Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.15 “Mr. Swlabr”

Posted on September 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

Mister Who?

Episode 2.15 “Mr. Swlabr”

(Dir by Warner Shook, originally aired on January 28th, 1990)

11 year-old Roy Barton (Robert Oliveri) spends all of his time in the basement of his house, playing with his train set and making dinosaur figurines. His mother (Kate McGregor-Stewart) is abusive. His older sister (Danielle Ferland) is spoiled and self-centered. Roy doesn’t have a friend in the world and has never gotten over his father abandoning the family when he was younger.

One day, Roy opens a box of cereal and finds a small dinosaur toy. Roy puts the toy in water and it comes to life. Mr. Swlabr (voiced by New York performance artist Rockets Redglare) says that he’ll be Roy’s friend and promises that he’ll never leave. Awwwww! Roy’s evil mother tries to drown Mr. Swlabr with a hose but the water just causes Mr. Swlabr to grow into an even bigger dinosaur. Mr. Swlabar spits a bunch of green goo on Roy’s sister. It doesn’t hurt her but it does convince her and her mother to do whatever Roy tells them to do.

This was an odd episode. It played out like a particularly macabre fairy tale, with Roy finally getting a friend who was big enough to bully everyone who was previously bullying him. It had its moments. I teared up a bit when Roy begged Mr. Swlabr not to abandon him the way that his father did. But, in the end, the hand puppet dinosaur was a bit too silly to be an effective monster.

Probably the most interesting thing about this episode was the casting of Rockets Redglare as the voice of Mr. Swlabr. From the 1970s up until his death in 2001, Rockets Redglare was a fixture of the New York underground. He was a comedian, a performance artist, and eventually a character actor. He worked as a drug counselor while, at the same time, delivering drugs to people like Jean-Michel Basquiat and Sid Viscous. He was reportedly the last known person to have seen Sid and his girlfriend Nancy Spungen alive and he was a suspect when Nancy was later found dead. According to Phil Strongman’s Pretty Vacant: A History of Punk, Redglare later told his friends that he was the one who had murdered Nancy. That said, musician Howie Pyro later said that Redglare was notorious for making up stories to get attention. (For their part, the police focused their investigation on Sid Viscous, who they claimed confessed despite the fact that Viscous was also too drugged out to really remember much of anything. The main lesson here: Stay away from the heroin.) Redglare went on to become a bit of an underground celebrity, appearing in movies directed by Jim Jarmusch, Stee Buscemi, and Olive Stone. (He played himself in Julian Schnabel’s Basquiat). Redglare died at the age of 52, saying in his final interview that everything he did, he “did to excess.” RIP, Mr. Swlabr.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.11 “Possessed”

Posted on September 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Donna’s got a knife!

Episode 2.11 “Possessed”

(Dir by David W. Hagar, originally aired on February 2nd, 1997)

A notorious serial killer dies when a prison bus is struck by several cars. His blood gets on several of the people present at the accident and, as a result, he starts possessing them person-by-person. He inhabits a body, commits several murders, and, once his current body expires, he moves on to the next person.

For instance, lifeguard Donna DiMarco was on the scene of the accident and soon, she finds herself putting on sexy lingerie, grabbing a knife, and driving around in search of young hitchhikers to seduce and kill. Oh no! That’s not the Donna that we all know. Fortunately, Mitch and Ryan realize what’s happening and Mitch is able to track Donna down before she kills her first hitchhiker. The killer’s spirit flees Donna’s spirt and possesses its next victim.

Ray Reegun (Robert Ginty) is a cop who was one of the first people on the scene of the accident. When he becomes possessed by the killer, he immediately heads down to Mitch’s office and kidnaps Ryan. While Mitch tries to find them, Ray takes Ryan to an abandoned movie theater and tells her about all of the great movies that have premiered at the theater.

“Is this you or is this the killer?” Ryan asks.

It seems like a strange question to ask. I mean, does it really matter? Ray is possessed by a serial killer and is holding Ryan prisoner. So, whether it’s Ray or the killer who is into the movies really doesn’t seem that important. Bad people can like movies too, after all. And Ray’s married so if he’s the one flirting with Ryan at the theater, that’s not a good thing.

Fear not, though. Mitch is able to save both Ryan and Ray. It’s left ambiguous as to whether or not the evil spirit has truly been defeated after it leaves Ray’s body. The episode actually ends with Ryan and Mitch leaving to check on another person who was at the accident so who know? We know that Mitch went back to being a lifeguard after the end of this season but we don’t know what happened to Ryan. Maybe she’s still running around the country, trying to track down that spirit.

It’s an interesting idea. I liked the idea of the spirit jumping from person-to-person and the idea of the spirit moving in the order of the people who arrived at the scene of the accident predates the Final Destination films. The first half of the show, which featured Donna trying to kill that hitchhiker, was enjoyably absurd, But the stuff with Ray and Ryan got bogged down with Ray giving that endless monologue in the theater. Watching this, one gets the feeling that whoever wrote the episode lost intrest about halfway through. Not even the presence of Robert Ginty can liven things up.

Oh well. Next week — two Vikings come back to life and they’re mad! Woo hoo!

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for The Wolfman!

Posted on September 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Tim Buntley will be hosting #ScarySocial! The movie? 2010’s The Wolfman!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

The Wolfman is available on Prime!

See you there!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.10 “Night Hunger”

Posted on September 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, we’ve got the saddest episode of Friday the 13th yet!

Episode 2.10 “Night Hunger”

(Dir by Martin Lavut, originally aired on January 9th, 1989)

As a young boy, Michael Firono was constantly told by his father, Dominic (Nick Nichols), that he should always play to win and that, if he lost, it was because he was a wimp. Needless to say, once Mike became a teenager, he did not have a great relationship with his father. Seeking an escape from his abusive household, Mike spend all of his time at the local antique store where, on his 16th birthday, the store’s owner, Lewis Vendredi (R.G. Armstrong), gave him a special silver chain.

Mike (played by Richard Panebianco) has grown up to be an angry young man. He always wears the chain around his neck. Hanging on the chain is the key to his car. Mike loves to race his car and, far from being the loser that his father claimed he would grow up to be, Mike cannot be beat. His car is amazingly fast and Mike is incredibly (one might even say supernaturally) skilled behind the wheel. His main goal is to defeat his childhood rival, Deacon (Real Andrews), who is now a street racer himself. Deacon is hesitant to race Mike, precisely because Mike seems to be so driven to win that racing with him can be even more dangerous than usual. To Deacon, street racing is fun. For Mike, it’s an obsession.

Of course, Mike has a secret. As long as he’s wearing the silver chain, he can’t be defeated. But he has to kill people and dip the key in their blood for the chain to work. Jack, Micki, and Ryan set out to reclaim the silver chain but an accident results in both the chain and the key being absorbed into Mike’s body. With the chain and the key now sitting next to Mike’s heart, Mike’s eyes not only glow red but his car seems to have a mind of its own….

This is another one of those episodes of Friday the 13th where the villain is himself a victim. Even before he met Lewis and received the silver chain, Mike was doomed. His abusive father left Mike feeling so insecure and so obsessed with winning that there was really no way Mike wasn’t going to end up snapping eventually. In the present day, Dominic finally understands how much he hurt Mike and he feels guilty about it but it’s too late to undo the damage that’s been done. Like a pusher befriending people most likely to get addicted to his product, Uncle Lewis saw Mike as someone who would easily succumb to a cursed antique. Mike becomes addicted to using the key and that leads to him doing a lot of bad things. But the real curse here is not the silver chain but instead Mike’s abusive childhood. Mike never had a chance.

This is a genuinely sad and well-acted episode, with Mike’s obsession eventually destroying him. As happen so often with this show, Ryan and Micki are left with the knowledge that, while they can reclaim the cursed objects, they can never repair the damage that they’ve done.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.14 “Bed and Boar”

Posted on September 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Episode 2.14 “Bed and Boar”

(Dir by Sara Driver, originally aired on January 21st, 1990)

Traveling salesman John Dennis (a young Steve Buscemi) just wants to get a good night’s rest in a sleazy motel but, unfortunately, the couple in the room next to his is making a racket. A woman and a man are fighting and yelling at each other. “Bitch! Bitch!” the man seems to be yelling. Finally, the woman (Jodie Markell) leaves her room, runs through the stormy night, and ends up in John’s room.

John take one look at the woman in her white nightgown (which has gotten soaked in the rain) and decides that he has absolutely no problem with her staying in his room. He has no problem with her removing her wet nightgown and wrapping herself in the sheets of his bed. The only problem that John has is with her husband (Charles Kay-Hune), who not only tries to break into the room but also has the head of a boar.

You would think that would be enough to convince John to find another motel but instead, after chasing off the board husband, John spends the night with the woman. John declares that he’s falling in love with the woman. When her husband literally tears down a wall to get at them, John fights off and kills the woman’s boar-headed husband.

And it’s only then that it occurs to John that the woman might be a witch (“He wasn’t yelling bitch, he was yelling….”) and that maybe she was the one responsible for turning her husband into a pig. (Someone has obviously never read The Odyssey.) Of course, by this point, John is himself starting to turn into a pig.

The good thing about this episode is that it features a young Steve Buscemi, playing one of his trademark quirky characters who never knows when to stop talking. The bad thing is that the episode doesn’t really give Buscemi much to do, other than be an idiot. Since it was obvious, to me, that the woman was a witch and that she was the one who turned her husband into a boar, I spent the entire episode waiting for some sort of a surprise twist. I was waiting for John to reveal that he was a warlock or a werewolf or a vampire or anything other than just a salesman in a motel room. But that never happened. As a result, the whole story felt rather pointless.

On the plus side, the husband was frightening. The show did a good job with the boar makeup because I I did jump a little when that thing came bursting into the room. This was a case where the monster was better than the story.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.10 “Space Spores”

Posted on September 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the threat comes from space!

Episode 2.10 “Space Spores”

(Dir by Richard Freidman, originally aired on January 19th, 1997)

Having completed another intergalactic mission, the Space Shuttle Discovery returns to Earth. Of course, when I say Earth, what I actually mean is America because we all know which country is the most important around here.

Unfortunately, the Discovery also spreads a bunch of “space dust” over a small farm in California. It wasn’t intentional on the part of the Space Shuttle crew. Those people are saints! Instead, it’s just one of those accidents that happens. The problem is that space dust is a lot more dangerous than Earth dust. Earth dust can trigger asthma attacks (believe me, I know), while space dust can cause animals to explode.

At first, the government shows up at the farm, all decked out in their HAZMAT gear. A few days later, Daimont Teague drags Mitch and Ryan out to the farm so that they can take another look. Daimont doesn’t bother to give either Mitch or Ryan a HAZMAT suit and he also doesn’t bother to tell them what exactly they’re looking for. He says he wants them to keep their minds fresh but I think it’s more a case of Teague just being a dick. I mean, why would you task a lifeguard with investigating space dust?

While Daimont goes off to meet with his connections in the government, Mitch and Ryan investigate the farm. They discover that the space dust has caused a lot of animals to explode. They also discover the farmer is dead but his young daughter, Katie (Ashley Buccille), has survived. Unfortunately, when the family dog explodes, Ryan and Katie end up covered in space dust. Now, Mitch and Griff (who shows up because he apparently has nothing better to do on a Sunday night) have to get Ryan and Katie to a decompression chamber before the space dust causes them to explode. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of evil government types who are more worried about the public learning about the space dust than they are about saving the lives of Ryan and Katie.

I was kind of surprised by how much this episode depressed me. It was entirely due to the exploding animals. We only actually see a rat and then the dog explode but apparently, a cat explodes off-screen and so do several other animals. I always get upset when bad things happen to animals on shows like this. For whatever reason, I don’t really seem to care that much when the same thing happens to a human being. Some of that’s because I’ve seen all the other human beings on other shows. I was glad that Angie Harmon didn’t blow up because Angie and I are both Texas girls and we vote the same way. But even if Mitch hadn’t been able to save Ryan, I know that Angie would have still gone on to appear on Law & Order and Rizzoli & Isles after this show ended. Whereas with animals, I don’t have that reassurance.

This episode, I didn’t really like. I appreciated the anti-government theme but all of the exploding animals just weren’t for me.

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Lisa and the Devil With #ScarySocial!

Posted on September 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting Mario Bava’s Lisa and the Devil!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime and Tubi! I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.9 “13 O’Clock”

Posted on September 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, time stops.

Episode 2.9 “13 O’Clock”

(Dir by Rob Hedden, originally aired on January 2nd, 1989)

Wealthy but dorky Henry Wilkerson (Ron Hartmann) owns a watch that he inherited from his father. The watch can stop time at exactly one a.m., giving the owner the chance to do whatever he or she wants for an hour while the world is frozen. The only catch is that someone has to be murdered before the watch will do its thing. Henry, like his father before him, has killed a lot of people and stolen a lot of money while the world was frozen. But then Henry is murdered by his wife, Reatha (Gwynyth Walsh), who wants the watch for herself and her adulterous, criminal lover, Eric (David Proval, who later played Richie Aprile on The Sopranos).

When Jack reads a series of newspaper articles about a bunch of murders and thefts that all seem to take place near the subway station at one in the morning, he figures out that someone is using a cursed watch. (Actually, it’s kind of strange just how quickly Jack manages to figure that out. Jack, is there something you need to share with everyone?) Micki and Ryan investigate the area around the station and they meet two homeless teenagers, Skye and Johnny-O (played by Ingrid Veninger and Jason Hopley). Skye witnessed Reatha killing Henry and she is about to become Reatha’s next target.

This was one of the better episodes of Friday the 13th. The scenes where time froze were remarkably well-done, with the world not only stopping but also transforming into black-and-white. Only Reatha and anyone who is with her can move and they are also the only things not stripped of color in the frozen world. The sight of Reatha, Eric, and eventually Ryan walking through the frozen and eerily silent subway station is a surprisingly powerful one. This is an episode that really does seem to capture what it would be like to actually live in a world where magic collides with everyday, mundane reality. The special effects earned this show an Emmy nomination and it was certainly deserved. They’re still effective, even when viewed today by eyes that have been jaded by too much CGI.

Reatha, Eric, and Henry make for a memorable trio of villains and Gwynyth Walsh especially deserves some credit for fearlessly embracing the melodrama in her performance as Reatha. If you ever wondered what would happen if a femme fatale from a classic noir made a deal with Satan, Reatha is your answer. I will admit that I cringed a little when the homeless teens showed up but Ingrid Veninger and Jason Hopley were well-cast and they turned their stereotypical characters into sympathetic human beings.

I wish this episode had been a bit clearer on how the stopwatch works. At the end of the episode, Reatha and Eric appear to be permanently frozen in time but they’re frozen in a very public place and you really do have to wonder what’s going to happen when people notice two monochrome people standing frozen on the train tracks.

But that’s a minor quibble. Overall, this was a superior episode of Friday the 13th.

Happy Friday the 13th From The Shattered Lens

Posted on September 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy Friday the 13th!

Today is the greatest Friday of the year because today is not only the 13th but it’s also only a month until October 13th! Some people consider Friday the 13th to be unlucky but those people have obviously never been the only “good girl” at a weekend party up at Camp Crystal Lake. Ask any of them and they can tell you just how lucky Friday the 13th can be.

To our readers who are currently struggling today, we make the following suggestion: Turn off twitter. Turn off MSNBC. Definitely turn off CNN. Block ABC from your memory. And why not just sit back and enjoy the antics of those fun-loving kids up at Camp Crystal Lake?

In fact, in case you need help picking which movie to watch, I hve reviewed every single Friday the 13th! here on the Shattered Lens! I personally recommend that you watch parts 1, 2, and 4 but it’s totally up to you! Here’s some links to my reviews:

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th Part 2

Friday the 13th Part 3

Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

Friday the 13th: Jason Lives

Friday the 13th Part VII: A New Blood

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

Jason X

Freddy vs Jason

Friday the 13th: The Pointless Remake

And then be sure to check out: 12 Thing You May Not Have Known About Friday the 13th and my review of Camp Crystal Lake Memories!

The world will still be here when you get back, we promise.

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! Horrorthon ’24 is just a two weeks away!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.13 “Habitat”

Posted on September 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s episode is an experiment that doesn’t quite work.

Episode 2.13 “Habitat”

(Dir by Bette Gordon, originally aired on January 14th, 1990)

Jamie Neal (a young Lili Taylor) is 23 years-old and newly single. She’s been offered an opportunity that could earn her enough money that she will never have to work another day in her life. She has to spend 9 months in an enclosed space. She’ll be given food to eat. She requested to be given a guitar to play. All she has to do is spend nine months in the room and react every time that she hears an annoying buzzing sound. Of course, she can’t go outside or have any contact with anyone else. The entire time, someone will be watching her.

Jamie starts the experiment feeling confident and almost cocky. She carefully reads over the contract, commenting on how easy it will be to handle all of the requirements, before signing it. Jamie brags that her ex-boyfriend was an attorney (though he preferred to be called a “litigator,” — hey, I know the type, Jamie!) and she knows exactly how to read a contract as a result.

The story jumps forward a few weeks. Jamie is in isolation, still reacting to every buzz and eating the pizza that’s randomly sent down to her. However, she is no longer cocky and confident. She’s grown tired of being trapped in one room and not even her guitar brings her joy anymore. She wanders around the room, demanding to be set free.

There’s a twist to this episode and I bet you already guessed it. That twist is that Jamie is a part of an experiment that is being conducted by a bunch of aliens. As they watch Jamie lose her mind and eventually her life in the small room, the aliens dispassionately discuss how strange humans are. They hate to be confined and yet they have no problem confining the animals that live with them. Jamie may have viewed herself as being a prisoner with no freedom but the aliens viewed her as being a pet. One alien (and I should note that the rubber alien costumes are absolutely ludicrous) says that he thinks he might be feeling an emotion that humans call “grief.” Someone was obviously hoping to play a half human/half whatever science offer on a Star Trek spin-off.

(“What is this thing you humans call joy?” Bleh.)

This episode was pretty dull. Obviously, Lili Taylor is a talented actress but in this one, she gets stuck with some really less-than-impressive dialogue. Not even the scenes where she’s losing her mind are particularly interesting. There’s nothing shocking about discovering that she’s had a breakdown. One can see that it’s going to happen from the minute that she steps into the chamber. By that same token, there’s nothing at all surprising about the big twist. Even though who haven’t read Slaughterhouse-Five will easily guess that Jamie is being put on display.

This was a rather forgettable experiment.