Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.14 “Plane Death”

Posted on December 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark enlist in the War on Drugs.

Episode 1.14 “Plane Death”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on January 9th, 1985)

In a small town in California, a man named Charlie Down (Robert Ford) drives his big family car down an isolated car. One thing that that is immediately noticeable is that Charlie has a gigantic pair of fuzzy dice hanging from his rearview mirror. That’s rarely a good sign. The other thing that is immediately noticeable is that a remote control airplane is flying over the landscape. As the audience will soon learn, the people in this town are obsessed with remote control airplanes. That’s because drug dealer Jack Harm (Michael Bowen), the son of the local sheriff, is using the airplanes to smuggle cocaine. When one of the planes crashes, Charlie rushes out to it and grabs the cocaine for himself. He is pursued by Jack and his gang. Charlie runs away from them. An off-screen gunshot is heard.

What Jack doesn’t know is that the man that he murdered is an old friend of Mark Gordon’s (Victor French). For the past few months, Mark has been on the road with angel Jonathan Smith (Michael Landon). They’ve been taking care of people all over America. But right now, they are between assignments. They show up in town so that Mark can see his friend but, shortly after arriving, Mark is informed that Charlie has gone missing. It doesn’t take Mark long to figure out what happened. He announces that he’s going to get revenge, “just like in the Bible, eye for an eye.”

Fortunately, Jonathan is there to keep Mark from doing something that he might regret. Before Mark can drive down to the local bar, Jonathan arranges for the police and the FBI to show up and take Jack and his gang into custody. Jack’s father can only watch in disappointment as his son is taken off to prison. When Mark thanks Jonathan for keeping him from making a mistake, Jonathan replies that he’s sure Mark would have stopped himself from killing anyone. Mark says that he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself and Victor French’s delivery of the line is so somber and serious that there’s little doubt he was prepared to kill everyone in town.

At Charlie’s funeral, his young son (played by David Faustino) announces that he’s going to become a cop so that no other kids have to feel as bad as he feel right now. Jonathan says that Charlie would be proud to hear that. Mark asks Jonathan if the country is ever going to be able to win the war on drugs.

“If they don’t,” Jonathan replies, “they’re may not be a country to worry about.”

Yikes! Setting aside the ultimate futility of the War on Drugs (which far too often became a war on addicts as opposed to war on the people making money off of them), this episode was actually pretty well-done. Mark’s intense anger was perfectly portrayed, making him a bit frightening even if you understood his desire for revenge. Michael Bowen’s superficially friendly psychopath was easy to dislike. This was one of those episodes where the viewer appreciates the sincerity of the show’s emotions even if the legacy of the War on Drugs has ultimately been one of failure.

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.8 “Rebel With a Cause”

Posted on November 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jennifer learns karate and Joey is tempted to the dark side.

Episode 1.8 “Rebel With a Cause”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on December 16th, 1983)

Poor Joey!

Jennifer has decided to learn karate. Why a ghost would need to learn karate, I do not know. However, while showing off her newly learned moves to Joey, Jennifer kicks his bed and causes it to collapse. Mr. Eliot rushes into the room and, because he can’t see Jennifer, he assumes that Joey must have been jumping up and down on his bed despite the fact that Joey is a teenager in high school. Joey’s allowance will go to buying a new bed!

The next day, at school, Joey makes the mistake of asking out the girlfriend of the school’s biggest bully. Fortunately, Jennifer materializes just in time to beat up the school bully. Again, because no one can see Jennifer, everyone assumes that Joey beat up the bully. The bully’s gang decides to make Joey their new leader.

At first, Joey is reluctant. But when people at school start to act like they’re scared of him and start to do favors for him, the power goes to Joey’s head. Soon, Joey is wearing a leather jacket and trying to be tough. Jennifer points out that this isn’t who Joey is and, deep down, Joey knows that. When the entire gang shows up at Joey’s house, Jennifer suddenly materializes and pretends to be Joey’s biker girlfriend which somehow scares the gang off.

This is a confusing episode, largely due to the fact that the show has never clearly established just what exactly Jennifer can and can’t do as a ghost. In some episodes, like this one, she can materialize and be seen by others. In other episodes, it’s been suggested that only Joey will ever be able to see her. In just the previous episode, Jennifer had the power to possess other people but, in this episode, she doesn’t even use that power despite the fact that it would have gotten both her and Joey out of a lot of trouble. (If Jennifer has possessed Joey and then beat up the bully, it would have certainly made more sense than everyone assuming Joey beat up the bully despite the fact that Joey would standing several feet away while Jennifer put the guy in his place.) And, again, why would Jennifer learn karate in the first place? Who is teaching her? When did she learn? Jennifer mentions that she’s met a lot of bikers in the afterlife but when was that? As far as I can tell, Jennifer spends all of her time harassing Joey at the house.

Even if you ignore all of the inconsistencies with Jennifer, you have to wonder why, in the year 1983, Joey is going to a school that is apparently controlled by a 1950s street gang. Seriously, this gang of bullies is even less intimidating than a community theater production of Grease.

It was sweet that Jennifer was so concerned about Joey and, as usual, Ann Jillian brought a lot of heart to the role but this episode just didn’t make any sense.

Retro Television Review: Quarterback Princess (dir by Noel Black)

Posted on September 18, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1983’s Quarterback Princess. It can be viewed on YouTube!

Quarterback Princess begins with Ralph Maida (Don Murray) dropping in on the coach of a high school football team in the small town of Minnvile, Oregon. Ralph explains that he and his family are going to be relocating to the town from Canada. His eldest child wants to play football and Ralph is curious as to when the team will be holding the tryouts. The coach asks what position Ralph’s son plays. Ralph explains that Tami is his daughter and she plays quarterback. After an awkward moment of silence, the coach explains that he’ll have to talk to the school board.

Yes, Quarterback Princess is one of those films. It’s an only girl on the team film, in which an athletic teenager has to convince not only her male teammates but also all of the stodgy old people that she can play just as well as the boys. On the one hand, films (and shows, as Degrassi had an entire storyline about Jane trying to get on the school’s football team) like this are usually entertaining because it’s fun to watch a girl succeed while all of the men sputter with outrage until the team starts winning. On the other hand, they’re always a little bit difficult for me to relate to because I would honestly have no interest in doing what Tami’s doing and it’s hard for me to understand why anyone else would either. I mean, seriously why would anyone want to live in Oregon when Montana’s just a short drive away?

Quarterback Princess is based on a true story. In real life, Tami Maida was 14 year old when she joined her high school football team as their quarterback. That season, the team had a record of 7-1 and they won the state championship. Tami was also elected Homecoming Queen that seem year. The parts of the movie that seem like the type of thing that only a screenwriter could come up actually happened. Helen Hunt, who was 20 years old at the time, plays Tami. When I watched the film, I thought Hunt did a good job in the scenes off field but I thought she was a bit unconvincing when she was actually playing the game and throwing the ball. Fortunately, I did some research before I actually wrote this review and I discovered that Tami served as Helen Hunt’s stand-in during the film and, in most of the game scenes, that actually is Tami throwing the ball and running around the field. That shows you how much I know about football.

Quarterback Princes is definitely a made-for-television production. These are the only high school football players in existence who neither drink nor curse. For that matter, the coaches are surprisingly nice as well. That said, it isn’t bad. The best scenes are the ones that feature Tami and her family adjusting to Tami’s sudden fame. Daphne Zuniga gives a sympathetic performance as Tami’s sister, who is not particularly happy about how Tami’s sudden fame has changed everyone’s lives. The always likable John Stockwell plays Tami’s boyfriend and the two of them are a believable couple. Noel Black, who also directed Pretty Poison, does a good job of keeping the action moving at a steady pace. Probably the worse thing you can say about this film is that it was a bit predictable but, in this case, all of the predictable stuff actually happened so what can you do?