Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters “Half as Old as Time”

Posted on July 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters asks us, “How far would you go to be immortal?”

Episode 2.11 “Half as Old as Time”

(Dir by Christopher Todd, originally aired on December 17th, 1989)

Dying of a brain tumor, elderly archeologist Dr. Miner (played by Leif Garrett, under a ton of old age makeup) visits his daughter Jacqueline (Valerie Wildman). Jacqueline, who is also an archeologist, lives in the desert and, from the start, it’s obvious that she and her father have a strained relationship. However, when Dr. Miner begs her to take him to the secret location of a “fountain of youth,” that she’s spent her career searching for, Jacqueline agrees.

Sitting underneath the statue of an evil-looking serpent and overseen by a Native American named Saspondo (Nick Ramus), the fountain does indeed make Dr. Miner young again. Unfortunately, it only lasts for a short time. Saspondo explains that if Dr. Miner wants to be both permanently young and immortal, he has to be prepared to sacrifice a family member and let their blood mix with the water.

Oh, hi, Jacqueline!

Dr. Miner doesn’t waste any time killing his daughter and afterwards, he doesn’t seem to be particularly upset over his crime. (“She was always a disappointment to me.”) Saspondo, however, reveals that Dr. Miner should have asked more questions about what immortality meant before killing his daughter and then drinking from the fountain. Dr. Miner may be forever young but he’s also forever be trapped in front of the fountain….

The main joke here, of course, is the casting of former teen idol Leif Garrett as an old man. Interestingly enough, he’s more convincing when he’s playing old than when he is later allowed to be his then-young self. When he’s wearing the makeup and walking with a shuffled gait, Garrett has a character to play. When he loses all of that, he sleepwalks through the rest of his performance. Nick Ramus, however, gives an excellent performance all-around as the enigmatic keeper of the fountain.

This episode was uneven but effective. The pace was occasionally a bit slow but the murder of Jacqueline was shockingly brutal, even by the standards of this show. If nothing else, it showed who Dr. Miner truly was and it made his eventual comeuppance especially satisfying. Flaws aside, this episode worked.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.7 “Curse of the Mirrored Box”

Posted on July 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s all about the voodoo!

Episode 2.7 “Curse of the Mirrored Box”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on November 10th, 1996)

Mitch is contacted by Celia (Tracey Ross), the mother of a girl named Annie who Mitch once saved from drowning. (Ryan is a bit dumbfounded that Mitch apparently keeps in contract with the people that he has saved as a lifeguard and, to be honest, so am I. I mean, I bing watched Baywatch two years ago and Mitch saved a lot of people!) Annie (Maria Celedonio) is now a rebellious teenager and has apparently joined a Voodoo cult!

(Seriously, Annie, way to repay Mitch for saving you from the ocean!)

Mitch and Ryan’s attempts to free Annie from the cult bring them into conflict with the leader of the cult, Papa Doc (Adam Lazarre-White). Papa Doc puts a voodoo curse on Mitch and, as a result, the episode is full of moments in which Mitch goes into a glassy-eyed trance.

For the most part, not much happens in this episode. It doesn’t take Mitch and Ryan that long to track down the cult and it also doesn’t take them that long to track down a voodoo priestess (Kiki Shepard) who can help them battle Papa Doc. It’s a bit of slow episode and it’s portrayal of voodoo and its practitioners reaches back to every cliche and stereotype imaginable. There’s a lot of dancing. There’s a lot of altars. There’s a lot of close-ups of Papa Doc chanting. Basically, it’s Live and Let Die in Malibu, without the swagger of Yaphet Kotto, the charm of Roger Moore, or the otherworldly beauty of Jane Seymour.

But no matter! The episode works because you haven’t lived until you’ve seen David Hasselhoff pretend to be possessed by a voodoo priest. The Hoff has never been a particularly subtle actor. That’s always been a part of his charm. When you combine his natural style with scenes of him shaking, bugging out his eyes, and trying to shake the evil spirts out of his head, you have a Hasselhoff performance for the ages.

It makes for an entertaining episode, even if it’s not one of the show’s more memorable ones. Hasselhoff’s possessed performance saves the day. It’s amazing what a little magic and a voodoo doll can do.

One final note: After being absent for the last few episodes (albeit still listed in the opening credits), both Donna D’Errico and Eddie Cibrian appear in this episode. Neither really gets to do much, reminding us once again that the show’s writers were never really sure what to do with either Donna or Griff. Dorian Gregory (who played Daimont) does not appear, which is odd as it seems like Daimont would have been the first person that Ryan would have called once it become obvious that Mitch was cursed. Seriously, what’s the point of being friends with a mysterious occult expert if you can’t find him when you need him?

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Blair Witch with #ScarySocial

Posted on June 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, Deanna Dawn will be hosting 2016’s Blair Witch!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.6 “Master of Disguise”

Posted on June 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

The search for cursed antiques continues!

Episode 2.6 “Master of Disguise”

(Dir by Tom McLoughlin, originally aired on November 11th, 1988)

A side job delivering antiques for use in a horror film leads to Micki meeting her favorite actor, the amazingly handsome and charming William Pratt (John Bolger). And when the film’s leading lady refuses to shoot a scene because of Pratt’s method obsessiveness, Micki finds herself cast as her replacement. Soon, Pratt and Micki are having a torrid romance. Ryan feels that there’s something wrong with Pratt but then again, we all know that Ryan has unrequited romantic feelings for his cousin (ewwww!).

That said, Ryan is right. Pratt is actually Jeff Amory, an actor who was so disfigured that he was previously typecast in horror films. Amory disappeared after the murder of one of his co-stars, an actress who looked a lot like Micki. Using a cursed makeup box that once belonged to John Wilkes Booth (“the actor who shot Lincoln,” Ryan helpfully explains), Amory has transformed himself into the handsome Pratt. Unfortunately, the box needs to constantly absorb blood to work and Pratt has become a one-man murder spree. (One of his victims is played by Aaron Schwartz, of Check It Out! fame.) Will Micki become his next victim?

(An interesting piece of trivia: Booth is often described as just being “the actor who shot Lincoln,” but he was actually a legitimate star and a celebrity in both the North and the South in the years leading up to the Civil War. The youngest and best-looking of the Booth brothers, he was an acclaimed and popular Shakespearean actor who was so handsome that women would flock to the theater whenever one of his show’s came to town. He was the 19th century stage’s version of Ryan Reynolds. Everyone who was into theater knew his name, even before he shot Lincoln. America has seen many assassins who wanted to be celebrities. Booth was a celebrity who wanted to be an assassin.)

This was an okay episode. I liked the fact that Pratt was a bit more tormented by his actions than some of the other villains who have appeared on this show and I was also happy that Micki got to be at the center of the action, even if the episode’s script did make her a bit more flighty than she’s ever been previously portrayed. Ryan’s romantic feelings for Micki are a little bit awkward, seeing as how they’re related but, again, they were necessary to establish why Micki was originally dismissive of Ryan’s concerns.

This episode ended with a bit of trivia, with Jack mentioning that William Pratt was also the real name of one of the gentlest men in show business …. Boris Karloff. Again, you have to wonder why no one else noticed that is before Jack and why it took Jack so long to mention it. Still, it’s nice that Karloff got a shout out.

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Chopping Mall With #ScarySocial!

Posted on June 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 1986’s Chopping Mall!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime, Tubi, and a host of other streaming sites! I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.10 “The Mandrake Root”

Posted on June 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, on Monsters, a root leads to temptation!

Episode 2.10 “The Mandrake Root”

(Dir by Brian Thomas Jones, originally aired on December 10th, 1989)

While cleaning out her recently deceased grandmother’s basement, Angela (Melba Moore) discovers a Mandrake root that is not only sprouting though the floor but which also appear to be “wearing” her grandmother’s ring. She grabs the ring but pricks her finger as she does so, allowing her blood to drip down onto the root.

The next day, the root has been replaced by a shirtless, handsome man (Byron Minns), who promises Angela a world of sensual pleasure on the condition that she provide the blood that he needs to live. At first, Angela resists but the Root is persistent and he certainly seems to care more about her than her inattentive (if well-meaning) husband (Frankie Faison).

This episode was full of atmosphere, it had an intriguing premise, and it featured good performances from Melba Moore and Frankie Faison. (It’s always interesting to see Faison playing someone other than a cop or a military officer.) Unfortunately, Byron Minns was fairly bland in the role of Angela’s tempter. He was handsome but he didn’t have the screen presence necessary to believable as a centuries-old tempter. As a result, this episode is good without quite being the classic that it could have been.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.6 “The Cabin”

Posted on June 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Baywatch Nights travels not to the beach but instead to a cabin in the woods!

Episode 2.6 “The Cabin”

(Dir by Reza Badiyi, originally aired on November 3rd, 1996)

The sixth episode of Baywatch Nights‘s second season opens with a young woman who is being terrified in a cabin in the woods. The woman is dressed for the 1990s but she’s being chased by an axe-wielding man named Horse Calhoun (Dennis Burkley), who is dressed for the 1890s. The woman manages to escape Horse and his axe and let’s get credit where credit is due. It’s a truly well-done sequence, featuring Dennis Burkley giving a ferocious and scary performance as Horse.

Diamont hires Mitch and Ryan to investigate the cabin, specifically because he thinks that the cabin is haunted and he wants to get the opinion of two skeptics. (Ryan believes in ghosts but thinks that they are rare. Mitch does not believe in ghosts but says they still scare him. I have to go with Mitch on this one.) Diamont specifically tells Mitch and Ryan not to enter the cabin until he is able to join them later. So, of course, as soon as they arrive, Mitch and Ryan go right into the cabin.

That turns out to be a mistake. While Ryan keeps herself busy putting away groceries, Mitch explores the cabin and soon discovers that they’re not alone. There’s a woman (Lisa Stahl) is a bathtub who encourages Mitch to “take off your clothes” and join her. There’s a decadent, cigar-chomping man (Danny Woodburn) who seems to be very amused with himself. And, of course, there’s Horse Calhoun, rampaging down hallways and throwing axes at Mitch’s head.

The cabin, it turns out, is home to a portal, one that leads back to a New York brothel in the 1890s. One hundred years ago, an insanely jealous Horse Calhoun killed everyone at the brothel. Can Mitch and Ryan return to their own time before Horse adds them to his list of victims?

This episode is an example of Baywatch Nights at its best. The plot is totally ludicrous and the low-budget forces the show to keep things simple (it’s a rather rustic brothel) but the idea behind the plot is properly creepy and Woodburn, Stahl, and especially Burkley all do a good job bringing their undead characters to life. (Heh heh….) Burkley makes Horse into a fierce madman, one who throws his axes with the authority of someone who no longer cares who might get in the way of the blade. Finally, this episode featured a lot of Hasselhoff/Harmon chemistry. Harmon was earnest and determined while Hasselhoff …. well, he was the Hoff. We’re lucky to have him.

The Cabin was Baywatch Nights as its best.

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Evil Dead 2 with #ScarySocial

Posted on June 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, Deanna Dawn will be hosting 1987’s Evil Dead 2!

Here’s The Trailer For Stay Safe

Posted on June 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the trailer for the upcoming horror film, Stay Safe. It appears to be another pandemic thriller. Despite the efforts of many to memory-hole just how insane the COVID era was, movies will always be around to remind us, whether intentionally or not.

Here’s the trailer!