The Films of 2024: Gary (dir by Robin Dashwood)


Wow, what a depressing documentary!

I’m taking about Gary, which is currently streaming on Peacock.  Gary tells the story of former child actor-turned-security guard Gary Coleman, who went from being one of the top stars in television to eventually struggling to pay the bills.  The documentary tells the story of Coleman’s life, from his start as a cute kid with a mischievous smile to his stardom, his health struggles, and the controversy over why all the money that he made as a child eventually disappeared.  Gary blamed his parents.  His parents blamed Gary’s managers.  The woman who eventually married Gary blamed everyone.  Gary, himself, ended up as tabloid fodder, in which he was treated as not only being the poster child for the problems that young stars encounter but in which he was also regularly ridiculed for having those exact same problems.  Watching the documentary, one gets the feeling that the world took an odd joy in Gary Coleman’s downfall.  Coleman himself died under mysterious circumstances and the documentary, though even-handed, leaves one feeling that there’s definitely a lot about his death that could stand to be examined.

Gary Coleman’s stardom was a bit before my time, though I have seen a few episodes of Diff’rent Strokes online.  The show, to be honest, always seems a bit cringey to me but, still, it’s obvious that Coleman was a capable actor even when he was having to repeat the catch phrases that he came to hate.  Unfortunately, his kidney problem stunted his growth and, as he got older, the acting opportunities dried up.  He was reduced to parodying his former stardom, appearing on talk shows and sitcoms and repeating, “What you talkin’ about” to anyone who asked.  The documentary was painfully sad to watch.  Gary Coleman definitely comes across as being a bit of an eccentric but it’s hard not to feel that he never allowed to grow up and that the people who should have been looking out for him, like his parents and his manager and his wife, were only looking out for themselves.

The film features interviews with the people who failed Coleman.  None of them really take any sort of responsibility for their actions.  At first, his wife comes across like she really cared about him but, as the documentary progresses, we hear too many stories about her abusing and manipulating him to take anything she says at face value.  When she sells a picture of Coleman on his death bed to a tabloid, that’s pretty much last straw as far as any sympathy for her is concerned.  Coleman’s business manager also initially comes across as being genuine and sincere but, again, there are just too many stories of misusing Coleman’s money.  If he doesn’t seem to be as ruthlessly mercenary as Coleman’s wife, it’s still obvious that he shouldn’t have been managing Coleman’s career.  As for Coleman’s parents, the less said about them the better.  Everyone that is interviewed is very good at blaming someone else for what happened after Coleman’s stardom ended.

Again, this was depressing documentary.  Watching this, I really felt bad about Gary Coleman.  It’s hard to know what to do about child stars.  On the one hand, there are child stars who grow up to lead what appear to be perfectly normal and stable lives.  But, there’s also a lot like Gary Coleman, whose lives are pretty much destroyed by their early success.  No kid should be supporting their family.  And no family should be paying their bills exclusively with their kid’s salary.  To me, it all comes down to the parents.  You can’t depend on an industry to raise your child for you.  In the end, though, Coleman was let down by a lot of people.  There’s more than enough blame to go around.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.23 “Children’s Children”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark find themselves in a Douglas Sirk-style melodrama.

Episode 2.23 “Children’s Children”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on April 30th, 1986)

When I watched this episode, I saw that the script was credited to David Thoreau and I immediately assumed that it had to be a pseudonym for the actual writer.  Fortunately, for once, I actually did some research and I discovered that the writer’s name actually was David Thoreau.  He wrote a few scripts that were produced in the 80s and 90s and, in fact, this was the first of seven scripts that he wrote for Highway to Heaven.  He’s also credited as writing the screenplay for the classic beach volleyball film, Side Out.

As for this episode, it finds Mark and Jonathan working at a home for unwed mothers.  Just the term “home for unwed mothers” brings to mind the 50s melodramas of Douglas Sirk and I found myself thinking about just how old-fashioned Highway to Heaven must have seemed even in the 80s.  I did a google search and I discovered that homes from unwed mothers do still exist, though they’re now called “maternity homes.”

The manager of the home for unwed mothers is Joyce Blair (Bibi Besch), who finds herself being hounded by a reporter named Dan Rivers (Robert Lipton).  Dan is determined to take Joyce down and, to do so, he brings up a past incident in which Joyce was arrested.  Dan twists the facts to make Joyce look like a criminal and soon, Joyce finds that she might not be able to keep the home open.  Why is Dan doing this?  Like most reporters on Highway to Heaven, he’s just plain evil.  But when one of the girls at the home suggests that Dan might be the father of her child, Dan learns what it’s like to be falsely accused.

Meanwhile, evil businessman Jack Brent (James T. Callahan) hopes for a chance to foreclose on the home so that he can bulldoze it and replace it with condominiums.  (Bad guys in the 80s always wanted to build condos.)  But how will he react when he discovers that his teenage son (Scott Coffey) is going to be a father and that the girl he impregnated in currently living at the home?

This episode is the type of episode that most people think of when they dismiss Highway to Heaven as just being an old-fashioned and slightly preachy melodrama.  There’s not a single subtle moment or particularly nuanced moment to be found in this particular episode.  It’s note quite as heavy-handed as that episode where Mark begged the President to talk to the Russians and reduce amount of nuclear missiles but it’s close.

Bonus Horror on TV: The Curse of Degrassi (dir by Stefan Brogren)


This is a special episode of my favorite TV show of all, Degrassi!  Originally airing on October 28th, 2008, The Curse of Degrassi features Degrassi’s main mean girl, Holy J Sinclair (Charlotte Arnold), getting possessed by the vengeful spirit of deceased school shooter, Rick Murray (Ephraim Ellis).  Chaos follows!  Fortunately, Spinner (Shane Kippel) is around to save the day.  As any true Degrassi fan can tell you, only Spinner has a chance against the forces of the undead.

What I like about this episode is that, in the best tradition of Degrassi, it goes there.  Holly J does get possessed.  Just about the entire cast end up dying horribly.  Spinner has to battle the undead spirit of Rick Murray and he has to do it without the help of Drake.  And, as far as we know, this episode is canon.  So, yes, Rick Murray’s ghost actually does haunt Degrassi Community School and yes, only Spinner can save us all.

Go Spinner!

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.16 “Mrs. Murray”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Murray gets married!

Episode 1.16 “Mrs. Murray”

(DIr by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 7th, 1999)

It may seem strange to review an episode of Malibu, CA on Halloween but this episode does feature Murray dressed up as Elvis so I guess that’s kind of Halloween-y.

Why is Murray dressed as Elvis?  That’s what he decides to wear to his wedding, which is being held in the restaurant for some reason.  Murray is marrying Amber (Anastasia Horne), who is only interested in Murray because of his money.  (At one point, Amber’s friend refers to Murray as being the “mayor of Freak City.”  No, Murray was mayor of Malibu …. remember?)  Murray will receive a billion-dollar trust fund as soon as he gets married.  Jason and Scott try to warn Murray about Amber so, at his wedding, Murray announces that he will not accept a dime of money from his trust fund.  Amber quickly leaves the restaurant and Murray starts to sing “I feel so lonely I could die.”

Poor Murray!

While it’s tempting to praise Scott and Jason for looking out for Murray, I’ve seen enough episodes to know that Scott and Jason were probably just concerned that Amber would take all of Murray’s money before they could get a chance to cheat him out of it.  Scott and Jason have certainly never had any problem with the idea of taking Murray’s money before.  I’d probably be trusting of their motives if not for the fact that they embezzled money from Murray’s campaign just a few episodes ago.

Meanwhile, Tracy tries her hand at becoming a hairstylist, which leads to Sam and Stads looking like this:

Hey, just in time for Halloween!  Are we sure this isn’t a holiday episode?  It originally aired on February 7th, 1999 so …. nope.  It’s just a coincidence that the episode I’m reviewing on Halloween happened to feature a lot of costumes.

This episode was essentially just a re-do of the Saved by The Bell episode with Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce, with the main difference being that Brandon Brooks is a bit more likable as Murray than Dustin Diamond was as Screech.  On a personal note, I have to say that, as someone who has big boobs and is proud of it, I kind of resent that that every similarly endowed woman on Malibu, CA is portrayed as being either an airhead (Tracy) or a golddigger (Amber).  For a show set on the beach, this show certainly does seem to take issue with those of us who actually look good in a bikini.

(Personally, I think Tracy should marry Murray and start digging into the trust fund….)

Oh well.  I could complain more but it’s time for me to get ready to hand out candy.  Happy Halloween!

Horror on the Lens: Night of the Living Dead (dir by George Romero)


Happy Halloween everyone!

Well, as another horrorthon draws to a close, it’s time for another Shattered Lens tradition!  Every Halloween, we share one of the greatest and most iconic horror films ever made.  For your Halloween enjoyment, here is George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead!

(Be sure to read Arleigh’s equally famous review!)

October Positivity: Chloe’s Mountain (dir by Wesley Bristol)


In 2021’s Chloe’s Mountain, teenaged orphan Chloe (Kenzie Mae) moves to her grandmother’s farm.

Grandma  (Donna Bristol) has white hair. Chloe has blue hair.

Chloe is an aspiring singer who like her music loud.  Grandma hasn’t listened to anything since Glenn Miller died.

Grandma is big into church.  Chloe is not.

Chloe smokes weed with her friends.  Grandma really likes her neighbor’s biscuits.

Chloe and Grandma don’t have much in common and, at first, Chloe doesn’t want anything to do with her grandmother.  But Grandma wins Chloe over through the power of her unconditional love.  But then, on Chloe’s 18th birthday no less, Grandma dies.  Chloe is heartbroken.  Grandma leaves Chloe her house, her farm, and all of her money.  If Chloe goes to a Christian university and graduates in four years, she’ll get the house when she’s 22.  If she doesn’t go to a Christian university or if she fails to graduate, she’ll have to wait until she’s 35 to collect her inheritance.

Knowing that this was a faith-based film, I was not surprised when Chloe agreed to go to the Christian university.  In many ways, the movie feels like a commercial for going to a Christian college.  Sure, the movie says, the rules are a little bit goofy and you have to spend a lot of time memorizing hundreds of bible verses but you will eventually get a good education …, maybe.  And yes, you’re roommate will probably really be into stuffed animals and the color pink but why can’t you just shut up and conform?

That said, the movie lost me as soon as it explained all the college’s rules.  Chloe learns that she can earn demerits for breaking the college’s rules and, if she ends up with too many, she can be expelled.  Talking too loudly?  That’s a demerit.  Late for class?  Demerit.  Loud music?  Demerit.  Public displays of affection?  Huge demerit right there.  Wearing revealing clothing?  Demerit.

Uhmm …. okay, isn’t Chloe 18 years old?  Aren’t universities supposed to give young adults an education so they can go out into the real world?  Chloe’s an adult. The viewer may or may not feel that Chloe always acts like an adult but, the fact of the matter, 18 year-olds are considered to be adults.  Telling an adult what she can or cannot wear, especially when she’s the one paying to attend your school, is beyond insulting.  “You wore a belly shirt,” the Dean says at one point while looking over Chloe’s demerits.  And?  I mean, a lot of people do.  I’ve certainly worn my share over the years.  You’re going to kick someone out of college because they wore a slightly revealing piece of clothing?  Seriously, Chloe, get out of there!  Drop out and go to a real school.  Grandma’s farm wasn’t really that nice to begin with.

Anyway, as for the rest of the film, Chloe does eventually make a friend, Nechelle (Shalayne Janelle).  Nechelle helps to change Chloe’s cynical outlook.  It’s a standard low budget, faith-based movie, full of jokes that fall flat and performers who give amateurish performances.  I thought Kenzie Mae actually gave a pretty likable performance as Chloe but she’s sabotaged by filmmakers who have no idea how to tell a story visually or how to make one scene flow into the next.  By the end of the movie, I felt as if I had been watching for four years.  Still, I stuck with the film and I didn’t quit, no matter how much I was tempted to do so.  So, seriously, where’s my farm?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.20 “Micro Minds”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

In this episode, a new lifeform is discovered.

Episode 2.20 “Micro Minds”

(Dir by Anthony Santa Croce, originally aired on March 4, 1990)

In a college science lab, astronomy student Paula (Belle Avery) is convinced that her personal computer is  picking up communications being sent to her from an extra-terrestrial civilization.  When Dr. Thomas Becker (Troy Donahue) comes by the lab to find out why Paula hasn’t been coming to class, he is at first dismissive of her theory.  But then he hears the voice of Grok (David Parmenter) coming through the computer and he realizes the truth of what has happened.

Paula has made contact with another lifeform.

But it’s not an lifeform from another planet.  Instead, it’s a microscopic protozoa that has evolved in the laboratory’s cooling tank.  Grok can speak but it doesn’t know much about the world outside of the tank.  When Becker shines a light over the tank, Grok thinks that Becker is God.  Becker, to Paula’s alarm, rather likes the idea of being God.

Soon, Becker is pouring salt and sugar into the cooling tank, all in an attempt to speed up Grok’s evolution.  Paula thinks that Becker is moving too quickly.  Eventually, a giant version of Grok (imagine a slimy version of the killer carpet from The Creeping Terror) materializes in the lab and attacks Paula.  Paula destroys it and Becker, realizing the Paula also means to destroy the rest of Grok, responds by killing her.  Becker, thinking that he has saved Grok, does not realize that Grok is planning on using him to destroy the human race.

I had a bit of a hard time following the plot of this episode, as you may have guessed from the somewhat jumbled synopsis above.  This episode of Monsters is an homage to the B-science fiction films of the 50s and 60s and, as such, there’s a lot of technobabble which doesn’t make much sense but which is there so the viewer can at least pretend like the story is rooted in some sort of reality.  In this case, the incoherence is the point.

The casting of former teen idol Troy Donahue as the professor is another call back to the 50s.  After Donahue’s star faded, he appeared in his share of low-budget horror and sci-fi films.  Donahue gives a good performance here, doing a nice job of portraying Dr. Becker’s growing megalomania.  (That said, whenever anyone referred to him as “Becker,” I was reminded of that terrible Ted Danson show where he played the doctor who was always pissed off whenever he got off the subway.)

As for the episode’s monster, it looked awful and fake but again, one gets the feeling that was deliberate.  To be honest, it didn’t look any worse than some of the monsters that showed up in Roger Corman’s alien invasion films.

This was an okay episode.  Even if I couldn’t always follow the plot, the story held my attention.  It was a well-done homage to cheap sci-fi, even if it never was quite as much fun as Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Christopher Lee Reads The Fall of House of Usher


Here to help you get in the mood for the best day of the year is Christopher Lee reading Edgar Allan Poe’s The Fall Of The House Of Usher.  Listening to this will require 40 minutes of your time but it’s totally worth it.  Christopher Lee had an amazing voice and was a wonderful reader and one imagines that it was his voice that Poe heard in his head as he first wrote this short story.

Here is the wonderful voice of Christopher Lee….