Robbie Jones | Through the Shattered Lens

“Atonement” begins with Dick’s confession. We learn that he told the old Titans that Jericho was already dead when he got to the Church that he died trying to save Dick from Deathstroke. He lied to everyone. Hank, the most direct, decks Dick and everyone leaves…..except Gar. I guess technically Conner too, but he’s unconscious.

This episode is all about admitting fault. No one is clean. This is Rock Bottom.

Then, we learn that Blackfire has sent her “Royal Goon Squad” to kill Starfire and her bodyguard. That must be the most awkward Thanksgiving ever. Blackfire wears the crown now and she killed many many people. Starfire’s hesitancy to wear the crown cost lives.

Dick abandons the Tower, leaving Gar holding the bag. WHAT?! You did this. You don’t get to run off. Oh well. Gar sees his mission as getting the Titans back together. Sure. Why not? He even reads to the unconscious Conner. By Day 3, he’s flagging. Conner wakes up and is a bit confused, naked.

Hank and Dawn are back in Wyoming and living in a new cabin. Then, Dawn takes Hank, a recovering alcoholic, to a bar. Ok. Not my first choice. Then, they are confronted by the sister of the boy Doctor Light killed. His death is on their heads.

Dick goes to Jericho’s mom to apologize. She does not let him off the hook at all. She directs him to look for forgiveness in the other room. Guess who’s there? Deathstroke. She’s cold blooded!!!! He’s moved back in like a Supervillain parent trap? Deathstroke sentences Dick Grayson to live alone and that if he re-assembles the Titans – they all die.

Then, the comic relief: Gar takes Conner into the city and he takes up Park Goat Yoga. Nah, he thinks cops are bad and attacks them and even the dog gets in on it. Oops.

Hank and Dawn split up. Blackfire has possessed the bodyguard, forcing Starfire to kill him. Then, we see Blackfire. And she is…is EVERYONE on that planet gorgeous? Can I go there?

Dick decides to go to Greenland, but changes his mind and gets himself arrested. Hank goes to a bar and orders a diet coke …. then some drugs. Alan Ritchson really plays the broken addict role well.

This episode worked like a 2nd Act spin around; everyone is at their nadir. Lost. Broken. Such a great show!

Welcome to Fantasy Island, where your fantasies come true….

Well, some of them do. Some of them don’t. Some of them play out ironically and some of them play out literally. How does the island work? Who knows? It seems to be kind of random. Mr. Rourke (Michael Pena) is your host and he’s got a tragic backstory of his own. Is he a friend or an enemy? Is he an angel or is he a devil? Who knows? Who cares? The film doesn’t.

My point here is that Blumhouse’s Fantasy Island does not make much sense. It’s about a group of people who go to Fantasy Island and each get their own individual fantasy from Mr. Rourke. Apparently, all you have to do to get a fantasy is fill out a one-page questionnaire and have a conversation with Mr. Rourke. It sounds like it should be fun but sometimes, people die!

Gwen Olsen (Maggie Q) visits the island so that the love of her life will propose to her and then they can get married and have a child. Gwen’s lover, Nick (Evan Evagora), died in a fire years ago but suddenly, he’s alive and he’s proposing! But is a fantasy family the same as a real family?

Melanie Cole (Lucy Hale) wants revenge on a girl who tormented her in junior high but is torturing Sloane (Portia Doubleday) really worth giving up her humanity and working with the fearsome Dr. Torture (Ian Roberts)? Seriously, the dude’s name is really Dr. Torture.

Patrick Sullivan (Austin Stowell) is a policeman who wants to serve in the army, like his father did. Patrick’s fantasy leads to him being forced to wander around in the jungle until he gets taken prisoner by a bunch of soldiers, one of whom is his father (Mike Vogel)! Considering his father is dead, Patrick is initially shocked but then a few minutes later, Patrick’s like, “Cool, whatever”

J.D. (Ryan Hansen) and Brax (Jimmy O. Yang) are brothers who want to “have it all!” That’s their fantasy. For them, having it all means a big mansion, sexy models, and a nonstop pool party. But what if having it all also means getting hunted by a drug cartel led by Devil Face (Kim Coates) and …. wait a minute. That doesn’t make any sense at all. If their fantasy was, “I want to be a super rich like Scarface or Escobar,” maybe it would then make sense for a drug cartel to show up but how does “having it all” lead to Kim Coates running around with a machine gun?

Anyway, needless to say, everyone’s fantasy goes differently than how they were expecting. Eventually, all the fantasies connect because everyone has a Final Destination-style connection. For some reason, this leads to everyone ending up in an underground cavern, where they’re chased by random killers. I’m not sure why, to be honest.

Usually, I love incoherent movies but Fantasy Island was just annoying. The main problem is that the fantasies were all just ripped off from other, better movies. For instance, Melanie’s fantasy was basically just a sequel to Saw. J.D. and Brax were in a cheap, Hulu action comedy. Patrick and Gwen’s fantasies felt as if they were lifted from one of those religious films where someone prays and gets a chance to visit with their dead loved ones.

Now, at this point, I should say that Fantasy Island is based on an old TV show where, every week, different guest stars would visit the island and they would have a fantasy and, I assume, learn a lesson. I’ve only seen a few episodes of the show but my impression is that the island was always portrayed as being a benevolent force. People didn’t come to the island and say, “I want this experience” and then end up getting shot in the head. I imagine that explained why the Island was able to remain open and popular. In the movie, though, the Island leads to several deaths and you have to wonder why that wouldn’t hurt business. I mean, if I survived a trip to the movie’s Fantasy Island, I’d probably call my senators and demand that the island by nuked into oblivion. Both of my senators are Republicans so you know they’d be willing to do it, too.

Anyway, my fantasy was for Blumhouse’s Fantasy Island to be shorter than it was because the movie’s about 30 minutes too long and not really interesting enough to hold your attention during the slow spots. Unfortunately, my fantasy did not come true.