Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.13 “Glim-Glim”

Posted on December 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, humanity screws everything up.

Episode 1.13 “Glim-Glim”

(Dir by Peter Stein, originally aired on February 4th, 1989)

This is Glim-Glim.

Glim-Glim was flying his spaceship over Earth when he lost control and crash-landed in a small town in the Midwest. Within a week of Glim-Glim’s arrival, almost everyone in the town was dead as the result of a terrible virus, a disease to which Glim-Glim had immunity but most humans did not. Glim-Glim set up a force field around the town in order to keep the virus from escaping and killing any more humans. Unfortunately, the force field can only stay powered for so long. Setting himself up in the local library, Glim-Glim is doing research and looking for a cure.

The cure might be found in the blood of the only three townspeople who haven’t died, Carl (Brian Fitzpatrick), Carl’s unnamed friend (Mark Hofmaier), and the friend’s daughter, Amy (Jenna Van Oy). The survivors have also set themselves up in the library. Unfortunately, only Amy understands that Glim-Glim has come in peace and wants to save humanity. Her father and Carl, on the other hand, are determined to track down Glim-Glim and destroy him.

Oh, humanity! We really are our own worst enemy, aren’t we? At least, that’s the theme of this week’s episode of Monsters, in which Carl and his friend are so determined to kill the invader that they don’t realize that they are risking the future of the entire human race. While the rest of the world celebrates Christmas and has no idea that extinction is looming, Carl and Amy’s Dad stalk the one creature who can save the world. Glim-Glim sadly writes in his journal that he won’t be able to live with himself if he’s responsible for wiping out the world’s population. Only Amy understands that Glim-Glim is good but no one will listen to her because she’s young.

This episode had a definite Twilight Zone feel, with its message that the greatest threat to humanity comes not from outer space but instead from humanity itself. That said, I can kind of understand why Carl and his friend are so quick to assume the worst about Glim-Glim. They’ve just watched everyone they know die a horrible death and all they know is that it happened as the result of an alien visitor. Because there’s a language barrier, there’s no way for Glim-Glim to explain himself and Carl assumes the worst because he’s just been through an extremely traumatic experience. The episode ends on a dark note, one that practically begs for Rod Serling to pop up and remind us that a lesson learned too late is not much help.

Despite the fact that Glim-Glim looked kind of silly, this was an effective and atmospheric episode. It was a bit heavy-handed but, with barely 22 minutes available to tell a story about an alien invasion and the possible destruction of the human race, that’s to be expected. All extraterrestrials should be as kind-hearted as Glim-Glim.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 1.12 “Faith Healer”

Posted on December 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, David Cronenberg directs a story about a cursed glove.

Episode 1.12 “Faith Healer”

(Dir by David Cronenberg, originally aired on February 8th, 1988)

After being absent for the last few episodes, Jack has returned to the antique shop and he’s back just in time to investigate a faith healer named Stewart Fishoff (Miguel Fernandes).

Fishoff started his career as a phony evangelist, one who was exposed by one of Jack’s friends, Jerry Scott (Robert A. Silverman). However, Fishoff is back and now, it appears that he truly does have the power to heal the sick. Jack can’t help but notice that Fishoff is now wearing a white glove, one that was purchased from the store. The glove can take away someone’s illness but then it then passes on that illness to the next person that it touches. With Micki busy researching the store’s history and Ryan suffering from a cold, Jack pays a visit to Jerry to plot how to get back the glove.

The problem is that Jerry wants the glove for himself and he’s willing to kill not only Fishoff but also Jack to get it.

Faith Healer was directed by David Cronenberg, one of the many prominent Canadian horror filmmakers who directed an episode or two of this show. Not surprisingly, the episode is full of visually striking images, from Fishoff’s church and the member of his cult to the scenes of suddenly sickened skin erupting and then rotting away. Indeed, if you watched this episode and somehow missed the directorial credit, you would still be able to guess that it came from the mind of David Cronenberg. It’s full of moody Cronenbergian images and themes, as the rational skepticism of Jerry goes to war with the faith of Fishoff’s cult and both turn out to be equally destructive. A good deal of this episode focused on showing how both Fishoff and Jerry were seduced by the cursed glove and its promise of power. If you’ve ever wondered why everyone on this show is so quick to use the antiques for evil, this episode seems to suggest that the antiques are a bit like a powerful drug. Once you give in to the temptation, the addiction quickly follows.

This episode was well-acted by both Cronenberg regular Robert A. Silverman and Chris Wiggins. Silverman turns Jerry into a compelling villain, one who falls victim to the same dark magic that he previously made a career out of debunking. This episode ends with Jack in a particularly dark place and Chris Wiggins does a great job of capturing Jack’s disillusionment. As Jack points out, all of his friends are either evil or dead or both! This episode explores the pain that comes from both owning the antiques and tracking them down.

Next week: Micki and Ryan travel in time to pursue a vampire!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.12 “Fools’ Gold”

Posted on December 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a brave troll defends its treasure!

Episode 1.12 “Fools’ Gold”

(Dir by Greg Cannom, originally aired on January 21st, 1989)

Two constructions workers, Phil (Jeff Conaway) and Joe (T.J. Castronova), and their boss, Sherrie (Mary Cadorette), climb down into an underground tunnel. They’re expecting to find another construction worker who they believe is hiding in the tunnel. Instead, they discover the worker’s dead body and a gold coin.

Phil is super-excited about the gold and insists on exploring more of the tunnel. Joe and Sherrie stay behind while Phil explores. Joe talks about how, “in the old country,” his parents would tell him stories about faeries and goblins and trolls. Sherrie laughs and says that there’s no way Joe could actually believe in any of that.

Well, it’s actually a pretty good thing that Joe knows about trolls because there’s one in the tunnel! The troll (played, under a lot of makeup, by Debbie Lee Carrington) has hoarded all of the gold that it can find. According to Joe, trolls do this to trick people into entering their lair. Because trolls have a boiling hot blood, they can burn people just by touching them. Trolls are also vulnerable to sunlight and iron. That’s all Phil has to hear to decide that they should defeat the troll and try to steal the treasure for themselves.

The troll, however, is a bit more clever than the three of them realize. Not only is the troll a viscous attacker who can burn with one touch but the troll also has the ability to start an earthquake. When the troll does just that, Sherrie, Phil, and Joe find themselves trapped and fighting for their lives.

This episode featured three distinct human characters. Joe was good-hearted. Phil was greedy. Sherrie was somewhere in between. While Jeff Conaway overacted, both Mary Cadorette and T.J. Castronova gave adequate performances as Sherrie and Joe. That said, the definite star of this episode was the troll. Wisely, director Greg Cannom largely kept the troll in the shadows, which made it even more creepy as it ran around the tunnel. When the troll did attack, it was a genuinely frightening monster. What I liked is that the troll always moved quickly and ruthlessly. The troll wasn’t one of those slow monsters who show up in so many horror films. Instead, this troll was a predator, one that attacked quickly and showed no mercy. Seriously, no one watching this episode would want to run into that thing in a basement or anywhere else!

That said, this episode’s script was a bit underwhelming. The 20-minute runtime really doesn’t do Monsters any favors. This is an episode that would have benefitted from a longer run time and perhaps a somewhat darker ending. The humans were so unlikable that it was hard not to feel that they hadn’t earned a happy ending. I was Team Troll all the way.

Live Tweet Alert: Watch MEGAN with #ScarySocial

Posted on December 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, Deanna Dawn will be hosting 2023’s MEGAN!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime. I’ll probably be there and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th 1.11 “Scarecrow”

Posted on December 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Micki and Ryan visit the country and battle a killer scarecrow! Yikes!

Episode 1.11 “Scarecrow”

(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired on February 1st, 1988)

While Jack is off in Europe searching for a cursed antique, Micki and Ryan head into the country. They’ve recently received a letter from someone requesting that they come to a small rural town and collect the scarecrow that was bought from their shop years ago.

Seriously, do people usually buy scarecrows from antique shops? I mean, I always thought that half the fun of having a scarecrow was getting to build it yourself. And even if you didn’t want to build your own scarecrow, I imagine that you would probably go to a country store to buy one as opposed to heading into the city and going to an antique store.

No matter, though. Even if it doesn’t make much sense to buy a scarecrow from an antique store, the scarecrow is undeniably scary. Of course, when Micki and Ryan arrive in the town, the farmer who bought the scarecrow lies and says that someone set it on fire three years ago. However, the viewer knows that the scarecrow not only still exists but that it comes to life at night and kills people with a scythe! Every harvest, the scarecrow beheads three people and, as a result, the owner of the scarecrow has a good crop while everyone else in the town is struggling to make ends meet.

The viewer also knows that the villain of the story is Marge Lonacre (Patricia Phillips), the rather severe-looking owner of the town’s only inn. Even if the episode didn’t show us Marge activating the scarecrow early on, it would be easy to guess that she is the villain because everything about Marge — from the way she dresses to the way she glares at people to the abrupt way that she speaks — screams villainy. Oddly enough, it takes Micki and Ryan forever to figure out that Marge is the villain, even though they’re staying in Marge’s inn and Micki witnesses the scarecrow depositing a dead body on Marge’s front porch. In fact, for some reason, Micki gets into her head that the helpful sheriff (Steve Pernie) is the killer and she even locks him in a closet so that he can’t keep her from running back to the inn. Ryan and Micki are both likable and Micki’s fashion sense is to die for but, without Jack around to guide them, neither of them is a particularly effective investigator.

While searching for the scarecrow, Ryan bonds with the son of one of the scarecrow’s victims, which leads to some nicely-acted moments from John D. LeMay. I mention this because Friday the 13th, much like Nightmare Café, was always at its best when it explored the humanity of its lead characters. For all of the violence that Micki and Ryan have witnessed, they’re still trying to make the world a better and nicer place and it’s hard not to admire that.

This was an effective episode, one of that was full of creepy atmosphere and which featured one truly scary scarecrow. I think even Jason Voorhees would have avoided this country town!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 1.11 “Rouse Him Not”

Posted on December 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, there’s a monster in the cellar!

Episode 1.11 “Rouse Him Not”

(Dir by Mark Shostrom, originally aired on December 31st, 1988)

Linda McGuire (Laraine Newman) is a painter who, for financial reasons, has moved from New York to a cottage in New England. (As she explains it, she wouldn’t even be able to afford the tiniest hovel in New York for the amount she’s paying for the cottage.) Along with hoping to paint some landscapes, Linda also plans to transform the cellar into her own personal art gallery.

Unfortunately, things are not going quite as well as one might hope. First off, the scenery is not as inspiring as Linda thought it would be. Instead of painting beautiful landscapes, she’s been painting portraits of the cottage, often with a dark figure standing in the doorway.

Secondly, her neighbor, Mr. Ritzen (Terrence Evans), keeps peeking through her windows. Linda thinks that he’s just a perv but Mr. Ritzen actually has another reason for continually checking on her and the cottage.

One day, after Linda chases off Mr. Ritzen, she is visited by a mysterious man named John Thunston (Alex Cord). The eccentric Thunston informs her that her cottage was once the home of a warlock named Crett Marrouby. The warlock was hung by the other townspeople, an event that was witnessed by Mr. Ritzen. Before Crett was executed, he warned everyone to avoid using black magic because they might accidentally summon something evil.

While Thunston is talking to Linda, a guttural roar comes from the cellar. When Thunston and Linda go down to check on what is making all the noise, Thunston discovers that, as a result of Linda’s renovations, a mystic seal has been broken. Thunston speculates that Crett summoned a demon and then used the seal to keep it trapped in the cellar. Now that the seal has been broken, the demon is free to attack and kill. Fortunately, Thunston just happens to have a special sword that he claims can be used to behead and kill the demon. Now, it’s just a matter of waiting for the demon to appear and removing demon’s head before the demon removes Thunston’s.

The odd thing about this episode was how straight-forward it was. I kept waiting for some sort of diabolical twist that would reveal that Linda was actually a witch or that Thunston was actually the warlock but it never came. Instead, everyone in this episode was exactly who they said they were and the monster was pretty much exactly what Thunston thought it would be. Things would have been improved by a sudden twist or two because, despite an effective monster and a enjoyably campy performance from Alex Cord, this episode is pretty boring. The premise promises some Lovecraft-style horror but the anti-climatic conclusion will leave most viewers saying, “Really? That’s it?”

Next week, let’s hope that things will be a bit more interesting when three friends battle a fire-breathing troll!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch House At The End Of The Street With #ScarySocial!

Posted on December 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 2012’s House At The End Of The Street! Starring Jennifer Lawrence and Elisabeth Shue, this film is a personal favorite of mine.

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime and YouTube!. I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.10 “Tales of the Undead”

Posted on December 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Ryan learns why you never meet your heroes.

Episode 1.10 “Tales of the Undead”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbock, originally aired on January 25th, 1988)

Comic book fan Ryan is shocked when he witnesses the murder of the owner of his favorite comic book store. He’s even more shocked by the fact that the murderer appeared to a legendary comic book character, a robot who was created and drawn by an artist named Jay Star.

Micki is skeptical when Ryan tells her that he thinks one of his favorite comic book characters has come to life. Despite having dealt with a cursed doll and quill that could kill someone just by being used to write that person’s name, Micki draws the line at living comic book characters. However, Ryan does some research and discovers that a cursed comic book was indeed purchased from the store.

Seriously, think about this. Ryan not only witnesses a murder but the murder is committed by his favorite comic book character and then he discovers that it’s all linked to the cursed antique store where Ryan just happens to work. That’s an amazing coincidence! Jack would probably be concerned about how all of that came to happen but, oddly enough, Jack is not in this episode.

Instead, it falls to Ryan and Micki to track down the comic book. This leads them to the man who created the robot, Jay Star (played by special guest star Ray Waltson). Jay Star created the robot in the 40s and became a hero to comic book readers everywhere but he feels that he wasn’t properly compensated for his services. (This is something that happens far too often to real comic book artists as well. Some people have definitely gotten a lot of money as a result of all the Marvel films but the families of Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko have not.) The comic book company kept the rights to his character and they refused to publish the issue in which Jay killed him off. The company is still making money off of Jay’s work while Jay lives in obscurity as a recluse. At the start of the episode, Jay Star does not own the cursed comic book. However, he does manage to track it down and steal it from its current owner, Cal (David Hewlett). Soon, Jay is transforming into the killer robot and seeking revenge on everyone who he feels has betrayed him.

This was one of the stronger episodes of Friday the 13th. What really set this episode apart from some of the ones that came before and after was that Ryan had a personal stake in recovering the cursed item. As he explains it to Micki, comic books were the one constant he had during his dysfunctional childhood. He grew up admiring artists like Jay Star and dreaming of being one of them and of being a hero who could solve all of the world’s problems. In this episode, Ryan discovers that his hero is a murderer and John D. LeMay does a very good job of playing Ryan’s disillusionment. The episode ends on a rather sweet note, with Micki encouraging Ryan to remember Jay Star for his talent and not for his crimes.

The episode is also distinguished by Ray Waltson’s empathetic performance as Jay Star, a villain for whom you can’t help but have some sympathy. When Jay transforms into the killer robot, the episode itself switches to comic book-style animation, which is one of those gimmicks that works far better than one might expect. Even the robot was about as scary as a monster on a low-budget show like this could possibly be!

This was a good episode. I hope Ryan never stopped drawing.

Here’s The Trailer For Handling The Undead

Posted on December 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Handling the Undead may be a zombie film but, as it’s based on a novel from the author of Let The Right One In, I think it is safe to assume that it will hardly tell a standard story of the undead.

The film will be premiering at Sundance in January. Watch the trailer below!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.10 “Pillow Talk”

Posted on December 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, a bed demands to be fed.

Episode 1.10 “Pillow Talk”

(Dir by David Odell, originally aired on December 24th, 1988)

Miles Magnus (John Diehl) is one of the most successful horror authors in the world, writing best seller after best seller. All of his books seem to involve a “master” who forces other people to do something terrible. This episode opens with Miles bringing home his date, Barbara (Ruth de Sosa), and immediately taking her to his bedroom.

Barbara is impressed, especially with the fact that Miles keeps all of his books in his bedroom. Miles is more interested in pointing out his rather large bed. Miles tells her that, like Marcel Proust, he does all of his writing in bed. Barbara’s reaction indicates that she’s not sure exactly who Marcel Proust is. Despite the fact that Miles is kind of awkward and geeky, it’s not long before Barbara has stripped down to her underwear, rolled around on the bed, and invited Miles to join her.

Then the bed eats her.

Seriously. The mattress opens up like a mouth and two rather phallic tentacles wrap around Barbara and pull her into the gaping hole. All that’s left behind are her high heels because, apparently, the bed does not like shoes.

It turns out that Miles has been using the old trick of writing about what you know. Miles does have a master and it’s his bed. Of course, the bed itself is possessed by a creature that Miles describes as being the last of “the Great Old Ones.” So, Miles’s bed is possessed by Cthulhu?

The next night, Miles brings home another woman. Vicki (Mary Woronov) is a writer herself. She writes romance novels and she tells Miles that she feels as if they are kindred spirits because her novels also often feature a master/servant relationship. Miles tries to maneuver Vicki over to the bed but, instead, Vicki finds Miles’s diary and leaves with it.

Vicki later calls Miles and tells him that she hasn’t been able to put down his diary, which she apparently believes to be a rough draft of his newest novel. She invites him over to her apartment so they can discuss it. Mostly wanting to get back his diary so his secrets are not revealed, Miles goes over to Vicki’s place. Vicki says that she thinks they should collaborate on a new novel and more. After checking to make sure that Vicki’s bed is not alive, Miles agrees.

Ha! The joke’s on Miles. Vicki’s bed may not eat people but her refrigerator does! When Miles gets a beer, he’s dragged into the refrigerator by a familiar set of tentacles and only his shoes are left behind. Cthulhu really does not like footwear!

This was an enjoyable piece of Lovecraftian-style whimsy, with John Diehl giving an effectively jittery performance and Mary Woronov stealing the entire episode with her more cool and icy turn as the femme fatale, Vicki. Just as being confined to bed gave Proust the time to perfect his talent, having to feed his bed has made Miles into both a successful author and a mental wreck. More than just being a show about a bed that eats people, this is also a story about the isolation of being an artist. In order to keep his talent and inspiration from fading, Miles has to literally destroy every human relationship that he has. He can blame it on Cthulhu all the he wants but, in the end, Miles is the one who made his bed and must now sleep in it.