Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.14 “Heartbeat”

Posted on February 10, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Palermo dies but it’s not a permanent condition.

Episode 3.14 “Heartbeat”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on December 28th, 1997)

This week, Pacific Blue decided to stop pretending that it was anything more than a Baywatch ripoff by having Carmen Electra appear as Lani MacKenzie, the lifeguard that she played on Baywatch. She helped the bicycle cops out with a rescue and then the bike cops helped her out when she had to break up a knife fight on the beach.

Lani was also present to discuss a new program in which two EMTs will ride with the cops. They will learn how to get around on a bicycle while teaching the bike cops stuff like CPR. One of the EMTs is Alexa Cholak (Alex Datcher), an ex-girlfriend of Palermo’s. This complicates things when an explosion rips across the beach. Palermo and a random woman are injured. Alexa and all the bike cops work on restarting Palermo’s heart, giving him mouth-to-mouth and chest compressions. Palermo lives. The woman dies. The woman’s boyfriend then sues the bike patrol because he says that they were so concerned about saving Palermo that they essentially just let his girlfriend die. We’re supposed to dislike the boyfriend but he is actually kind of …. sort of …. right? Chris points out that the woman would have died even if the EMTs had tried to save her but they had no way of knowing that at the time. Essentially, they decided to save their friend Palermo while ignoring someone else who was seriously injured.

This really gets to one of the major problems I have with Pacific Blue. The show just assumes that we’re going to be on the side of the bike patrol no matter what, despite the fact that they often come across as being a bunch of jerks. That’s certainly the case here. When Palermo returns to the office, everyone starts applauding and cheering for him, despite the fact that the dead woman’s boyfriend happens to be standing just a few feet away.

This episode features scenes of the members of the bike patrol being interviewed by a therapist after the explosion. Palermo says that, when he was dead, he didn’t see a bright light or feel any sort of inner peace. He didn’t see his loved ones waiting for him. It’s like even the show is admitting that Palermo is going to go to Hell for creating the bike patrol.

As for the rest of the episode, Chris and Victor investigated the claims of an environmentalist whack job (Michael Houston King) who said that a big evil businessman (Larry Wilcox, of CHiPs fame) was polluting the beach. It turned out the environmentalist was telling the truth. Meanwhile, shaken by the death of the woman and the resulting lawsuit, Alexa resigned from the bike patrol. It would have been touching if Alexa had actually been in more than one episode. Still, each member of the bike patrol popped a wheelie in honor of Alexa. It was dumb. Get those bicycles off the beach!

Stupid episode, this week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.13 “Avenging Angel”

Posted on February 3, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, two vigilantes disturb the peace, Cory meets a special guest star, and everyone continues to look stupid on their little bicycles.

Episode 3.13 “Avenging Angel”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on December 14th, 1997)

This episode was dumb.

Cory is haunted by nightmares involving her mother, who died when Cory was 10. In her latest nightmare, she runs into her mother at a crime scene and her mom shoots her! Chris thinks that’s an odd dream and she’s right. Cory explains that her mom is just trying to get her attention. Cory believes that her mom is her guardian angel. Chris doesn’t know how to react to this because Cory is expressing an emotion that doesn’t involve being snarky or self-righteous.

When Cory is injured while chasing two Korean brothers (we’ll get to them in a minute), she has to go to rehab. Luckily, Olympic track medalist Florence Griffith Joyner is a patient at the same rehab clinic. Joyner takes Cory under her wing and encourages her to work hard and get her knee back into shape. When Cory says she’s thinking of leaving the force, Joyner tells her not to. “Thanks, FloJo,” Cory replies.

(Yes, Florence Griffith Joyner played herself. As an actress, she was a good athlete.)

As for the two Korean brothers, they are vigilantes who are beating up criminals on the boardwalk and becoming celebrities in their own right. Palermo views them as being a threat to the peace and he’s determined to catch them. Meanwhile, the Mob is determined to kill them and a very annoying talent agent is determined to sign them.

Ugh, what a stupid episode. Usually, I’m a sucker for episodes that deal with people coming to terms with the death of a parent. That’s something to which I can relate. I have no doubt that my mom is also looking over me. But, as much as I wanted to fully embrace Cory’s story, I couldn’t get past the fact that she went to rehab and just happened to meet an Olympic athlete. Maybe if Joyner has been a better actress, this storyline would have worked but, as it was, it just felt forced. There was really no reason why Joyner should have been so wrapped up in whether or not Cory decided to remain with the force.

As for the stuff with the brothers, the entire plotline felt like filler. The brothers couldn’t act. The actors playing the gangsters who wanted to kill the brothers couldn’t act. The talent agents who kept popping up and talking about how much they wanted to sign the brother, they also couldn’t act.

This episode was just painful and all the rehab in the world isn’t going to change that.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.10 “Only In America”

Posted on January 13, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Lt. Palermo has a lot to deal with.

Episode 3.10 “Only In America”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on November 9th,1997)

Lt. Palermo has a lot going on in this episode.

When we first see Palermo, he’s playing basketball near the beach. As has been established in the past, Palermo, a middle-aged white guy, is apparently the best basketball player in all of Santa Monica. In this episode, he discovers that he’s now the second best. Jamal Rasheed (Elimu Nelson), who has just moved to town and who spends most of his time sitting in the stands and reading, turns out to be an even better player than Tony Palermo! Palermo is enthusiastic about Jamal until he discovers that Jamal is a former college player who was suspended when it was discovered that he was shaving points to pay for his drug habit. Jamal claims that he’s now clean and that he’s taught himself to read. Palermo isn’t sure that he trusts Jamal …. and if you’re asking how this is any of Palermo’s business, you’re having the same reaction that I had while I watched this episode.

Palermo is also concerned about a young, roller-blading Romanian named Dimitri Radu (Nathan Anderson), who keeps committing crimes and declaring that he has diplomatic immunity. It turns out that Dimitri wants to exchange his diplomatic immunity for political refugee status. Palermo discovers that Dimitri’s father is a big time arms dealer and that his former partners are looking to take out both him and his son. He also learns that the U.S. government is going to give Dimitri’s father citizenship in exchange for him testifying against his partners. Palermo is outraged!

And again, Palermo — you’re a bicycle cop! You wear those stupid shorts every day. Nobody cared about your opinion, dude!

This episode featured some truly horrendous acting on the part of the guest cast. It also featured a shoot-out in which Cory killed one of the arms dealers. Usually, an officer involved shooting would lead to the officer being on desk duty while the shooting is investigated. Instead, Cory hops on her bicycle and continues to look for Dimitri. This was a pretty dumb episode but it’s Pacific Blue so I wasn’t expecting anything different.

Oh, how happy I’ll be when I finish this series.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.9 “Cop In A Box”

Posted on January 6, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Okay, we’re doing this again.

Episode 3.9 “Cop In A Box”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on November 2nd, 1997)

Oh, Pacific Blue. How I have not missed you.

This episode features TC getting abducted by Harland Groves (Jeremy Roberts), a criminal who TC previously busted. Harland traps TC in an underground beach bunker. How Harland got his hands on an underground beach bunker is never explained. Harland demands that TC’s rich family pay him 4 million dollars. At the same time, he plans to use a chlorine gas bomb to kill TC. Why he didn’t kill TC to begin with and then demand the money is never really explained. It’s almost as if Harland secretly wanted his plan to fail.

I really didn’t have a problem with the idea of TC getting killed off. Pacific Blue is one of the more boring of the shows that I review and killing TC would have livened things up. At the very least, without TC around, I would no longer be forced to try to keep straight which member of Pacific Blue was TC and which member was Victor. Unfortunately, TC manages to disarm the chlorine bomb. When Harland attacks him in the bunker, it leads to a bunch of sand pouring in. Harland is suffocated while TC escapes.

Oh well.

The cool thing about this episode is that Andy Buckley — who later played David Wallace on The Office — returned as TC’s brother. The funny thing about this episode was the sight of grim-faced Palermo barking out orders while wearing his stupid bicycle shorts. And the unfortunate thing is that TC survived so Pacific Blue will not be changing any time soon.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.8 “Matters of the Heart”

Posted on December 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

James Franco is in this episode!

Episode 3.8 “Matters of the Heart”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on October 5th, 1997)

Cory goes undercover to bust a man who is selling babies to couples who can’t have children. Cory pretends to be pregnant and meets the couple who want to buy her baby. What Cory discovers is that the couple would be loving parents. She realizes that she can’t bust them. Palermo is not amused, pointing out that everyone involved is breaking the law.

Meanwhile, Cory has been caring for a baby who was originally meant to be sold to the same couple. Chris is upset. What if the baby cries and wakes her up? Well, Chris, I guess you’ll get to whine about it like you are about everything else. At the end of the episode, Cory arranges for the baby to be adopted by the couple who wanted to buy her in the first place. Palermo, having suddenly changed his tune, says, “This is a wonderful thing you’re doing.”

Meanwhile, TC goes undercover too! He’s busting a drug dealer who is selling amphetamines to extreme athletes, one of whom is played by James Franco! Remember, during the early days of this site, when I had that huge crush on him? I know a lot of people would say that I shouldn’t admit to that, considering the scandal that pretty much ended his career but …. eh, why deny it? Who hasn’t had a crush on someone who later turned out to be kind of sleazy? It’s a part of growing up. Back in 2010, it all came down to two things: I was young and I found him to very, very appealing, in much the same way that I always used to fall for dysfunctional poets and long-haired guitar players in high school and college. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, right — Pacific Blue. As far as the show goes, TC is successful despite the fact that he comes across as being a cop the entire time.

This episode …. actually, I’m surprised to say that this episode kind of worked. Not the stuff involving TC obviously, all of that sucked. In the role of TC, Jim Davidson was too expressionless and dull to be convincing as someone who could possibly pull of an undercover operation. But Cory’s storyline worked, largely thanks to Paula Trickey’s performance. (Trickey was one of the more talented members of the cast but Pacific Blue rarely seemed to understand that.) I have to admit that I even teared up a little at the end as Cory said goodbye to the baby that she had spent weeks caring for.

Seriously, me tearing up while watching an episode of Pacific Blue! What a strange world. Maybe it’s the holiday spirit!

On that hopeful note, I finish up my final 2025 review of Pacific Blue. Retro Television Reviews will be off for the holidays, so that I can concentrate on Awards Season and Christmas movies. Pacific Blue will return on January 6th, 2026!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.7 “Repeat Offenders”

Posted on November 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s a Chris epiosde. *Yawn*

Episode 3.7 “Repeat Offenders”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on September 28th, 1997)

When this show first started, Chris Kelly was introduced as being a hotshot Navy pilot who was forced into reserve status due to her eyesight. In this episode, it’s revealed that she actually left active duty because she was involved in an accident that was the fault of her commanding officer. Rather than testify against him and run the risk of being crucified on the stand and then run out of the Navy, she instead took the blame.

Five years later, she discovers that another Navy pilot, Rebecca Santori (Liza Snyder), is facing the same dilemma. Her commanding officer — who was also Chris’s commanding officer — screwed up and Santori is being pressured to take the blame. Chris encourages Santori to fight for her right to fly. Cory suggests that Chris is pressuring Snantori because Chris feels guilty about giving up when she was in the same position. Cory suggests that Chris is putting Santori’s career at risk just to deal with her own anger and resentment. Chris says that’s not true and the show seems to expect us to take her word for it. Fortunately, things do work for Santori. She is cleared in the accident and Chris is vindicated when its determined that their commanding officer has a long history of incompetence.

This storyline had potential but Chris is just such a one-note character that it’s hard to get excited about anything involving her. Every week, it seems like Chris finds something new to get upset about and every week, anyone who suggests that Chris isn’t being totally honest about her motivations has to deal with the Chris Kelly glare of death. In order to remain sympathetic while glaring at people and telling them that they’re idiots, you have to have some shred of charisma. Chris does not and whenever she’s at the center of an episode, even when she’s in the right as with this one, I just find myself thinking about how much I would dread to have to work with her on a daily basis.

As for the other storyline, thieves are targeting foreign tourists on the boardwalk. Palermo and TC put on Hawaiian shirts and pretend to be foreign tourists. The thieves get arrested. Yay. How exciting. Bike patrol does it again.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.6 “Sandman”

Posted on November 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the bicyclists continue to get in everyone’s way.

Episode 3.6 “Sandman”

(Dir by Terrence H. Winkless, originally aired on Sept. 21st, 1997)

A hitman named Robert “Sandman” Enright (John Michael Bolger) has been released from prison. Because Enright was previously arrested by TC, TC decides to start harassing him as soon as he gets out of jail. For a bunch of dorks on bikes, the Pacific Blue folks sure do enjoy abusing their power.

Anyway, Sandman is out for revenge against the three men who framed him. And, since TC is tailing him everywhere, Sandman is able to manipulate TC into basically becoming his bodyguard. The main theme of this episode is that TC is an idiot.

Speaking of idiots, Cory’s boyfriend, FBI Agent Tim Stone (David Lee Smith), confessed that he was thinking of getting back together with his ex. With Chris’s support, Cory fought for her man. Myself, I just struggled with the fact that Stone, TC, Palermo — and their actors, Smith, Jim Davidson, and Rick Rossovich — all basically looked like the same guy at different stages of his life.

Finally, Palermo, TC, and Victor played volleyball! That was at the end of the episode and it went on for a while. The whole scene felt like the show’s way of saying, “Hey, remember when Rick Rossovich was in Top Gun? That was cool.”

As usual, this episode featured a lot of tough talk and intense looks, all of which were negated by the presence of grown-ups on bicycles. Even when TC was spying on the Sandman, he did while sitting on his bicycle. It just looked dumb.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.5 “Excessive Force”

Posted on November 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Earlier tonight, I was thinking I might get to bed early as a way to battle my depression over the election in New York City. Then I suddenly remembered that I still had to review this stupid show.

Episode 3.5 “Excessive Force”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on September 7th, 1997)

A bank is robbed in Santa Monica so Chris and Victor ride their little bicycles really fast to the scene of the crime. Victor gets shot in the behind and he spends the rest of the episode with everyone laughing about the fact that it’s excruciatingly painful for him to sit down. (Wow, what a great group of people.) Chris shoots one of the robbers in the neck so he swears revenge on her.

Meanwhile, Palermo’s ex-wife is married to an abusive police detective. She briefly moves back in with Palermo, they end up going at it on the couch, and their daughter gets upset.

As is almost always the case with this show, it’s hard to get involved in the human drama because all of the humans are pretty dull. Chris ends up staying at TC’s apartment for her own safety and there’s a lot of “will-they-or-won’t-they” tension but it doesn’t add up to anything because TC is boring and Chris is equally boring so who cares? Meanwhile, Lt. Palermo just comes across as being the volleyball coach from Hell.

Oddly, this episode had a really impressive guest cast. Dey Young played Palermo’s ex-wife. Cliff de Young played her new husband. John Hawkes — as in future Oscar nominee John Hawkes — played the brother of the guy who wanted to kill Chris. Even Dorian Gregory, from the weird second season of Baywatch Nights, showed up as an FBI agent. The guest stars were the lucky ones. None of them had to pretend to be excited about riding a bicycle.

What a silly show.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.4 “Blood For Blood”

Posted on October 28, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the bike patrol is busy!

Episode 3.4 “Blood For Blood”

(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on August 24th, 1997)

Last week, Pacific Blue attempted to deal with Rave Culture.

This week, it’s Hip Hop Culture!

Rapper Gangster 47 (Ross Leon) is gunned down while leaving a concert. Gangster 47’s daughter (Meagan Good) is convinced that the hit was ordered by Gangster 47’s rival, Trigger Dog (Ten’l Brunson). Now, I will just admit right now that I’m having a hard time writing this review because I can’t type out the name Trigger Dog without laughing. Even though everyone says that Trigger Dog’s feud with Gangster 47 was all for show, Gangster 47’s daughter is determined to shoot Trigger Dog.

Fortunately, noted gangsta rap fan Chris Kelly is on the case. Seriously, Chris is portrayed as being a fan of Gangster 47. Over the course of the previous 38 episodes, we have seen absolutely nothing about the very white and the very uptight Chris that would lead us to believe that Chris would be a fan of anything other than military marches but this episode opens with her rolling her eyes when TC says that rap isn’t real music. Chris tells TC that he needs to realize there’s more to music than the Bee Gees. Ouch! You tell him, Chris. And seriously, take that, Bee Gees! How Deep Is You Love now, huh!?

Chris and TC have been assigned to protect Gangster 47. Why exactly the bike patrol is protecting a celebrity who has been getting death threats — as opposed to real cops and real bodyguards — is never really addressed. Gangster 47’s daughter hates cops. When Gangster 47 is gunned down in a drive-by, it seems like his daughter has a point. Gangster 47 isn’t killed but he is in the hospital.

The show’s producers obviously figured out that it would be a little bit awkward for the show’s almost entirely white cast to be dealing with a case involving two gangsta rappers so we meet a supercool black detective named — I’m not making this up — Wishbone (Derek Morgan). Wishbone mainly exists to clasp hands with TC and to back-up Chris, as if the show is saying, “See? These two aren’t as dorky as they seem. Wishbone likes them!” With Wishbone’s help, they come to realize that Gangster 47 was shot by a white man and Trigger Dog is innocent.

The white man is a serial killer named Strob (Todd Cattrell) who is apparently trying to bring about the Biblical apocalypse by murdering celebrities or something. TC spots him on the beach but, in order to chase after him, he has to get on his bike and this leads to urgent close-up of TC dialing the combination of his bike lock. Hey, TC, if you had a car, you would have already arrested Streob by now!

While this is going on, Victor’s girlfriend, Linda (Vaitiare Hirshon) has witnessed a murder and, if she testifies, she may have to go into the witness protecting program! That’s a big deal but, of course, Palermo acts as if it’s nothing because Palermo never seems to get that people actually have lives outside of whatever he needs at any given moment. Victor doesn’t want to lose Linda. Conveniently, the murderer pulls a gun on Victor, which gives Victor the perfect excuse to gun him down. Palermo’s like, “Did he shoot first?” and Victor says, “Sure.” Victor then asks Linda to marry him.

Personally, I just find it interesting that, with all the crime happening in Santa Wherever This Show Takes Place, it just takes five people on bicycles to catch all the bad guys. I mean, if that works in Santa Monica, maybe it’ll also work in New York after Mamdani is elected. Let’s hope so!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.3 “Rave On”

Posted on October 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the bike cops go undercover and essentially end up looking like a bunch of cops working undercover.

Episode 3.3 “Rave On”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on August 17, 1997)

The bike cops go undercover!

If that’s not funny enough, they go undercover as ravers.

I swear, you haven’t really laughed until you’ve laughed at the sight of the extremely stiff stars of Pacific Blue hanging out at a rave and giving each other secret signals whenever they spot anyone doing drugs. Chris’s drink gets roofied and, as someone who has experienced that in real life, I appreciated that the show was trying to warn its viewers about leaving their drinks unattended. Seriously, if my friends hadn’t been looking out for me that night, it scares me to think about what probably would have happened. Still, good intentions can’t disguise just how unconvincing Darlene Vogel’s performance was.

Palermo spends this entire episode saying that the parents of teens who go to raves and take drugs should be prosecuted and jailed. Then Palermo discovers that his sixteen year-old daughter (Johna Stewart-Boden) has been attending raves and, while she hasn’t intentionally taken any drugs, she’s stood by while her friends have. Palermo does not arrest himself. He does not throw himself in jail. He does not look in the mirror and smirk and say, “Oh yeah, buddy, your parent-of-the-year.” In other words, Lt. Palermo is a big, freaking hypocrite.

The bike cops break up the rave scene but the music will never die.