troublemakers to stand in the corner of her office in time-out. Eventually, the entire school rebels and, on cut day, Tiffani discovers that the halls are completely deserted.
The entire school goes to Sharky’s, of course. The Dreams, minus Tiffani, perform. I imagine there’s nothing better than getting hired for a sweet cut day gig. Eventually, Tiffani and Blumford show up at Sharky’s but Tiffani has learned to not be such a martinet so she lies and says that students had her permission to go to Sharky’s. She then orders all of them to start studying, which they do.
Blumford pretends to fooled by Tiffani but, obviously, he knows what’s really going on. Technically, Blumford could have gotten in trouble for giving an important role like student principal to someone who was obviously unqualified for the job but the hearts wants what the heart wants.
This was a very romantic episode.
Episode 4.4 “The Dateless Game”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 7th, 1995)
Speaking of romance, it’s time for Jake and Tiffani’s first anniversary! They’ve only been dating for 2 episodes but whatever. Everyone acts like they’ve been together forever. (Actually, Lorena specifically says that Tiffani and Jake have been a thing for 3 months.)
However, before Jake can celebrate their anniversary, he decides help Sly and Mark out with their plan to take part in a charity dating game. When the third bachelor fails to show up for the event, Jake agrees to take the stage with Sly and Mark. Of course, despite his best efforts to pretend to be a shallow burn-out, Jake wins and it turns out his date is scheduled for the night of his anniversary! Instead of just coming clean to Tiffani, Jake attempts to go on both dates at the same time. That was a pretty dumb idea on Jake’s part and it helps to explain why Tiffani has been cheating with Blumford.
Needless to say, Jake’s dumbass plan explodes in his face. Fortunately, the Dreams know how to fix the situation, They hold a dating game of their own so that Jake and Tiffani can see that they belong together. Tony is the host and William James Jones totally throws himself into the performance. For some reason, the fake dating game is held at Sharky’s. As far as I could tell, no one was ordering food during the dating game. If Sharky’s goes out of business, blame it on the Dreams and their constant drama.
These two episodes felt very much like they belonged more on Saved By The Bell than California Dreams but no matter! This cast long ago proved that they had the chemistry necessary to transcend even mundane material and that’s certainly what happens here. Jake and Tiffani forgive each other and the audiences says, “Awwww!’ but somewhere, Principal Blumford’s heart is breaking.
Through the Shattered Lens 