The Films of 2025: Shiver Me Timbers (dir by Paul Stephen Mann)


“Wow, that was crap!”

That my reaction to watching Shiver Me Timbers, one of three killer Popeye movies that came out in 2025.  Online, there’s some debate over which of the three films is the worst.  I’ve only seen two of them so I really can’t say.  What I can tell you is that Shiver Me Timbers makes Popeye The Slayer Man look like a freaking masterpiece by comparison.

The film actually does start off with a vaguely clever premise.  The year is 1986 and a group of friends are camping so that they can watch as Halley’s Comet crosses the night sky.  Our main character is Olive (Amy Mackie), who isn’t sure whether or not she wants to go to M.I.T.  I have to admit that I could relate to Olive, just because I wouldn’t want to go to college in Massachusetts either.  Plus, Oliva wears all black and has a generally sarcastic attitude, which is pretty much the same way that I was when I was 18.

Anyway, a piece of a meteorite falls out of the sky and, after getting nearly burned up in the atmosphere, it falls into the pipe of a scrawny sailor who is fishing out at the lake.  The sailor smokes the tiny meteorite and is immediately mutated into a hulking killer.  He proceeds to kill all of Olive’s friends.  The deaths are extremely bloody and go out of their way to shock but, oddly enough, they don’t make much of an impression.  Part of the problem is that Olive’s friends aren’t that interesting and, as a result, you don’t really care that much about any of them getting killed.  The film has this weird habit of featuring close-ups of decapitated heads still struggling to speak.  I’m going to be charitable and assume that this was meant to be an homage to Werner Herzog’s Aguirre, the Wrath of God.  Herzog, however, was smart enough to only have one decapitated head speaking.

For all the pain that the character go through as Popeye snaps their bones and removes their heads, the real pain is reserved for those watching the movie.  The pacing is abysmal, the dialogue is terrible (and please, can we stop making slasher movies where the victims all keep talking about other slasher movies?), and the mutated Popeye looks so dumb that it’s hard to take him seriously as any sort of threat.  (Popeye The Slayer Man at least had a vaguely credible killer Popeye.)  The film ends with a shout-out to Evil Dead II and it actually would have been pretty cute if the film before it had been better.  As it its, it feels like an unearned comparison.

On the plus side — because I hate to be totally negative about anything — the shots of the night sky were actually very effective.  That may sound like almost a parody of faint praise and I guess maybe it is but seriously, there was some real beauty to shots of the stars moving across the sky.

Anyway, let’s stop turning public domain characters into murderers, shall we?  Thanks!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special F.W. Murnau Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking.

Today was celebrate the visionary director, F.W. Murnau!  Murnau was born 135 years ago today, in Germany.  He went on to become a leading expressionist and one of the most influential filmmakers of all time.  Needless to say, it’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 F.W. Murnau Films

The Hunchback and the Dancer (1920, dir by F.W. Murnau)

Nosferatu (1922, dir by F.W. Murnau)

Faust (1926, dir by F.W. Murnau)

Sunrise: The Story of Two Humans (1927, dir by F.W. Murnau)

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/21/25 — 12/27/25


A Charlie Brown Christmas (Apple TV+)

It wasn’t such a bad little tree.  You can read Erin’s thoughts on this classic here.

Equal Justice With Judge Eboni K. Williams (Tubi)

I watched an episode on Sunday.  A woman was suing her former friend for smelling like marijuana when they got pulled over for failing to use their turn signal in Texas.  The patrolman searched their car, found even more weed, and issued both of them citations.  The woman felt that the friend should pay her ticket because the patrolman wouldn’t have searched the car if she hadn’t smelled like weed.  The friend pointed out that the patrolman wouldn’t have stopped the car in the first place if the woman has used her turn signal.  Personally, I didn’t think the woman really had a case because it was her car and she knew the marijuana was there even before she was pulled over.  Judge Williams partially agreed, ruling that the friend should only have to pay half of the woman’s ticket as opposed to the entire ticket.

Saved By The Bell: The New Class (Prime)

This continues to be my go-to cure for insomnia.

The Simpsons (Disney+)

I watched two Christmas episodes.  In one, Bart got caught shoplifting.  That one made me cry.  The second one featured Gil moving in with The Simpsons.  “Eggs a la Harold Stassen, because they’re always running.”  That made me laugh.

One Battle After Another Wins In Georgia


The Georgia Film Critics Association has announced its picks for the best of 2025.  The winners are listed in bold.

Best Picture
Black Bag
Hamnet
It Was Just an Accident
Marty Supreme
One Battle After Another (WINNER)
Sentimental Value
Sinners (RUNNER-UP)
Sorry, Baby
Train Dreams
Weapons

Best Director
Hamnet – Chloé Zhao
One Battle After Another – Paul Thomas Anderson (WINNER)
Sentimental Value – Joachim Trier
Sinners – Ryan Coogler (RUNNER-UP)
Train Dreams – Clint Bentley

Best Actor
Timothée Chalamet – Marty Supreme (WINNER)
Leonardo DiCaprio – One Battle After Another
Joel Edgerton – Train Dreams
Ethan Hawke – Blue Moon
Michael B. Jordan – Sinners (RUNNER-UP)

Best Actress
Jessie Buckley – Hamnet (WINNER)
Rose Byrne – If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
Chase Infiniti – One Battle After Another
Renate Reinsve – Sentimental Value (RUNNER-UP)
Eva Victor – Sorry, Baby

Best Supporting Actor
Benicio Del Toro – One Battle After Another (WINNER)
Jacob Elordi – Frankenstein (RUNNER-UP)
Sean Penn – One Battle After Another
Adam Sandler – Jay Kelly
Stellan Skarsgård – Sentimental Value

Best Supporting Actress
Ariana Grande-Butera – Wicked: For Good
Regina Hall – One Battle After Another (RUNNER-UP)
Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas – Sentimental Value
Amy Madigan – Weapons (WINNER)
Teyana Taylor – One Battle After Another

Best Original Screenplay
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
Marty Supreme
Sentimental Value (RUNNER-UP)
Sinners (WINNERS)
Sorry, Baby
Weapons

Best Adapted Screenplay
Frankenstein
Hamnet
No Other Choice
One Battle After Another (WINNER)
Train Dreams (RUNNER-UP)

Best Cinematography
F1
Frankenstein
One Battle After Another
Sinners (WINNER)
Train Dreams (RUNNER-UP)

Best Production Design
The Fantastic Four: First Steps
Frankenstein (WINNER)
Hamnet
Marty Supreme
Sinners (RUNNER-UP)

Best Original Score
F1 – Hans Zimmer
Hamnet – Max Richter
One Battle After Another – Jonny Greenwood
Sinners – Ludwig Göransson (WINNER)
Train Dreams – Bryce Dessner (RUNNER-UP)

Best Original Song
“Golden” – KPop Demon Hunters (RUNNER-UP)
“Highest 2 Lowest” – Highest 2 Lowest
“I Lied to You” – Sinners (WINNER)
“Last Time (I Seen the Sun)” – Sinners
“Train Dreams” – Train Dreams

Best Ensemble
Black Bag
Marty Supreme
One Battle After Another (WINNER)
Sentimental Value
Sinners (RUNNER-UP)

Breakthrough Award
Miles Caton (WINNER)
David Corenswet
Chase Infiniti (RUNNER-U)
Jacobi Jupe
Eva Victor

Best Animated Film
Arco (RUNNER-UP)
Elio
KPop Demon Hunters (WINNER)
Scarlet 
Zootopia 2

Best Documentary
The Alabama Solution (WINNER)
The Librarians
My Mom Jayne
The Perfect Neighbor (RUNNER-UP)
Predators

Best International Film
It Was Just an Accident
No Other Choice (RUNNER-UP)
The Secret Agent
Sentimental Value (WINNER)
Sirāt

Oglethorpe Award for Excellence in Georgia Cinema
Bugonia (RUNNER-UP)
Meta Take One
The Naked Gun
Sister
Salad Days (Short)
Superman
Swimming Holes (Short)
Thunderbolts
Weapons (WINNER)
Withdrawl
Zora Head: The Life and Scholarship of Valerie Boyd (Short)

The Films of 2025: Magazine Dreams (dir by Elijah Bynum)


Remember Magazine Dreams?

Though Magazine Dreams did not get a brief theatrical release until 2025, the film first made an impression two years earlier.  At the 2023 Sundance Film Festival, Magazine Dreams was one of the most buzzed about entries.  A film about a mentally unbalanced body-building fanatic, the film starred Jonathan Majors.  Majors was on top of the world at that time.  Not only was he being groomed to be the new center of the Marvel Cinematic Universe but he was also just a few months away from playing the antagonist in the highly anticipated Creed III.  The U.S. Army was using Majors in recruitment commercials.  Both Magazine Dreams and Majors’s performance were lauded at Sundance.  Some critics started to say that Majors had, at the very least, an Oscar nomination in his future.

Then, on March 25th, 2023, Jonathan Majors was arrested and charged with assaulting his ex-girlfriend.  Several other women came forward and said that they had also been abused physically and emotionally by Majors.  The Army stopped airing his commercials.  Marvel announced that Majors would no longer be appearing in their films and that the storyline around his character would simply be abandoned.  (Indeed, the fallout over Majors’s arrest was so much a problem for Marvel that they eventually resorted to bringing back Robert Downey, Jr. to try to staunch the bleeding.)  Creed III took on a whole new meaning as the relatively likable Michael B. Jordan beat the hell out of Jonathan Majors’s snarling ex-con.

As for Magazine Dreams, it fell into limbo.  Fox Searchlight had acquired the film at Sundance and had given it an Oscar-friendly December release date.  After Majors’s arrest, Searchlight removed the film from its schedule and, eventually, the rights were sold back to the film’s producers.  Eventually, Briarcliff Entertainment released the film on March 21st, 2025.  The film made barely a million at the box office.

With all of the behind the scenes drama, it’s tempting to overlook the most important question.  Was the film itself any good?

It’s …. okay.  Jonathan Majors plays Killian Maddox, a grocery store worker who, as a child, was traumatized by the murder-suicide of his mother and father.  Maddox is obsessed with body building.  He studies body building magazines the way that some people study ancient texts.  One gets the impression that Maddox feels that having the perfect body will make up for all of the imperfections in his life.  He shoots steroids.  He uploads painfully earnest videos to YouTube.  He doesn’t know how to express his emotions, allowing his anger to come out at inappropriate times.  He wants to connect with someone but he doesn’t know how to do it.

To the film’s credit, it understands just how intimidating Killian Maddox can be.  A scene in which Maddox confronts the nephew of his boss initially seems as if it’s going to be about Maddox standing up for himself but instead becomes increasingly disturbing as Maddox upsets the man’s family.  Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver was obviously an influence on the film but Magazine Dreams doesn’t have that film’s wit or its subversive edge.  There are scenes that work.  The scene where a bloody Killian Maddox tries to compete despite being seriously injured is effective, even if it does owe a debt to Whiplash.  Another scene, in which Killian reads the trolling comments that have been left on one of his YouTube videos, actually does make you feel a bit of sympathy for him.  Ultimately, though, the film is so downbeat and unpleasant that you start to wonder why it was made in the first place.  Was Killian Maddox really so interesting a character that the audience needed to spend two hours with him?  Is there really anything to be learned from Killian Maddox and his experiences?

As for Jonathan Majors, he gives a believable performance.  He was a good actor, even if he couldn’t quite make Killian Maddox into a truly compelling character.

Song of the Day: We Are One By Lydia


When the infamous epic Caligula was first released back in 1979, a disco version of Caligula’s love theme — We Are One — was also released as a promotional gimmick.

This song is so over-the-top, so blatantly exploitive, so insidiously catchy, and so totally inappropriate for so many reasons that become clear after you watch the film it was written for that it simply cannot be ignored.  To me, this song represents everything that makes the Grindhouse great.

(As well, I hope whoever was playing bass got paid extra…)

Scenes That I Love: The Mirror Scene From Duck Soup


Believe it or not, when Duck Soup was initially released in 1933, it was considered to be something of a failure.  Especially when compared to previous Marx Brothers films, it was seen as being a box office disappointment.  The critics didn’t care much for it, either.  They felt that the film’s political satire was preposterous and tasteless.  Critics in 1933 attacked Duck Soup for being a cynical, anti-government satire released during the Great Depression.

Of course, today, Duck Soup is justifiably viewed as being a classic comedy.  It’s certainly my favorite Marx Brothers film.  In the classic scene below, Harpo pretends to be Groucho’s reflection in a shattered mirror.  It’s a marvelous piece of physical humor so enjoy it!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Charles Band Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to director Charles Band.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Charles Band Films

Meridian: Kiss of the Beast (1990, dir by Charles Band, DP: Marc Ahlberg)

The Creeps (1997, dir by Charles Band, DP: Adolfo Bartoli)

Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003, dir by Charles Band, DP: Marc Ahlberg)

Evil Bong 888: Infinity High (2022, dir by Charles Band, DP: Alex Nicolaou)