Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Well, I don’t have anyone but myself to blame.

Ever since I started doing these retro television reviews, people have been suggesting that I should review an old 70s sitcom called Welcome Back, Kotter.  I only knew a few things about Welcome Back, Kotter.  I knew that it was the show that made John Travolta a star.  I knew that it was Marcia’s favorite show on The Brady Bunch Hour.  I knew that Gabe Kaplan played Gabe Kotter, a teacher who returned to his old Brooklyn neighborhood to teach a bunch of students known as the “Sweathogs.”  (Bleh!  What an unappealing nickname.)  It didn’t sound like something I wanted to watch but, being the polite person that I am, I always said, “If it’s ever streaming somewhere, I will.”  The unspoken assumption, of course, was that the show would never be streaming anywhere.

Then, one day, I looked at Tubi and….

Again, I have no one to blame but myself.

As for the show, it was based on the stand-up routines of its star, Gabe Kaplan.  It followed former Sweathog Gabe Kotter (played, of course, by Kaplan) as he tried to teach a new generation of Sweathogs at James Buchanan High in Brooklyn.  Gabe was married to Julie (Marica Strassman).  They lived in a small Brooklyn apartment and Gabe was constantly forcing his wife to listen to corny jokes about his family.  At the school, Gabe’s principal was Mr. Woodman (John Sylvester White), a former history teacher who disliked the Sweathogs.

As for the Sweathogs themselves, there were several but only four were really important.

Vinnie Barbarino (John Travolta) was the handsome but dumb one.

Freddie Washington (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) was the cool basketball player who would often say, “Hi, there” in a very deep voice.

Juan Epstein (Robert Hegyes) was the one most likely to kill someone.

Arnold Horseshack (Ron Pallilo) was the nerdy one with the high-pitched voice.  In Kaplan’s original stand-up routine, his nickname was Arnold Horseshit but I doubt that was ever mentioned on the show.

And, of course, there was the theme song.  Welcome Back, Kotter was written and performed by John Sebastian, whose previous claim to fame was appearing on the stage at Woodstock while stoned out of his mind.

Okay, let’s do this thing.

Episode 1.1 “The Great Debate”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on September 9th, 1975)

The very first episode of Welcome Back, Kotter opens with teacher Gabe Kotter (Gabe Kaplan) making out with his wife, Julie (Marcia Strassman), on the couch in their little Brooklyn apartment.  Kotter suddenly stops kissing his wife so that he can tell her a joke about the time his uncle slept in the same bed as his secretary and told her that if she wanted to be “Mrs. Kotter for the night,” then she should get out of bed and close the bedroom window herself.  Julie laughs.  Personally, if my romantic partner stopped kissing me specifically so he could tell an adultery joke, I don’t know if I would laugh.  I’d probably be more like, “What are you trying to tell me with that?”

Fortunately, the theme song starts up and rescues the audience from that awkward moment.

The next day, Gabe goes to work at James Buchanan High School.  He teaches the remedial class, which is populated by underachieving students who have been nicknamed “the Sweathogs.”  Gabe discovers that the Sweathogs have painted a rather garish mural on the wall of the classroom.

Vinne Barbarino (John Travolta) gets up and explains what the mural’s about.

Gabe is impressed by the fact that young John Travolta is a hundred times better looking and charismatic than anyone else in the school.  But Gabe still insists that the Sweathogs wash off the mural.  The Sweathogs agree, before revealing that they also painted the top of Gabe’s desk.

In the teacher’s lounge, Alex (James Woods) makes fun of Gabe’s stupid students.  Gabe make fun of Alex for writing plays with names like “Fiddler On My Sister.”  Alex says that his debate class can defeat Gabe’s class.  Gabe accepts the challenge and….

Wait a minute!  JAMES WOODS!?

Yes, that is indeed a youngish James Woods playing Alex, the school’s pretentious drama teacher.  Woods is okay in the role.  There’s not a whole lot to be done with the character as he’s pretty much just an uptight strawman who is there to be humiliated by Kotter and his class.

As for the debate itself, the resolution is that “Humans are naturally aggressive.”  Alex’s class argues in the negative while Kotter’s class argues in the positive.  Alex’s class is uptight and wears sweaters.  The Sweathogs show up in garish costumes.  With the help of Epstein (Robert Hegyes), Barbarino argues that Jack the Ripper and Atilla the Hun prove that people are naturally aggressive.  When Mr, Woodman (John Sylvester White), who is moderating the debate, says that they need a timekeeper, Sweathog Arnold Horschack (Ron Pallilo) enthusiastically volunteers.

“Can he tell time, Mr. Kotter?” a flustered Woodman asks and I’ll admit that I did laugh.  John Sylvester White delivered the line perfectly.

Sweathog Freddie Washington (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) then makes his case but, because his only experience with public speaking is in church, he gives a sermon.  “He isn’t following the rules!” one of Alex’s students shouts.

While Alex’s star debater makes his case, the Sweathogs heckle him so aggressively that the student has a nervous breakdown and starts screaming, “SHUT UP!” at them.  As Kotter points out, this proves that humans are naturally aggressive.  Woodman announces that “This debate is called on account of dumbness.”

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about Larry and his pet toad.

I have to admit that I enjoyed this episode quite a bit more than I was expecting to.  Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, John Travolta, Ron Pallilo, and Robert Hegyes had a lot of comedic chemistry as the main Sweathogs and Gabe Kaplan did a good job of projecting a much needed sincerity in the role of Mr. Kotter.  He seemed to truly care about his students.  This was definitely a good episode to start the series off with.

Episode 1.2 “Basket Case”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on September 16th, 1975)

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about how his childhood bully beat up his father.

At school, it’s time for the Sweathogs to take a history exam.  Barbarino has all the answers written on his arm but, fortunately, Gabe shows up with water and a paper towel.  Horseshack tries to distribute the tests in another classroom but Gabe stops him.  Epstein shows up with a note excusing him from the exam because of his bursitis but Gabe tosses the note away as soon as he notices that it is signed “Epstein’s Mother.”  Freddie, meanwhile, doesn’t think that grades matter because he’s made the basketball team.  In fact, he draws a picture of himself as “Stilt Man” on his test paper.

When Gabe fails Freddy, the basketball coach and Mr. Woodman ask him to reconsider.  The Sweathogs ask him to reconsider.  And Freddie tells Kotter that he’s not going to take a makeup exam.  Kotter challenges Freddie to a basketball game.  If Freddie win, he passes.  If Kotter, who was basketball star in high school, wins, Freddie retakes the test.  Freddie agrees and….

Well, it turns out that a game between a middle-aged, out-of-shape teacher and a high school star athlete goes about as well as you might expect.  We don’t see the game but we do see Mr. Woodman and the basketball coach carrying a delirious Kotter into the teacher’s lounge.  Freddie apparently destroyed Kotter on the court but he’s so impressed by Kotter’s determination that he agrees to retake the test anyway.

Back at the apartment, Kotter tells Julie a joke about why he never wears hats.  Apparently, he felt his head was too big.  Poor guy.

Again, this was not a bad episode.  I was worried that Kotter would somehow beat Freddie at basketball while the audience went wild but, instead, the episode got laughs by being honest.  There was no way Gabe was going to win that game.  Interestingly enough, this episode was as much about Gabe dealing with the fact that he was getting older than it was about getting Freddie to take his grades seriously.  Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs was particularly strong in this episode.  It may have been a comedy but Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs played it like a drama and, as a result, the stakes felt real.

So, the first two episodes of Welcome Back Kotter took me by surprise.  Will the rest of the show be this good?  We’ll find out over the weeks to come!