Kristina Loggia | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

This week, it’s Halloween in Springwood!

Episode 2.4 “Photo Finish”

(Dir by Tom DeSimone, originally aired on October 29th, 1989)

This episode starts with Freddy welcoming us to a special Halloween episode of Freddy’s Nightmares. Because it is the season, Freddy actually plays a role in both of this week’s stories and it must be said that they are both rather gruesome, even by the standards of this show.

In the first story, photographer Stoney Adler (Patty McCormack) is commissioned to take some photos for a Halloween spread that will appear in Kink Magazine. Stoney is amazed at how good her models are at pretending to be scared. That’s because they’re all actually terrified because they keep seeing Freddy. Stoney isn’t aware of Freddy’s presence, at least not until Freddy drives a stake through the heart of one of her models. Stoney tries to avoid doing any more horror shoots but she takes on one final assignment. Freddy appears and asks Stoney, “Do you want me to make (the model) scream?” Stoney says yes. Freddy plucks out Stoney’s eyes. That certainly does lead to some screaming.

The second story feature three FBI men trying to figure out why a suburban father shot his wife and daughter the night before Halloween and then apparently slit his own throat. One of the agents — a profiler who owes more than a little to William Petersen’s performance in Manhunter — figures out that Freddy possessed the father. Freddy, however, then possesses another one of the FBI agents and the tragedy plays out a second time. The profiler ends up with his throat slashed, slowly dying while the camera lingers on him. There’s no way this episode didn’t inspire a few nightmares.

This was a good episode. It was scary, it was gory, and it was definitely designed to offend people who weren’t into horror. This episode was exactly what you would want Halloween with Freddy Krueger to be. The second season continues to be a hundred times better than the first.

An all-women motorcycle gang called the Cycle Sluts roars through the desert. Why are they called the Cycle Sluts? As their leader puts it, they know what people are going to call them so they’re reclaiming the term for themselves. Nobody tells the Cycle Sluts what to do and nobody but the Cycle Sluts decides or defines who the Cycle Sluts are. They’re rebels and they’re singers, making music and fighting the patriarchy as they make their way through the dusty corners of America. Go, Cycle Sluts, go!

When the Cycle Sluts drive into the small desert town of Zariah, the residents are not happy to see them. Zariah is a peaceful and boring town and the citizens would like to keep it that way. The citizens are happy having a town where there’s only a few buildings, next to no businesses, and only a few residents. It’s a town where not much happens and everyone can live in peace, far away from all the evil temptations of the big city and corrupt civilization. However, the town becomes a lot less peaceful when the local mortician starts to bring the dead back to life. Soon, zombies are wandering through the desert on their way back to their former home and only the Cycle Sluts and a bus full of stranded blind kids can save the town!

That slight plot description probably tells you all you really need to know to get a feel for what type of film 1989’s Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is. It was released by Troma, which means that the humor is crude, the zombie attacks are bloody, and the film’s aesthetic is undeniably cheap. That said, the film itself is enjoyable when taken on its own dumb terms. The action moves quickly, the members of the cast perform their silly roles with an admirable amount of dedication, and the whole thing ends with a message of peace and equality. The townspeople learn how to be tolerant and the Cycle Sluts learn how to trust other people. It’s about as dumb as a movie about about bikers fighting zombies can be but it’s a surprisingly fun movie. It’s hard not to cheer a little when the Cycle Sluts and the towns people and the blind kids finally set aside their differences and do what has to be done. They even manage to save the life of a baby and anyone who has seen any other Troma films knows how rare that can be. In its way, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown serves as a reminded that not every Troma film is as bleak as Combat Shock or Beware! Children at Play. The Cycle Sluts do a good job and so does the film.

Speaking of doing a good job, keep an eye out for Billy Bob Thornton, making an early appearance as the unfortunate boyfriend of one of the residents of Zariah. Billy Bob seems to be having fun with this early job and his appearance here serves as a reminder that everyone started somewhere.