Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Gabe’s in trouble!
Episode 3.26 “The Kiss”
(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on April 13th, 1978)
Gabe tells a joke about Uncle Milton the medium. Uncle Milton talked to a spirt named Max. In life, Max was a waiter. “Come closer,” Milton said. “I can’t,” Max replied, “it’s not my table.”
Gabe’s going to need all the jokes and laughs that he can get because he’s in a lot of trouble. After asking student Laura Stevens (Sally Hightower) to see him after class, Gabe is shocked when she suddenly faints. Gabe just wanted to talk to Laura about her habit of putting on her makeup while he’s trying to teach but instead, he finds himself performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Of course, just as he’s doing this, Woodman walks into the room.
Mr. Woodman is scandalized. Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck, making one of her infrequent appearances in the third season) is scandalized to the extent that she declares she wants to transfer to an all-girl’s school. The school board and Principal Lazarus are planning to hold a meeting to discuss what to do with Gabe. Julie tells Gabe that she believes him when he says that he wasn’t actually kissing Laura but then she adds, “How pretty was this girl?” Julie then complains that homely girls never faint….
Well, you would know, wouldn’t you, Julie?
Sorry, that was mean. I fainted more than a few times in high school so this is an episode that I took slightly personally. Listen, being beautiful in high school is a lot of pressure. People have no idea.
The Sweathogs are on Gabe’s side and they even stop by the Kotter apartment to let Gabe know that Laura’s brother, Baby, is angry with him. Gabe laughs. How much of a threat can a baby be?
Then, Baby shows up.
Baby really doesn’t look that tough to me but everyone else is scared to death of him. Gabe is scared until he find out that Baby is only responding to rumors. He hasn’t even asked Laura what actually happened. Gabe sends Baby off to talk to his sister.
The Sweathogs also talk to Laura. Laura doesn’t really remember what happened. The Sweathogs note that Laura is on an all-bean sprout diet. That’s why she fainted! Laura then goes to the principal’s office, where Kotter is currently being grilled by an investigator from the school board. While waiting in the lobby of the office, she faints once again! This time, it’s Woodman who gives her mouth-to-mouth. In all probability, Laura has got a serious eating disorder that could very well prove fatal but, since this is Welcome Back, Kotter, the only thing that’s important is that Gabe is exonerated. Laura is told to head down to the cafeteria and eat a lot. A grateful Laura says that she will as she leaves the office.
Happy to in the clear, Gabe tells the school board guy a joke about a Chinese waiter who spoke perfect Italian because he thought he was leaning English.
This episode is a good example of the type of story that Welcome Back, Kotter would have handled with a lot of skill back in the first season. Unfortunately, by the time the third season rolled around, the show had gotten way too cartoonish to effectively deal with real-life issues, like teachers kissing students. As well, the Sweathogs — with the exception of John Travolta, who was in his early 20s — all very much look like adult, 30-something men now. Time to get out of high school!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, we have the start of a two-part story!
Episode 2.18 “Whatever Happened to Arnold? Part One”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 3rd, 1977)
At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a skin diver. His name was Mike Nelson Kotter. One day, Mike was shocked to see a guy go down 40 feet without equipment. When Mike demanded to know what the guy was doing, the guy replied, “You jerk! I’m drowning!”
At school, Epstein amuses the Sweathogs by doing his Mr. Kotter impersonation.
Gabe walks in on Epstein’s routine but he’s not upset because it actually gives him the perfect excuse to tell the Sweathogs about the school drama festival. He needs some volunteers to appear in one scene from a play, which Gabe will direct.
“Acting is stupid,” Barbarino says, “Pretending to be somebody else.”
Horshack disagrees and shows off his acting skills by falling to his knees and declaring his love for Freddie. Freddie proceeds to do his Harry Belafonte impersonation which leads to Barbarino ripping his t-shirt and shouting, “Stella!” before Gabe then does his Vito Corleone impersonation and compliments Barbarino’s Marlon Brando.
“I was doing John Wayne,” Barbarino replies.
Realizing that Horshack actually is serious about wanting to act, Gabe offers to direct Horshack in a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac. Of course, Horshack’s co-star will be Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), who goes to Mr. Woodman to complain about having to work with a Sweathog, though she should be used to it by now as she ends up having to work with them every time that she appears on the show. Woodman tells Judy to do what he does and imagine that she’s a missionary and the Sweathogs are a bunch of cannibals preparing to eat her.
“Throw me into the pot! THROW ME INTO THE POT!” Woodman starts yelling.
Later, when Woodman sees Horshack in costume and carrying a sword, Woodman shouts that Kotter is “arming the Sweathogs!” before adding, “Call out the national guard!” Poor old Woodman.
Unfortunately, Gabe’s attempts to hold rehearsal are interrupted by Barbarino, Freddie, and Epstein, who all show up and proceed to heckle Horshack and Judy. First Judy storms off. That’s to be expected because that’s what Judy always does. But then Horshack gets angry, yells that he’s trying to do something good for all the Sweathogs, and storms off the stage.
The next day, there has still been no sign of Horshack. Freddie, Epstein, and Barbarino tell Gabe that they broke into Horshack’s house but didn’t see any sign of him or his family. With Horshack missing, that means someone is going to have to put on the fake noise and play Cyrano in his place.
“Stella!” Barbarino shouts.
Anyway, the day of the drama festival comes and Barbarino …. well, he’s not a very good Cyrano. He forgets his lines. He talks back to the audience. He and Judy argue in the middle of the scene. He dances while delivering the few lines that he does remember. He ends the scene by falling to his knees and screaming, “Stella!” But it doesn’t matter because he’s a young John Travolta and he’s absolutely adorable with his fake nose. The audiences loves him but Barbarino says that the moment feels hollow because this should have been Arnold’s moment.
“Where could he be?” Freddie asks.
“I don’t know,” Gabe says, “but I think the problem is something more serious than this play. But what?”
And, on that rather ominous note, this episode ends. Fear not, we’ll learn what happened to Horshack in the next episode. For now, let’s just remember that John Travolta did a very convincing Brando and a very amusing Cyrano. The entire cast of this show did a good job (and I especially enjoy John Sylvester White’s weekly descent into insanity) but episodes like this remind us of why John Travolta is the one who went on to become the biggest star.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, the Sweathogs learn about the free press!
Episode 2.15 “Sweatgate Scandal”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 13th, 1977)
Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a hunter. Apparently, he went out in the woods, ran into a beautiful woman, and asked her, “Are you game?” She said yes and, as Gabe puts it, “He shot her.”
Yikes!
Meanwhile, at school, Epstein and Horshack are upset that the school newspaper is always “putting down the Sweathogs” and criticizing Freddie as a basketball player. They’re especially upset because Mr. Kotter is the newspaper’s faculty advisor. When Gabe arrives at class, he explains that he’s just the advisor, not the editor. Gabe also says that he’s more interested in the front page story, about someone breaking into Mr. Lazarus’s office and stealing some of his confidential files.
“They’ll probably blame that on us,” Freddie says.
“No one’s going to blame this on you,” Gabe replies.
Of course, Woodman steps into the classroom and immediately demands to know who was responsible for “the Lazarus break-in.” Woodman also demands to know where Gabe was during the break-in. Gabe says that he was attending Woodman’s speech on “Self-defense with a number two pencil.”
Gabe decides that the Sweathogs need to make their voices heard so he offers to give extra credit to any Sweathog who works on the school newspaper. He says that they can investigate the Lazarus break-in.
“Oh, it’ll be just like the All The President’s Men!” Horshack says.
At the school newspaper, Freddie, Horshack, Barbarino, and Epstein find themselves working with two characters who appeared regularly during the first season, Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck) and Todd Ludlow (Dennis Bowen). Freddie writes the sports page. Horshack reveals his gossip columnist skills by revealing that Judy’s had a nose job. Barbarino and Epstein are investigative reporters and are assigned to investigate the Lazarus Break-In. However, Woodman drops by the newspaper’s office and explains that Lazarus doesn’t want the break-in to be investigated. “Cork it!” Woodman shouts.
After Horshack finds a note in his Twinkie, Epstein and Barbarino head to the Boys’s Bathroom, where they meet up with an informant named Deep Throat. (“But you can call me Deep.”) The informant, who is hiding in a stall, tells them to “Follow the liver.”
“What do I do when I catch it?” Barbarino asks.
Deep Throat goes on to explain that the break-in at Lazarus’s office is connected to another break-in at the school cafeteria.
We cut to the school at night. Barbarino and Epstein have written their story but they need Gabe to look over it and approve it. Gabe arrives at the school in tuxedo, explaining that, once a week, he and Julie play nightclub, in which he puts on a tuxedo and tells jokes while Julie puts on a nightgown and heckles him. Sounds like fun!
The story suggests that the school has been buying liver substitute as opposed to real liver and someone has been pocketing the money that was saved. When Gabe needs a little more proof, Epstein and Barbarino lead him out to the hallway, where Deep Throat awaits in the shadows. Deep Throat confirms the story and then says, “I must go home and gargle.” Could Woodman be Deep Throat?
The latest edition of the newspaper is published, with Barbarino and Epstein’s story on the front page. When Woodman comes in the office and informs them that Lazarus is launching a full-scale investigation but that he’s not happy about the story. Judy informs Woodman that she’s not to blame because she’s an honor’s student.
“I’ve never gotten a B!” Judy says.
“Neither have a I,” Horshack replies.
Woodman reveals that the cafeteria will now be serving real liver and then he lowers his voice and says, “You can call me Deep.”
MR. WOODMAN WAS DEEP THROAT! Well …. yeah, who else would it be? It’s not as if there’s a huge amount of characters on this show.
After Woodman leaves, Gabe asks Barbarino and Epstein if he’s ever told them about his Uncle Max, who once hired an investigative reporter. Barbarino and Epstein groan and Gabe reveals that the investigative reporter discovered that Max’s wife was cheating on him.
This was a cute episode. Barbarino and Epstein always make for a good team and any episode that allows Woodman to go nuts is worth watching. Always follow the liver!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Julie’s sister shows up and Juan Epstein falls in love.
Episode 2.7 “Sweathog, Nebraska Style”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 11th, 1976)
Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Oscar, who was harassed one day by three bikers and who responded by “driving over three motorcycles in the parking lot.”
Unfortunately, Julie is not really interested in jokes this week. Her teenage sister, Jenny (Susan Pratt), suddenly shows up in Brooklyn and explains that she has left Nebraska because she had a fight with her longtime boyfriend, Roger Abernathy. Julie insists that Jenny attend classes at Buchanan High but is horrified when Jenny promptly starts to date Juan Epstein! Julie even goes up to the school to complain to the principal, Mr. Lazarus, about her sister dating a Sweathog. (Never mind, of course, that Julie herself married a former Sweathog.) This episode also establishes that the never-seen Mr. Lazarus is apparently best friends with Juan Epstein.
Jenny finally agrees to return to Nebraska but just because Epstein is planning on going back with her. Not even Barbarino and Freddie dressing up as farmers and Horshack putting on a cow outfit can convince Epstein to stay in New York. But then Roger Abernathy calls from Nebraska, apologizes for arguing with Jenny, and Jenny dumps Epstein and heads back home alone.
After Jenny leaves, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle SitDownThere Kotter, who got that name because of the time he stood up in a movie theater and everyone yelled, “Hey, sit down there!”
“That is the worst joke I’ve ever heard in my entire life,” Julie replies. Gabe looks sincerely hurt.
Actually, Julie doesn’t come across particularly well in this episode, flat out announcing that Juan Epstein is not good enough for her sister and basically acting like the biggest snob in Brooklyn. It’s hard not to feel bad for Epstein, who seems to have genuine feelings for Jenny but who gets rather abruptly dumped at the last minute. For all the talk about how moving to Nebraska would be a strange thing for Epstein to do, it probably would have also been a good thing for him. He would be free of his reputation for “being most likely to take a life” and he could start his own life all over again. In the end, though, Jenny abandons him and returns to Roger. According to the IMDb, this is Jenny’s only appearance on WelcomeBack Kotter, so I’m going to assume that things went well for her back in Omaha.
Let’s move on.
Episode 2.8 “Sadie Hawkins Day”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 18th, 1976)
Gabe tells Julie about his cousin Shermie, who didn’t start talking until he was 9 years old. Shermie’s first words were “cereal bowl.”
It’s time for the Sadie Hawkins Day Dance at Buchanan High! Barbarino is scandalized by the idea of girls asking out boys. “You know when girls should be able to ask us out?” Barbarino tells Horshack, “When they can get us in …. trouble.” Barbarino does, however, give Horshack some advice on how to get a date. His hair should always look like it’s been dried by the wind. Horshack should always use the “Barbarino stance,” which is defined as looking like you don’t care one way or the other. Barbarino sings his Ba-Ba-Barbarino song while showing Horshack how to relax. The audience loves it.
Barbarino is not the only person who has an issue with Sadie Hawkins Day. Mr. Woodman hides out in Gabe’s class and pretends to be a student in order to prevent Ms. Fishbeck from asking him out. Gabe tells Woodman that no one is going to mistake him for a Sweathog.
“Hi there,” Woodman replies, doing his best Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington impersonation.
Eventually, Ms. Fishbeck does manage to track down Mr. Woodman, hiding in the teacher’s lounge and jumping out of a cupboard. Barbarino, however, is less lucky than either Woodman or Fishbeck. With the day of the dance rapidly approaching, Barbarino doesn’t have a date! Barbarino is so self-absorbed that he doesn’t even realize when someone is trying to work up the courage to ask him out. Later, when one girl does find the courage to ask Barbarino to the dance, Barbarino turns her down because he doesn’t want anyone to learn that he didn’t get a date until the day before the dance. Gabe points out that Barbarino’s actions don’t make any sense. “It’s not easy being a living legend,” Barbarino explains.
Despite not having a date, Barbarino does show up at Buchanan High on the night of the dance. However, instead of joining everyone in the courtyard, he decides to sit in Gabe’s classroom. Gabe finds him in the room and starts to tell Barbarino a story about his time as a student at Buchanan High. “No more stories!” Barbarino begs before heading down to the courtyard. Barbarino confesses to the other Sweathogs that he doesn’t have a date. However, Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), making her first appearance since the end of the first season, reveals that she doesn’t have a date either. Quickly adopting the Barbarino Stance, Barbarino becomes Judy’s date. Everyone dances and, even though we’re supposed to laugh at Barbarino ending up with the loud and obnoxious Judy, they actually make a really cute couple.
As the dance wraps up, Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Atlas, who used to play handball with a guy named Morty.
This episode worked largely due to the performance of John Travolta, who does a good job of portraying both Barbarino’s well-meaning stupidity and his (often hidden) sensitivity. On the one hand, Barbarino had no one to blame but himself. On the other hand, the scene where gazed out the classroom window at all of his friends having fun was actually a little heart-breaking. Personally, I hope things work out for Barbarino and Judy. They’re a great couple!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Barbarino gets a girlfriend and Gabe nearly gets killed by Julie.
Episode 1.11 “Barbarino’s Girl”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 25th, 1975)
At the start of this episode, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his uncle and a monkey. I didn’t get it. Julie didn’t look that amused either.
At school, the Sweathogs are not in a good mood because it’s report card time! Gabe tells the Sweathogs not to panic because apparently, even if they are failing Social Studies, they still have time to raise their grades. (So, I guess Gabe is handing out progress reports as opposed to report cards.) Epstein has a note from his mother’s doctor explaining that any bad grades would be bad for her health. (He actually has several notes, one for each class.) The note is signed “Epstein’s Mother’s Doctor.”
Freddie, meanwhile, tries to bribe Gabe with a half-eaten apple while Horshack falls to his knees and begs for a good grade. Only Barbarino doesn’t beg, probably because he knows that he’s the best-looking guy in the school and when you’ve got a smile like that, who needs brains?
Gabe passes out the report cards. Epstein says, “Thanks for killing my mother.” Freddie takes back his apple. Horshack starts to laugh in his braying way. Gabe asks Horshack what’s so funny about his bad grade. Horshack replies that he’s laughing at Barbarino’s even worse grade. Barbarino, it turns out, actually does care about his grades because his mother is a saint who apparently hits him with rosary beads whenever he brings home a bad grade. Gabe says that he can’t just pass Vinne to be nice. He asks what Vinnie would become if everyone just passed him without checking to make sure that he actually learned something. “A high school graduate,” Vinnie says and he has a point.
Speaking of high school and grades and getting held back, I noticed that Barbarino, Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack appear to be the only regular members of the class. This episode featured a lot of students getting upset over their report card and I think one reason they struggled with Kotter’s class is that none of them had ever attended before. Seriously, who are half these people!? I definitely would have noticed that goony redhead sitting in the corner if he had ever attended class before this episode.
Gabe arranges for Barbarino to get some tutoring from Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), the same girl that ran against him for student body president. Though Judy and Barbarino initially don’t get along, they soon bond of their shared love of rhyming insults. Unfortunately, the other Sweathogs give Barbarino a hard time about his new friendship with Judy and Barbarino is stunned when Judy turns down his offer of a date. However, Judy later changes her mind and goes to Coney Island with Barbarino and the Sweathogs. Awwwww!
Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his cousin, Gorgeous Jerry Kotter. It was short joke and apparently, the point was that Gorgeous Jerry had a lot of back hair.
This episode pretty much existed so that John Travolta could do his dumb but sweet routine and I have no problem with that because he did it very well and he showed off that smile that could light up a room. Plus, Barbarino and Judy Borden were a cute couple. That said, I’ll be surprised if their relationship is ever mentioned again.
Episode 1.12 “California Dreamin'”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 2nd, 1975)
At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about the time that his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. Gabe replied, “I didn’t sign it.” Later, Gabe’s father came to the school and backed him up. Good for him.
Back at school….
Hey look! The goony redhead is back!
And the goony redhead gets some company when Mr. Woodman stops by the classroom to introduce a transfer student from California. Her name is Bambi (Susan Lanier) and she tells everyone that she loves the beach. She also requests that everyone call her Sunshine.
All the Sweathogs are smitten but Bambi seems to be more interested in Mr. Kotter, asking him what his sign is. Gabe reveals that he’s an Aquarius. “I knew it!” Bambi shouts. Bambi asks Gabe to show her around. Gabe suggests that she ask one of the Sweathogs. “They’re not groovy like you,” Bambi replies.
After the school day ends, Gabe returns to his apartment. Julie asks him why a girl named Sunshine has been repeatedly calling the apartment and asking whether or not Gabe wants to go skinny dipping. Julie is so annoyed that she even puts on her glasses so that her withering stare can be magnified.
Julie asks Gabe if he has anything to say for himself.
“Yes,” Gabe replies, “Can I go?”
Gabe explains that Sunshine has a crush on him but he also tells Julie that he’ll explain to Sunshine tomorrow that they cannot run off together. He says that he’s sure that he can get Sunshine to understand and, “If she doesn’t, I promise I’ll write.” Julie attacks Gabe with a pillow in a way that suggests that she’s genuinely furious with him. Reportedly, Marcia Strassman and Gabe Kaplan did not get along during the production of Welcome Back, Kotter and, in this episode, Julie really does seem like she’s just looking for an excuse to kill her husband.
Back in the classroom, each Sweathog tries to impress Bambi. Epstenin chants her name. Horshack shows up with a walking stick, an overcoat, and sunglasses and pretends to be a Hollywood producer. Freddie sings a calypso song about how Santa Claus is black. Barbarino rushes into the room and sings, “I’m singing ba-ba-ba-ba-Barbino!” while the audience goes crazy.
Gabe, however, asks to speak to Bambi in the hallway. He reveals that he checked her records and discovered that she’s not from California. She’s from Lubbock and she’s been to 11 different schools, where she has always caused trouble. Bambi decides to show Gabe what type of trouble she can cause by entering the room and announcing that her pencil is on Gabe’s desk. Barbarino, Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack lunge for it.
After Gabe points out how foolish everyone is acting over her, Bambi sees the folly of her ways and tells everyone the truth. The Sweathogs are very forgiving, probably because the last thing they were interested in, as far as Bambi was concerned, was what state she was from.
Back the apartment, Gabe wakes up Julie in the middle of the night to tell her about his Uncle Herbie. Julie rolls her eyes as Gabe talks about how his Aunt Estelle tried to trick Herbie into giving up alcohol and how it didn’t work.
I liked this episode more than I thought I would. My family moved around a lot when I was growing up so I could relate to how Bambi felt about having to always make a big first impression at every new school that she went to. Even if Marcia Strassman seemed to be annoyed by his very existence, Gabe Kaplan gave a good performance in this episode, especially in the scene where he confronted Bambi with the truth about her background. All in all, this was a pretty good episode.
Next week — Horshack gets promoted out of remedial classes!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Well, I don’t have anyone but myself to blame.
Ever since I started doing these retro television reviews, people have been suggesting that I should review an old 70s sitcom called Welcome Back, Kotter. I only knew a few things about Welcome Back, Kotter. I knew that it was the show that made John Travolta a star. I knew that it was Marcia’s favorite show on The Brady Bunch Hour. I knew that Gabe Kaplan played Gabe Kotter, a teacher who returned to his old Brooklyn neighborhood to teach a bunch of students known as the “Sweathogs.” (Bleh! What an unappealing nickname.) It didn’t sound like something I wanted to watch but, being the polite person that I am, I always said, “If it’s ever streaming somewhere, I will.” The unspoken assumption, of course, was that the show would never be streaming anywhere.
Then, one day, I looked at Tubi and….
Again, I have no one to blame but myself.
As for the show, it was based on the stand-up routines of its star, Gabe Kaplan. It followed former Sweathog Gabe Kotter (played, of course, by Kaplan) as he tried to teach a new generation of Sweathogs at James Buchanan High in Brooklyn. Gabe was married to Julie (Marica Strassman). They lived in a small Brooklyn apartment and Gabe was constantly forcing his wife to listen to corny jokes about his family. At the school, Gabe’s principal was Mr. Woodman (John Sylvester White), a former history teacher who disliked the Sweathogs.
As for the Sweathogs themselves, there were several but only four were really important.
Vinnie Barbarino (John Travolta) was the handsome but dumb one.
Freddie Washington (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) was the cool basketball player who would often say, “Hi, there” in a very deep voice.
Juan Epstein (Robert Hegyes) was the one most likely to kill someone.
Arnold Horseshack (Ron Pallilo) was the nerdy one with the high-pitched voice. In Kaplan’s original stand-up routine, his nickname was Arnold Horseshit but I doubt that was ever mentioned on the show.
And, of course, there was the theme song. Welcome Back, Kotter was written and performed by John Sebastian, whose previous claim to fame was appearing on the stage at Woodstock while stoned out of his mind.
Okay, let’s do this thing.
Episode 1.1 “The Great Debate”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on September 9th, 1975)
The very first episode of Welcome Back, Kotter opens with teacher Gabe Kotter (Gabe Kaplan) making out with his wife, Julie (Marcia Strassman), on the couch in their little Brooklyn apartment. Kotter suddenly stops kissing his wife so that he can tell her a joke about the time his uncle slept in the same bed as his secretary and told her that if she wanted to be “Mrs. Kotter for the night,” then she should get out of bed and close the bedroom window herself. Julie laughs. Personally, if my romantic partner stopped kissing me specifically so he could tell an adultery joke, I don’t know if I would laugh. I’d probably be more like, “What are you trying to tell me with that?”
Fortunately, the theme song starts up and rescues the audience from that awkward moment.
The next day, Gabe goes to work at James Buchanan High School. He teaches the remedial class, which is populated by underachieving students who have been nicknamed “the Sweathogs.” Gabe discovers that the Sweathogs have painted a rather garish mural on the wall of the classroom.
Vinne Barbarino (John Travolta) gets up and explains what the mural’s about.
Gabe is impressed by the fact that young John Travolta is a hundred times better looking and charismatic than anyone else in the school. But Gabe still insists that the Sweathogs wash off the mural. The Sweathogs agree, before revealing that they also painted the top of Gabe’s desk.
In the teacher’s lounge, Alex (James Woods) makes fun of Gabe’s stupid students. Gabe make fun of Alex for writing plays with names like “Fiddler On My Sister.” Alex says that his debate class can defeat Gabe’s class. Gabe accepts the challenge and….
Wait a minute! JAMES WOODS!?
Yes, that is indeed a youngish James Woods playing Alex, the school’s pretentious drama teacher. Woods is okay in the role. There’s not a whole lot to be done with the character as he’s pretty much just an uptight strawman who is there to be humiliated by Kotter and his class.
As for the debate itself, the resolution is that “Humans are naturally aggressive.” Alex’s class argues in the negative while Kotter’s class argues in the positive. Alex’s class is uptight and wears sweaters. The Sweathogs show up in garish costumes. With the help of Epstein (Robert Hegyes), Barbarino argues that Jack the Ripper and Atilla the Hun prove that people are naturally aggressive. When Mr, Woodman (John Sylvester White), who is moderating the debate, says that they need a timekeeper, Sweathog Arnold Horschack (Ron Pallilo) enthusiastically volunteers.
“Can he tell time, Mr. Kotter?” a flustered Woodman asks and I’ll admit that I did laugh. John Sylvester White delivered the line perfectly.
Sweathog Freddie Washington (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) then makes his case but, because his only experience with public speaking is in church, he gives a sermon. “He isn’t following the rules!” one of Alex’s students shouts.
While Alex’s star debater makes his case, the Sweathogs heckle him so aggressively that the student has a nervous breakdown and starts screaming, “SHUT UP!” at them. As Kotter points out, this proves that humans are naturally aggressive. Woodman announces that “This debate is called on account of dumbness.”
Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about Larry and his pet toad.
I have to admit that I enjoyed this episode quite a bit more than I was expecting to. Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, John Travolta, Ron Pallilo, and Robert Hegyes had a lot of comedic chemistry as the main Sweathogs and Gabe Kaplan did a good job of projecting a much needed sincerity in the role of Mr. Kotter. He seemed to truly care about his students. This was definitely a good episode to start the series off with.
Episode 1.2 “Basket Case”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on September 16th, 1975)
At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about how his childhood bully beat up his father.
At school, it’s time for the Sweathogs to take a history exam. Barbarino has all the answers written on his arm but, fortunately, Gabe shows up with water and a paper towel. Horseshack tries to distribute the tests in another classroom but Gabe stops him. Epstein shows up with a note excusing him from the exam because of his bursitis but Gabe tosses the note away as soon as he notices that it is signed “Epstein’s Mother.” Freddie, meanwhile, doesn’t think that grades matter because he’s made the basketball team. In fact, he draws a picture of himself as “Stilt Man” on his test paper.
When Gabe fails Freddy, the basketball coach and Mr. Woodman ask him to reconsider. The Sweathogs ask him to reconsider. And Freddie tells Kotter that he’s not going to take a makeup exam. Kotter challenges Freddie to a basketball game. If Freddie win, he passes. If Kotter, who was basketball star in high school, wins, Freddie retakes the test. Freddie agrees and….
Well, it turns out that a game between a middle-aged, out-of-shape teacher and a high school star athlete goes about as well as you might expect. We don’t see the game but we do see Mr. Woodman and the basketball coach carrying a delirious Kotter into the teacher’s lounge. Freddie apparently destroyed Kotter on the court but he’s so impressed by Kotter’s determination that he agrees to retake the test anyway.
Back at the apartment, Kotter tells Julie a joke about why he never wears hats. Apparently, he felt his head was too big. Poor guy.
Again, this was not a bad episode. I was worried that Kotter would somehow beat Freddie at basketball while the audience went wild but, instead, the episode got laughs by being honest. There was no way Gabe was going to win that game. Interestingly enough, this episode was as much about Gabe dealing with the fact that he was getting older than it was about getting Freddie to take his grades seriously. Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs was particularly strong in this episode. It may have been a comedy but Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs played it like a drama and, as a result, the stakes felt real.
So, the first two episodes of Welcome Back Kotter took me by surprise. Will the rest of the show be this good? We’ll find out over the weeks to come!
Through the Shattered Lens 