Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, it’s time for the fashion festival!

Episode 4.25 and 4.26 “This Year’s Model/The Model Marriage/Vogue Rogue/Too Clothes for Comfort/Original Sin”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on May 2nd, 1981)

This week, the Love Boat sails to Acapulco for the International Fashion Festival!  Vicki, who hopes to grow up to be a fashion designer, is excited about meeting her idols.  Doc, Gopher, and Isaac are excited about the models.  Captain Stubing starts the cruise by reminding everyone to do their job for once.  It’s about time Stubing told them that.  Does Doc even keep office hours anymore?

This one of those two-hour episodes of The Love Boat that gets chopped into two episodes for syndication.  As such, it’s double-sized, with twice as many guest stars and the boat actually sailing to Acapulco during filming.  That doesn’t mean that the storyline are any more complicated than usual on this episode.  Despite being longer then usual, the episode follows the usual Love Boat pattern.  The extra time is largely taken up with a travelogue of Mexico (watch as a limo very slowly drives to a luxury hotel!) and the fashion show.

Fashion designers Gloria Vanderbilt, Bob Mackie, Halston, and Geoffrey Beene all appear as themselves.  They’re listed as guest stars but they don’t actually do anything other than board the ship and then show off their designs.  They don’t find love on the boat, nor do they search for it.  (Well, Halston probably did….)  Interestingly enough, none of them — not even the famous Halston — has much of a screen presence and in the scene where they introduce themselves to the crew, they’re all so stiff that it is somewhat difficult to watch.  It’s obvious that none of them were actors but it’s also interesting to consider that there was a time when someone could be internationally famous without being a natural on camera.

There are also a few fictional designers on the cruise.  They’re the one who actually have storylines.  Harvey Blanchard (Dick Shawn) is not aware that his daughter, Mandy (Debra Clinger), has married his nerdy assistant, Alvin Beale (Richard Gilliand).  Mandy wants Alvin to tell her father that they re married during the cruise but first, Alvin is going to have to figure out what to do after he accidentally dumps some designer clothes down a laundry chute and they end up shrinking in the dryer.  (“Have you ever considered designing children’s clothing?” Alvin asks his boss.)

Benita James (Elke Sommer) is an “up-and-coming” fashion designer who falls in love with Sidney Sloan (Mike Connors), despite the fact that he’s an industrial spy who has been hired to steal her designs.  Sid falls in love with Benita as well and decides that he can’t betray her.  But when Sid’s partner (Steve Franken) ransacks Benita’s cabin, will Sid be able to convince her that he wasn’t involved?

Charles Paris (Robert Vaughn, looking somewhat embarrassed) is a cosmetics tycoon who boards the boat looking for the new Ms. Paris, the model who will be the face of his company.  Will he pick Liz(Morgan Brittany) the model with whom he is falling in love, or will he pick Joanne Atkins (Carmilla Sparv), the model who has been told that, since she’s now over 35, her career is over?

Speaking of Joanne, she falls in love with Captain Stubing and Stubing falls in love with her.  Meanwhile, the married heads of her modeling agency (Anne Baxter and McClean Stevenson, who looks almost as embarrassed as Robert Vaughn) argue over whether or not Joanne is too old to continue on as a model.

Julie is excited because her former sorority sister, Melissa (Cristina Ferrare), is a model on the cruise.  Julie can’t wait to spend the whole cruise with her but Melissa meets and falls in love with Larry (Chris Marlowe).  When Melissa and Larry run off to get married, Julie takes her friend’s place in the fashion show.

And really, the fashion show is what this episode is all about.  The stories aren’t particularly important.  We’re here for the clothes!

Bob Mackie starts things off with a really cute collection of lingerie and pajamas, which happen to be my favorite things to wear.  I loved his collection.

Gloria Vanderbilt follows with sporty summer fashion, and watching her collection, I found myself wanting to go play tennis with my neighbors.

Geoffrey Beene follows with a collection of plaid suits that will be familiar to anyone who has ever binged a 70s sitcom.

“Up and comer” Benita James presents a collection of truly hideous cocktail dresses.

And Halston closes things out with evening wear.  “Red is my favorite color,” Halston says, “It’s so fun.”  This redhead appreciates the sentiment, even if it was kind of obvious that Halston didn’t bring his top designs on the cruise with him.

As the highlight of the episode, the fashion show was definitely entertaining though. it was impossible not to smile at just how ugly Benita James’s designs actually were.  Seriously, someone went to the trouble to hire two industrial spies to steal those designs?

As for everything else, it all works out.  This is The Love Boat.  Everything always works out.  Charles Paris announces that the new Ms. Paris will be Joanne but then he asks Liz to be “Mrs. Paris.”  Sid and Benita decide to get married as well.  Captain Stubing gets to have sex for once.  I think that may be the first time that’s happened since this show started.  Julie enjoys modeling.  Everyone either finds love or decides not to get divorced.  That’s a successful cruise!

This cruise was fun in its silly way.  Bob Mackie definitely won the fashion show.  Though the designers may not have been comfortable on camera and McClean Stevenson looked like he was on the verge of jumping overboard from embarrassment, this was The Love Boat at its most entertaining.