Tag Archives: Lifetime

Lifetime Film Review: Cheer Squad Secrets (dir by David Longlois)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s a dangerous life, being a cheerleader.

Most people already know that from watching countless horror movies and Lifetime films.  Of course, I know that because my sister was a cheerleader and she told me about all of the dangerous things went on once the cheering stopped.  I was often invited to become a cheerleader when I was in high school.  At the time, I refused because I wanted to carve out my own identity and all of that other good stuff.  Looking back, though, I should have refused because apparently, there’s nothing more dangerous than being a cheerleader in high school.

Take Cheer Squad Secrets, for instance.  In this film, Coach Nina (Anita Brown) is so obsessed with winning a championship and also so haunted by her own traumatic experiences as a cheerleader that she ends up giving the members of the squad steroids in order to make sure that they’re always performing at 110%.  Unfortunately, steroids also leads to mood swings, violence, sprained arms, and potential jail time!  Nina, however, is so obsessed with winning a championship that she’s even willing to commit murder to make sure that everyone gets their “supplements.”  She shows no hesitation when it comes time to stab a drug dealer to death.  And when it looks like some bothersome bystander might reveal the squad’s secrets, Nina promptly drowns her in a swimming pool.

And you know what?  It’s easy to say that Coach Nina is crazy and that she’s taking things too far but Nina gets results!  I mean, I made my sister watch this movie with me and she agreed that Nina was definitely putting together a championship-worthy squad.  Nina may have been a bit intense and she may have been a bit unconventional in her methods but isn’t that what we want from our teachers?  Don’t we want teachers and coaches who will do anything to help our children succeed?

Well, Kelly Regan (Margaret Anne Florence) isn’t quite as enthused about Nina’s methods as perhaps some parents would be.  Kelly was a cheerleader when she was in high school.  In fact, she was such a great cheerleader that she’s something of a legend.  Her daughter, Amelie (Karis Cameron), wants to live up to her mom’s example.  Kelly is overjoyed when Amelie becomes a cheerleader but she’s less happy once the violent fights start to break out.  I guess it’s understandable but seriously, Nina is doing what she has to do.  I mean, doesn’t Kelly want Amelie to go to college on a cheerleading scholarship?

Anyway, Cheer Squad Secrets was an enjoyably silly melodrama.  I’m going to enjoy any film that mixes steroids with a crazy coach who occasionally has conversations with the ghost of her younger self.  I mean, really, who wouldn’t?  Anita Brown gives an appropriately intense performance as Coach Nina and director David Langlois does a good job of embracing the melodrama.  A good Lifetime film will always push the limits of how far it can take its storyline and Cheer Squad Secrets certainly does that.  This is a good one to watch for the next time you need an extra push to succeed.

Lifetime Film Review: Birthmother’s Betrayal (dir by John Murlowski)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, you’ve been betrayed by your birthmother!

Well, these things happen.  Especially if you’re a character in a Lifetime movie.  I’ve always argued that Lifetime movies can best be viewed as wish fulfillment and, in this one, the fulfilled wish belongs to every mother who has ever hoped that their daughter would admit that they should have listened to them.  In this film, Amy (Tanya Clarke) warns his adopted teenage daughter, Tara (Monica Rose Betz), about trying to track down her birthmother, Grace (Aria Pullman).  And wow, is Amy ever proven right!

Of course, it’s understandable that Tara would want to track down her birthmother.  First off, Tara has all sorts of weird allergies and it would really help her understand her medical history if she knew who her mother was.  Secondly, Amy is kind of overprotective and won’t even let Tara date or buy a bikini, despite the fact that Tara is nearly 17 years old.  I mean, that’s extreme!  So, even though Amy is a loving mom and owns a big house and works for Habitat for Humanity, it’s understandable that Tara would want to see what else is out there.  Amy shouldn’t have sheltered her daughter but then again, Tara should have listened to Amy about the whole “your birthmother could be dangerous” thing.

At first, Tara is overjoyed when she manages to track down Grace.  Grace seems like the perfect birthmother.  She teaches Tara how to drive.  She buys Tara that forbidden bikini.  She encourages Tara to live her own life.  Yet, there are some strange things about Grace.  For instance, Grace refuses to divulge too much information about her own background.  Grace also insists that Tara not tell Amy about her.

Eventually, though, Amy tracks down Grace on her own and invites Grace to come over to the house and meet her daughter “for the first time.”  However, when Grace arrives at the house, she’s no longer acting like the confident and unpredictable Grace that Tara met.  Instead, Grace is now jumpy and nervous and suffers from terrible dizzy spells.  Even more strangely, Grace acts as if she barely knows Tara.  What’s happening?

You may be tempted to say that Grace is just unbalanced but actually, there’s more to it than that.  There’s a neat little twist to this story and I won’t spoil it but I will say that it took me by surprise when it was revealed.  A surprise twist is always a good thing and Birthmother’s Betrayal executes it well.  Admittedly, the twist itself is a bit over-the-top but that’s what we love Lifetime movies for.  Save the normal twists for movies on other networks.  This is Lifetime we’re talking about!

Anyway, I enjoyed Birthmother’s Betrayal, largely because of the twist.  Right when you think the movie is going to be one thing, it turns out to be something else.  Aria Pullman does a good job playing Grace, as both a confident sociopath and a rather frail and neurotic woman who suffers from suddenly dizzy spells.  Keep an eye out for Birthmother’s Betrayal and remember that, when it comes to sending your DNA off to a website, it’s sometimes best to listen to the people who raised you.

Lifetime Film Review: Her Secret Family Killer (dir by Lisa France)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

DNA Tests are all the rage right now.

Right now, everyone is taking them.  Most of them seem to be hoping that they’ll find something really unexpected and cool in their background, like that they’re descended from Tecumseh or somebody.  Personally, I’d love to discover that I am related to Rutherford B. Hayes, seeing as how he was the greatest president who ever lived.  Of course, then you have other people who are just hoping that a DNA test will somehow make them seem less generic.  “I’m 1.2% North African,” they’ll tell you, in-between posting Taylor Swift memes on twitter.

That said, everyone should approach DNA tests with caution.  First off, if you’ve ever taken a DNA test, that means that the government now has access to your DNA and can probably use it to clone a race of super soldiers or something.  That’s definitely one thing to consider.  There’s also the possibility that being goaded into taking a DNA test could end whatever hope you have of ever being elected President.  That’s another thing you have to consider.  And finally, there’s the possibility that your DNA will turn up on the dead body of your best friend!  Agck!

That’s exactly what happens to Sarah (Brooke Nevin) in Her Secret Family Killer.  Her best friend Victoria (Carmen Moreno) gives her a DNA test for her birthday.  Despite the protestations of Lyle (Devin Crittenden), who says that DNA tests are the first step towards dictatorship, Sarah gets the test done.  Later, Victoria disappears.  Sarah, while out on her morning run, just happens to stumble across Victoria’s dead body.  The police test the DNA that was on Victoria’s body and just guess whose DNA shows up.

That’s right!  Sarah’s!

But, surely, Sarah couldn’t be the murderer.  It must just be someone who shares Sarah’s DNA, like a family member.  So, which of Sarah’s relatives is the murderer?  Or, could it be that there’s something else going on?  I mean, seriously, when you’ve got DNA traveling all over the place, who knows who might be able to get their hands on it….

The best Lifetime films always strike at a secret fear that many people have but aren’t always willing to express.  Her Secret Family Killer is all about the fear that one of your relatives might be murderers and you might not know it.  I mean, it’s definitely possible.  Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, the Grim Sleeper, the Baseline Killer, the D.C. snipers, they all had families and they all had relatives who were probably shocked when cousin Ted ended up in jail, accused with murdering people across the country.  I mean, who knows what type of monsters you might have hiding in your family tree?  People take DNA tests assuming that they’ll discover they’re related to someone great.  What if you take your DNA test and discover that your great-uncle is the BTK Killer?  It could happen.

Anyway, Her Secret Family Killer is another entertaining Lifetime thriller.  Brooke Nevin has appeared in a few of these and she does a good job of embracing the melodrama, which is pretty much the key to making a good Lifetime film.  If nothing else, watching the film will make you think twice before sending your DNA off to strangers and that’s probably a good thing.

Lifetime Film Review: The Pom Pom Murders (dir by Tom Shell)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Cheerleading is dangerous!

Of course, if you’ve been watching Lifetime for the past month or so, you know that.  Lifetime has spent most of October showing movies about cheerleaders who are either killing or being killed.  Now that Lifetime has decided to show Christmas movies for the rest of the year, the deadly cheerleader movies have moved to the Lifetime Movie Network.

For instance, last night saw the premiere of The Pom Pom Murders!  Now, I was co-hosting the #ScarySocial live tweet last night so I missed The Pom Pom Murders but, fortunately, my sister Erin had the foresight to set the DVR for me.  Thank you, Erin!

As I always do whenever there’s a killer cheerleader movie on the DVR, I tried to get Erin to watch it with me.  Erin was a cheerleader in high school and I always feel it’s good to get an expert opinion on whether or not these films accurately reflect the cheerleading experience.  (I always refused to try out for cheerleader in high school, mostly because two of my sisters had done it and I wanted to establish my own identity.  Of course, since I was a teenager at the time, establishing my own identity meant writing a lot of emo poetry.)  Erin, however, declined because no one was murdered while she was a cheerleader.  I guess she has a point.

Anyway, The Pom Pom Murders is about Audrey (Anna Marie Dobbins), who tries out for a spot on the cheerleading squad of the Los Angeles Renegades basketball team!  She makes the squad and she even gets a charming new boyfriend when star player Walter Wilson gives her a ride home!  Everything seems to be perfect, until the murder of Bailey (Grace Patterson), a member of the squad and Walter’s ex-girlfriend!  Bailey is strangled while her dog watches, just in case you needed any more evidence that this killer is ruthless.

With Walter as the number one suspect and an apparent killer stalking the Renegade Girls, can Audrey cheer the team to victory without losing her life?  One would normally think so, seeing as how this is a Lifetime film and most Lifetime films do, eventually, have a happy ending.  However, this film also features a rather snarky voice-over from Audrey, one which suggests that this story might not have a happy ending.  Of course, Audrey also suggests that she might just be saying that to make you watch so one huge reason to watch the film is to see if Audrey’s an honest narrator or not!

The best Lifetime films always mix the melodrama with a healthy dose of self-awareness.  These are films that go cheerfully over the top and make no apologies for doing so and that’s certainly the case with The Pom Pom Murders, which features an enjoyably eccentric group of suspects.  Is the murderer the pervy janitor or the intense coach or the strange owners?  Is Audrey going to be able to solve the case or is she going to end up the latest victim?  Is she going to become the newest star cheerleader or is she going to finally listen to her mother and go to law school?

You’ll have to watch the film to find out!  This is a fun movie.  If you’re into Lifetime movies, you’ll be doing some cheering yourself.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #213: Is There A Killer On My Street? (dir by Jake Helgren)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest “premiere” on the Lifetime Movie Network, Is There A Killer On My Street?

Why Was I Watching It?

I have to admit that Lifetime fooled me.  I thought this was a brand new movie, largely because it was listed as having been released in 2020.  When I saw that, I was like, “Well, there’s no way I’m going to miss a new Lifetime movie!  Especially one that isn’t a sentimental Christmas film!”

Well, it turns out that Is There A Killer On My Street has been around for at least two years.  It was originally released under the title The Neighborhood Nightmare, way back in 2018.  When Lifetime aired the movie, they changed the title and apparently, that was enough for this movie to reclassified as a 2020 release.

That said, I’m not angry at Lifetime.  The COVID-19 outbreak shut down a lot of productions and I can only imagine how many Lifetime movies were put on indefinite hold earlier this year.  So, Lifetime picked up an old movie and changed the title.  Big deal.  It was still new to the network, right?

Don’t worry, Lifetime.  I’ve got your back.

What Was It About?

It’s time for another round of sex and sin in the suburbs!  Having escaped from an abusive marriage, Lindsay Porter (Julie McNiven) and her teenage daughter have settled down in a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood.  (Seriously, there’s never been an ugly house in a Lifetime movie.)  Lindsay even starts to date her new neighbor, Dr. Stephen Lane (Trevor Donovan).  However, when strange things start to happen and eventually someone shows up dead, Lindsay is forced to consider how much she knows about not just Stephen but her neighbors as well!

What Worked?

I always love a good Lifetime sin-in-the-suburbs film and Is There A Killer In My Street had all the right ingredients.  Melodrama, murder, yoga, swimming pools, a good-looking cast, and a director who was willing to let everyone go just a little overboard.  This was an entertainingly sordid movie and that’s exactly what I was looking for on Friday night.

I will say that the film also did a surprisingly good job of keeping you guessing.  I thought I had figured out who the murderer would be just to then discover that I was totally wrong.  I’m usually really good at predicting who the murderer is going to be in a Lifetime whodunit so I have to give this film a lot of credit for keeping me on my toes.  I’ve seen a lot of these films and it’s always nice to discover that I can still be surprised.

What Did Not Work?

I could nitpick but screw that.  This movie was too much fun for nitpicking.  I mean, let’s be honest.  We’re all pretty much going to be stuck in our current bizarre situation for the forseesable future.  Films like Is There A Killer On My Street are going to be essential for keeping us entertained.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I appreciated that Lindsay and I both have red hair.  I share her struggle.

Lessons Learned

If you even have to ask whether or not there’s a killer on your street, you’re already in trouble.

Lifetime Film Review: Kidnapped By A Classmate (dir by Ben Meyerson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

One thing that you can be sure about when you watch a Lifetime film is that even the poorest people in the film will still live in a huge house with a big front yard.

For instance, in Kidnapped By A Classmate, Hunter (Lucas Adams) is so desperate for money that he’s forced into a life of petty crime, mugging delivery men and murdering drug dealers.  And yet, he lives in a really big and really nice house.  I’m pretty sure I counted at least three stories and both the back and the front yards are absolutely huge.  I mean, I’ve been told that my house is pretty nice but it’s nothing compared to where Hunter lives.

Still, Hunter needs money and he comes up with the bright idea of burglarizing a smaller house during the middle of the day.  Unfortunately, Brooke (Paige Searcy) happens to be home when Hunter breaks in and, as a result, she ends up getting kidnapped and held for ransom.  Making things even more awkward is the fact that Brooke goes to the same high school as Hunter’s younger brother, Corey (Pedro Correa).  Corey was hoping to go on a date with Brooke but now she’s bound and gagged in his living room so this relationship is definitely not getting off to a good start.  Also providing involuntary help with the kidnapping is Corey’s best friend, Eric (Rahul Aburri).  Eric just wanted a ride home but now he’s kind of trapped in the middle of a felony.

Corey assures Eric that everything will be okay and that Brooke will be freed once Hunter gets his money.  “Like the Lindbergh baby!” Corey says before Eric calls him out for not paying attention in history class.  Eric has a point, of course.  Obviously, everyone wants to help out their siblings but it’s smart to draw the line somewhere.

Paige’s mother, Shannon (Andrea Bogert), arrives home too late to save her daughter from being kidnapped.  When Hunter subsequently demands that Shannon and her new husband pay a ransom, Shannon decides to save Brooke on her own.  Helping Shannon out is Jade (Chloe Ray Warmoth), a streetkid who knows all about “tattoo gangs.”

Anyway, there’s a lot of drama in Kidnapped By My Classmate.  A lot of that is due to Hunter being not only crazy but kind of stupid as well.  Not only is he in debt but he can’t even pull off a proper kidnapping.  Unfortunately, since Hunter’s a bit crazy, chances are that he’ll kill Brooke once it becomes obvious that he’s not going to get what he wants.  It’s an interesting idea, to be honest.  Hunter isn’t dangerous because he’s a master criminal.  He’s dangerous because he’s so incompetent.  (In fact, you could probably say the same thing about Bruno Hauptmann, the Lindbergh baby kidnapper….)

Kidnapped By A Classmate was, in many ways, a standard Lifetime kidnapping film.  Daughters are always getting kidnapped on Lifetime and it usually falls on mom to save them.  Kidnapped By A Classmate is a bit different because Brooke isn’t kidnapped because she refused to listen to her mom’s advice.  Instead, Brooke just happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.  In this film, the problem child is Jade, who has a terrible attitude but gets to redeem herself by helping Shannon look for her daughter.  Andrea Bogert and Paige Searcy are believable as mother and daughter and Chloe Ray Warmoth does a good job with his frequently sarcastic dialogue.  The film really is stolen by Rahul Aburri, who plays one of the most unluckiest people you’ll ever seen in a film like this.  One minute, you need a ride home.  The next minute, you’re taking part in a felony.  It’s a mad world.

 

Lifetime Film Review: Psycho Sister-In-Law (dir by Jake Helgren)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

When one of your in-laws is a psycho, it’s going to lead to some tense family gatherings.  There’s just no way to get around it.  Have you seen those Vrylar commercials where people are screaming at random strangers or the mother is locked away in the kitchen and sobbing all the way through her daughter’s birthday party?  Well, that’s nothing compared to what it’s like to have a murderer drop by a wedding, a reunion, or even a funeral.

From the start of Psycho Sister-in-Law, we know that Zara Downes (Lydia Hearst) is not the ideal in-law.  This is largely due to the seeing Zara murder a woman in Las Vegas.  Now, admittedly, the woman that Zara murdered was kind of mean and she was keeping Zara from finding success as an actress but it’s 2020 and there are other ways to deal with an annoying co-worker.  Murder is never the answer!

Zara, of course, claims that she has had a difficult life.  Her father was very rich man but Zara grew up without him.  Instead, he gave most of his attention and affection to his son, Nick (Brando Eaton) and his fiancée, Callie (Diora Baird).  That’s largely due to the fact that Zara was the result of an affair that he had while married to Nick’s mother.  Still, when Mr. Downes dies, Zara is invited to the reading of the will.

When the will is read, Zara is annoyed to discover that she’s inherited less than both Callie and Nick.  So, Zara sets out to ingratiate herself with Nick and his pregnant wife, Haley (Andrea Bowen).  Zara also goes out of her way to try to upset Callie. When Nick says that he’s considering giving their father’s mansion to Callie, Zara puts her evil plans into overdrive.

And really, who can blame her?  It’s a really nice house!  I mean, I know I say that about almost every Lifetime film but Psycho Sister-In-Law really does feature one of the nicest mansions that I’ve ever seen.  Obviously, I don’t want to compare myself to Zara because she does kill a few people over the course of the movie but still, I’m not totally sure that I wouldn’t go a little bit crazy over that house myself.

Most Lifetime films do require a certain suspension of disbelief.  That’s something that we’ve all come to accept about the Lifetime genre and I’m certainly not going to complain about it.  The fact that people in these movies often make stupid mistakes is one of the things that make them so entertaining.  (And before we get too judgmental regarding fictional characters, who among us hasn’t made a stupid mistake or two?)  That said, Psycho Sister-In-Law really stretches that suspension of disbelief to its breaking point.  I mean, it’s nice that Haley wants everyone to get along but, at some point, you really do have to be willing to put your foot down and say, “Hey, if you’re obviously plotting on killing everyone in the house, you’re going to have to leave.”  Zara’s villainy was so obvious that you really did have to wonder if Haley and Nick were just being intentionally blind to it.

That said, the melodrama is certainly embraced and the house is really nice.  There’s a neat and unexpected twist towards the end of the movie and Lydia Hearst appears to be having a blast playing her murderous role.  It’s a fun movie, even if Nick and Haley’s naiveté will have you rolling your eyes until you’re dizzy.

Lifetime Film Review: The Killer In the Guest House (dir by Tony Dean Smith)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

There’s an old saying.  If it seems too good to be true, it’ll probably end up trying to murder you.  I think that’s how it goes.

For instance, it may seem like a good idea to make some extra money by renting out your guest house.  And sure, it might seem like a good idea to pick the first handsome pilot who steps through the front door.  And it might seem like it’s a good thing that he’s tall and sexy and in shape and that he likes to take his shirt off whenever he’s doing the gardening.  And that first time that he defends your honor against your sleazy ex, you may be thinking to yourself, “This guy is perfect!”

Actually, Mark James (Marcus Rosner) would be perfect if not for the fact that, along with being charming and handsome, he’s also a total sociopath who has control issues and a habit of installing hidden cameras all over the place.  When Gina (Chelsea Hobbs) lets Mark move in, it seems like a perfect idea but soon, people are disappearing and Mark is failing to respect her personal space.  Gina is a struggling photographer who is still looking for her first big break and Mark has the looks of a model but is having a model paying you rent really worth having a dead body buried in your garden?  That’s a question that everyone must answer for themselves.

I’ve seen a lot of killer houseguest films on Lifetime.  Actually, even though Lifetime is known for being the “killer husband” network, you’re actually more likely to get murdered by a houseguest than by your husband.  Or, at least, that appears to be the case in the world of Lifetime cinema.  The best Lifetime films are the ones that connect with a real-life fear, like your mother marrying a con artist or your daughter refusing to listen to you when you tell her that the boy across the street with the shady past is up to no good.  The Killer In The Guest House gets at one of my main fears, which is that you’ll invite someone into your house and then they’ll just start hanging around.  Unfortunately, most unwanted houseguests don’t look as good as Marcus Rosner.

Anyway, you can probably guess what happens once Mark moves in with Gina.  It’s all obsession, lies, and murder.  As I’ve said countless times on this very site, we love Lifetime movies because they’re predictable.  They’re like trashy paperbacks that you read whenever you’ve got some time to kill.  The fun is being able to say, “I knew that was going to happen!”  That doesn’t mean that there aren’t any surprises to be found in The Killer In The Guest House, of course.  Mark has a lot of difficulty killing one of his victims and the film does a good job of playing up Mark’s exasperation as the victim just keeps coming back to life.  It shouldn’t be funny but it kind of is and I think it’s meant to be.  It’s not easy being a charming sociopath.

Marcus Rosner and Chelsea Hobbs both do a good job in the lead roles.  My favorite performance came from Matthew Kevin Anderson, as the hilariously sleazy Levon.  Whoever put together Levon’s wardrobe deserves an Emmy.

I guess the main lesson to be learned from Killer in the Guest House is that we should be careful we let move in to our home.  But seriously, when a guy says that he loves to garden and that he flies a plane for a living …. I mean, who can resist?

Lifetime Film Review: Sleeping With Danger (dir by David Weaver)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I have to admit that when I first saw that Lifetime was going to be airing a film called Sleeping With Danger, a lot of really stupid jokes came to mind.

I mean, it’s true that the title was also the title of the Ann Rule story that served as the basis of the film’s plot but still, Sleeping With Danger just has such a Lifetime-y ring to it.  If you were making up a fake Lifetime movie, you’d probably give it a title like Sleeping With Danger.  And then you’d spend a while coming up with silly tag lines.

“Sleeping with Danger means a morning of regret!”

“Mother, may I sleep with danger?”  (Wait, a minute, that one’s for real….)

I also found myself imagining the MyPillow guy shooting a commercial specifically for the movie.  “If you’re sleeping with danger, you’ve got to have support for your neck and back.  MyPillow is made right here in my home state of Minnesota, where we sleep with danger every winter….”

Then I watched the movie and, to be honest, I ended up feeling a little bit guilty.  Yes, the title might sound a bit campy but the film itself is actually very serious.  It’s probably one of the most serious films that I’ve ever seen on Lifetime.  Of course, it probably helps that it’s based on a true story and not a particularly happy one at that.

Elisabeth Rohm plays Grace Tanner, a directionless, 38 year-old flight attendant who thinks that she’s found love when she meets Dr. Paul Carter (Antonio Cupo), a charming and handsome nutritionist.  Grace and Paul have a whirlwind courtship, which soon leads to them living in a cabin out in the wilderness.  Needless to say, it is never a good thing, in a Lifetime movie (or in real life), when you end up isolated in a wilderness cabin.

Paul, it turns out, has a possessive streak and a rather shady history.  (One should note that this story takes place in the 90s, a.k.a. the time before Google.)  Grace comes across a restraining order.  She comes across evidence that Paul has been in trouble with the police before.  When she tries to question Paul about it, he hits her.  Even after Grace leaves him and goes to a shelter, she continues to deny that she’s in an abusive relationship.  No, she says, she and Paul are just having troubles.

Inevitably, Grace goes back to Paul.  Paul, for his part, always has an excuse to explain away his abusive behavior.  They settle into cycle, one that finds Grace a virtual prisoner.  Eventually, it all leads to murder….

It’s a pretty grim movie but it’s well-made and, even more importantly, it’s a realistic portrait of an abusive relationship.  Like so many victims, Grace is fooled into thinking that Paul is going to change or that it’s even her fault.  Sleeping With Danger shows all of the ways that someone like Paul will manipulate and hurt those around him.  Antonio Cupo and Elisabeth Rohm both give believable performances in the lead roles.  The film may be grim and a bit of a downer but it’s message makes it worth seeing.

Lifetime Film Review: The Secret Life of a Celebrity Surrogate (dir by Mark Gantt)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, put yourself in this situation.

You’re an aspiring writer, which is a really nice way of saying that you don’t have much money.  Because you haven’t paid your rent in four months, you’ve just gotten kicked out of your apartment.  As bad as that is, you can take some comfort from the fact that your incredibly hot boyfriend owns a really nice and really big apartment and he probably won’t have any issue with letting you live there.  I mean, he’s always eager for you to sleep over so why not just move in?  So, you head over to his place to give him the news and….

….some blonde that you’ve never seen before opens the door and asks you who you are!

Okay, now you’re in trouble.  Not only do you not have an apartment but you also don’t have a boyfriend.  You have no money and you have no family to fall back on.  While many writers wrote some of their best work while living in boxcars and drifting across the country, you’re not sure that’s what you want to do with the next few years of your life.  So, you get on social media and you let the world know that you need a job.  ANY JOB!

That’s what happens to Olivia (Carrie Wampler), the character at the center of The Secret Life of a Celebrity Surrogate.  It all happens during the first 10 minutes or so of this movie and it does make Olivia into an instantly likable character.  There’s no way that you can’t sympathize with her because everything that could go wrong in her life has gone wrong in just the course of a few hours.  When Olivia is contacted by Cassidy (Jordyn Aurora Aquino) and told that there is a job opportunity for her but that it requires Olivia to be discreet, you can’t blame Olivia for jumping at the opportunity.  What else is Olivia going to do?  Starve?

It turns out that Cassidy works for Ava (Brianne Davis) and Hayden (Carl Beukes) von Richter, a celebrity couple who, after Ava’s last few films flopped at the box office, are now mostly famous for being famous.  Ava and Hayden hire Olivia to act as a surrogate to carry their child.  Olivia will get $150,000 once the baby is born and she’ll get to stay at Ava and Hayden’s fabulous mansion.  The main conditions seem reasonable: Olivia will have to be discreet and she’ll also have to stay healthy and be regularly checked out by Ava’s army of doctors.  Olivia agrees.

And, at first, everything seems okay.  Ava and Hayden are charming, even if Ava is a bit high-strung and Hayden often seems like he’s lost in thought.  Olivia bonds with Cassidy and chef Peter (Kenneth Miller).  Ava can be demanding but that makes sense and …. wait, a minute, did Ava just do cocaine in a public restaurant?   And what exactly is Hayden doing with that hypodermic needle?

Needless to say, Ava and Hayden are not as perfect as they initially seem and Olivia soon starts to have doubts about whether or not they should even be parents.  Hayden, especially, seems to get creepier (and more and more gropey) with each passing day.  Soon, that fabulous mansion starts to feel like a prison and Olivia comes to realize that her employers are even more dangerous than she originally suspected….

The Secret Life of a Celebrity Surrogate is a film that’s very much of the moment.  We live in a society that is obsessed with celebrities, even faded ones like Ava and Hayden.  We also live in a world where ordinary people — like Olivia — can actually connect with celebrities via social media.  At the same time, though people may not always be quick to admit it, we all secretly suspect that most celebrities are actually crazy and probably have a dungeon underneath their mansion.  Even our favorites are often suspected of harboring dark secrets, as seen by the eagerness of the twitter mob to cancel their former heroes.  As such, we can all relate to Olivia’s willingness to be a part of Ava and Hayden’s seemingly glamorous life while, at the time, Ava and Hayden’s “quirks” serve to confirm what we’ve always suspected about what goes on behind closed doors in Beverly Hills and on Park Avenue.

The Secret Life of a Celebrity Surrogate strikes a good balance between thriller and satire.  It embraces the melodrama while also retaining enough self-awarness to be fun.  Brianne Davis and Carl Beukes are both entertainingly sleazy as the celebrity couple from Hell while Carrie Wampler is sympathetic and likable in the role of Olivia.  This is an entertaining Lifetime movie that will be enjoyed by anyone who has ever looked at a celebrity tweet and thought to themselves, “What a weirdo.”