Tag Archives: Horror

TV Review: The Walking Dead 11.5 “Out of the Ashes” (dir by Greg Nicotero)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As opposed to what we’ve previously seen since the start of the 11th season, this week’s episode of The Walking Dead focused on multiple storylines.

At the Satellite Outpost, Negan and Maggie continued to argue about whether or not anyone else in their party would be smart, lucky, or brave enough to join them.  At this point, Maggie and Negan pretty much sound like an old married couple and, considering the chemistry between Lauren Cohan and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, that could very well be what they end up becoming by the time the show ends.  Sorry, Glenn!  Anyway, this time Maggie won the argument because Gabriel and Elijah eventually showed up and proved that people could be depended upon.  Yay, Maggie!  Unfortunately, if Gabriel’s the best you go, you probably have bigger problems to deal with than just a philosophical disagreement.

At Alexandria, Judith tried to keep the other kids from taunting the Walkers and potentially getting everyone killed.  Judith had a point but seriously, no one likes a snitch.

Aaron, Carol, Lydia, and Jerry returned to the ruins of Hilltop on a supply run.  It turned out that Hilltop was also being used as a home by the last surviving Whisperers!  Their leader, Keith, insisted that the Whisperers were no longer a threat.  Aaron didn’t quite buy that and he wanted to torture and then kill Keith.  Fortunately, Carol talked him out of it.  Keith lost an arm but he got to keep his life.  And he also told them where Connie’s hiding!  Now, of course, is where I should remind our readers that, until the start of this season, I hadn’t really watched the show since Carl died so I’m not exactly sure who Connie is.  But I guess I’ll soon find out.

Meanwhile, at the Commonwealth, Eugene and the crew got to watch a really neat presentation on VHS tape that welcomed them into the community.  Eugene then went for a walk with Stephanie and nearly screwed everything up when he broke into the radio room and tried to contact Alexandria!  Or did he?  See, my theory is that the Commonwealth is still setting Eugene up.  They’re manipulating him to reveal everything that he knows about Alexandria but they’re doing it in a way that makes it seem as if they actually don’t want to know anything about Alexandria.  They’re manipulating him into contacting Alexandria by pretending like it’s something they don’t want him to do.  It’s all very clever and it’s the type of thing that Eugene always seems to fall for, despite the fact that he’s the smartest guy on the show.

This week’s episode, which was directed by Greg Nicotero, was a definite improvement over the past few episodes.  I liked the fact that it focused on several different groups, as opposed to getting bogged down with one repetitive storyline.  I liked that it revisited the Whisperers and showed that, as far as they were concerned, they were the heroes and the Alexandrians were the villains.  (The show has always been at its best when it has acknowledged that even the bad guys are just scared, lonely, and trying to survive the end of the world.)  The Judith subplot was handled well and showed that some things — like obnoxious children –are never going to change.

Mostly, though, I just liked the Commonwealth stuff.  From the minute I saw that introduction on the VHS tape, I was all about the Commonwealth.  The intro may have looked cheap and all the happy scenes were obviously staged but, seriously, it’s easy to see why some people would find it appealing after spending years fighting other humans and trying to avoid Walkers.  I loved the way the tape went from celebrating community to celebrating “security.”  It felt very relevant to our current times, a true libertarian’s nightmare.  You want to have ice cream and watch your kids play?  Then you’ve got to accept the legion of armored men watching everything that you do.  And, as always, I loved the oddball intensity of Josh McDermitt in the role of Eugene.  I would seriously watch a spin-off that was just Eugene going to different communities and voicing his disappointment with their life choices.

This was a good episode, one that took a look at how different communities are trying to find some sort of normalcy in the face of the zombie apocalypse.  The remains of the Whisperers are just scrounging to survive.  Alexandria is trying to balance the needs of the collective with the need of every human being to be an individual.  And the Commonwealth is living in denial, embracing the myth that random chaos can be controlled by strictly enforced order.  

I’m looking forward to seeing where things to go.  After a few weak episodes, The Walking Dead might be able to reclaim some of its lost narrative momentum.  Here’s hoping!

TV Review: The Walking Dead 11.4 “Rendition” (dir by Frederick E. O. Toye)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I was up at Lake Texoma this weekend so I missed the latest episode of The Walking Dead when it originally aired.  I did, however, set the DVR for it.  I came back from the lake on Tuesday of this week and while I was eager to watch most of the shows that I had recorded, I really couldn’t summon up much enthusiasm for The Walking Dead.  For the show’s first four or five seasons, The Walking Dead is what I would have immediately watched but, eleven seasons in, the show no longer holds the promise of the unexpected.  Instead, it has settled down into a comfortable pattern.

Earlier today, when I finally did get around to watching Rendition, it all felt very, very familiar.  Once again, Darryl ended up wandering off on his own  Once again, Darryl ended up getting captured and tortured by the latest group of evil humans, The Reapers.  We learned a little about Reaper culture but, despite the whole religion angle, it turns out that the Reapers are just like every other group of evil humans who have shown up in the show.  At this point, even Darryl should be wondering how the exact same thing can keep happing to the exact same guy.

(At first, I was going to say that this episode did change things up a bit by having one of Darryl’s ex-lovers turn out to be a Reaper.  But then I remembered that Darryl’s brother turned up at the Governor’s prison and that was actually a lot more impressive because Darryl’s brother actually had a definable personality of sorts.  He came across as being something more than just a plot point.)

The gimmick with The Reapers is that, before the zombie apocalypse, they served in Afghanistan and they’re now ultra-religious.  That does explain why the Reaper from last week was so happy to see Gabriel and so insistent that Gabriel pray for him.  It also explain why the leader of the Reapers is named Pope, even though that seems more than a bit heavy-handed on the part of the writers.  But who knows?  Maybe this story arc will actually give Gabriel something to do other than glare at everyone with his one good eye.  One can only hope.  Watching this episode, it was hard not to contrast Gabriel’s cry of, “There is no God here!” to Pope’s request (or was it a demand) that Daryl believe in the Reapers’ version of God.

That said, this episode felt way too familiar.  It was well-acted and competently directed and all of that but it still felt a bit too safe for an episode during the final season of a show that, regardless of what it may be now, was once a pop cultural juggernaut.  If you’re like me and you’re hoping things will go out with not just a bang but with a few hundred bangs, it’s impossible not to be disappointed with this season so far.  Let’s hope things pick up and we actually do get the type of finale that The Walking Dead deserves!

Quick Review: Malignant (dir. by James Wan)

Posted on by Leonard Wilson

James Wan’s newest horror film, Malignant is something that really needs to be seen without any prior input on it. If there’s any way you can watch it – whether you see it in theatres or on HBO Max up until October 10th – It’s definitely worth it. Right after watching it, I contacted my cousin and begged her to watch it without moviepooping it. She never watches a movie without already knowing the outcome – who lives, who dies. If she doesn’t, the anxiety that hits her is great. She twitches in her chair, covers her face, screams and gives every reaction you to hope to experience in a movie theatre. She agreed to do so, and I can’t wait to hear her thoughts on this. I’m almost compelled to head out to a theatre, sit in the back and watch the audience.

You’re better off not reading this and just coming back later, after you’ve seen it. I’ll try not to give too much away.

When I think of popular couples in horror, the first one that comes to mind is Mike Flanagan and Kate Siegel. James Wan & his wife, Ingrid Bisu may be joining that group. Along with screenwriter Akela Cooper (The 100), the three writers provide Malignant with enough jumps and mouth covers for me to enjoy the ride. Is it perfect? No. It might actually be offensive and/or triggering to a few people, depending on what they’re going through in life, but every movie has the capacity to do that without realizing it.

When mother to be Madison (Annabelle Wallis, Annabelle) suffers an injury, she begins to have visions of a figure causing murders. Much like Neil Jordan’s In Dreams, Madison visions give her a tie to the killer, who may be someone from her past. With the police involved in the form of Agent Kekoa Shaw (George Young, Containment) and his partner, Regina Moss (Michole Briana White, She Hate Me), they work with Annabelle to pursue the killer.

Malignant has it’s share of great shots. There’s one wonderful overhead sequence that takes place which reminded me a little of Minority Report, along with Wan’s usual work with lights and shadow. Smoky alleyways and barely lit hallways just add to Malignant’s creepiness. All of this is anchored by both Wallis’ performance, a mix of quiet tension and wide eyed horror, and by Maddie Hasson (Underdogs), who plays her sister Sidney. Sidney is the source of Malignant‘s more comedic quips, along with Ingrid Bisu, who plays the Forensic Investigator. The movie strikes a good balance there, I felt.

From a writing standpoint, there’s enough misdirection to keep the audience guessing, but it doesn’t do in a way that lies to them. On my 2nd viewing (I’m on my 3rd while writing this), the elements that seemed strange really do make sense. There’s also tidbits of humor placed throughout the movie. It doesn’t make it a comedy by any means, but it’s nice to be to chuckle once in a while. It does make one huge mistake (for me, anyway) that almost completely lost me early on, a conversation between sisters that made me wonder why such information wasn’t already known between them over all the time they knew each other. You’ll probably be able to recognize it when it occurs.

Malignant is a tight 1 hour and 51 minutes, but it’s paced so well that the film feels like it’s almost over before you know it. As much as I enjoyed it, that was one of the other problems I had with the film. Not a terrible thing in any way. It hooks you from the start, gives you some great jumps and reveals through the middle. The 2nd half of the movie kind of pushes the pedal to the floor and guns it. I can think of at least two films that Malignant references, but I’ll maybe write about them some other time.

Overall, Malignant is a great Halloween treat, with James Wan & Co. showing everyone how it’s done. It gets strange, but when all’s said and done, you’ll be thankful for the ride. Just go in blind, turn off all the lights, take it for what it is and enjoy.

Happy Friday the 13th From The Shattered Lens

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Originally, Jeff and I were planning on going up to the lake this weekend.

It’s something that we’ve been wanting to do for a while, just to get away from everything for a day or two. It’s summer in Texas, which means that it’s incredibly hot right now. The lake is awfully inviting in the summer. Originally, we thought we might go last week but I ended up getting sick and spending almost the entire week in bed. So, it made sense to just go this week, right?

Except …. well, did you happen to notice what day it is today?

Listen, at heart, I’m a skeptical person. One reason why horror films don’t bother me is because I don’t believe in ghosts or witches or magic or zombies or death curses or any of that other stuff. I don’t even believe in aliens. I’m not a superstitious person and I have to admit that I always find myself a bit confused whenever I talk to anyone who is. And yet, even I know better than to tempt fate by going up to the lake on the weekend of Friday the 13th. That’s the power of the tale of Jason Voorhees, his mother, and a New Jersey camp called Crystal Lake. Even the most skeptical among us know better than to mess around with Jason. There’s a 99.9% chance that Jason doesn’t exist and, even if he did, he would be way up in New Jersey but still, just the fact that there’s a .1% chance that he might be out there somewhere …. that’s enough to keep me home for the weekend!

With that in mind, Happy Friday the 13th! I’m celebrating by watching the original films, the one that were produced by Paramount Pictures in the 80s. By that, I mean the films that came out before Jason Goes To Hell turned everyone’s favorite hockey masked serial killer into a space slug. Say what you will about these films, they are an undeniable part of our culture and they’re amongst the most influential movies ever made. Personally, I prefer the first film, the 2nd film, and the 4th film. I’ll also defend Friday The 13th: A New Beginning because I enjoy being a contrarian. At its best, the franchise was an American tribute to giallo. At its worst …. well, we’ve all seen Part 3, right?

However you celebrate, stay safe! And maybe we’ll see you up at the lake next week!

(And if you need something to do, be sure to check out this article, full of Friday the 13th trivia, that I wrote a few Friday the 13ths ago!)

Film Review: The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (dir by Michael Chaves)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The year is 1981 and Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga, of course!) have just screwed up another exorcism.  Only Ed hears as Arne Johnson (Ruairi O’Connor) begs the demon that has possessed 8 year-old David Glatzel (Julian Hilliard) to enter him instead.  Unfortunately, Ed also has a heart attack and passes out before he can tell Lorraine what has happened.

The next month, a hollow-eyed Arne is walking down a road.  He’s just murdered his sleazy landlord, stabbing the man 22 times.  It seems like an open-and-shut case, except for the fact that Arne claims that he was possessed by a demon and that it was the demon who actually committed the crime.  At first Arne’s lawyer is planning to go for an insanity plea but then Ed and Lorraine invite her to come have dinner with them and to see their favorite doll, Annabelle.  The film immediately cuts to Arne’s visibly shaken lawyer announcing to the court that her client pleads “not guilty by reason of demonic possession.”

It’s a funny scene and I was a little bit surprised to see it because, in the past, The Conjuring films have always been distinguished by how seriously they took themselves.  The first two films both unfolded in atmospheres of growing dread, following families that not only had to deal with societal evolution but also with angry spirits.  The first two Conjuring films worked not only as horror films but also as period pieces, as stories about changing times.  Though Ed and Lorraine were always the main investigators, the first two films devoted as much time to exploring the dynamics of the haunted families as it did to portraying the Warrens.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (or, as we’ll call it in the interest of space, The Conjuring 3) takes a different approach, which I imagine has much to do with Michael Chaves directing the film instead of James Wan.  This time, Arne and the possessed family all remain ciphers.  We never learn much about who they are or who they were before they met the Warrens.  We don’t know what Arne was like before he became possessed and, as such, it’s hard to get emotionally invested in him once he does end up with a demon inside of him. 

Instead, the film emphasizes Ed and Lorraine Warren and their work to uncover the occultist who was behind the original possession.  Ed worries about Lorraine as she has psychic visions and wanders around yet another dirty basement.  Lorraine worries that Ed is going to give himself another heart attack as he hobbles through the woods in search of an evil spirit.  Lorraine proves her powers to a skeptical detective.  Ed complains that he doesn’t want people treating his wife’s abilities like a carnival sideshow but he still allows himself a slight smile when she selects the correct murder weapon.  Of course, at one point, Suspicious Minds is heard on the radio and we briefly flashback to Patrick Wilson singing the song in The Conjuring 2.  Once again, the film argues that Ed and Lorraine’s romance, their endless love, makes them uniquely capable of battling the Devil.

The film has its moments, largely because Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are adorable as Ed and Lorraine.  At the same time, though, there’s a definite “greatest hits” feel to the third Conjuring film.  There’s little about the film that feels truly spontaneous or surprising and most of the scenes feel like reworkings of scenes that worked in the previous two films.  As good as Farmiga and Wilson are in their roles (and as much as I appreciate the idea of a Catholic super hero film franchise), Ed and Lorraine work best when they’re relating to and helping other characters.  The Conjuring 3 often solely focuses on them and the end result often feels more like an Insidious sequel than a Conjuring film.

The Conjuring 3 is enjoyable enough.  It gets the job done, while never reaching the emotional heights of the first two films.  It has enough jump scares to be a fun movie to watch on a rainy night but it’s not one that really sticks in your mind after it ends.

The_Conjuring_-_The_Devil_Made_Me_Do_It

The Blind Murderer Is Now A Hero In The Trailer For Don’t Breathe 2!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

To be honest, I’m probably being a bit too glib when I say that the fearsome blind kidnapper and murderer at the center of the original Don’t Breathe is now a hero. Though it appears that he’s now the hero based on what we see in the trailer for Don’t Breathe 2, it could just be a case where he’s a bad guy battling other bad guys.

At least, I hope that’s the case because, seriously, we all remember the turkey baster!

I really liked the first Don’t Breathe. I have to admit that I was kind of hoping that it would be one of those great thrillers that would never get a sequel because the first one pretty much worked because Stephen Lang’s character was a unique and unexpected villain. My feeling was that subsequent appearances by the character would only serve to make him less menacing. Though it looks like the film’s well-produced and Stephen Lang kicks all sorts of ass, the trailer for Don’t Breathe 2 still feels more like a sequel to Gran Torino than a sequel to the original Don’t Breathe. Let’s hope I’m wrong on that!

Don’t Breathe 2 will be released on August 13th, at which point we’ll see what’s going on.

The TSL’s Grindhouse: Blue Monkey (dir by William Fruet)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

1987 Blue Monkey

Last night, as I sat down to watch the 1987 Canadian film, Blue Monkey, I found myself singing a song in my head:

How does it feel
When you treat me like you do
And you’ve laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are?

I thought I was mistaken
And I thought I heard your words
Tell me, how do I feel?
Tell me now, how do I feel?

Unfortunately, it turned out that the only thing Blue Monkey had in common with the classic New Order song, Blue Monday, was an enigmatic title.  Just as the song never really mentions anything about Monday, Blue Monkey does not feature a single monkey.  One minor character does mention having a dream about a monkey but, otherwise, there are no monkeys in the film.  Speaking as someone who believes that almost any film can be improved the presence of a monkey, I was disappointed.

(Seriously, Nomadland would have been a hundred times better if Frances McDormand had a pet monkey.)

What Blue Monkey does have is a lot of blue.  The characters wear blue shirts and some wear blue uniforms.  Another wears a blue hat.  The film takes place in a hospital where almost all of the walls are painted blue.  Even worse, the majority of the film’s scenes are saturated with blue lighting.  

Here’s just two screenshots:

blue-monkey-1987-movie-image-7Blue-Monkey-1987-movie-William-Fruet-4

Seriously, some scenes were so blue that I was reminded of John Huston’s decision to suffuse Reflections in a Golden Eye with the color gold.  Personally, I think Huston made a mistake when he did that with Reflections but I can still understand the reasoning behind the decision and I can see what Huston was attempting to accomplish.  The blue in Blue Monkey feels like a distraction, as if someone realized, on the day before shooting, that the title didn’t make any damn sense.  “We’ll just make the whole movie blue!”

The problem, of course, is that the film goes so overboard with the blue lighting that it actually becomes difficult to look at the screen for more than a few minutes.  I had to keep looking away, specifically because all of those blue flashing lights were starting to make me nauseous and were on the verge of giving me a migraine.  At times, the image is so saturated in blue that you literally can’t make out what’s happening in the scene.  Of course, once you do figure out what’s happening, you realize that it doesn’t matter.

Blue Monkey takes place in a hospital.  A handyman has been having convulsions after pricking his finger on a plant that came from a mysterious island.  Perhaps that’s because a mutant larvae is now using his body for a host.  The larvae eventually develops into a giant grasshopper — NOT A MONKEY! — who stalks around the hospital and kills a few people.  The Canadian government is threatening to blow up the hospital unless something is done about the blue grasshopper.

It’s a Canadian exploitation film but Michael Ironside isn’t in it so it somehow feels incomplete.  That said, John Vernon plays a greedy hospital administrator and it’s fun to watch him get irritated with everyone.  A very young Sarah Polley has an early role as an annoying child.  There’s actually several children in this film and you’ll want to throw something at the screen whenever they show up, that’s just the type of film this is.  (Some of my fellow movie-watching friends were actually upset that the children survived that film.  I wouldn’t go that far but I still found myself hoping John Vernon would tell them all to shut up and let the adults handle things.)  Susan Anspach plays a doctor, showing that anyone can go from Five Easy Pieces to Canadian exploitation.  The film’s nominal star is Steve Railsback, playing a cop who comes to the hospital to check on his wounded partner and who ends up on grasshopper duty.  Steve Railsback has apparently said that he’s embarrassed to have appeared in this film.  Consider some of the other films that Steve Railsback has appeared in and then reread that sentence.  

In the end, Blue Monkey doesn’t add up too much.  There’s no Michael Ironside.  There’s no monkeys.  There’s just a lot of blue.

The TSL’s Grindhouse: The Amityville Murders (dir by Daniel Farrands)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Ronald DeFeo, Jr. may not be a household name but he’s someone who was indirectly responsible for a lot of cinematic schlock.

Of course, that’s the least of DeFeo’s crimes. When the 69 year-old DeFeo passed away in March, he was serving a life sentence in the state of New York. That’s because, back in 1974, the 23 year-old DeFeo grabbed a rifle and killed his entire family while they slept. When he was brought to trial, DeFeo claimed that he heard Satanic voices that urged him to kill his parents and his siblings. His lawyers tried for an insanity defense, though the prosecution successfully argued that DeFeo was lying about the voices and that he was in full control of his actions on the night that he killed his family. After being convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment, DeFeo sometimes claimed that he had been possessed by the devil and sometimes said that he committed the murders in self-defense and then other times, he said that he did it because he was hoping to inherit his father’s money. Out of all the excuses that he gave for his brutal crimes, DeFeo’s claims of being demon-possessed were the claims that everyone remembered.

Years later, the DeFeo house — which sat in Amityville, New York — was purchased the George and Kathy Lutz. The Lutzes made a small fortune by claiming that the house was haunted and that they had been forced to leave their new home by demonic spirits. (Their claims were apparently supported by paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren of Conjuring fame.) The Lutzes told their story to Jay Anson, who wrote a book called The Amityville Horror. That book was later turned into a movie and the success of that movie led to a series of sequels and spin-offs. At last count, there’s been at least ten books written about the Amityville case and there have been 30 films that, in one way or another, claim to be connected to the Amityville haunting. Few of those films share much, other than a haunting and the word “Amityville” in the title. There’s not a great deal of continuity to be found in the Amityville films.

One of the latest of the Amityville films, 2018’s The Amityville Murders, deals with the actual murders that supposedly started off the whole cycle of possession and violence. (1982’s Amityville II: The Possession also dealt with the murders, albeit with Ronald DeFeo renamed Sonny Montelli. Two of the stars of that film — Burt Young and Diane Franklin — appear in The Amityville Murders.) John Robinson plays the bearded and withdrawn Ronald DeFeo, Jr. Chelsea Ricketts plays his concerned sister. Paul Ben-Victor plays their abusive father. The film covers the general facts of the DeFeo murders while trying to have it both ways as to whether or not Ronald was in control of his actions. Ronald DeFeo is portrayed as being genuinely unbalanced but, at the same time, potentially demon-possessed as well. The talented John Robinson does a good job of playing Ronald and there’s a few effective shots of his looking unbalanced but, for the most part, there’s nothing here that you haven’t seen in a dozen other Amityville-influenced horror films. As well, since you know from the start that Ronald is going to end up murdering his family, there’s really not any suspense to be found in the film. Instead, the entire movie is just about waiting for Ronald to pick up that rifle and start shooting people, including two children. It’s more than a bit icky, to be honest.

Whenever it comes to an Amityville prequel, the main question is always just how stereotypically the DeFeos are going to be portrayed. It only takes five minutes for DeFeo, Sr. to admonish Ronald with, “Oh! Watch how you talk to your mother!” Every cliché about Italian-American family life is present in The Amityville Murders, from the father hulking around in his undershirt to the mother decorating the house with religious iconography to the superstitious grandmother. Watching the film, I found myself imagining Tony Soprano watching a cheap Amityville film and exclaiming, “Oh! The mouth on this fucking kid over here, like he’s possessed by the devil or something!” The Amityville Murders hints that the DeFeos themselves may have had mafia connections. Indeed, before he decided to blame demonic possession for his crimes, Ronald DeFeo, Jr. claimed that his family had been taken out by hitmen from New York.

This film was directed by Daniel Farrands, who also directed The Haunting of Sharon Tate and The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson. The Amityville Murders is neither as well put-together as the Sharon Tate film nor as offensive as the Nicole Simpson film. It’s somewhere in between, just another link in the endless chain of Amityville films. I will say that I personally think Farrands is a talented director and I’d like to see what he could do with a budget and a decent script. The Amityville Murders has its share of impressive shots, even if the end result isn’t exactly the last word in Amityville horror.

The Warrens return in the trailer for The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

Posted on by Leonard Wilson

Warner Bros. has us prepped for the summer with another installment of The Conjuring! Michael Chaves (The Curse of La Llorona) takes over the directing duties from James Wan (who serves as a Producer here). This time around, Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) are investigating a case that puts them and an entire town in the spotlight. When a young man is arrested for a murder based on demonic possession, the Warrens are called in to find the truth. We’ll find out for sure when the film releases both in Cinemas and on HBO Max on June 4th.

Here’s The Trailer For The Resort

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

“And the most shocking thing of all is how their stay in paradise will end!”

That line was used at the end of the introduction for the first season of Paradise Hotel. Paradise Hotel, of course, was the greatest reality show ever made. Or at least, the first season was. (The second and especially the third seasons were a bit less interesting.) Basically, a bunch of good-looking, extremely shallow people moved into a huge hotel on a beautiful island and they were told that they would have to hook up with someone every week. If they didn’t and ended the week single, they would be kicked out of paradise. The people who managed to survive the entire season without getting kicked out of paradise would then have the opportunity to win the big prize. The funny thing was that no one knew what the big prize was. Naturally, this led to a lot of speculation until it was ultimately revealed that they were competing for a cash prize that was significantly lower than the prizes offered on Big Brother and Survivor. Again, it was a totally shallow show but it was also a lot of fun. Nearly everyone was easy on the eyes and really, that was the main reason we were watching.

I found myself thinking about Paradise Hotel as I watched the trailer for The Resort, not because the characters are shallow or anything like that but just because the people in the trailer obviously don’t know how their stay in paradise is going to end. I also found myself thinking about The Chernobyl Diaries and all of the other horror movies that have centered around the natural desire to go some place that you’re not actually allowed to visit. A lot of people will watch a movie like this and say, “Well, it was stupid of them to get in that situation!” but personally, there’s no way I would turn down the chance to explore a deserted luxury resort. Seriously, if you tell me I can spend a night in haunted hotel, I’m going to do it. Of course, I don’t believe in ghosts so I guess it would be easier for me to do that than someone who did. Still, my point stands. The reason why we find it so egregious when people in horror movies do stupid things is because, secretly, we all know we would do the exact same thing.

Anyway, with all that said, here’s the trailer for The Resort, which is due to be released on April 30th!