Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.1 “A Whole New Ballgame” and 4.2 “Team Players”

Posted on March 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

It’s time to start season 4!

Episode 4.1 “A Whole New Ballgame”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera and Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

It’s a brand new school year! Teddy, Vince, and Danny have all graduated, with Teddy and Vince going to Southern Florida University and Danny going to NYU to pursue his stand-up career. Despite the fact that Julie and Mary Beth were in the same grade as Danny with the show began, they’re both still students at Deering High, along with Michael Manning and Kristy.

And, of course, Coach Fuller is gone. He’s now coaching at Southern Florida University. For the first three seasons of the show, Coach Fuller was played by Reggie Theus. Reggie Theus was a stiff actor but he was a former basketball player and he was believable whenever Fuller discussed the mechanics of the game with his players. As stiff as Theus was, it was still easy to believe him as an inspiring basketball coach. Replacing Coach Fuller is Mike Katowinski. Mike is played by Dick Butkus, a former football player who looks and sounds like a former football player. From the minute he appears, it’s hard to buy him as a basketball coach, despite the fact that Julie mentions that Coach Katowinski coached the Houston Rockets for 20 years. As I watched Coach K, I found myself wondering why Deering didn’t give the job to that assistant coach who appeared in two episodes during the third season.

(Add to that, what type of loser goes from coaching an NBA team to coaching a high school basketball team?)

Along with a new coach, this episode introduces some new players, all of whom are suspiciously familiar substitutes for the actors who have left the show. Nick Hammer (Mark Famiglietti) is cocky and confident and, despite the fact that she’s still dating Michael, it’s pretty obvious that he’s being set up as Julie’s next love interest. Rico Bosco (James Villani) is short and dumb, like Vince. Silk Hayes (Danso Gordon) is a thinner version of Teddy. Silk tells us that he’s called Silk because he’s “smooth on the court and off …. with the ladies!”

Things get off to a bad start between the new Coach and Julie when Julie starts to suspect that the Coach is going easy on her because she’s a girl. The main reason she thinks this is because the Coach tells her that he’s going easy on her because she’s a girl. Julie attempts to prove that she’s just as good as the boys by practicing super-aggressively and knocking everyone down. “Don’t worry,” the Coach tells Hammer, “it’s probably just a female thing.” Julie storms out of the gym, as she had every right to do. (Wow, is this the first time that I’ve liked Julie since this series began? I think it may be.) Later, Julie attempts to talk to the Coach about his attitude and he responds by sending her to the school nurse. Julie resents the Coach assuming that all of her behavior is period-related but she does appreciate the nurse sending her home early. As someone who used to fake cramps to get out of gym class on a daily basis, I related.

Julie then shows up at practice dressed in an apron and carrying a plate of cookies. In her words, she’s behaving acting the way coach expects her to act. This leads to Julie getting put on the B-team and not being listed as a starter. Coach explains that it’s not because Julie is a girl. It’s because “you’re a weird girl.” Fortunately, Julie does well-enough in practice that she’s promoted to starter. The audiences goes crazy.

While all of this is going on, Mary Beth tries to come to terms with no longer having a boyfriend. Come on, Mary Beth — it was just Vince!

With this episode, the fourth season got off to a rocky start, with a miscast Coach and a set of new players that just don’t seem to have as much personality as the players they replaced. Would things improve in the second episode of the season?

Let’s find out.

Episode 4.2 “Team Players”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

Uh-oh, the team’s just not coming together! Mostly it’s Michael and Julie’s fault, because they think that they’re too good for the new players. After Hammer overhears Michael telling Julie that the new team sucks, he tells all of the other players. During the first game of the season, the Tornadoes struggle during the first half but, after realizing they have to work together, they stage a comeback and win in the second half. Wow! JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GAME THEY’VE EVER PLAYED! After the game, Julie says that this new team might even be better than last year’s team. Uhmm …. no. Sorry, Julie, no. Last year’s time had Danny. None of these new guys can compare to Danny.

In the B-plot, Mary Beth tries too hard to get the Coach to like her. Through a series of unlikely events, she knocks a hole in the wall of his office and she and Kristy has to fix it during the game. Megan Parlen and Amber Baretto are a good comedy team and it’s always a lot of fun when Mary Beth is flustered at the thought of having to do actual work. Unfortunately, the situation is not quite as funny without Reggie Theus’s looking stunned at whatever it is that Mary Beth has done. As played by Dick Butkus, Coach K. is just a bit too angry and gruff to be a good comedic foil. Whenever he gets annoyed with something, he looks like he’s about to tackle someone and break their ribs.

Season 4 is off to a rough start! Hopefully, things will get better next week.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.25 “The Curfew” and 3.26 “Fuller’s Big Offer”

Posted on March 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 3 comes to an end as the Tornadoes play in the state championship and Coach Fuller is faced with a big decision about his future. It’s hang time!

Episode 3.25 “The Curfew”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 6th, 1997)

The Deering Tornadoes are in the championship tournament! After they arrive at Indiana University or the University of Indiana or Gary Community College or wherever it is that they’re playing, Coach Fuller tells them that they’re under curfew. However, Teddy sneaks out to a sorority party and then the rest of the team sneaks out to bring him back. Then Fuller shows up at the party, looking for his team. Since no one on this show can just do the simple thing and admit to having screwed up, the boys dress up like sorority girls and Julie dresses up like a frat boy and they attempt to sneak back to the dorms. Everyone but Teddy shows up before curfew. When Fuller finds out what happened, he benches Teddy. Even when a player gets injured, Fuller sends in some guy we’ve never seen before and keeps Teddy on the bench. What’s funny is that the player Fuller does send in pauses to dramatically glare at Teddy as he heads out to the court. I wonder if he’s related to the guy from the Fake ID episode, the one who snapped, “I don’t want to let the team down!” when Fuller asked him if he could play despite being injured.

Even though he’s not on the court, Teddy still helps the team by joining the cheerleaders and cheering them on to victory.

This is stupid and the next episode is a lot more interesting. Let’s move on.

Episode 3.26 “Fuller’s Big Offer”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 6th, 1997)

The Deering High Tornadoes have a chance to win the state championship but they’re struggling. “The Tornadoes are self-destructing!” the in-game announcer says. Their heads are not in the game!

Well, who can blame them? Coach Fuller has been offered a chance to become the head coach at Southern Florida University. The team is convinced that Fuller is going to leave them after the season ends but, in a rousing locker room speech, he tells them that they can’t worry about what’s going to happen in the future. They have to concentrate on the here and now. Inspired by his words, the Tornadoes take the court and win the championship! Of course, Julie scores the winning point because Julie was the greatest player in the history of basketball. And, of course, the Tornadoes only win by a point because the Tornadoes almost always only won by one point. It just seems like a truly great time wouldn’t always have to come from behind and win by a point.

At the dinner to celebrate the championship, I can’t help but notice that Fuller and all of the starters are there but the rest of the team is nowhere to be seen. It’s hard not to feel bad for the members of the team who never got names or storylines. Not only do they have to spend all of the games sitting on the bench but they also aren’t allowed to attend the championship dinner. Fuller toasts his starters and announces that “All good things must come to an end.” Awww, he’s leaving. Then, Fuller says that he can’t wait to win another championship with the Tornadoes! Yay! He’s not leaving! The season ends with a jubilant team surrounding their coach.

Except, of course, Fuller did leave. Season 4 opened with Fuller in Florida and a new coach in Indiana. We’ll get to that next week.

So, what happened with the finale? Apparently, Reggie Theus left the show because he was offered a real-life coaching job but the offer wasn’t made until after this episode had been filmed. Here’s what I think happened. I can’t prove this but my theory is that the ski lodge and basketball camp episodes were meant to be the final episodes of the season. I think the championship episode was probably supposed to happen before all of that. (The ski lodge episode was taking place during everyone’s vacation, which indicates to me that it was supposed to be happening during the summer break. The whole basketball camp also seems like something that would happen during the summer as opposed to the middle of the school year.) But, when Theus announced he was taking a coaching job, the episodes were rearranged so the season now ended with Fuller getting offered a coaching job. Though the video on YouTube ends with Fuller announcing that he’s going to stay, several commenters say that they can remember that, when the show was originally aired, it ended with Fuller saying, “All good things must come to an end.” That indicates to me that the episode was hastily edited to try to create a cliffhanger, just in case Reggie Theus decided that coaching wasn’t for him.

Regardless of what may or may not have happened behind-the-scenes, this was a strong season ender. In fact, it would have been a perfect way to end the series. After three seasons, it would make sense that most of the characters would be graduating from Deering. (And indeed, Reggie Theus was not the only cast member to depart after season 3.) The show would have ended with everyone together one last time before moving on to even better things. It would have been poignant and sad and it would have have brought tears from even this cynical reviewer.

However, that was not to be. Instead, the show would continue with Julie and Mary Beth somehow still students at Deering High and a new coach stepping into Coach Fuller’s shoes. Next week, we start season 4!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.23 “Twister” and 3.24 “Goodnight, Vince”

Posted on February 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Please, oh please, let the whole basketball camp thing be over with….

Episode 3.23 “Twister”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 29th, 1997)

At Coach Fuller’s basketball camp….

OH GOD, WE’RE STILL DOING THIS CAMP CRAP!

Anyway, the episode opens with Fuller telling his counselor that the camp is nearly finished — YAY! — and that he’s going to be leaving the counselors in charge of the kids while he goes to the airport to pick up a special guest. However, the counselors have won tickets to a concert. They decide to violate Coach Fuller’s number one rule by taking the campers to the pizza parlor and leaving them there while the counselors take turns going to the concert. Coach will never find out, right?

Speaking of stupidity, Fuller also gives Mary Beth a priceless antique quarter to keep safe. The quarter is worth $50,000. Of course, Vince uses the quarter to get a Coke. So, while the other counselors abandon the kids in a strange pizza parlor, Mary Beth and Vince try to get the quarter out of a vending machine.

Now, you’re probably already guessing that Fuller comes back early. Accompanied by someone who I assume what a member of the WNBA, Fuller stops off at the pizza place. Kristy and Teddy see him pulling up and, in a panic, they rush the kids out through the back door and head back to camp. Unfortunately, a tornado also happens to show up and….

EVERYONE DIES!

No, actually, everyone survives. But, at the same time, they learn a valuable lesson about not allowing themselves to be conned into working as camp counselors by their high school basketball coach. And hopefully, their coach learned a lesson about giving too much authority to a bunch of teenagers who, over the course of 50 episodes, have repeatedly screwed up even the simplest of tasks.

The good thing is that the tornado pretty much destroys the camp so I guess that’s over with now.

Episode 3.24 “Goodnight, Vince”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 29th, 1997)

Yay! We’re back at Deering High! Once again, the team just needs to win one more game to go the state championships but Vince has missed his last few free throws and is suffering from a crisis of confidence. Will he recover? Of course, he does. He takes a nap and has a dream where he sees the future and is reminded that losing one game is not the end of the world. Actually, that’s not a bad message at all. After all the nonsense with the ski lodge and the basketball camp, it’s nice to see a simple episode of Hang Time that actually has something decent to say.

That said, this is a bit of an odd episode in that Julie and Michael do not appear to be dating (indeed, Michael talks about how he can’t wait to hit on the college girls at the state championship). For that matter, Mary Beth is not at all concerned that Vince is having a meltdown and she and Kristy are back to acting like ditzes. My guess is that this episode was probably written and filmed at the start of the season, before the writers decided to turn Julie & Michael and Vince & Mary Beth into couples. It’s not quite as bad as that season of One World where Cray’s age (and height) changed from episode-to-episode but it’s still a bit jarring for those of us who have been paying attention.

But, in the end, continuity be damned. The Tornadoes are going to the state championship!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.21 “Kristy Connor” and 3.22 “Game Point”

Posted on February 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hang Time! I’ll always remember me and my friends at hang time …. damn, that song really get stuck in your head.

Episode 3.21 “Kristy Connor”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 22nd, 1997)

So, apparently, Coach Fuller’s basketball camp is still a thing and the members of the team are still his camp counselors. As I mentioned last week, it really does seem like everyone should be going to class and playing high school basketball but apparently, school is on hiatus.

After a long day of counseling basketball players, Kristy — who is NOT a basketball player so I’m still not really sure why she’s even at the camp — heads into town to get a pizza. She borrows Julie’s jacket. While at the pizza joint, she meets Jordan. Jordan is a handsome and totally charming counselor at another camp. He sees that Kristy is wearing Julie’s jacket and he immediately decides that Kristy must be his favorite basketball player, Julie Connor! “You’re famous!” he says. Julie is also blonde while Kristy has red hair so you have to wonder if Jordan is really that smart. I mean, does he assume that anyone wearing a football jersey actually plays football? Does he assume that the guy wearing a LeBron James t-shirt is actually LeBron James? Or is he just really obsessed with that jacket?

Speaking of stupid, Coach Fuller asks Vince to call his father to have some hamburgers delivered to the camp. Vince accidentally orders a cow. Instead of telling Fuller what happened, the team tries to hide the cow in the camp. Because that makes sense….

Anyway, Coach Fuller challenges the other camp to a basketball game. Since Jordan is on the other team, Kristy has to pretend to be Julie on the court. Jordan comes to realize that Kristy isn’t Julie but assures her that he still likes her. “I like your red hair,” he says, which totally disproves my theory that he’s color-blind.

Eh. I hate all of this camp stuff. Let’s move on.

Episode 3.22 “Game Point”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 22nd, 1997)

“Remember that time you guys helped Teddy stop smoking? Or helped Danny stand up to his bully?” Kristy asks, as this episode begins.

Oh, dammit, it’s a clip show.

Despite still being at the basketball camp, Kristy is having to do schoolwork. It turns out that not all of her credits transferred from her “old school,” which I believe is the first time that the show has acknowledged that Kristy just kind of showed up out of nowhere at the start of season 3. She’s having to write a paper on how team sports help people learn how to get along. The players are a bit cynical about Kristy’s theory but she shows them the error of their ways by saying stuff like, “Remember when Michael first joined the team?”

It’s a clip show, with all of the awkward banter that tends to go with it. It’s difficult to convincingly deliver lines like, “Remember that time we all stole Coach Fuller’s car?” or “Remember the last twelve guys Julie’s dated since this show began?”

Hopefully, next week, basketball camp will be a memory and the Tornadoes will be back in school!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.1 “Two Too Much” and 4.2 “My Valentine”

Posted on February 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Welcome to season 4!

Episode 4.1 “Two Too Much”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 9th, 1995)

I have to admit that I’ve now reached the point where I automatically smile as soon as I hear the opening of the California Dreams theme song. Over the past few months, I’ve come to appreciate California Dreams with its (mostly) good cast, its occasionally clever writing, and even its inoffensive music. Of course, compared to City Guys and One World, anything is going to look good but California Dreams is a surprisingly entertaining show. It has its own enjoyably odd but mellow vibe.

The fourth season gets off to a good start with a ballet class! Yay! Of course, Sam and Lorena are in the class. But so are Mark and Sly, largely because they both think it’ll be a good place to pick up girls. And so is Tony, due to Sam ordering him to take the class. Jake, however, thinks that ballet is stupid and doesn’t understand why Lorena doesn’t want to spend all of her time watching him ride his motorcycle …. uh-oh, I think I see where this is going and I’m not happy about it because I’m one of the few people who thinks that Jake and Lorena were a good couple.

After his fight with Lorena, Jake finds Tiffani at Sharky’s and asks her for advice. However, Tiffani is on a date with Keith Dell, “the teen radio shrink.” Keith, who is a hilariously mellow and understanding character, tells Jake that a successful relationship is all about compromise. Keith then suggests that Jake and Tiffani are still in love. “Wooooo!” the audience replies.

Determined to try to make it work with Lorena, Jake tries to share her interests. He takes her shopping for shoes. Then he shows up for ballet class, having exchanged his leather jacket for a pair of tights and ready to dance. After Lorena accuses Jake of embarrassing her, Jake has a black-and-white fantasy about being married to Lorena. Of course, it’s called I Love Lorena. Jake becomes Desi Arnaz. Lorena becomes Lucille Ball. Fred and Ethel are embodied by Sam and Tony. Even in the fantasy, though, Jake keeps accidentally saying that he loves Tiffani. It’s actually pretty funny, largely because of the chemistry of the cast.

I’m sure everyone reading this can guess what’s going to happen. Jake and Lorena amicably break up. Jake and Tiffani get back together. Tony becomes dance-crazed and puts together a wonderfully pretentious performance at Sharky’s. As always, everything happens at Sharky’s.

Despite the fact that my favorite couple broke up, this was a good start for the fourth season. The cast’s chemistry was as strong as ever, Jake and Lorena’s breakup was handled intelligently, and William James Jones had some funny moments as he went mad for ballet. And who knows? I liked Jake and Lorena but Jake and Tiffani have chemistry as well. Maybe this breakup was all for the best….

Episode 4.2 “My Valentine”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 16th, 1995)

It’s Valentine’s Day! Looking to make his first Valentine’s Day with Samantha a special one, Tony writes a love song and has Jake sing it. After Jake finishes the song, Sly says that it was the perfect gift. Tiffani agrees that it was very romantic. “No,” Sly says, “it was free.”

Oh, Sly …. never change!

Tony, however, is worried that Sam will be returning to Hong Kong as soon as they graduate from high school. Tony’s solution is to ask her to marry him. Sam says, “Yes!” The audience goes crazy but the Dreams have their doubts. Lorena and Jake think Tony and Sam are too young to get married. Sly agrees but his main concern is whether or not Tony and Sam will hire the Dreams to play at their wedding reception. I’m not sure how that would work, considering that Tony and Sam are in the Dreams.

Tony and Sam haven’t been engaged for more than a day before they have their first fight. Sam discovers that Tony hasn’t told his parents that they are engaged. “If you can’t yell your parents,” she says, “your obviously too immature to get married!”

“I’m not immature,” Tony replies, “I just didn’t want them to ground me.”

Hey, it make me laugh. I laughed even harder when Sam revealed that she hadn’t told her parents either.

Anyway, Tony and Sam break up but, luckily, they get back together a few hours later at the big Valentine’s Day dance, agreeing to date and putting off marriage for now. I was glad about that. Tony and Sam are a cute couple and no one should break up on the most romantic day of the year! While Tony and Sam are getting back together, Jake and Tiffani are having an O. Henry moment as they realize that they’ve both sold their most prized possessions to get the other a present. It’s a sweet moment for them. Meanwhile, Lorena gets to wear a really cute red dress so everyone’s a winner this Valentine’s Day!

I own the same dress!

Next week: Tiffani is principal for a day! I’m sure this won’t lead to any drama at all….

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.19 “Love on the Rockies” and 3.20 “Fuller’s Camp”

Posted on February 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hang time! Today, we go from the Rockies to a basketball camp. Sorry, Deering High, your team has abandoned you.

Episode 3.19 “Love on the Rockies”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 15th, 1997)

The team’s rather bizarre ski vacation continues in this episode. Two episodes ago, it was established that the team was invited to the ski lodge by Mary Beth’s parents so that they could help her celebrate her birthday. Well, the birthday has been celebrated and Mary Beth’s parents haven’t been seen for a while so why is the team still at the lodge? And why is Coach Fuller there?

While Coach Fuller takes the boys on the team skiing, Julie and Mary Beth head off to the mall. However, as they’re walking through the ski lodge, they’re approached by a guy named Paul. It turns out that, even though he look like he’s about 40, Paul is supposed to be Julie’s ex-boyfriend! Apparently, Julie and Paul went out over the summer. Paul wants to have dinner with Julie but Julie explains that she’s up at the lodge with her current boyfriend, Michael. Paul says okay and walks off and then Julie mentions that Michael is going to be so surprised to hear that she ran into Paul. Mary Beth tells Julie to not tell Michael about seeing Paul. That’s actually pretty good advice. Then again, Julie goes through a dozen boyfriends per season so I’m surprised she can step outside of the house without running into one of them so really, Michael should be used Julie’s ex-boyfriends popping up. On Hang Time, the only thing that gets passed around more than a basketball is Julie.

Julie attempts to keep Michael from meeting Paul. Unfortunately, as soon as Michael is away from Julie and hanging out with Vince, Paul walks by, overhears their conversation, and starts to tell them about how he’s been in love with a girl since the summer and he’s determined to win her back. Michael wishes him the best of luck. At this point, I’m finding it odd that no one on the team met Paul while he was dating Julie. I assume that Paul also lives in Indiana and probably in the same general area as Julie. How big is Deering supposed to be? Anyway, Paul then reveals that Julie is the girl and Michael freaks out, both because Julie didn’t tell him but also because he thinks she might still like Paul.

After an unsuccessful attempt to befriend Paul and keep him too occupied to flirt with Julie, Michael and Vince end up watching through a hotel room window while Julie and Paul speak. Julie tells Paul that she loves Michael and Paul apologizes for coming on too strong and he asks if they can still be friends. Julie hugs Paul. The audience says, “Awwww!” Unfortunately, since Michael and Vince can’t hear what’s being said, they just see Julie hugging Paul and they decide…. give me a minute while I scream in frustration …. that Julie actually does like Paul. This is the type of episode that I hate, where all of the misunderstandings could have been avoided by everyone not being an idiot.

Michael confronts Julie. Julie breaks up with Michael, angry that he doesn’t trust her despite all of the time that she previously spent lying to him about Paul. Luckily, there’s a “Snow Ball Dance” at the Lodge so Michael and Julie get back together, despite having next to zero romantic chemistry.

In the B-plot, Danny, Teddy, and Kristy rescue a millionaire who has had a skiing accident. They think they’re going to get a big reward. They don’t.

Episode 3.20 “Fuller’s Camp”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 15th, 1997)

The ski vacation is over but now, everyone’s working as a camp counselor at Coach Fuller’s Basketball Camp!

Wait, what?

I mean, I guess I can buy that Coach Fuller has a camp. Supposedly, he was a pro NBA player before he became a coach and he does appear to have some money lying around. And we’ve already seen that he’s willing to help young kids improve their basketball game. But why are the Deering Tornadoes the counselors? Are they getting paid for it or did Fuller tell them they had to do it? And why are Kristy and Mary Beth working as counselors, despite the fact that neither one of them plays basketball? It’s confusing.

Anyway, this episode was all about how Julie is the worst person in Indiana. When she meets the only girl who is enrolled at the camp, Julie puts way too much pressure on her and tries to turn her into a miniature version of Julie. Julie puts so much pressure on Mini-Julie that Mini-Julie nearly quits the camp. With Michael’s help, Julie sees the error of her ways and Mini-Julie agrees to stick around.

As far as the B-plots go, Danny is jealous of how much the campers love Teddy. Vince is upset to discover that one of the campers has a crush on Mary Beth. As for me, I’m just hoping that Coach Fuller’s basketball camp was a one-episode storyline because I really don’t want to have to spend multiple episodes listening to Julie pressure Mini-Julie. Seriously, why aren’t these people in school!?

I will say that, in theory, Fuller having a basketball camp does make more sense than everyone hanging out in Aspen. But, this episode really suffers without the high school. I mean, Hang Time is about a high school basketball team and the knowledge that the members of the team will always treasure their high school memories. If you take the school out of Hang Time, the show loses its focus. Hopefully, next week, we’ll be back in Deering.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.16 “The Treasure of PCH” and 3.17 “Tiffani’s Gold”

Posted on February 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 3 comes to an end!

Episode 3.16 “The Treasure of PCH”

(dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 31st, 1994)

The Dreams have turned into a reggae band!

At least, that’s the impression that one gets from the opening of The Treasure of PCH, which finds the Dreams performing on a pier at night as a part of the On The Pier Presents festival. The song’s beat has a reggae feel and it actually sounds pretty nice until the very white Mark starts to sing with what I think is meant to be a slight attempt at a Jamaican accent about how someday “you might need a friend when you least expect it.” Watching and, in some cases, re-watching these shows, I now realize that, musically, the Dreams actually had a pretty good sound but they were always tripped up by their simplistic lyrics. “Anytime you need me, I’ll be there….” I mean, if you want to sound like David Hasselhoff, that’s fine but it’s still a bit odd to watch the pier crowd act as if these lyrics couldn’t have been written by a computer program. In fact, maybe they were. Was AI around in 1994?

Anyway, the Dreams are totally excited because the Concert on the Pier promoter pays them a thousand dollars. “We’ve never gotten that much before!” Sam says but actually, I remember them getting paid that much during both the first and the second seasons. Lorena is worried that the Dreams are getting greedy, which is an easy thing to worry about when you’re already rich and have nice hair. Jake says that the money won’t change the Dreams. Lorena and Jake decide to test that idea by convincing the Dreams that there’s a fortune hidden at Sharky’s!

Fortunately, it only takes one forged letter to trick the Dreams. (As a group, the Dreams appear to have lost several IQ points when Matt Garrison moved away.) At first, everyone works together but soon, the Dreams are getting paranoid and vindictive. Lorena was right. Yay! Take that, Jake! However, Jake and Lorena don’t give their plan enough thought and the Dreams — as stupid as they’ve become — still eventually figure out that it doesn’t make any sense that an eccentric oldster would have hidden his fortune at Sharky’s. So, they turn the tables and convince Jake and Lorena that there’s a bunch of diamonds hidden at …. Sharky’s. Is there no other place to eat in California?

“DIAMONDS!” Jake yells, in a rare moment of the normally laid back Jay Anthony Franke overacting.

This was a dumb episode but it was also oddly likable. Sly running around and thinking to himself, “Gotta find the money …. gotta find the money….” made me laugh. For that matter, so did Tony literally picking up Tiffani when she tried to run off with one of the clues. The cast had enough chemistry that they were even able to pull off the show’s dumbest jokes. Of course, the best thing about this episode is that my favorite character, Lorena, was proven to be correct. Go Lorena!

Episode 3.17 “Tiffani’s Gold”

(dir by, originally aired on January 7th, 1995)

Every Peter Engel-produced sitcom had to have at least one episode where the least likely character got hooked on drugs, had a public meltdown, and then somehow got off drugs with a minimum amount of difficulty. The most famous of these episode was the infamous episode of Saved By The Bell, where Jessie got hooked on caffeine pills and sang, “I’m so excited!”

When it came time for California Dreams to deal with drug addiction, the end result was Tiffani’s Gold. In this episode, Tiffani is suddenly a star volleyball player who has a chance to make the national team and bring home a gold medal. Tiffani, who up until this point has been portrayed as a mellow hippie, is suddenly determined to win and the Dreams want her to win as well. Unfortunately, Tiffani is struggling to keep up with the other girls trying out for the team. So, she convinces Sly to help her get some …. dramatic music cue …. steroids!

You know what this means. Tiffani makes the team but she also starts to have mood swings and violent outbursts. Eventually, she makes a scene at Sharky’s and realizes that she has to stop taking drugs. What makes this standard anti-drug episode memorable is just how unconvincing Kelly Packard is as a drug addict. Don’t get me wrong. She tries really, really hard to capture Tiffani’s anger and moodiness. In fact, she tries too hard. Scenes like the one in which Tiffani throws Sly against a locker are meant to be shocking but they actually inspire more laughs than gasps because Kelly Packard doesn’t come across as if she’s ever lost her temper before. One gets the feeling that she was such a positive person that she didn’t even know how to fake anger.

As for the B-plot, Sly, Tony, and Mark compete to see who is the “bigger stud.” Despite not being in contest, Jake is declared the winner. Despite the fact that Jake and Lorena were supposed to be a couple, Jake is seen dating several other girls in this episode and Lorena doesn’t seem to care in the least. Considering that Sly is wearing the exact same outfit that he wore in the first episode of season 3, I’m going to guess Tiffani’s Gold was filmed and meant to air much earlier in the season but, for whatever reason, it was held back until the very end.

(Incidentally, Christy — who rejects both Tony and Sly before going off with Jake — was played by a young Fergie.)

This rather campy episode was the final one of season 3. Next week, we start season 4!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents” and 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”

Posted on February 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Indiana’s greatest basketball team heads for the ski slopes!

Episode 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)

I did a double-take when this episode opened with shots of a snowy ski lodge. It wasn’t so much that this episode was taking place outside of Indiana (as we did just go through the whole California thing) as much as I thought the show had already done a ski lodge episode, one in which a man dressed as a yeti was trying to keep Mary Beth’s father from developing the land. However, once the episode began, I realized I was thinking of the episode of California Dreams where everyone is invited to Lorena’s father’s ski lodge.

(That said, I’m pretty sure it’s the same set that was used in not only California Dreams but also Saved By The Bell: The New Class.)

Instead, in this episode, Mary Beth’s parents have invited the entire basketball team out to a ski lodge to help celebrate Mary Beth’s birthday. That includes Coach Fuller, who is super excited about going ice fishing and catching a legendary bass. Again, that’s not surprising. In the world of Peter Engel-produced sitcoms, parents were always inviting and paying for their children’s friends to come vacation with them. But you do have to wonder why only the basketball team has been invited. Doesn’t Mary Beth have other friends that would have wanted to come? Obviously, Mary Beth is close to Julie and Kristy and she and Vince have an unlikely flirtation going on. But why invite Teddy and Michael, two people with whom she’s had next to nothing to do with over the course of the series? And why invite Coach Fuller? Fuller’s an adult. Does he not have a life outside of his job? Does no one find the idea of a man in his 40s going on vacation with a bunch of high school students to be a little bit creepy?

That said, even though he shouldn’t be there, Fuller is super-excited about ice fishing and the team is super-excited about watching him ice fish, which really doesn’t seem like something to get that excited about. However, there’s more going on here than just Fuller trying to relive his fishing glory days. Instead of going ice fishing, Vince stays back at the lodge and overhears Mary Beth’s parents talking about getting a divorce! Vince can’t bring himself to tell Mary Beth about what he’s heard and, if we’re going to be perfectly honest, it’s not really his place to tell her because he’s not family. However, when the rest of the team returns from Fuller’s fishing cabin, Vince tells them and then Mary Beth walks in right when Teddy is making the same point that I just made. “If anyone is going to tell Mary Beth about her parents getting divorced, it should be Mary Beth’s parents!” Teddy says while a stunned Mary Beth stands behind him.

Now, let’s give the show some credit. At first, Mary Beth is in denial about her parent’s getting divorced and then she moves into the anger phase and then the bargaining stage. And, for me, it brought back a lot of memories of going through my own parent’s divorce and the show, at first, handled things with a lot more sensitivity than you would expect from a Peter Engel-produced sitcom. But then, because this is a Peter Engel show, things get cartoonish as Mary Beth tries to save her parent’s marriage by recreating their honeymoon in Mexico, which means that Mary Beth speaks in an exaggerated Mexican accent while Vince puts on a sombrero and a fake mustache. It doesn’t work but, fortunately, Mary Beth moves from anger to acceptance in record time.

Again, let’s give some credit where credit is due. I’ve been pretty critical of the Vince/Mary Beth pairing but Megan Parlen and Michael Sullivan both have a lot of chemistry in this episode and Sullivan, in particular, is better here than he’s been in any of the previous episodes. And even the ice fishing storyline pays off as the normally stiff Reggie Theus really gets into trash-talking a legendary giant bass. Fuller catches the bass (which is obviously a fake, rubber fish) but then he tosses it back in the lake. It would be a touching moment if the bass actually looked like real, living fish as opposed to a rubber toy.

Flaws and all, this was ultimately a pretty good episode. Will the streak continue with our second ski lodge episode?

Episode 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)

We’re still at the ski lodge! Mary Beth’s parents are nowhere to be seen but we know that they’re still getting divorced because Vince gives Mary Beth an expensive ring to help her get over it. Awwwwwww! Unfortunately, Mary Beth loses the ring, which leads to her going through a lot of trouble to keep Danny from finding out. But then she finds it in her pocket and everything’s okay. Yay! This whole storyline made me anxious. I hate plots that could easily be resolved by one person just telling the truth about what happened.

Meanwhile, the Lodge is holding auditions for a new comedian to perform at their comedy club and Danny decides to audition, despite the fact that he’s only there on vacation and will presumably be going back to Indiana in a day or two. I’m not sure that Danny has really thought this through. When Danny gets get on stage, he suffers from stage fright and freezes. Fortunately, Teddy joins him on stage and they become a comedy duo. They’re both hired! But Teddy eventually realizes that stand-up comedy is Danny’s dream and he allows Danny to perform the show alone. It’s kind of pointless, as none of the jokes are particularly funny and it’s kind of a stretch to imagine a club full of wealthy adults going crazy over Danny joking about reading his girlfriend’s diary.

This episode features an extended sequence in which Danny imagines himself as being Jerry Seinfeld. CRINGE!

Next week, the ski lodge adventure continues!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.14 “Boyz R Us” and 3.15 “Junior Achievement”

Posted on February 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s see what was happening in California back in 1994.

Episode 3.14 “Boyz R Us”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 17th, 1994)

When Tony’s old friend Darren comes to visit, it’s revealed that Tony and his family are apparently form South Central. Over the course of nearly three seasons, this has never once been mentioned by Tony or anyone else on the show but, in this episode, everyone acts as if they’ve always known that Tony comes from the hood and that his family moved away to keep Tony from falling in with the wrong crowd. In fact, it’s treated as being such common knowledge that it actually seems a little bit offensive, as if everyone just assumed that Tony grew up in a crime-ridden neighborhood because of the color of his skin.

Darren comes bearing grim news. Their friend, JR, has fallen in with the gangs. When JR is ordered to rob a liquor store, he refuses to do it. The gang retaliates by beating him up and leaving JR with permanent brain damage. (We don’t actually see JR. Instead, Tony just spends the episode answering questions about how JR is doing.) Tony thinks that he and Darren should go to the police. Darren thinks a better solution would be to kill the guys who beat up JR. Tony returns to South Central and literally stands in front of two gang members to keep Darren from shooting them. The gang members say that they’re going to repay the favor by killing Tony and Darren. But then a bunch of older people show up in the alley and announced that they’re taking their neighborhood back. The gang members run off and apparently, that’s all it takes to deal with the gang problem.

I have no doubt that this episode was written, directed, and acted with the best of intentions but Peter Engel-produced sitcoms were always at their worst whenever they tried to deal with the issue of race. The need to neatly wrap everything up in 22 minutes did not exactly lend itself to examining serious issues. The whole episode felt a bit heavy-handed and I didn’t buy the episode’s conclusion for a second. The episode suggested that the best way to deal with gangs was to just stand up to them as you would to any other group of bullies. It worked in this episode but that’s because there was only two gang members and neither one of them was armed when they were confronted.

In the B-plot, the Dreams were broke so they got jobs delivering singing telegrams. Lorena got a job as well because, even though she was rich, she wanted to see what it was like to be poor. Lorena was so cool.

Episode 3.15 “Junior Achievement”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 24th, 1994)

For their Business class, the Dreams set up a corporation and attempt to make a profit. Jake and Mark try to succeed by giving music lessons. The rest of the group decides to exploit Sam’s cold remedy, which has apparently been in her family for centuries. At first, Sam is reluctant to sell out her heritage but then she’s told that she could become a millionaire so….

If this sounds familiar, that’s because this is the same basic plot as the Saved By The Bell episode where Zack and the gang try to sell Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce. For that matter, it also has a lot in common with the infamous “buddy band” episode. Just as Zack did for the spaghetti sauce, The Dreams even air a commercial for the cold remedy on public access TV. Tony directs the commercial. Sly plays a cold germ. Sam plays her grandmother. The commercial seems like it runs way too long but whatever. Jake and Mark make no money teaching music while the other Dreams initially make a fortune. But then, in order to save on production costs, Sam cuts a few corners and the medicine goes from curing colds to causing hiccups. Sam tells the teacher the truth about what happened and is praised for being ethical.

So, in other words, there’s no actual consequences for anything that Sam may have done wrong. That’s the advantage of being one of the main characters, I suppose.

This wasn’t a bad episode as much as it was just a totally silly one. The storyline was predictable but the cast certainly seemed to be having fun. This is one of those episodes that worked almost entirely due to chemistry between the actors. Though the episode focuses on Jennie Kwan, Michael Cade also gets his share of good lines. Any episode that features Sly being totally immoral and greedy is usually a good one.

Next week, Tiffani gets hooked on steroids!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.15 “Teen Mom” and 3.16 “Midnight Basketball”

Posted on January 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The saga of Indiana’s greatest basketball team continues. I’ll always remember me and my friends at Hang Time….

Episode 3.15 “Teen Mom”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 1st, 1997)

Danny’s latest girlfriend, Sarah, is a teen mom! Danny decides that, since he loves Sarah and he loves her son Max, he wants to marry her. Sarah turns him down and Danny says that if she ever needs a babysitter, she knows who to call. Then he leaves her house, alone.

Wow, what a depressing episode! Give some credit to Chad Gabriel, who gives a good performance and who proves that he deserved to headline more episodes of this series than he did but still, this was definitely not a cheery episode.

Fortunately, there is a comedic B-plot, in which Kristy gets addicted to playing a video game called Killer Klown. It causes her to miss a photo shoot but … oh well! KILLER KLOWN!

Episode 3.16 “Midnight Basketball”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 1st, 1997)

In a storyline that was used in not just one but three different episodes of Saved By The Bell, the school starts a teen line!

Coach Fuller takes charge of the teen line and, of course, the operators are the members of the basketball team. Despite the fact that they went out on a date just two episodes ago, Michael is not sure that Julie likes him and Julie isn’t sure that Michael likes her. They each call the teen line for advice. Mary Beth tells Julie to throw herself at Michael. Danny tells Michael to ignore Julie and “play hard to get.” It’s terrible advice and it leads to a lot of confusion. Eventually, Julie figures out why Michael has been ignoring her and they end up kissing while the audience goes wild. Doesn’t anyone remember how badly all of Julie’s relationships tend to end?

Meanwhile, Teddy befriends a caller named Eric. Eric keeps getting into fights because there’s nothing for him and his friends to do at night. Breaking the rules of Teen Line (much as Zach Morris once did), Teddy meets with Eric. Taking sympathy on Eric, Teddy arranges for a midnight basketball game at Deering High. Eric and his friends are defeated and thoroughly humiliated by the Tornadoes. Needless to say, Eric is not happy about that and he trashes the team’s locker room. To be honest, I don’t blame Eric. How are you going to invite people to your gym and then humiliate them in the middle of the night?

That said, after a heart-to-heart with Teddy, Eric returns to Deering to help clean up the locker room. Teddy promises to mentor Eric. We will probably never see Eric again.

I have to say that, even on a show like Hang Time, Anthony Anderson was already a good actor. There’s a lot of heart and sincerity in his performance here and it makes the episode work even when it shouldn’t.