Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #9: Inspired To Kill (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on November 22, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by Wednesday, November 30th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

Wow, it’s Antonio Sabato, Jr. again!

That’s right, Inspired To Kill co-stars Antonio Sabato, Jr. Interestingly enough, the previous movie that I watched in my effort to clean out the DVR, Remote Paradise, also co-starred Antonio Sabato, Jr. Also interestingly enough, both Inspired to Kill and Remote Paradise feature Sabato playing an enigmatic, older man who has an affair with a lonely and insecure woman. In both films, it turns out that Sabato is not exactly who he first appears to be. (If you want, feel free to insert your own joke about Sabato endorsing Donald Trump here because I’m too lazy to come up with one.) Perhaps not coincidentally, both films were directed by Michael Feifer and both films premiered on the Lifetime Movie Network.

(For the record, I recorded Inspired To Kill off of LMN on November 13th.)

Inspired To Kill tells the story of Kara (Karissa Lee Staples), a self-described aspiring writer who is recovering from a personal trauma. (Her boyfriend was murdered, which is definitely one way to get out of a relationship.) Having fled the painful memories of her former life in New York City, Kara is now living in Los Angeles and everything should be perfect….

Except, it’s not!

Yes, Kara may be living in L.A. but everyone knows that, if you want to be a real writer, you have to live in NYC.

Yes, Kara has been accepted into a prestigious creative writing program but her professor (Jay Pickett) is a total sleaze who keeps trying to hit on her.

Yes, Kara has managed to land a job as a barista but her boss (Daniel Booko) is a demanding jerk. He even gets upset when she misses work for several days in a row.

Yes, Kara has met the cute and charming Jason (Matthew Atkinson) but Jason sometimes seems oddly hesitant about pursuing a relationship with her. (Plus, Jason wants to be a lawyer, which means that, when the revolution does come, he might be on the wrong side.)

Yes, Kara is renting a room from the fun-loving Charlie (Olivia d’Abo) but Charlie is also a heavy drinker and can be a bit self-absorbed. Charlie’s solution to every problem is to go out, get drunk, and pick up a college student … actually, Charlie might have the right idea…

And yes, Kara has finally managed to meet her idol, the true crime writer P.K. Reese (Antonio Sabato, Jr) but there seems to be something a little bit off about him. He’s supportive of her as a writer but, at the same time, he gets upset if anyone other than him reads her work. He says that he wants to meet her friends and yet, he goes out of his way to avoid them. And when more and more people in her life start to suddenly die, Kara finds herself wondering if maybe her new lover was somehow involved…

You’re probably thinking that you’ve got Inspired To Kill all figured out but there’s a big twist that occurs towards the end of the film. Now, I have to admit that I figured out the twist, largely because I’ve seen so many Lifetime films that it is now basically impossible to fool me. But, even with that in mind, the twist was still pretty clever and actually, a lot of fun in its wonderfully implausible way. I mean, if you’re expecting the twist to actually make any sense than you have no business watching a Lifetime movie in the first place. Don’t worry about logic. Just sit back and enjoy the film.

Anyway, I rather liked Inspired To Kill. It’s an enjoyable and well-acted little thriller, one that will keep you entertained. It’s the type of unapologetically crazed and lurid melodrama that reminds me why I fell in love with the Lifetime Movie Network in the first place. Inspired To Kill is a lot of fun. Keep an eye out for it!

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #8: Remote Paradise (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on November 18, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by Thanksgiving, November 24th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

I recorded Remote Paradise off of the Lifetime Movie Network on October 30th. As is often the case with Lifetime movies, Remote Paradise was actually produced under a different title: Dark Paradise. I’m not sure why, exactly, Lifetime decided that Remote was somehow more appealing than Dark. But regardless, Paradise is Paradise, right?

Anyway, as this film started, I thought I might be able to relate to its story. I say this despite the fact that, in the starring role, poor Boti Bliss was occasionally forced to wear some of the most unflattering outfits that I’ve ever seen in a Lifetime film. Seriously, a huge reason why I watch Lifetime films is because I like seeing what people are wearing and how they decorate their homes. At the start of the movie, Tamara (played, of course, by Boti Bliss) not only wears horrid overalls but she also lives in a pretty small and cramped house. That was definitely a red flag.

However, once I got over her house and her sense of style, I started to relate to Tamara. At the start of the film, she’s informed that her father has died and she’s inherited close to 8 million dollars! A shocked Tamara mentions that she and her father didn’t even get along.

Hey! I thought, I used to fight with my Dad too!

Since Tamara has just broken up with her boyfriend, she decides to invest the money by going on a trip with her two best girlfriends.

Hey! I thought, I’m close to my girlfriends too!

So, they got to Hawaii.

OH MY GOD! I yelled I’VE BEEN TO HAWAII!

While in Hawaii, Tamara meets a sexy boat captain who claims that his name is Dario (played by Antonio Sabato, Jr). Dario says that he’s from Italy.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!? I’VE BEEN TO ITALY!

Soon, Tamara is swept off her feet by the handsome but mysterious Dario. She spends all of her time with him, dreaming of their future together.

OH MY GOD, I HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR HANDSOME AND MYSTERIOUS TOO!

Meanwhile, one of her friends is beat into a coma by an unknown attacker….

Okay, I can’t relate to that. I guess I should be happy about that…

One morning, Tamara wakes up to discover that not only is Dario gone but so is her bank account. That’s right, Dario stole all of her money and then fled Hawaii!

Sorry, Tamara, can’t relate…

And — oh my God! — Dario’s not even Italian! Tamara learns that Dario has been overheard speaking in Portuguese! OH MY GOD — HE’S BRAZILIAN!

Okay, I’ve lost the ability to relate to the movie…

And so, Tamara and her non-coma friend go to Brazil, looking for revenge. And I will say this for “Dario.” He may be sleazy. He may be evil. He may be every woman’s worst nightmare. But damn!, he’s got a nice house!

I like nice houses! But … no, sorry, still no longer relating…

Anyway, Remote Paradise is okay. Boti Bliss has been in several Lifetime films and she always tends to overact but that actually worked to her advantage here as Tamara seemed to be an overly dramatic person in general. (I especially enjoyed the way she spat out the word “bastard,” when she saw Dario’s car.) The story’s predictable but there’s a last minute twist that will not take you by surprise but, fortunately, the film does shy away from letting the Tamara pursue her vengeance. In the end, what’s important is that the beach looked good and so did Brazil and so did Antonio Sabato, Jr.

And, most importantly, so did his house!

Adventures in Cleaning Out The DVR: A Mother Betrayed (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

After I finished up my review of Seeds of Yesterday, it was time to rewatch and review A Mother Betrayed. Last Sunday, A Mother Betrayed premiered on Lifetime. I watched it and I had a lot of fun live-tweeting it. Seriously, it’s a fun movie.

The plot may, at first, sound similar to Dangerous Company but A Mother Betrayed quickly establishes it own nicely berserk identity. When we first meet Monica (Lynn Collins) and Jonathan (David Paetku), they’re standing on the beach and declaring their love for each other. Since this is a Lifetime movie, we know that early declarations of undying love will only lead to tragedy. Sure enough, Monica and Jonathan are soon in a car accident. Monica, who was pregnant at the time, survives. Jonathan does not.

Just forward 3 years and Monica is now a single mother who is obsessed with her job (she’s in charge of an architectural firm) and her daughter, Maddy (Ariella and Isabella Nurkovic). At a party, her assistant, Lisa (Bree Williamson) introduces her to a single man named Kevin (Adam Kaufman). Within a few minutes of meeting, Monica and Kevin are in love. Ignoring the concerns of her mother (Joanna Cassidy), Monica marries Kevin. Kevin adopts Maddy and appears to be both the perfect father and the perfect husband.

But is he!?

Well, the name of the movie is A Mother Betrayed…

It turns out that Kevin has plans of his own and Lisa, the perfect assistant, is a part of them. Of course, what’s interesting is that Maddy is a part of Kevin’s scheme as well. No, Maddy is not conspiring against her mother. However, it quickly becomes obvious that Kevin really does love Maddy and he actually is a pretty good father. He wants to take over Monica’s business because he’s greedy but he wants custody of Maddy because he appears to genuinely love her. That plot development brings an unexpected amount of depth to this Lifetime movie.

(And other plot development that I, speaking as an administrative assistant who happens to be named Lisa, appreciated was that the movie’s Lisa actually made a pretty good point when she eventually taunted Monica by pointing out that Lisa was doing a better job running the company than Monica ever did. Up to that point, everything that we had seen in the movie seemed to indicate that Lisa was correct. Between Kevin’s parenting and Lisa’s efficiency, the villains of A Mother Betrayed were nicely nuanced.)

Much as in Dangerous Company, Monica soon finds herself suffering from terrible headaches, forgetfulness, and even hallucinations. Kevin arranges for Monica to be committed because, in the tradition of all paranoia thrillers, literally everyone appears to be in on the plot — even the doctors!

However, Monica is not alone! She starts to see Jonathan. Is she hallucinating or has his spirit really returned to help her?

A Mother Betrayed was a lot of fun and I recommend it to everyone who wants to watch an enjoyably over-the-top Lifetime melodrama. The entire cast does a pretty good job, with Adam Kaufman even managing to generate some sympathy for the duplicitous Kevin. (Seriously, Kevin is so good with Maddy!)

Finally, on a strictly personal note, there’s no way that I couldn’t appreciate a film that features an administrative assistant named Lisa. Finally, a character to which I could relate!

Seriously though, Lifetime replays their movies constantly. A Mother Betrayed is one to keep an eye out for.

Adventures in Cleaning Out the DVR: 16 and Missing (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on November 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Continuing my efforts to clean out the DVR, I followed up A Teacher’s Obsession by watching 16 and Missing. 16 and Missing originally aired on the Lifetime network on October 24th. On that particularly Saturday, I was haunting a Halloween party (booooo!), so I set the DVR to record it.

In many ways, 16 and Missing is a quintessential Lifetime film. It’s about a rebellious teenage girl who has a loving (and underappreciated) mother and a stepfather who is trying way too hard to serve as a replacement patriarchal figure. It also features an initially charming man who later turns out to be a complete psycho. There’s a lot of driving, an important life lesson, and a lot of gunplay. At the end of the movie, the mother is proven right and everyone hugs and strangely enough, nobody seems to be all that traumatized by all of the truly terrible things that have just happened to them. None of that, by the way, is meant to be a criticism. Lifetime movies are a genre all their own and part of the fun comes from their familiarity.

16 and Missing also deals with a common Lifetime movie theme — i.e., that the internet is an evil place that exists only to lead teenage girls astray. In this case, spoiled rotten Abbey (Lizze Broadway) has been using her social media accounts to carry on a two-year, online affair Gavin (Mark Hupka), who claims to be a 23 year-old cop. After Abbey has a fight with her mother, former FBI agent Julia (Ashley Scott), Abbey decides to run away from home. She sneaks out of the house, gets in her car, and drives off to Arizona…

And what immediately bothered me was the fact that Abbey didn’t pack anything before she ran way. Admittedly, this probably says more about me than the movie. I’m just saying that if I had ever run away from home and headed for a different state, I would have brought along a change of clothes.

But anyway, Abbey meets up with Gavin and is shocked to discover that Gavin is a little bit older than 23. And he might not be a cop. And his name might actually be Wesley. And, as soon as she shows up, Gavin/Wesley immediately starts pressuring her to have sex…

Okay, so it’s pretty obvious that Gavin/Wesley wasn’t everything that he said he was and, to the film’s credit, Abbey quickly figures this out. As opposed to a lot of similar Lifetime films (in which the teenage girl is always presented as being far too naive to be believable), 16 and Missing makes it clear that Abbey is a girl who made an impulsive mistake, who understands that she made an impulsive mistake, but who has now found herself trapped by that impulsive mistake.

However, Abbey and Wes-Gavin do have one thing in common. They both lost their fathers in the most violent and disturbing ways possible. Gavin’s father was a cop and Gavin claims that he was shot in the head by his partner. Abbey’s father was abducted and murdered while a 6 year-old Abbey helplessly watched. Could the two events be connected? It wouldn’t be a Lifetime film if they weren’t.

But don’t worry! After breaking into her daughter’s social media accounts, Julia is on the road to Arizona and she’s got a gun…

Anyway, 16 and Missing was an entertaining Lifetime film. If you’re into Lifetime films, especially ones that present the internet as being the root of all evil, you should enjoy this one. And if you’re not into Lifetime movies, you probably wouldn’t be watching in the first place.

Val’s Movie Roundup #7: Hallmark Edition

Posted on August 2, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

Sorry, but there’s going to be a few of these in a row because I have a backlog of Hallmark movies on my DVR that really need to be cleared out. In other words, prepare for death by a thousand greeting cards.

Three Weeks, Three Kids (2011) – Anyone my age remembers Anna Chlumsky from My Girl (1991). It’s nice to see her as an adult. This movie introduces us to Chlumsky’s character Jennifer who we are supposed to believe is a wee bit irresponsible, or at least hasn’t really grown up. Well, no fear because her sister is going to go on vacation and needs a babysitter quickly for her three kids. Of course the experience is going to give her a kick in the butt. It also gets her off the boyfriend that isn’t right for her and moves her onto the one that is. Oh, lord! This is a Hallmark movie. I know there was incest in For Better Or For Worse, but I didn’t intend that pun. Well, the movie isn’t all about her. Her sister just can’t relax on the vacation and the movie is about getting her to calm down and enjoy her life and marriage more too. There is a little corny twist at the end, but I’ll leave that for those who want to see this. The movie is decent.

Your Love Never Fails (2011) – However, I can’t say they same for this one. This is just propaganda. Honestly, the pastor in this says almost word for word a speech given in a very blatant piece of propaganda called Every Young Woman’s Battle. When you boil off the attempt to couch it, the movie is about a woman who has a successful job in the city, but is dragged back to rural Texas by her husband and is legally coerced into spending time with him. The pastor gives a speech that says that no relationship is perfect, but that’s human nature. Just let God into your heart and that will fix the issue. Yeah, in other words, once you’re married, if the relationship isn’t working, then that just means you’re not a good Christian. He even talks to her and says she clearly still has feelings for him because she is choosing to stay even though we know she is required to stay because the court said so. There is no reason to watch this. It’s no wonder that Hallmark aired this last month under the title of A Valentine’s Date rather than the original title that is still displayed onscreen. If I want propaganda of this sort then I will watch Deception Of A Generation thank you very much. At least that’s hilarious rather than uncomfortable. They say Smurfs are homosexual zombies in that video.

Kiss At Pine Lake (2012) – This one is much better. The only issue I picked up is a minor one. Mia Kirshner has put on a little weight. It’s only noticeable because she used to be particularly petite. This works to her advantage because it helps to make her character more believable as having aged from the younger version of herself in the movie. Also, the girl who plays her younger self bears a resemble to Kirshner. Barry Watson on the other hand doesn’t seem to change. I swear, he looks the same as he did in the first episode of 7th Heaven. It also doesn’t help that we are familiar with the way he looked on that show. On top of that, the guy who plays him as a kid doesn’t look like him at all. Luckily, the flashback scenes are short and there are very few of them so it doesn’t really harm the movie at all. As for the story, it’s about a boy and girl who liked each other at summer camp as kids, but never followed through. Their lives bring them back around to each other at the same camp many years later, but this time things work. Nice and simple. Of the four here, this is the one to watch.

Real Murders: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2015) – TV Movies should not have complex plots. Commercials ruin them. I wish I could describe the plot to you, but I quickly lost track of the investigation. Didn’t help that it seems to move at a breakneck pace. It actually starts off feeling like it’s going to parody these types of murder mysteries. The murder is committed, but even the person being killed doesn’t seem to care. Then the characters act in humorous ways once the murder is discovered. Teagarden (Candace Cameron Bure) dives in and moves very fast. She also talks about historical murders like you’re talking to Quentin Tarantino about movies. Quick and with a great deal of knowledge. If you are able to follow the plot better than I did, maybe catch it without commercials, then you will probably enjoy it more. Still, I just can’t recommend this one at this point. I wonder if the other Aurora Teagarden movie is better.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #132: His Secret Family (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on August 2, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime original movie, His Secret Family!

Why Was I Watching It?

Last Friday, I not only cried and cried while watching the finale of Degrassi but I also attended a blue moon party that was held in downtown Dallas. Needless to say, I spent most of Saturday recovering and we all know that the best way to recover from a crazy night is by watching the latest Lifetime original movie!

What Was It About?

Oh my God, poor Haylie Duff! Earlier this year, she played a woman named Sarah who married a murderer in Til Death Do Us Part. In His Secret Family, she again plays a woman named Sarah and, once again, she is married to a murderer! Of course, in this case, her husband is not just a murderer. He’s got another wife, another family, and another really big house. It turns out that Sarah is actually the secret wife.

David O’Donnell plays the husband. When he’s with Sarah, he claims that his name is Jason Goodman. When he’s with his other family, he uses the name David Marcus. So is it Jason or David? Well, regardless of his actual name, he’s more than a little insane. When he realizes that it’s simply too expensive to support Sarah and their son, Brandon, David decides to both vanish and to frame Sarah for murder.

However, Sarah happens to be best friends with the detective (Parker Stevenson) working her case. Even though she’s a major suspect in a murder investigation, he allows her to leave town so she can go up to Santa Monica and track down her husband.

Oh, and did I mention that Brandon needs a bone marrow transplant? And that only David is a match?

What Worked?

This movie was fun in a “how much more batshit insane can this movie get” sort of way. It wasn’t just that David/Jason was a bigamist with rage problems. No, this movie also made his a sociopath who coldly refused to do anything to save his son’s life. Perhaps the film’s best scene was when Sarah confronted David about his secret life, just to have David calmly respond, “Do I know you?” David O’Donnell was obviously having a lot of fun playing such an insane character and, as a result, he was a lot of fun to watch.

Add to that, since David had two families, he also had two houses. And seriously, they were both totally to die for! One thing that I love about Lifetime movies is that everyone owns a big house and the inside of the house is always so incredibly clean and tasteful. For a hyperorganized germaphobe like me, a Lifetime house would be the equivalent of paradise. And this film had two of them!

What Did Not Work?

The whole film was full of plot holes and while I usually say that it’s not necessary for a Lifetime movie to make sense, some of the holes in this case were rather deep. For instance, I could believe that David would end up with two families. And I could buy that David would eventually realize that it’s cheaper to only have one family. But, with all that in mind, I never quite understood the whole point of David trying to frame Sarah for murder. David was already easy enough to hate without tossing in a random murder. If anything, David just seemed to making things unnecessarily complicated.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Much like Sarah, I often find myself driving to different towns and claiming to be a real estate agent just so I can take a tour of a nice house. It’s fun!

Lessons Learned

Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #122: Deadly Revenge (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on April 19, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched Deadly Revenge on Lifetime!

Why Was I Watching It?

Not only was it on Lifetime but it had one of the most perfectly generic Lifetime titles ever. Deadly Revenge sounds like one of the results that you’d get from a random Create-A-Lifetime-Movie-Title Generator.

What Was It About?

Harrison (Mark Hapka) appears to be the perfect guy. He’s got a good job, a great apartment, and he’s a good cook! However, he also has some secrets in his part, as his fiancee, Cate (Alicia Ziegler), discovers when she agrees to take care of Evelyn (Donna Mills), his sick mother.

What Worked?

Actually, this movie really wasn’t that bad. Alicia Ziegler and Donna Mills did the best that they could possibly do. If their characters occasionally didn’t make sense, that had more to do with the script than the performances. As well, I enjoyed seeing where everyone lived. Harrison had a really kickass apartment and Evelyn — oh my God, she practically lived in a freaking castle!

Plus, towards the end of the film, Cate got to wear this white dress that would look great on me. So, there’s always that.

What Did Not Work?

Oh my God, this is such a frustrating movie to try to review! Under the no spoiler rule, I’m not allowed to talk about the solution to the film’s mystery but, at the same time, it’s sooooooo obvious! Seriously, you will figure it out within the first 30 minutes of the film. (You would have figured it out earlier except for the fact that the mystery doesn’t start until about 30 minutes into the film.) I mean, you’re supposed to be shocked when the big secret is revealed but the only shocking thing is that Cate didn’t figure it out for herself. IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!

Like seriously.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I’ve actually recently had a dizzy spell/panic attack while driving so when Cate had the same thing happen to her, I was like, “Oh my God, I know exactly how scary that is!”

I do think I handled it better than Cate though. Cate reacted by calling up her best friend and talking to her on the phone while driving! In my case, however, I quickly pulled over to the side of the road, turned off the engine, and did my breathing exercises for panic attacks.

Lessons Learned

If it seems painfully obvious that someone is trying to kill you, they probably are.

What Lisa and the Snarkalecs Watched Last Night #86: The Nightmare Nanny (dir by Michael Fiefer)

Posted on July 28, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I persuaded my friends, the Snarkalecs. to watch a movie on Lifetime with me. That movie was The Nightmare Nanny.

Why Were We Watching It?

I have to take the blame on this one. Usually, the Snarkalecs and I watch and live tweet a SyFy film on Saturday but last night, SyFy was showing Sharknado for the 100th time. So, some of us were meeting up on twitter and trying to decide what we were going to watch. Since I’m always trying to get more people addicted to watching Lifetime movies, I suggested that we all watch The Nightmare Nanny. To my surprise and delight, everyone agreed.

What Was It About?

Creepy Anne (Ashley Scott) and her girly husband Ben (Kip Pardue) need to find a nanny to look after Jenny, their ennui-stricken 3 year-old daughter. After an extensive search, they hire Julie (Makenna Melvin). Julie is great with Jenny and, as Anne starts to realize, Jenny would actually much rather be Julie’s daughter. However, little do they suspect that Julie is actually Amber and she and her white trash boyfriend are planning to kidnap Jenny so that they can raise her as their own.

What Worked?

The Snarkalecs were on fire last night! Seriously, we may not have been watching a SyFy film but we snarked it like we were. Hopefully, this will lead to the Snarkalecs watching even more Lifetime films. I’m praying that I can get them to all watch Confessions of a Go Go Girl sometime soon. Seriously, that’s the greatest Lifetime film ever!

As for The Nightmare Nanny itself… well…

What Did Not Work?

To be honest, The Nightmare Nanny was probably one of the worst Lifetime films that I’ve ever seen.

As played by Makenna Melvin, the nanny was so obviously unstable that you had a hard time believing that anyone would actually be stupid enough to hire her in the first place.

Meanwhile, the nightmare nanny’s victims (played by Kip Pardue and Ashley Scott) were both so unlikable that you found yourself hoping that they somehow wouldn’t be able to rescue their daughter because you simply couldn’t accept that these two would ever be able to conceive and take care of a child. You found yourself suspecting that maybe they themselves had previously kidnapped Jenny from her natural parents. Pardue was incredibly wimpy and Ashley Scott had perhaps the scariest eyebrows ever seen on television. Is it any surprise that Jenny didn’t seem to be all that upset over being kidnapped, perhaps for the second time?

Speaking of the daughter, there was something very odd about her. Not only did she never talk, walk, smile, or do anything else but she also slept in a crib despite appearing to be way too old. Between the nightmare nanny and the odd parents, somebody seriously needed to call social services because there was just something odd going on in that household.

Finally, Nightmare Nanny failed to provide us with what we expect from a good Lifetime movie. At no point did the nightmare nanny attempts to seduce the husband by wandering around in lingerie. The wife’s sassy best friend survived the entire film. Nobody wore anything that looked like it could have been designed by the designers on Project Runway. The film’s climax was almost defiantly bereft of melodrama.

I’ve seen a lot of psycho nanny films on Lifetime and let’s just say that The Nightmare Nanny was no Perfect Nanny.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Usually, I can find a whole lot of “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments whenever I watch a Lifetime film. However, that wasn’t the case with Nightmare Nanny. Seriously, the characters in this film were just too odd.

However, I did relate to a few of the commercials that were shown during the film. For instance, I recently had a shrieking orgasm while washing my hair with Herbal Essences.

Lessons Learned

Never hire a nanny without checking Angie’s List first.

The Daily Grindhouse: BTK (dir. by Michael Feifer)

Posted on January 12, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Kane Hodder as The BTK Killer

One of the unfortunate things about being a self-appointed “film critic” is that the majority of the films that have been released over the past century are neither good nor bad. Instead, they’re simply “bleh.” Neither good enough to be memorable nor bad enough to be truly entertaining, a bleh film sits in the gray area between good and bad. These are the films that you watch and maybe if you’re in the right mood or you’re watching with the right audience, you’ll find the experience of watching the film tolerable. And if you’re not in the right mood, you’ll end up bored and will probably start to forget about the film before the end credits even roll. When you make it a point to see (and review) as many films as you possibly can, the end result is that, in between the joy of discovering some really great examples of cinematic art, you end up sitting through a lot of bleh films.

The 2008 horror film BTK is the epitome of a bleh film.

Like many direct-to-DVD horror films, BTK is based on a true-life case of serial murder. Dennis Rader was an animal control officer living in the suburbs of Wichita, Kansas. He was also a prominent member of the local church and, by most accounts, a devoted family man and father of two. He was also a remorseless serial killer who, over two decades, killed at least 10 people. His oldest victim was 62. His youngest was 9. When he wasn’t murdering, Rader was writing taunting letters to the police in which he named himself the “BTK,” for Bind Torture Kill.

What makes Rader’s crimes even more disturbing is that he nearly got away with them. It wasn’t until 13 years after his last confirmed murder that Rader was arrested and confessed to being the BTK killer. When Rader appeared in court for sentencing, he again gave the details of all ten of his admitted murders and, for a few weeks afterward, it was next to impossible to turn on a TV without seeing the footage of this mild, middle-aged men calmly explaining how he killed ten people. I was 19 at the time and I can tell you that I had more than a few nightmares as a result of Dennis Rader.

It wasn’t just Rader’s crimes that frightened me. It was the fact that Dennis Rader wasn’t some masked psycho like I used to seeing in the movies. What frightened me was that Dennis Rader seemed so normal. Dennis Rader was literally the killer next door.

A lot of great horror films have been based on the concept of the killer next door but unfortunately, BTK, though competently directed by Michael Feifer, is not one of them. Offering up a highly fictionalized account of Rader’s crimes, BTK is pretty much a typical psycho film that uses its true life origins to hide the fact that there’s not really much going on. Playing the title role, Kane Hodder (of Friday the 13th fame) is menacing and effective when the film calls on him to be the evil BTK but he’s far less effective when it comes to recreating the mask of normalcy that Rader used when dealing with his friends and his neighbors.

The reason why the real-life Dennis Rader was such a frightening and disturbing figure was because he seemed so normal and ordinary. The fear that he inspires comes not from his crimes but from the fact that if Dennis Rader could have been a serial killer than just about anybody could be.

That’s a genuinely scary idea that the cinematic BTK never seems to grasp.