Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015! The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.
This week, Snake shows that whatever it takes, he’s going to make it through.
Episode 1.2 “Mother and Child Reunion: Part 2”
(Dir by Bruce McDonald, originally aired on July 1st, 2002)
Snake threatens to kill a guy in this episode!
Now, to be clear, the guy in question definitely had it coming. While Spike enjoyed her class reunion, Emma snuck out of the house, went down to a hotel, and waited for Jordan. Sitting in the lobby, she was approached by Mr. Nystrom (Jeff Gruich), who claimed to be Jordan’s teacher. Mr. Nystrom, who was carrying a pizza box, invited Emma upstairs to meet with Jordan. Emma followed him but, once she stepped into his hotel room and discovered that there weren’t any environmentally-minded teens around, Emma realized that there was no Jordan and “Mr. Nystrom” was actually the person who had been e-mailing her.
Fortunately, Manny, Toby, and JT figured out that Emma had gone out to meet Jordan so they hacked her e-mail (Emma’s password was “Pogues,” after Spike’s favorite band) and found out what hotel “Jordan” was staying at. They then ran to the Degrassi Community School and found Spike and Snake dancing at their reunion. They told Spike and Snake where Emma was. Spike and Snake then went to the hotel and Snake banged on the door until Mr. Nystrom answered.
(Oddly, neither one of them appeared to have called the cops on the way over to the hotel.)
While Spike ran into the room to get her daughter, Snake grabbed Mr. Nystrom, pinned him against the wall, and threatened to “snap (his) neck.” And I have to say that, as dorky as Archie “Snake” Simpson may usually be, that was pretty freaking hot.
Meanwhile, at the reunion, Joey heard Keith talking to Allison Hunter about how he wasn’t sure he actually wanted to marry Caitlin. That led to Joey getting into a brawl with Keith while Caitlin was giving her “most distinguished alumni” speech. Caitlin broke up with Keith and she and Joey reconciled. It wasn’t the first time that they reconciled and it won’t be the last.
At the house, Emma apologized for panicking Spike and then added, “Like you’ve never made a mistake? Like having me!” Wow, that’s …. kind of sad. Spike assures Emma that becoming a mom at the age of 14 was not a mistake. However, sneaking out to meet a guy you’ve never met is definitely a mistake! What Spike doesn’t mention is that this could have all been avoided if Emma wasn’t so obsessed with protecting the environment.
Next week: the school year begins! Hopefully, Emma will have learned her lesson about getting involved in the environmental movement.
Hey, remember that time in 2007 when all the students at Toronto’s Degrassi Community School were turned into zombies? This 10 minute film takes a non-canonical look at what would happen to everyone’s favorite Canadian high school if there was a zombie apocalypse!
(By the way, I know what you’re thinking but this was actually made in 2007, long before the premiere of The Walking Dead.)
When last we checked in with Toronto’s Degrassi Community School, the school was recovering from a recent school shooting by putting on a production of Dracula. While a fake vampire drained blood onstage, his real-life equivalent tempted girls into his van at the ravine with the promise of cheap bracelets and an escape from all the trauma of the past month.
In the second part of Secret, the play is finally ready to open but, much as how Dracula has infecting the stage with vampirism, Jay (Mike Lobel) has infected the school with gonorrhea. Can Emma (Miriam McDonald) get through the play without having a complete breakdown?
There’s a B-plot here, of course. Jimmy (Drake …. yes, the Drake) has been in the hospital ever since getting shot in the back by Rick Murray. With the help of Craig (Jake Epstein) and Marco (Adamo Ruggiero), Jimmy escapes from the hospital so that he can attend a Kid Eldrick show. (Kid Eldrick is Degrassi‘s version of Kid Rock.) It’s actually kind of a nice little story. My favorite line is Marco’s one about wanting to look like a ninja.
That said, this is the episode will forever be known for making national news when it aired in the United States. Though it may seem strange now, this was considered to quite a controversial show back in 2005. (Canadians, of course, got to see the episode first, when it aired on December 7th, 2004.)
One thing I like about this episode — and the reason why I am specifically sharing it now — is the way that the school staged their production of Dracula. It looks like they did a good job. I especially liked the way that they faked the blood in the staking scene.
Tonight’s televised horror comes to use from the year 2004 and the nation of Canada! Love you, Canada!
In this episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation, the students at Toronto’s Degrassi Community School are still struggling to come to terms with a recent school shooting that left one student dead and another paralyzed. What better way to help the school deal with their trauma than a play? And what better play to select than an adaptation of …. Dracula?
J.T. (Ryan Cooley) and Libertry (Sarah Barrable-Tishauer) are directing their own script. Starring in the play is Emma Nelson (Miriam McDonald). Before the shooting, Emma was known for being rather strident about her political and environmental activism. After the shooting, Emma has been spiraling out of control. And, as we all know, spiraling out of control on Degrassi inevitably leads to a visit to the ravine where all-around trouble-maker Jay (Mike Lobel) has a van and a collection cheap bracelets.
Meanwhile, in another part of the school, Ashley (Melissa McIntyre) tries to get Craig (Jake Epstein) to join a support group that will help him deal with his recent bipolar diagnosis. Craig is upset to discover that Ellie (Stacey Farber) is in the same group. This episode was the start of the very long and very angsty Craig/Ellie relationship arc. When I first watched Degrassi, I always related to Ellie and I still do to a certain extent but, in retrospect, I think I was probably a lot more like Ashley when I was in high school.
This episode of Degrassi aired, in Canada, on November 30th, 2004. This episode was considered to be so controversial that it actually made national news when it later aired in the United States. (I can actually remember watching some outraged wannabe censor talking about how Degrassi was a corrupting influence.) Part Two of Secret, which we’ll get to tomorrow, was even more controversial.
As for how this fits in with October …. it’s Dracula! And really, when you think about it, Jay’s a bit of a real-life Dracula. That’ll especially become clear in the next episode.
Anyway, here is tonight’s episode. Remember — whatever it takes, you can make it through!
We’re not even halfway through 2018 yet and I’m already prepared to declare that today’s music video of the day is the best of the year! Now, you’ll notice that I didn’t say that it’s the best song of the year but really, the song’s not that important. What’s important is that, with this video, Drake and director Karena Evans gives us the Degrassi reunion that we’ve all been waiting for!
(Okay, maybe not everyone. Apparently, some people aren’t as obsessed with Degrassi as the rest of us are. But you know what? I love Degrassi. I’ve got almost the entire series on DVD and I’ve watched and rewatched every episode so many times that I can quote most of them from memory.)
Before he found superstardom as Drake, Aubrey Graham was best known (by people like me) for playing Jimmy Brooks. When Degrassi first started, Jimmy was something of a random jock. He got into fights. He played basketball. He dated Ashley Kerwin and dumped her after she took ecstasy and ended up making out with Sean. He dated Hazel until she graduated. He dated Ashley again until she betrayed him to get a recording contract. And, of course, he ended up in a wheelchair after a mean-spirited prank led to Rick Murray shooting him in the back. Jimmy eventually left Toronto for Amsterdam and possibly law school but, as we see in this video, he’s back and so are all of our old favorites.
Admittedly, before this video, there was a previous Degrassi reunion. Back in 2016, the 500th episode of Degrassi featured a class reunion and several old characters did return. Unfortunately, everyone’s favorites — like Paige, Spinner, Marco, and Emma — didn’t get much screen time. Instead, Mo — who really shouldn’t have even been at the reunion since it had only been a year since he graduated — got most of the screen time and seriously, who ever cared about Mo? Meanwhile, beloved graduates like Ellie, Craig, and Manny didn’t even show up. In short, the official Degrassi reunion was a huge disappointment!
Fortunately, this video does a better job of bringing back almost all of our favorites. I guess that’s the power of Drake. True, it’s hard not to be disappointed that Sean Cameron, Joy Hogart, Alex, J.T. Yorke, Johnny DiMarco, and Bruce the Moose didn’t show up. (If you ever had any doubt that Degrassi was a Canadian show, just consider the fact that a major supporting character was named Bruce The Moose.) But check out who did return!
First off, here’s Spinner (Shane Kippel)!
Seriously, it’s not a Degrassi reunion if Spinner isn’t there. Despite the fact that Degrassi was a four-year school, Spinner was enrolled for seven seasons. Okay, so Spinner wasn’t that good of a student but so what? He was the heart and soul of Degrassi! Not only was he the drummer for Toronto’s greatest band, Downtown Sasquatch, but he was also Jimmy’s best friend, except for that time when Jimmy was angry over Spinner’s part in the prank that led to Jimmy getting shot in the back. (Fortunately, they made up.) I’ve seen some people online wondering why Spinner spends so much of this video throwing up. My theory is that it’s an homage to the seventh season episode, Pass the Dutchie. That’s the episode where Spinner, while undergoing chemotherapy, throws up on his English teacher.
(That episode also features one of the greatest lines in Degrassi history, when a stoned Spinner realizes that he’s about to fail English for the third time and exclaims, “What kind of idiot fails his own language three times!?”)
Four of my favorites all showed up together. Getting out of the stylish white car: Paige (Lauren Collins), Ellie (Stacey Farber), Marco (Adamo Ruggiero), and Craig (Jake Epstein). I always related to Ellie, largely because we both had red hair and always wore black to school. I also always felt bad that Craig and Ellie could never quite seem to make things works romantically, though Ellie and Sean were actually a better couple. But I’m just kind of rambling now…
Hey, it’s Terri (Christina Schmidt) and Hazel (Andrea Lewis)! Terri was on the first three seasons of Degrassi, until she was put into a coma by her abusive boyfriend, Rick Murray. (This was the same Rick who would later shoot Jimmy in the back.) Hazel was Jimmy’s girlfriend, until she eventually realized that Jimmy was actually in love with Ellie. It’s probably not a coincidence that Drake is rapping about his ex at the same time that Hazel shows up.
Then the teachers show up! Ms. Kwan (Linlyn Lue) was the tyrannical English teacher who was driven to tears when Jimmy and Spinner egged her car. As for Archie “Snake” Simpson (Stefan Brogren), he’s been the one constant over the course of all the different versions of Degrassi. He started out as a student on Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High. In School’s Out, he was the first character to say “fuck” on Canadian television. Finally, Mr. Simpson taught the school’s media immersion class and eventually became principal of the school.
About halfway through the video, we learn that Mr. Simpson buys his drugs from Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith).
A longtime fan of the Degrassi franchise, Kevin Smith appeared as himself during season 4 and 5 and also in the second Degrassi movie, Degrassi Goes Hollywood. Smith came to Degrassi to shoot his latest movie, Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh? Of course, he brought Mewes with him. While Kevin Smith did end up contributing to the break-up of Caitlin and Joey, he also helped to track down Craig, who was having a manic episode and living on the streets at the time. Later, Smith would return to Degrassi to encourage Paige to take a chance with Alex and to also help launch the acting career of Manny Santos (Cassie Steele).
Speaking of Manny, she returns for Drake’s reunion and, appropriately enough, she’s seen hanging out with Emma (Miriam McDonald). Interestingly, in Degrassi Takes Manhattan, Emma ended up marrying Spinner in a plot twist that caused thousands of Degrassi fans (like me) to roll their eyes in unison. (Seriously, Emma and Spinner barely spoke to each other for 9 seasons and then they suddenly got married.) In this video, Spinner and Emma don’t even seem to acknowledge each other. Maybe they got divorced.
Among the other former Degrassi cast members to make an appearance: Melissa McIntyre (a.k.a. the one and only Ashley Kerwin), Nina Dobrev (who played teen mom-turned-super model Mia), A.J. Saudin (a.k.a. Simpson’s autistic godson, Connor), Sarah Barrable-Tishauer (a.k.a., class President Liberty Van Zandt), Jake Goldsbie (a.k.a. adorable nerd Toby Isaacs), Marc Donato and Dalmar Abuzeid (a.k.a. dorky friends Derek and Danny), and Paula Brancati (who played Jane, the girl who Spinner probably should have married.)
And then there’s Rick Murray (Ephraim Ellis). Despite the fact that Rick was reported to have died shortly after shooting Jimmy, he still showed up for the reunion. Of course, not everyone was happy to see him:
So, for those of you keeping track: Jimmy regained his ability walk, Emma and Spinner are divorced, Rick Murray apparently didn’t die after all, and J.T. Yorke is still dead. Poor J.T.
(Then again, if Rick’s still alive then you have to wonder how his ghost was able to possess Holy J in The Curse of Degrassi. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Anyway…)
Well, Halloween and this year’s horrorthon are both nearly over.
Since I started things off with The Curse of Degrassi, it only seems appropriate for me to end my part of it with Degrassi of the Dead! This 10 minute film takes a non-canonical look at what would happen to everyone’s favorite Canadian high school if there was a zombie apocalypse!
(By the way, I know what you’re thinking but this was actually made in 2007, long before the premiere of The Walking Dead.)
Cassie Steele, Mike Lobel, Miriam McDonald, and Shane Kippel in Degrassi Takes Manhattan
(Much as with my previous post, this review probably will not much sense to you unless you’re a longtime Degrassi fan like me. Sorry!)
One year afterDegrassi Goes Hollywood, the third Degrassi movie was released. Degrassi Takes Manhattan was broadcast on July 9th, 2010 and, ratings-wise, it was a huge success. Not only did it bring TeenNick its highest ratings ever, it was the number one show viewed by teens that summer.
Why was it such a huge success?
Largely, it was because Degrassi Takes Manhattan served as not only the conclusion to season 9 but it was also the finale of Degrassi: The Next Generation. By the end of Degrassi Takes Manhattan, all of the original Degrassi: TNG plotlines had been resolved. Emma Nelson, who was the show’s main character for 6 seasons, married Spinner Mason. When the series returned for season 10, it would drop The Next Generation from its title and it would simply be known as Degrassi. All of the original characters would be gone, replaced with new students. Degrassi Takes Manhattan was a chance to celebrate what had been and a chance to say goodbye.
And yet, Degrassi Takes Manhattan remains very controversial among the Degrassi fandom. To be honest, a lot of people can’t stand it. My feelings on it are mixed, though I tend to like it more than some.
One of the big problems with Degrassi Takes Manhattan is that none of the original characters actually go to Manhattan. Emma, Manny, Spinner, and Jay all remain in Canada. Instead, the Manhattan portion of the film features Holly J. Sinclair (Charlotte Arnold), Fiona Coyne (Annie Clark), Jane (Paul Brancati), and Fiona’s creepy twin brother, Declan (Landon Liboiron). The New York portion of the film deals with Fiona, Holly J, Declan, and Jane all staying in a Manhattan penthouse and having various adventures in New York. As seems to happen to at least one Degrassi student ever semester, Jane launches a singing career. Holly J interns and falls in love with Declan. Fiona get jealous. It’s nothing all that interesting though it does feature the classic line, “This is New York Holly J, bitch!”
(Say what you will about the character she was playing, Charlotte Arnold was always great at delivering angry one-liners.)
Instead, the part of the film that everyone remembers is Emma (Miriam McDonald) falling in love with Spinner (Shane Kippel) and drunkenly marrying him at Niagara Falls. After Spinner and Emma first look into getting an annulment, they suddenly realize that they really do want to spend the rest of their lives together and they have a recommitment ceremony at the beach!
And it’s actually a pretty sweet scene. As someone who has watched every season of Degrassi, I liked the scene at the beach. It provided closures for a lot of characters. But, that doesn’t change the fact that it didn’t make any sense! In the 9 seasons that led up to Degrassi Takes Manhattan, Spinner and Emma interacted with each other a few times during the first season but, otherwise, they never had much to do with each other. The two of them falling in love came out of nowhere and, at the risk of being dramatic, it almost felt like a betrayal. Anyone who has ever watched Degrassi (and those would be the only people who would really have a reason to watch Manhattan), knows that Emma’s soul mate was Sean Cameron. As for Spinner — well, he dated pretty much everyone on the show at some point, with the notable exception of his future wife, Emma. I always thought he and Darcy made a good couple but, by the time Manhattan went into production, Shenae Grimes was starring on 90210 and presumably wasn’t available to return so that Darcy could get married.
(One thing I did like about the ceremony is that it was conducted by Jay Hogart — played, of course, by Mike Lobel. Jay, of course, was once responsible for Emma getting gonorrhea so it’s nice to see that she’s so forgiving. That said, Jay did look pretty hot all dressed up…)
In the years since this movie aired, snarky fans like me have been joking about how Spinner and Emma probably got divorced a week after the beach ceremony. But, as we all learned from watching the recent reunion episode on Netflix, Spinner and Emma are apparently still married! Well, good for them.
Anyway, controversy aside, I still liked Degrassi Takes Manhattan but, then again, I like anything related to Degrassi. As opposed to School’s Out and Degrassi Goes Hollywood, Degrassi Takes Manhattan is for hardcore Degrassi fans only.
Before I get around to actually reviewing the 2009 made-for-Canadian-TV Degrassi Goes Hollywood, I should start out by admitting that if you’re not a Degrassi fanatic like I am, this review probably won’t make any sense. Then again, if you’re not a Degrassi fan, you probably wouldn’t be reading this review in the first place.
I should also address a rumor that is currently circulating around the TSL offices. Some of my fellow contributors seem to be under the impression that the only reason I announced that I would be reviewing 56 back to school films was so I would have an excuse to review the four Degrassi films. Nothing could be further from the truth! The reason I started this series of reviews was so that I’d have an excuse to review Andy Warhol’s Vinyl. The Degrassi films are just a nice side benefit.
Got it? Okay, let’s talk about Degrassi Goes Hollywood!
Degrassi Goes Hollywood premiered on August 14th, 2009 and it served as the finale of Degrassi‘s 8th season. As such, it also served as the conclusion for several long-running Degrassi plot lines, which I’ll get to in a minute. For the non-Degrassi fan, Degrassi Goes Hollywood is probably most interesting because it features Jason Mewes playing himself and coming across like a surprisingly normal human being.
To really understand Degrassi Goes Hollywood, you have to understand that Kevin Smith is a long-time and very outspoken fan of Degrassi. In fact, he even appeared, as himself, in seasons 4 and 5 of the show. In the world of Degrassi, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes came to Canada so that they could film their latest film, Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh? They filmed the majority of the film at Degrassi Community School and used several Degrassi students as extras. Kevin also served as the catalyst for the Joey/Caitlin break-up, which a lot of people have never forgiven him for. Myself, I would just point out that when Craig Manning stopped taking his medication and ended up living on the streets of Toronto, Kevin was the one who went on television and asked Craig to come home. So, Kevin wasn’t all bad!
(As I said, this review won’t make a damn bit of sense if you’ve never watched Degrassi.)
As Degrassi Goes Hollywood opens, we learn that Jason Mewes is about to make his directorial debut. His film, Mewesical High, is an autobiographical film about his youth in New Jersey and his love for a girl named Trixie. Jason wants to cast former Degrassi student Manny Santos (Cassie Steele) as his Trixie. However, the studio demands that Jason cast Paige Michalchuck (Lauren Collins) in the role. Believe it or not, Paige also went to Degrassi! She was in charge of the Spirit Squad and she and Manny once got into a memorable fight.
(Actually, Manny got into a lot of fights when she was a student at Degrassi. That was kind of her trademark.)
When she hears that Paige might be replaced in the film, Manny decides to go to California and fight for the role. Fortunately, her ex-boyfriend, Jay (Mike Lobel), just happens to have a school bus. So, he agrees to drive Manny to Hollywood. Accompanying them on the bus are the members of the Studz, one of Degrassi’s many bands. They want to convince Jason Mewes to use their music in the film.
Now, here’s where it is helpful to know your Degrassi history. The lead singer of Studz is Peter Stone (Jamie Johnston). When Peter first appeared on Degrassi, he was portrayed as being almost a sociopath. He even got Manny drunk and sent a topless video of her to everyone at the school. Manny spent two seasons hating on him but, oddly, in Degrassi Goes Hollywood, she has absolutely no trouble traveling from Canada to California with him. Degrassi is all about forgiveness.
Speaking of forgiveness, what about Jay!? In Degrassi Goes Hollywood, Jay is pretty much the hero of the film, the guy who convinces Manny to never give up on her dreams. That’s quite a change from how Jay was portrayed when he was first introduced in season 3. When Jay was first introduced, he was the local hoodlum who was always breaking into candy machines and who ordered his friends to steal everything from the school’s DVR to Mr. Simpson’s new laptop. Jay was subsequently kicked out of school after he pulled a prank that led to a school shooting. (If you’re wondering why Drake was in a wheelchair during his final few seasons on Degrassi, Jay was indirectly responsible.) Jay was then at the center of an outbreak of gonorrhea and subsequently helped to turn another character into a drug dealer. And, let’s not forget the time that he and Spinner nearly burned down the school…
Fortunately, Jay was played by Mike Lobel and he always played the role with an appealing sense of humor. You never got the feeling that Jay was truly evil. Instead, he was just a little hyperactive. Somehow, it seems appropriate that he would go from being the most evil character on the series to being one of its most memorable anti-heroes. He gets a lot of good scenes in Degrassi Goes Hollywood. He and Cassie Steele made for a fun couple.
Speaking of couples, the best thing about Degrassi Goes Hollywood is that, after four long seasons of heartbreak, it finally gives some closure to the Craig/Ellie storyline. Craig Manning (Jake Epstein) was the bipolar musical genius who left school to become a big star and who subsequently returned for two episodes, in which we discovered that he had developed a cocaine addiction. (The scene where he gets a nosebleed while performing is pure Degrassi nightmare fuel.) Ellie (Stacey Farber) was one of my favorite characters on Degrassi, mostly because we both have red hair and like to dress in black. Sadly, Ellie spent four seasons crushing on Craig, just to watch as he dated Manny, Ashley, and then Manny again.
In Degrassi Goes Hollywood, Ellie and Marco (Adamo Ruggero) are invited to Hollywood to hang out with Paige. And while Ellie tries to pretend that everything’s okay at home (despite the fact that her father is in the hospital, suffering from PTSD as a result of serving in Afghanistan), she just happens to go for a walk and randomly runs into Craig! And though they have their usual issues, the movie ends with Craig and Ellie finally kissing as something more than just friends.
AWWWWWWWWWWW!
Of course, it wouldn’t be Degrassi without drama. Paige and Marco fight over Paige’s diva attitude. Ellie gets drunk and walks out into the ocean. The school bus gets stolen while Jay, Manny, and Studz are visiting a redneck bar. It’s dangerous for Canadians in California!
But what’s important is that it all works out in the end and, even if it’s never specifically stated, I imagine that Mewesical High won all sorts of Oscars. Listen, if you’re a Degrassi fan, you’ll enjoy Degrassi Goes Hollywood. And, if you’re not into Degrassi, you probably stopped reading this review a while ago.
— Actual Line Of Dialogue From She’s Too Young (2004)
Yes, indeed, 14 year-old Dawn (Miriam McDonald) has syphilis. But she’s not the only one! It turns out that there’s a syphilis epidemic raging at Dawn’s Canadian high school. It all comes down to a 16 year-old aspiring man-whore named Nick (Mike Erwin) and Nick really isn’t that concerned about it. When the school’s counselor informs him that he’s patient zero in the syphilis epidemic, Nick holds out his arm and says, “Give me my magic bullet and I’ll be on my way.” Nick also jokingly refers to syphilis as being “the big S.”
Meanwhile, Nick’s girlfriend, Hannah (Alexis Dziena), is shocked to discover that she has a mouth sore, despite having never had intercourse with Nick. Uh-oh … it turns out that syphilis is a lot easier to contract than she originally believed! Luckily, her incredibly overprotective mom (Marcia Gay Harden) is doing her best to make sure that nobody in Canada ever gets syphilis again. If that means going from house to house and announcing, “My daughter has syphilis!,” that’s what she’s going to do!
One of Hannah’s best friends is Dawn. Her other best friend is Becca (Megan Park), who regularly sneaks off to a motel with her boyfriend. Seriously, every teenager in town is having sex, except for Hannah. That said, Hannah does try to convince her photographer friend, Tommy (Joe Dinicol), that it’s time that they both lose their respective virginities. Tommy, however, refuses and says, “We have ages to do that…”
(Really? A teenage boy turning down sex? Maybe he’s just worried about getting syphilis…)
Anyway, after Dawn reveals that she has syphilis, every student at the high school is forced to get a blood test. Becca gets pretty mad about being inconvenienced and decides that she doesn’t want to hang out with either Dawn or Hannah anymore. (Even worse, her ultra religious parents threaten to send her to private school!) While Dawn can at least hang out with her mother and her younger sister, Hannah now has no one to be friends with. After all, Nick’s has apparently succumbed to an internet pornography addiction, Tommy rejected her, and her mother is too busy telling everyone in the neighborhood that Hannah has syphilis. So, Hannah spends all of her time hanging out on a website and chatting with Dawn (whose user name is Dawn69 and I’m sure that’s just meant to be a coincidence).
The site, by the way, is called Teenplaya.com. I don’t know if Teenplaya.com is a real site and I’m not planning on finding out. Any site called Teenplaya.com is probably going to be crawling with all sorts of viruses, not to mention syphilis…
(“Lisa,” you’re saying, “you can’t catch syphilis from a website…” Whatever. That’s the same thing they told Napoleon before they sent him to Elba and we all know how that worked out.)
I have spent a lot of time on this site defending Lifetime films but occasionally, I do see a movie that pretty much lives up to every single pre-conceived notion that people have about Lifetime films in general. She’s Too Young is one such film. It’s so overwrought and earnest and it has so little understanding of the way that teenage girls actually talk that She’s Too Young actually is a classic of a certain kind. It’s like the Reefer Madness of Canadian STD films.
Speaking as a Degrassi fan, one of the things that made She’s Too Young especially memorable was that Dawn was played by Miriam McDonald. On Degrassi, McDonald played Emma Nelson and, in a two-part episode that was considered to be too controversial to air in the United States, she contracted gonorrhea. It’s interesting to compare the rather level-headed and always honest approach of Degrassi to the far more histrionic style of She’s Too Young.
(On Degrassi, when Emma finally told her stepfather that she was sick, he assured her that she would be okay and that the most important thing was that she learn from this experience. In She’s Too Young, when Hannah confesses that she’s sick, her mother responds by running around the neighborhood and telling everyone that her daughter has syphilis.)
For all the talk about how the original Mother, May I Sleep With Danger is the ultimate over-the-top and unintentionally funny made-for-TV film, I would argue that She’s Too Young is actually far more memorable. From the overwrought dialogue to the overwrought performances to the painful sincerity of the film’s intentions, She’s Too Young is a classic that deserves a James Franco-produced remake.
Well, actually I didn’t watch it last night. Instead, I spent last night bring in the new year with my boyfriend, my BFF, my sister, and about two dozen people who I kinda knew or, at the very least, they seemed to know me. Seriously, it reminded me of that old commercial where every where this girl goes, everyone’s all like, “So, what color panties are you wearing tonight?” In my case, I was wearing black panties and this morning, I’m wearing red, white, and blue panties because dangit, this is 2012 and I’m proud to be an American, yes, I am! But anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, so I didn’t actually watch this last night but I did DVR it last night. And then I watched it this morning. Anyway, what I watched was the 15th episode of the 8th season of my favorite Canadian tv show, Degrassi: The Next Generation. The title of this episode: A Touch of Grey.
Why Was I Watching It?
Well, first off, it was Degrassi. Secondly, it was one of the Degrassi drug episodes. So, of course, I was totally going to make sure I got a chance to see it.
What’s It About?
This is the episode where Emma (played by Miriam McDonald) worries that her classmates view her as being boring. So, she tells everyone to call her “Blaze” and then passes out a bunch of pot brownies. At first, everyone has a great time eating the brownies and giggling and stumbling about. But, uh-oh, one girl gets so stoned that she forgets to take her insulin and slips into a diabetic coma. Will Blaze confess to the Canadian police or will she allow her cute boyfriend to take the fall?
What Worked
Any Degrassi episode dealing with drug abuse is automatically fascinating because Degrassi, on the one hand, took a lot of pride on treating the issues realistically but, at the same time, there’s no way that a teen show could get away with allowing any character to abuse drugs for more than one episode. As such, drug episodes of Degrassi have this wonderfully schizophrenic feel to them where everything starts out normal until about 18 minutes in, at which point THE WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN happens. In A Touch of Grey, we find out that handing out pot brownies will not only help induce a coma but will also lead to you breaking up with your cute boyfriend as well.
What Didn’t Work
It was Degrassi. It all worked.
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments:
When I first went to college, my roommate used to call me “Blaze” too. In my case, though, it was either because of my hair or my temper.
Lessons Learned:
Uhmmm…hello? Don’t just go randomly handing out pot brownies like you’re freaking Martha Stewart or someone. That was the main lesson but as an extra, bonus lesson, I learned that you can apparently pin any crime on a devoted boyfriend. And thank God for that!
Through the Shattered Lens 