Josh Devane | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the cast of Pacific Blue gets outacted.

Episode 2.9 “Genuine Heroes”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on October 20th, 1996)

Pacific Blue makes an unforgivable mistake in this episode by giving a plum guest-starring role to Charles Napier. When your show is populated by boring regular characters and actors who are distinguished by their almost total lack of screen charisma, the last thing you want to do is bring in a certifiable badass character actor like Charles Napier. If Lt. Palermo and the bicycle crew seem charmless during a normal episode, just imagine how much worse they look when compared to Napier.

Napier plays Tyrone Justice, a Texas bounty hunter who has come to Santa Monica to track down a bank robber and his girlfriend. The members of the bike patrol are like, “We’re not going to let you cause any trouble down here,” and it’s kind of hard not to smirk because Tyrone Justice is Charles Freaking Napier. He wears a leather jacket and carries a shotgun. The bike patrol wears shorts and those stupid plastic helmets and spends all of their time riding their bicycles. Like, seriously, shut up, bike patrol.

Meanwhile, VJTV (which I guess is the show’s version of MTV) is shooting on the beach for spring break. Del Toro has a crush on VJTV personality Ginger Delvecchio (Angelica Bridges). Cory rolls her eyes whenever Del Toro sees Delvecchio, complaining that Delvecchio’s career is due solely to her sex appeal and how she looks in a bikini. (This argument perhaps would have worked better if delivered on a show that didn’t open every episode with stock footage of women in bikinis.) Cory complaining feels out of character. Usually, Kelly is the member of the bike patrol who is written to be an annoying straw feminist. At the end of the episode, Ginger leaves VJTV for a show that is obviously meant to be Baywatch. Seeing as how Pacific Blue itself is an obvious rip-off of Baywatch, all of the smirks and sighs feel a bit hypocritical.

Anyway, this episode was pretty dumb. It’s impossible to take people who ride bicycles seriously. When the bike patrol arrested Charles Napier, I had to laugh. There’s no way Charles Napier would ever surrender to some douchebag on a bicycle.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on You tube!

This week, Baywatch Nights get uncomfortably violent as a crazed killer escapes from prison and targets everyone responsible for putting him away in the first place.

Episode 1.18 “Vengeance”

(Dir by Georg Fenady, originally aired on April 20th, 1996)

A psycho murderer named Johnny Larkin (Robert Dryer) escapes from prison and kills everyone who he blames for his conviction. He shoots a bailiff in the head. He beats the judge to death with his own gavel. He shoots the jury foreman and dunks his dead body into a fish tank. His latest target? The cops who arrested him, Lea Broussard (Dominique Jennings) and her former partner, Garner Ellerbee. It falls to Garner, Mitch, and Ryan to stop him.

Yikes! My main thought on this episode of Baywatch Nights was that it was unusually violent for the show. The episode opens with Johnny beating the judge to death and then its followed by a lengthy scene of Lea staring at the blood-drenched blanket covering the judge’s body and it just keeps going from there. The jury foreman begs for his life and says that he was just doing his civic duty and, as he died, it occurred to me that no one volunteers for jury duty. The man’s life is ended because he was randomly selected to serve. By the time Johnny was attempting to drown Lea, I found myself wondering about the families of all the people who had been killed and how their lives would be forever changed. It didn’t make for very pleasant viewing and it made the scenes of Mitch and Ryan flirting feel very awkward and out-of-place. I know that I’ve complained about Baywatch Nights leaving behind its noir inspirations to become an imitation of Baywatch but this episode goes too far in the other direction. Baywatch Nights should be a fun detective show, not a disturbing hour of televised horror.

I will give the show some credit for making Johnny Larkin into a genuinely scary villain. Robert Dryer played Johnny with just the right of amount of ruthless madness. That said, how stupid was Johnny to leave a newspaper clipping about his trial with the judge’s dead body? Basically, Johnny announced his guilt and that he was seeking to kill everyone who had anything to do with him getting convicted the first time. Way to lose the element of surprise, Johnny.

Anyway, this episode just wasn’t any fun and, as a result, I really don’t have much to say about it. If there’s anything that a show like Baywatch Night should never do, it’s taking itself seriously. This is a series that was made to be parodied and it is at its best when it hints that it’s in on the joke. Hopefully, next week’s episode will be better!