Horror Film Review: Dogs (dir by Burt Brinckerhoff)


I’ll admit it right now.  I’ve never really been a dog person.

That’s the way it’s been my entire life.  According to my sisters, I was bitten by a dog when I was two years old.  Needless to say, I don’t remember that happening but that still might explain why, when I was growing up, I was scared to death of dogs.  Seriously, if I was outside and I heard a dog barking or if I saw a dog running around loose (or even on a leash), I would immediately start shaking.  It didn’t help that, for some reason, I always seemed to run into the big dogs that wanted to jump and slobber all over me.  (“Don’t be scared,” one dog owner shouted at me, “that’ll just make him more wild,” as if it was somehow my responsibility to keep his dog under control.)

Then there was that time when was I was ten and I was visiting Lake Texoma with my family.  There was another family there and they had a big black dog with them.  When I first saw him, the dog was very friendly.  He ran up to me and, tentatively and with my sisters standing beside me for moral support, I even patted his head,.  He seemed so nice!  Finally, I had met a dog that didn’t scare me.  My family was really happy.  We went down to the lake and everyone told me how proud they were that I had managed to face a dog without running away.  As we came back from the lake, I saw the dog laying down next to his family’s van.  I smiled at the sight of him.  He raised his head, looked at me, and started to growl.  He wasn’t growling at my sisters or my parents.  He was growling at me.  Terrified, I went over to my family’s car and I ducked down behind it.  I could hear my Dad telling the dog to stop and then I heard the loudest barking and saw the dog running towards me.  I jumped in the car and locked the doors.  The dog’s owners eventually grabbed their dog and took him back to their van.  They said that I probably looked like someone who had been mean to it a few weeks earlier.  One thing that they did not really do was apologize.  Instead, they just made me feel like it was somehow my fault.  They didn’t seem sympathetic when my Mom explained that I was terrified of dogs.  When they realized my Dad was on the verge of punching someone, they retreated to their van and quickly left.  At that time, I decided that 1) I would never trust another dog and that 2) dog owners are the most selfish people on the planet.  I know that sounds harsh but seriously, I was traumatized!

As I grew up, I mellowed a bit.  I met nice dog owners who actually made the effort to control their pets.  I even met some friendly dogs and slowly realized that not all of them were going to try to kill me.  I became less scared of dogs but they still definitely make me nervous.  I still cringe when listening to the barking and I still reflexively step back whenever I see a big dog anywhere near me.  Now that I know more about dogs, I have to admit that I feel a little bit guilty about not liking them more.  Knowing that dogs actually blame themselves for me not liking them is kind of heart-breaking and I have been making more of an effort to be, if nothing else, at least polite to the canines who lives in the neighborhood.  That said, I’m a cat person and I’ll always be cat person.  Cats don’t care if you like them or not nor do they blame themselves if you’re in a bad mood, which is lot less of an emotional responsibility to deal with.

1977’s Dogs is a film that seems like it was especially made to give people like me nightmares.  It’s a pretty simple movie.  At a college in Southern California, the students and the faculty find themselves under siege from a bunch of dogs that have been driven mad by pheromones being sprayed into the atmosphere by a nearby, top secret government experiment.  Two professors (David McCallum and George Wyner) attempt to convince everyone to evacuate the college and the town but, in typical Jaws fashion, no one wants to admit the truth about what’s happening.  By the end, nearly everyone is dead (and the final scene of all the dead bodies spread across campus is genuinely haunting) and the cats are starting to hiss at humans.

Dogs is a low-budget drive-in flick but it’s still a frightening film, largely because the dogs are relentless and the victims may be largely stupid but they’re all stupid in realistic ways.  A group of college students is told to wait inside until George Wyner comes back for them but Wyner takes so long in returning that the terrified students decide to make a run for it themselves.  It doesn’t end well but it’s the sort of thing that I can actually imagine happening.  No one likes being told to wait and, with no idea of what’s actually going on, making a run for it might actually seem like as good an idea as any.  Even when the movie recreates the Psycho shower scene (with dogs instead of Norman Bates), it’s far more effective than it perhaps has any right to be.

Would this film be as effective from the point of view of someone who doesn’t have a history of being scared of dogs?  It’s a legitimate question.  Dogs aren’t like sharks.  Most people like dogs.  But when they’re barking and growling and determined to bite your throat, they can be pretty scary!  I’ll just say that Dogs is a film that seemed to be uniquely designed to give me nightmares.

A Movie A Day #136: Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985, directed by Lance Hool)


Goddamn, dude.  Chuck Fucking Norris.  Even when the movie is terrible, Chuck is cool.

That is especially relevant when it comes to a movie like Missing In Action 2: The Beginning.  Produced by Cannon Films and shot back-to-back with the first Missing in Action, The Beginning was supposed to come out first.  However, Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus took a look at the two movies and realized that The Beginning would work better as the 2nd film in the series.  They were right though some post-production tinkering did lead to some serious errors in continuity.

(Not that anyone watching a Golan/Globus production would be worrying about continuity.)

Did you ever wonder how James Braddock (Chuck Norris) became a POW in the first place?  No?  Missing In Action 2 is going to show you how it happened anyway.  It turns out that he and his men were captured, in 1972, by the Viet Cong when their helicopter crashed into a lake.  At the start of the movie, Chuck only has a mustache.  If Chuck had been fully bearded, there is no way the VC could have captured him.  After Chuck and his men have spent ten years in a jungle prison, where they are forced to pick poppies for a French heroin drug lord, Chuck has grown a full beard and is finally strong enough to escape from the prison, rescue his men, and defeat the sadistic camp commandant (Soon-Tek Oh) in hand-to-hand combat.  None of it is surprising but there’s enough weird stuff, like the prostitutes that the French drug dealer flies into the camp and the Australian journalist who shows up out of nowhere and is executed ten minutes later, to keep it interesting.  Chuck is as stiff as always but he’s good in the action scenes and gets to show off some sweet karate moves towards the end of the movie.  Supposedly, Chuck viewed the Missing in Action films as a tribute to his brother, Wieland, who was killed in Vietnam.

The continuity error has to do with the amount of time that Braddock and his men spend in the camp.  After Chuck is captured in 1972, the film inserts some footage of Ronald Reagan giving a speech about the men who never returned from Vietnam.  A narrator says that the Americans are still wondering what happened to the thousands of soldiers who were reported as being MIA in Vietnam.  The implication is that Chuck and company spent ten years in the POW Camp, which means that they escaped in 1982.  Since it is said, in Missing in Action, that it has been ten years since Chuck escaped, that means that Missing in Action actually took place in 1992.  But if Chuck and the boys escaped and returned to America in 1982 then why, in 1992, was everyone so convinced that all the POWs were released immediately after the Vietnam War?

Fortunately, Chuck Norris is so cool that it doesn’t matter what year it is.

Chuck Norris, man.

Chuck Fucking Norris.