1. I saw the TV cut of this movie, not the original X-rated version. I could see a few edits, but they were only during the sex scenes to bring it down from hardcore to softcore.
2. I am assuming no one reading this is actually going to see it so I am going to talk about the ending. If you are that one person that is going to see it, I recommend it. Go watch it.
The movie opens up with a couple running through what looks like a storage area of sorts. Maybe a backroom of a museum or something. Immediately you know that this is not like other late night cable movies. It actually has a budget, better actors, an actual script, real camerawork, etc. Presumedly someone is chasing them, but we never see them. They make it to a particular place where they kind of just give up and she asks him to make love to her as if it’s their last day on Earth. They do just that, but this is miles above anything in the other movies I have reviewed. It’s like two people are actually having sex here. And I don’t mean the difference between simulated and unsimulated. Then the film cuts to a woman reading the story of these two characters before cutting back to them. It zooms in on a door handle, their scared faces, then boom. The book is closed.
This is our main character named Paulina Connelly (Natasha Nice). She was reading a book by her favorite horror novelist named Wes Mueller (Richie Calhoun). Connelly writes children’s books, but she would like to try her hand at a horror or thriller novel. Enter her boss.
He’s a little frustrated because he just had a 23 year old lady try and pitch him her 300 page autobiography. He of course explained that she’s 23, what life does she really have to write about. Now Connelly sits down and drops the bomb on him that she would like to write a horror novel. He tries to talk her out of it saying that’s quite a shift considering she started a series of books called “Molly the Magical Meerkat”, but she’s insistent, and he gives in.
Now she goes to her sister and her husband to talk about her idea. They think it’s a terrible idea to want to write stuff like Wes Mueller. To them it’s obvious that he’s not right in the head to write some of the stuff he does. The sister kind of reminds me of Lilith from Cheers. Anyways, we now cut to Wes Mueller and he does seem a little odd.
Yep, he’s just standing out there with his chainsaw. There’s no explanation given here. We just see him out there holding it with his eyes closed.
She cold calls Mueller and tells him she’s a fan. Turns out he knows who she is cause his niece is a big fan of her books. They have a few phone calls and we get more hints that Mueller is a little weird.
Then it’s back to the sister and her husband who inform her that Mueller was once in a mental institution.
The girl on the right is Jacky St. James who wrote the script for the movie. She has written numerous films like this and directed many of them as well.
Believe it or not, there was no sex scene during any of that. But now we get two in quick succession. First, we find out that the sister and her husband are not so puritanical as they seem. The sister knows about Mueller because she secretly reads his stuff. In fact, she has her husband sneak up on her as if he’s going to kill her. Then they have sex.
Back to the boss and we find out Mueller dropped off a cactus for her. Before that conversation goes anywhere Miss 23 comes in with a cookbook to pitch him. He points out that she is an English major, so what does she know about cooking. She doesn’t, but she does know a thing or two about how to get her way a la Baby Face (1933). By that, I mean she sleeps with him. This scene, like all the sex, is well acted. Especially this one because all of her moaning and reactions feel faked. Considering the quality of all the other sex, I think this was done on purpose since she is just using sex to get what she wants. She’s not actually enjoying it.
Then something happens that would never happen in any of the other late night cable movies I have watched so far. The sister surprises Connelly while she is in the shower, but they don’t join each other to go at it. She just drops off a gift, gives her a hug, and leaves. Then Mueller shows up right after the sister leaves.
They talk it out and she realizes that he really is okay. Quirky for sure. I mean part of his writing process is to go outside and mediate while holding a chainsaw. He also willingly checked himself into a mental hospital for research. This is when we get the best scene in the whole movie. She gets the brilliant idea to have him over to her sister’s place and do his best to freak them out.
He keeps just cutting at the meat without eating it and giving psycho looks at them. It’s pretty funny.
After they’ve had their fun messing with her sister, they go home and have sex.
Then we get the final scene of the movie when she returns to her boss with a manuscript for a new book. She wrote a romance novel based on her experience with Mueller. As the boss points out, “people aren’t always who they appear to be”. That’s the ultimate lesson of this film. That’s when she leaves. He pulls out a picture of himself. Proceeds to cut off the head. Then we see a picture of the 23 year old with a man, his head scratched out with a marker. He then places his own head over the other man’s. Yep, people aren’t who they appear to be. THE END.
Well, almost. After the credits roll, we get a quick shot of the sister coming in on Connelly and Mueller in bed together, screaming, and then passing out.
The other day I went hiking at one of my favorite regional parks in the Bay Area. It’s basically a straight path through a canyon. A ways in you can turn left and start to go up to the top of the canyon. Although my leg was hurting, I decided I hadn’t been up there in awhile, so I did it. When I reached the end of the path and looked down at the canyon my iPhone starting playing Captain & Tennille singing Love Will Keep Us Together in Spanish. Had no idea I had that in Spanish.
This is one of those Love Will Keep Us Together Hallmark movies. Just The Way You Are is the worst of these I have seen. Lead With Your Heart is the best. Love, Again is very much on the Lead With Your Heart end of the spectrum.
The movie opens up with our couple on the beach with their daughter. They are Chloe (Teri Polo), David (Paul Johansson), and their daughter Amanda (Chloe Babcook). The look all nice and happy. Then cut to 15 years later, and things don’t look so good anymore.
The separate sinks and the distance between them represent the distance in their marriage. Not so subtle. But not as blunt as what happens next. The two of them go downstairs, get into their cars, and both try to pull out at the same time nearly hitting each other. That’s where this movie’s biggest issue is. Nothing is subtle about the problems with the marriage. It’s all blunt force trauma to the head stuff to make sure you know they are in trouble. However, they never really give a reason why. Yes, their daughter no longer lives at home, but that’s all. The marriage just seems to have gone stale like bread.
In Lead With Your Heart, their children were leaving home, a new job opportunity opened up for the wife, and the movie was about adapting their marriage to new circumstances. Here, it’s more a journey of rediscovery. They never really adapt, just remember. Hence the title.
After talking about divorce a little, their daughter comes home much to their surprise. But she isn’t alone. She has a fiancee in tow. Chloe and David don’t want to rain on her parade so they decide to pretend they are okay.
It’s now off to Camden, Maine where the wedding is going to happen. The soon to be married kids and another couple’s stories run parallel to the main characters. Their part of the story isn’t that important. The focus is on Chloe and David. There’s more of the obvious stuff you would expect from a couple who is only pretending to be happy. But there are also moments here and there where they get a glimpse of reality. That being they still have strong feelings for each other.
The centerpiece of this whole movie is a bridge. Chloe is afraid of heights. While the family is out hiking they reach it and Chloe just can’t cross it even with encouragement from David. He turns back to stay with her. She feels sorry that things like this prevent her from stuff like skiing with him. He tells her that’s simply not true. That they have had great trips with each other. Then they go back to the resort together.
This is a bit of a turning point in the story. Things shift somewhat from them finding stupid signs that their marriage is in trouble to finding real signs that they simply have forgotten their feelings for each other.
An example of the stupid things comes very early in the film when they poor some wine for each other, their daughter, and the future son-in-law. The wine isn’t good. He says that ’89 must have been a bad year. Of course she responds that they were married that year.
An example of something that reminds them of their love is when they loosen up a bit and dance together. They also play limbo. They wind up sharing the bed that night.
Near the end of the movie Chloe grabs David and they return to the bridge. This time she summons up the courage to try and cross it. She doesn’t make it all the way, but she gets as far as she does because she let’s herself be more than she can be alone. She listens to David’s words and trusts that no matter what happens, he will be there for her. He then goes out and joins her.
As you can see, the bridge wasn’t very high at all. However, making this happen finally shifts their mindsets back to being greater than their individual selves.
It’s a nice symbolic touch that I thought worked well. It reminded me of the father counting in Love Under The Stars and the china in Bound By A Secret.
With the couple’s love reignited, the wedding goes ahead even though the rain chases it inside.
This was one of the best Hallmark movies I’ve seen so far. I just wish there was less of the brick to the head obvious they are in trouble stuff. I think they should have dialed that back. I believe it would have worked better.
There was one thing that had me confused. When they show up at the resort they run into a guy they once knew and a story about a missing necklace comes up. Later it seems like that same guy has the necklace or a similar one. I’m not sure if that was meant to indicate that there was an affair at one point or not. It wasn’t clear to me. However, it didn’t make any difference for me.
Also, cause I always seem to notice this stuff. They replace the tablets and docking station company names with a fictional one called Lintus.
This Hallmark movies cuts any setup out of it and goes immediately to the couple meeting. The second shot in the movie is of our boy and girl reaching to press the same elevator button. Our boy is Adam (Paul Greene). Our girl is Jessica (Danica McKellar). You know, Winnie Cooper! Last time I saw Danica McKellar it was in an episode of that short lived Fred Savage sitcom Working. I probably could have entitled this Hallmark Horror Review because it’s horrifying that she has been reduced from doing something like The Wonder Years to this. It’s also horrifying that this movie was penned by Patricia Resnick who co-wrote 3 Women (1977), A Wedding (1978), and Quintet (1979) for Robert Altman and co-wrote the screenplay for Nine To 5 (1980). Then again, she also co-wrote the screenplay for Second Sight (1989).
Our leads decide to take the stairs to the big event room. This is when we find out what they do and why they are going to clash. She’s a wedding planner. Now prepare yourself for this because what he does is so incredibly different. I mean I was just shocked! Ready? Here it comes. He’s an event planner. Yep, did my build up seem like a bunch of BS? Good, because that is what any and all of the conflict between the two characters in this movie is. This may be the lamest excuse for the boy and the girl to dislike each other I have seen in a Hallmark movie. They both want the same space for their own events. But it gets better when we find out the excuse for why they are going to have to spend time together.
After the two of them have a little argument about who gets the space for her wedding and his event, we meet Jessica’s kid (Graham Verchere). He’s a classic movie fan. He brought home a copy of Kansas City Confidential (1952). But the kid is watching it stretched to widescreen.
Poor kid probably didn’t have a choice. That’s what happens when you buy knockoff OSHIB televisions. Anyways, this is one of those Hallmark movies where the kid is actually a kid. He’s not a cardboard cutout, nor just a plot device. In fact, he’s the most likable character in the whole movie.
Jessica now goes to meet a client. She basically tells the bride everything that sounds good to her, but it’s freaking him out. And I would to if I were him. I can handle a pink themed wedding, but a groom wearing a pink cummerbund and bow tie seems a bit ridiculous to me. But luckily he has a member of the family he wants to bring in to help plan the wedding. Guess who?
He throws out some ideas that are so stupid I’m surprised the actor could keep a straight face. However, I am curious what his and hers dart boards look like. Jessica leaves, but after being called back by the groom’s mom, Adam and Jessica set out to plan the wedding together.
What follows are the two of them clashing less and less as they begin to like each other more while planning the young couple’s wedding. The only other thing to note is that on his birthday he throws a dart at a map of the world and then takes a trip there. She doesn’t have any adventure in her life because of her kid, but that kid makes it clear to her that she needs to have more in her life cause he’s doing just fine.
You know how the rest plays out. There are more sleepwalking formulaic Hallmark romances out there, but this one is so forced that it hurts. I really can’t recommend it.
A couple things to look for if you do.
It really seemed like they were in front of a green screen for this scene to me.
The license plate says it’s the “Coastal State”, which doesn’t exist.
We see him take the photograph in portrait.
But later in the movie the photograph is in landscape.
The only other thing is a sound goof right near the beginning of the movie. When the groom’s mom calls Jessica to come back and help plan the wedding, Jessica answers the call on her cellphone. They accidentally start the mom’s audio before they cut back to her. So, for a few seconds, it sounds like the mom is on a PA system since it’s the sound recorded for when we are supposed to be in the same room with her.
I think director Jim Wynorski just recycled a title here because he also directed The Bare Wench Project 2: Scared Topless in 2001. I really don’t need to see that because it probably has the girls bath in snot. No joke, there’s something like that here.
The movie opens with a lady in a one piece bathing suit seductively washing an old car while ~1930’s jazz plays.
Note that it’s in HD, widescreen, and color because your mind is about to be blown. First we see a hand reach out to a blonde who is sitting on a bench behind the car. She doesn’t come to him so he goes to the girl in the bathing suit.
That’s a WWII uniform. Then they proceed to have sex. That’s when it suddenly cuts to some people sitting on a coach watching them on TV. By the way, this guy looks happy, doesn’t he?
Maybe he was just informed that this was not only one of those where the girls look into the camera, but also was just told about the ectoplasm scene later in the movie.
Anyways, now Professor Rand (Michael Swan) informs us that we were watching Hollywood couple Gayle Evelyn and Peter Sherwood. Them screwing by a pool was the last time they were seen in front of a camera. And then.
Yep. Now we’ve mixed the 1940’s with the 1920’s. Oh, and nobody corrects her. However, she does go on to say she “didn’t even know sex existed back then.”
Thank you, Frankie Cullen. Thank you for showing us what our face is going to look like just about anytime anyone in this movie opens their mouth to say something. Now we find out that Sherwood rose to fame in the 1930’s. At this point, I don’t care. 1920s, 1930s, and the 1940s are the same decade as far as this movie is concerned. Now we get some story about how they both died. It really doesn’t matter. All you need to know is he died in a plane crash and she locked herself up in a mansion all alone.
This is apparently an advanced psychokinesis class. Now it’s off to the haunted house where they are going to spend a couple of nights. This is also where we finally get that title card at the start of this review. Also, Jim Wynorski used the pseudonym Harold Blueberry for this movie.
But before we go we need to have two sex scenes. This one guy goes at it with his girlfriend, who we learn is the skeptic of the bunch. It’s because he’s from the Show Me state. You know…New Jersey!
After that is over with, Cullen and one of the other girls go and visit a psychic. By that, I mean they have a threesome with her. But not before Frankie Cullen gives use these lines.
Cullen: “I don’t know about you, doll, but if she appears to me, don’t go grabbing for the trousers flying out the front door.”
Girl: “Why?”
Cullen: “Cause I’ll be in ’em. Any horny ghost shows up, I’m gone.”
Now we arrive at the mansion. We meet a girl who is supposed to be the great granddaughter of that blonde sitting on the bench at the beginning of the movie who was named Dawn Cummings. Dawn was Gayle Evelyn’s best friend. Apparently, she was also the one filming that video. We also learn that one of the girls is into the paranormal stuff cause her dad was a magician.
Now the three girls go and have a shower together. Cause of course they do. It’s actually a humorous scene because the one girl has breasts bigger than the shortest girl’s head. She’s on one side of the short girl and another girl taller than her is on the other.
Anyways, after washing each other with Oil Of Olay soap, the psychic from earlier and her sidekick show up. And of course they proceed to go at it with mister Show Me state. Oh, I’m sorry, they read his palm. When they go to kiss his palm, music that sounds like it’s from Friday the 13th plays for a few seconds. Funny since Michael Swan who plays the Professor was in Part VI.
Now we finally get some paranormal activity.
That’s Gayle Evelyn who shows up in one of the girl’s rooms. Of course they have sex. Then this happens.
I’d say that’s the scariest thing in this movie, but that would be the ectoplasm scene. Now the possessed blonde goes and visits Frankie Cullen. After noting that her lingerie is “fun for the whole family.” He has sex with Gayle Evelyn through her new body. They keep changing the girls out during the scene.
After the Professor makes it clear that he bought this special thing that can contact the dead from an old fakir, not an old fucker, things start to come to a head. Luckily, Show Me state brought holy water with him that he never uses in this movie. The house shakes and so that’s when the Professor says they need to follow him to see if this manifestation leads them to Gayle Evelyn. Cue Frankie Cullen.
Cullen: “Um, I may have already been there, done that.”
Professor: “How do you mean?”
Cullen: “Well, earlier this afternoon, I may have had a close encounter with the spirit world.”
Professor: “You mean you felt her presence?”
Cullen: “That’s not all I felt.”
Oh, Frankie, you kill me. But not as much as the next scene.
The girl’s get together and after some ectoplasm drips on the one girl, they all bathe in it naked. You know, just like that scene in Ghostbusters (1984). This scene is disgusting. Let’s move on.
Of course that means to another sex scene. Show Me state goes into a room where an old radio is playing when the ghost of Dawn Cummings shows up. After informing her that she is the “ghostest with the mostest”, they have sex.
Running into Cullen and the Professor, he tells them that while he didn’t speak to Gayle he did get a “mouthful from her friend Dawn”. This whole conversation amounts to the dead couple needing to be reunited, which happens in short order. Then just when we think the movie is over a man steps out of the shadows.
That’s the dead father who was a magician. He returns to tell his daughter to “believe in magic, sweet heart. Just believe.” A sentimental ending to a movie that had five girls bathe in what was clearly meant to look like sperm. I can’t say I expected to see that.
This one wasn’t bad. Well, except for some of the music. This is one that uses that Johnny Wet Pants song. I really hate that song and a couple of the others that I have heard in other late night cable movies.
It’s October so I’m legally obligated to write about some horror movies per my contract with Through the Shattered Lens. It’s in article 976, section EVIL, subsection 666. So that means I have to do it. And since it’s late night cable, so do the actors.
The movie opens up and two girls are going at it under water for a few seconds. Then the credits roll. I normally wouldn’t mention anything about the credits, but you know what? More people need to come up with stage names based off of jokes from episodes of Seinfeld.
Let me be right up front here. First, this is one of those where the girls keep looking into the camera. Personally, I find that very annoying. Second, it’s probably about 10 minutes of spoof and the rest is sex.
After four blondes get in a hot tub together, as blondes are known to do, they go at it for a while. Then we find out that one of them is Ms. Dracula.
Ms. Dracula is played by Alexis Texas. According to IMDb she’s in numerous porno spoofs including one of Cheers. That has me really scared. I don’t want to see Carla have a threesome with Cliff and Norm. She’s also in one of Beverly Hills, 90210.
Anyways, we now meet Renfield and our married vampire hunters.
You see the girl on the left. That’s Anna Morna. I think I have mentioned her before has given one of the worst performances I have ever seen in Lolita From Interstellar Space. As bad as this movie is, I’m glad I saw it because based on this, she can act better.
In Ms. Dracula, Renfield has created a potion that allows Ms. Dracula to exist at daytime. The vampire hunters have been hired by Van Helsing to retrieve a girl named Ashley who is being held at the Dracula estate. The vampire hunters are going to pretend to be masseuses in order to get inside. And by masseuses, I mean they are going in to have a lot of sex.
Within minutes of stepping through the door, boy goes with Ms. Dracula, and girl goes with Renfield. Oh, and then three girls play strip pool. I’m really glad they made sure to put in that scene from Bram Stoker’s book.
Now remember Van Helsing who hired the two vampire hunters. He just shows up on the estate and has sex with the three girls who were playing strip pool. Yeah, makes perfect sense. I have to stop right here and say I was disappointed that they didn’t go with the obvious of having Van Helsing kill Ms. Dracula with his wooden stake.
Now we know that Ashley is tied up in a room. After trying numerous tools, including a spoon, our husband vampire hunter gets into the locked room.
Then we hear Ashley’s really sad story. They told her she was going to be turned into a vampire and die a virgin. After checking her left breast with his hand, as you should always do before having sex with a virgin, he screws said virgin. She’s remarkably knowledgable for a virgin.
Now Van Helsing shows up in Ms. Dracula’s room and they have sex. No reason given. They are apparently friends. I’d care that this doesn’t make sense, but…
I was too distracted by the giant stuffed giraffe in the scene. Funny enough, there was also a fake giant rooster out by the pool earlier.
Now the married vampire hunters and Ashley get together in the lobby. Then the three other girls show up and the four girls go at it. Meanwhile, the guy is tied up in the shower by Ashley. She found out they were just there for the money they were going to get paid for rescuing her. Then we discover the mystery of Ashley’s sexual knowledge because she runs into Renfield and tells him she’s a virgin as well.
But don’t worry cause everything works out and they all sit and talk to each other. Turns out Van Helsing hired the two vampire hunters cause he needed a diversion so he could come and see Ms. Dracula. All of this is very faithful to the original source material I assure you. Including the ending.
This actually isn’t that bad. It’s just one of those that has way too much sex. I know that’s not unusual for these movies, but the Dracula spoof stuff is actually kind of fun. I wish they had done some more of that. The back and forth between the two vampire hunters was entertaining. Oh, well. Maybe Scared Topless will be better.
Yes, the title of this post should strike fear into the hearts of Hallmark movie watchers. But I can make it worse. Not only was this made by the director of Strawberry Summer, but it was written by the same guy, Gary Goldstein. And you can tell because this movie also has some characters sing When The Saints Go Marching In. On the other hand, he also wrote My Boyfriends’ Dogs, and that wasn’t bad. And you can tell that too because this movie features a scene where the boyfriend dumps his dog on the female lead. Take that scene, repeat it across multiple boyfriends, and make the right guy work at the pet store. That’s My Boyfriends’ Dogs. I’ve seen too many Hallmark movies.
The Wish List opens with a little girl in her room talking about prince charming and drawing in a coloring book that has a prince and princess. Then we see a todo list on a blackboard. Can you smell a movie about a woman who makes a list of qualities that a man must meet for him to be marriage material? No? Good, that means you’re not as jaded as I am. Sadly, that is exactly what the movie is about.
Fortunately for us. This guy is the very first one we meet and he is exactly what she is looking for so the movie ends right there. This truly is the shortest Hallmark movie I know about.
Actually, it turns out he was hiding a lot of qualities that she can’t stand such as smoking and being a kleptomaniac. That is her Americana Xpress card that fell into her soup after he pulled it out to pay for the meal. Of course, Major League (1989) came to mind.
Portrait Of Love had Corbin Bernsen in it as well, which was produced by Larry Levinson and Randy Pope who also produced this movie. Just a coincidence, but a humorous one.
Of course we now get a little montage of obviously wrong guys for her. The guy with piercings and the guy with dreadlocks. This means it’s time for Sarah Fischer (Jennifer Esposito) to break out the whiteboard and write down exactly what she demands in the man she’ll marry: NO exceptions!
My favorite is nice feet, but the best part is something that isn’t on the board. They later show a histogram showing what the probability is that she will eat a whole tub of ice cream.
Ah, I love when I can watch something where I can easily take screenshots.
With her firmly set on a path to meeting the wrong guy, she runs into the right guy named Fred Jones (David Sutcliffe) at a coffee shop.
He is the local lovable Barista prick. Seriously, I can’t think of a better way to describe him. While Esposito plays our protagonist in this and is humorous in how she keeps coming back to the coffee shop he works at even though he grates on her nerves. If you are going to watch this movie, then you’re doing so in order to see David Sutcliffe and the wrong guy Dr. Erik Cavallieri played by Mark Deklin.
They are the reason to see this movie. Come to think of it, one of this movie’s problems is that we actually like the two of them so much, we wish she could marry both of them. This is no more evident then when they all go to a night club and it goes all Saturday Night Fever (1977) with the two of them dancing.
They actually have to reach a bit near the end to try and make us really favor the one over the other. And the rest as they say, is Hallmark.
There’s only two more things I want to mention. First, this movie is split screen happy. I blame Pillow Talk (1959) for this stuff. While it works well with the dancing scene, the phone calls and the Barista contest at the end are a bit much. There’s a scene where they are talking on the phone and the center dividing bar shifts at least three times just a little to the left, then back right, then left again. Also, there are times when you’d think it’s just leaving black space on the side because it was 2010 so it was composed for a smaller screen. But then you get a shot like this.
Just know that they go a little overboard with this whole split screen thing.
The other thing is a computer screen goof to look for. It first shows a properly done screen, cuts to one that is a mess, then back to a proper one. Here’s the good one.
And here’s what it cuts to.
Not even remotely close to the awful ones from Strawberry Summer, but I would like to know who this rrowen@mac.com is. It’s a shame that they went through the trouble of reskining Google to this JetSearch.com, but they didn’t change the URL in this shot or the title on the browser tab. One final thing, it’s a little fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure one of those bookmarks is to Hallmark’s website.
As long as you know it’s one of those The Rules type movies and that you are watching it for David Sutcliffe and Mark Deklin, then this one is fine.
Well, it’s been 100 Hallmark reviews. This being 101. I think from now on I’m going to review each of them separately. It’s easier for me. It will make it easier for people to find a specific movie I’ve reviewed. Plus, it’s more fair to the movies themselves because I will be able to come off of viewing one and immediately write a full review.
So, what do we have here? The title does remind me of the Verizon guy and I think it’s supposed to. The movie opens with Kellie Martin on the beach with her husband and two kids. A boy and a girl. She shoots a short video of them all together. Then Martin and the kids go home while the husband goes off in his boat. He doesn’t make it back alive.
Cut to two years later and you can tell none of them have moved on because they still visit the same beach and watch the video together.
Martin is a baker in this movie and while on her way to deliver some pastries, Kavan Smith backs his car up and nearly kills her. That’s how they initially meet. Then they part ways. Of course by part ways, I mean they go to the same party for different reasons. For her, it’s a delivery. For him, it’s his family having the party. Running into each other again kicks off their relationship.
Now this is where it kind of becomes a Movie A, Movie B type thing. Movie A is Kellie Martin and Kavan Smith just doing their thing much to my delight. They’re good actors. They fall in love while the two of them work to open up a bakery for Martin. This part worked very well for me. The problem is Movie B interjects itself from time to time and then a bunch near the end.
During their time together, Martin is getting messages from beyond from her dead husband through her cellphone. Well, sort of. It basically amounts to a couple of words that summed up mean: move on with your life already. I’m sure this worked better in the book this is based on because there was time to flesh that out and have the relationship part too. But here, when it happens, you just want it to stop so you can see more of this.
And this.
I even like the kids and kids don’t always fare that well in Hallmark movies. I feel for Julie Sherman Wolfe who wrote the screenplay for this movie. She even tweeted me because of a response I had to some of her dialogue. This.
I feel for her because adapting a book into a Hallmark TV Movie must be the equivalent of what Tod Frye faced trying to port Pac-Man to the Atari 2600. Or any arcade port back then. You are taking something from a more powerful medium and have to try and squish it into a much more constrained one.
Oh, Kellie Martin does look a little goofy back there doesn’t she. Well…
there! Now they’re even.
The only real resistance these two meet in the movie comes from Martin’s daughter and Smith’s mom. Smith’s mom tries to set him up with someone of their class, but that doesn’t work. He has his heart set on Martin. Martin’s daughter is worried that he is going to leave if he is allowed to get too close. Both of those things are just minor friction and never really threaten to derail them coming together.
It was a little disappointing for me because I do like these two actors on their own and together, but that dead husband kept poking into my fun. There are also a couple things that seemed to reference a scene that I sure didn’t remember seeing. But I’m fallible. If you don’t let those parts bother you, then this is worth seeing. Definitely better than the usual middle of the road formulaic Hallmark romance.
Now we just need a sequel where Alison Sweeney plays an evil baker with Smith and Martin trying to catch her. This time the husband tries to give them clues from beyond. Make it happen!
Well, it was going to expire from the XFINITY app in a couple of days. Also, I have seen Howard The Duck (1986) and Mac And Me (1988). Those two and this, were the three films I remember from childhood as having a reputation for being some of the worst movies ever made. At least from the 1980s. Mac And Me is bad. Howard The Duck gets a bit of a bad rep. Leonard Part 6 deserves it’s reputation.
While I’m here, I love that this particular part of the opening credits looks like it could have been made in the NES game Color A Dinosaur.
I’m going to summarize this nonsense and then just show you some highlights. Seriously, this movie only really exists for the morbid fascination of how awful it is. Before I do that, I have to say that while I expect garbage from Bill Cosby outside of The Cosby Show, having seen Ghost Dad (1990) as a kid. Why the hell was Tom Courtenay in this? Seriously, he was in The Dresser (1983) just 4 years prior and was nominated for an Academy Award! I’ve seen it. He was good in it. In this, Tom Courtenay is Cosby’s butler a la Batman.
Let’s get this summary over with so we can point and laugh. The movie is about Leonard who is a retired CIA agent. He retired after his wife left him. It had something to do with a 19 year old, but honestly, I’m not sure if that was referring to a human being or an animal. There’s a mad vegetarian woman who uses a special sphere and chemical to convince animals to turn on humans en masse. In other words, this movie is a giant parody of animal monster movies like Night Of The Lepus (1972) while also making fun of James Bond. That, and product placement. Michael Bay’s The Island (2005) was bad about product placement, but dear lord what happened here?
That’s it! He comes out of retirement in the hopes of getting his wife back and tries to take down the evil vegetarians. I can’t possibly show you every ridiculous thing, but here we go.
Yeah! One of the opening shots of this movie is Bill Cosby jumping off a building riding an ostrich. Also, he does a little ballet dancing too. I’ll skip over the barking fish that eats humans, but first stops to look at a Playboy magazine.
By the way, this review is sponsored by Coca-Cola. Official beverage of the Leonard Part 6 review. This is one of several times that Coke is prominently featured. All the product placement is prominently featured and usually doesn’t make any sense. Why would there be a giant fridge full of Coke in a restaurant kitchen? Then again, this whole kitchen scene has bullets flying everywhere, but the cooks just go about their business. I mean even when it’s machine gun fire.
But at least those bullets hit olive oil into pans just when it’s needed for the cooking. Oh, and Star Brand olive oil. Official olive oil of the Leonard Part 6 review.
Beware the cats! And the squirrels. And the rabbits. If you live in Sacramento, then watch out for the “caterpillars on the march”. Folks in Piedmont, you need to watch out for the possums. They are “awaiting orders”. Oh, and remember, according to Leonard Part 6, if Oregon falls, then that means all hope is lost.
Your eyes aren’t deceiving you. Those are frogs lifting a car to toss it in some water. I guess that’s why Ray Milland didn’t leave in Frogs (1972). He knew they would stop him. Sadly, that’s really the only shot where you see the frogs. The subsequent shots don’t have the frogs, but the car is still lifted and tossed in the water anyways.
Jane Fonda workout videos. Official workout videos of the Leonard Part 6 review. Fonda speaks to him personally through the TV as he works out.
I’m really glad they never explained what this anteater was trained to do. It’s bad enough I’m aware of E.T. and Sasquatch porn.
Johnson’s Baby Powder. Official baby powder of the Leonard Part 6 review. Also, massive amounts of alcohol work for watching Leonard Part 6 just as well as they did for this bullet removal scene.
I can handle this movie making fun of movies like Night Of The Lepus and Frogs, but if I want bee fighting it better be William Smith from Invasion Of The Bee Girls (1973)! Accept no substitute!
Lava soap. Official soap of the Leonard Part 6 review. This is probably the weirdest piece of product placement in the movie. There’s just this huge mound of Lava soap backstage at this theater. They show it several times, and not once does Vincent Vega show up to wash his hands.
A bunny to the throat! Monty Python did it better.
Safeway. Official grocery store of the Leonard Part 6 review. This is where Tom Courtenay buys some dishwashing soap to help take down the bad guys.
And of course he buys Palmolive! Official dishwashing soap of the Leonard Part 6 review. It later turns out that dishwashing soap does nothing. It’s just there so you see it’s Palmolive.
As someone with one testicle, this disturbs me. Also, this shot follows shortly after he is holding a hot dog wiener.
Action Max. The official video game console of the Leonard Part 6 review. I love that a couple of kids are just playing this in the back of a van as it does the requisite flying over the top of San Francisco streets shots.
You see this is the brilliance of Leonard Part 6 here. Only here will you see the Goldfinger (1964) laser to the crotch scene if it were done by angry lobsters who just watched Annie Hall (1977).
This is probably something I’m going to have to vote on during the next election. Seriously, living in California, I’ve had to vote on propositions to split it up like this.
Ah, we now know what really happened to that guy in Scanners (1981). He was a vegetarian who ate some meat. Seriously, Cosby threatens this guy with a sausage, the guy takes a bite, and his head explodes. Also, he throws beef at the attacking vegetarians and it burns them.
Alka-Seltzer. Official antacid of the Leonard Part 6 review. Leonard uses it to toss in some vats that then destroy the evil vegetarian’s lair.
Swap out Cosby for the audience, the food for feces, and you probably have the experience of seeing Leonard Part 6 when it came out.
Now if you’ll excuse me, there are a lot of turkeys where I live and they are obviously going to try and kill me in my sleep. I need to get them first.
Unfortunately, there is no cowbell in this movie. Okay, this one is about a lady named Gwen Green (Andrea Roth). She works as an assistant editor. Delta Burke plays Dahlia Marchand who writes romance novels, but is going to pen an autobiography. Turning down more experienced editors, she picks Green to be her editor as soon as she sees her. I honestly had to watch this twice because the first time around I missed a few things so I was rather confused as to what Burke’s obsession with this woman was. Honestly, I thought she was a lesbian for a minute there and this shot near the end of the movie didn’t help.
The movie begins with one of Green’s friends getting married. Then her friend catches the bridal fever and becomes obsessed with getting married. She drags Green into her nuttiness. So we go speed blind dating. I have seen this scene done in numerous movies, but I think it’s the first time I’ve seen this in one of these montages.
Didn’t work for me no matter how much of a resemblance he might bare to Jeffrey Combs. Green doesn’t find her man here. Instead, she is passing by a bookstore and decides to go in and replace the window display with books by Dahlia Marchand. Sadly, this didn’t feel contrived because I can remember my Dad buying things from his business clients to support them. It doesn’t surprise me that now since she is editing one of Marchand’s books, she would do this. Of course a little slip and fall in the store, and she meets the guy she will end up with. He works at the store.
Sorry, I really didn’t mean to catch him with his “you’re gonna die now” look on his face. The rest of the film plays out like this. Marchand is going to launch her book at his store. Marchand oddly avoids the store. Green works with this guy getting closer and closer. Since her friend has poisoned Green’s mind and since the guy didn’t propose to her on the spot, she gets engaged to the wrong guy. Then we find out that Marchand picked her because she wanted someone who wouldn’t do their job and thus wouldn’t ask her about gaps in her biography. The big gap being her years working at that bookstore. Turns out it’s the guy’s uncle who owns the store that once had a thing with her. It wraps up like you think.
This was okay. Very cliched and it’s one of those ones I like to say sleepwalks through the formulaic plot, but the actors were likable enough, including Delta Burke. I did like that they borrowed the comparing scars scene from Lethal Weapon 3.
You can do worse, but you can also do better.
Audrey’s Rain (2003) – Where the hell did this Hallmark movie come from? It’s got cursing, people who act like real people (kids included), suicide, a mentally challenged or at least mentally cracked in some fashion character, sexual references, direct reference to breasts as “buzzards”, making out, use of the word horny, the kid tries to say Audrey’s sandwiches taste like shit, fart jokes, a fart joke directed at a reverend who just asked Audrey to consider returning to the church, and more.
Seriously, is this the kind of movie Hallmark initially made? Cause this is a far far far cry from the kind of stuff they make today and have for many years. I actually thought I was watching a real movie here. The only things I saw in common with other Hallmark movies were that Larry Levinson was involved. Well, I guess I should talk a little bit about it.
It starts off with Audrey (Jean Smart) trying to blow away a rodent with a rifle. Yay! That scene is the one time this film censors itself. Despite the word “bastard” showing up in the close captioning, the sound falls silent on that word. Funny they did that considering this follows shortly afterwards.
Sure, the sister got her hand on his mouth before he got the full word out, but still. I’ve seen Hallmark censor the word “butt”.
So, you’ve got Audrey, two kids from a sister who killed herself, and another sister who has mental issues. I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be mentally challenged, but I don’t remember there being enough details to tell you any more than that. And that’s where this film’s real issue is. While you really don’t care too much about this sister, the film does feel like it jumps over sections that were once there or should be there telling us more.
A man from Audrey’s past gets close to her and they do end up together. There’s a quirky friend. There are flashbacks. The kids have problems with the memories of their dead mother. There’s a pretty gut wrenching scene where we think the little girl might have hung herself like her mom did. It all works quite well, but it feels like it should have been a mini-series rather than just a movie. Maybe it was, and then was edited down.
At the end of the day, if you like Hallmark, see it. It’s like no other Hallmark movie out of the 106 I’ve seen so far. Just know that it will feel like it was chopped up.
Love On The Air (2015) – I kind of felt bad watching this when it premiered cause some guy who claimed to have worked on the film tweeted me twice saying he was glad I was enjoying it. I felt bad because the majority of my tweets were complaints about the movie. I don’t think I even mentioned the problems with the actors. Oh, well.
Love On The Air begins with our two leads doing their radio shows on the same network. I don’t remember what the name of their shows were, if they had any, but a modern equivalent would be tweets with #NotAllMen attached for hers and #YesAllWomen for his. It’s that kind of stuff being slung at the beginning of this movie. The largely writing off the other gender based on bad experiences thing. Only it’s far tamer than the stuff you hear online and not as complex. Thank goodness. But it does have that isolationist/separatist rhetoric to it that people cry foul over when it’s skin color, but not as much with gender. She even says “be an island”. I honestly could have done without this as the setup seeing as it’s stuff like this that makes places like Twitter depressing, but that’s the setup.
Our leading lady is Sonia (Alison Sweeney). Our leading man is Nick (Jonathan Scarfe). The two of them end up going at it on the air for a few minutes and that leads to them doing it on a regular basis. You can guess where this goes.
A day for night shot, along with shots that were under lit or shot on cloudy days.
Odd choices of things to focus on or I swear at times the camera just going out of focus.
This blinding light that keeps shining at you during this scene.
And random obstructions in front of the camera for reasons beyond me.
What? You thought they were going to fall in love? Well, that happens too, which is another problem. They have both been burned by certain experiences in their past. Problem is, I think they needed to even out the two of them out a little more. He is noticeably easier to get along with than she is. I know it makes for a little more of a traditional romance of him winning her over, but it would have been nice for them to have dialed down Sonia a little bit. I also know that it begins with her engagement being called off so she’s fresh off a recent bad experience, but I still wanted them to be on more even ground.
However, if you can get past the odd cinematography and the characters starting out on uneven footing, I know I sure didn’t feel they had any chemistry together. Scarfe is kind of warm and a little likable. Sweeney not as much. I understand how spending time with each other reminds them that no matter how many or intensity of experiences you have with a section of the population, you can’t right the whole lot off. However, I didn’t really buy that they should end up together as anything but good friends who do a show together.
I guess this is the kind I say won’t kill ya!
A little personal side note. I think I have mentioned it before, but Sweeney also does a series called Murder, She Baked on Hallmark. I wish that had her killing people with her cooking. She really comes across to me as someone who could play a villain well. I never saw her on Days Of Our Lives so maybe she did there.
All Of My Heart (2015) – This is another one of those Hallmark movies that borrows a screwball plot that you’d find in the 1940’s. It begins with Jenny Fintley (Lacey Chabert) and Brian Howell (Brennan Elliott), I kid you not, each inheriting half of the same house in the country. Being a cook, she sees it as business opportunity to open a bed and breakfast. Being a stockbroker, he sees it as an asset that needs to be liquidated. Hilarity ensues? Not really. This isn’t like Growing The Big One, which is a Hallmark movie and not one of those late night cable movies I’ve reviewed. I still don’t know how Hallmark lucked out on that name.
It’s just them falling in love by spending time with each other. She’s there cause she wants to open a business. He gets stranded there after his job slips out from underneath him. Oddly, the film teases that it’s going to do something humorous like Funny Farm (1988), but doesn’t follow through.
That’s Ed Asner who you probably know as the guy who shoots people in the back on Hawaii Five-O. The other guy is Daniel Cudmore who is probably best known as Jaffa #1 from the Homecoming episode of Stargate SG-1. Asner sits on the bench in front of the General Store and makes humorous comments as well as some important ones at the end of the movie. Cudmore is the colossus who runs the store and is the local plumber. They are both funny in this movie. I wanted more quirky characters. Sure, hoping for the crazy mailman from Funny Farm would be asking too much, but I could have done with more of these two. I would have preferred Chabert and Elliott coming together dealing with the odd, but lovable town rather than just coming together because it’s Hallmark.
My only other complaint has to do with Lacey Chabert. I didn’t watch Party Of Five back when I was kid and have very limited exposure to her work. Largely just Hallmark, but I really want more personality out of her here. Along with looking like she’s wearing more makeup then I care for, she seems to act like she is a kid who just entered her first planetarium. He has some more personality, but I really wanted something like what Shannen Doherty and Kavan Smith had in Growing The Big One.
So, which one of these does this poor dog from one of the commercials on Hallmark say you should see? Audrey’s Rain. Despite it’s problems, it’s so different. If you like Hallmark, you should see it. I’m a little biased though, cause I like Jean Smart.
Yay! I’ve cracked 100 of these Hallmark movies now and with this post I will have reviewed 96 of them. Oh, yeah! There’s more of them.
Healing Hands (2010) – When I read the plot summary for this I thought of the movie Powder (1995). That’s reaching back to my childhood there. Then I thought of the hilarious Mad TV sketch where the Terminator is sent back to protect Jesus. In particular, when Jesus keeps resurrecting Judas because he is supposed to betray him.
Sadly, that sketch is better made and has more interesting things to say then this movie. It really is amazing the difference in quality between Hallmark movies. Same thing can be said about late night cable movies. As the title suggests, this movie is about someone who has “healing hands”. It’s about a guy named Buddy (Eddie Cibrian). Buddy works as a janitor. One day Buddy is on a roof with his friend. Buddy’s friend hurts his finger, but is stubborn about putting a bandaid on it. Buddy finally convinces him to, but then Buddy falls off the roof.
Now Buddy is in the hospital and apparently his temperature is 105, which a nurse says is the highest a body can survive. While that doesn’t sound right to me, what happens next certainly isn’t right. If this were ER they would probably try inducing hypothermia. In Healing Hands, Buddy is put in water. Not ice, but water. I’m sure it’s meant to remind us of baptism, but it looks like they’re not even trying to save Buddy. Luckily, Buddy recovers anyways, but not without a really odd musical choice first. During the fever, we get a flashback, but at this point we really have only seen Buddy and his now fiancee, since Buddy did propose, for only a few minutes. So it only has like two scenes to show because that’s all of the movie so far. During this part, it plays what sounds like Quiet Storm jazz. It’s a strange choice of music to play.
Well, now Buddy has “healing hands”. It takes him a little bit of time to figure it out, but after he heals this…
with just his touch, Buddy knows something is up. We can also see that it is taking a lot out of Buddy doing it. I usually don’t care, but I don’t really want to spoil the surprise. I’ll just say that Buddy is adopted and that comes in to play. Of course, the news and the townfolk eventually catch on to Buddy and his miracle hands. It’s about Buddy trying to help, while the world either wants to treat Buddy as a freak of nature or just a tool, rather than a person. That’s giving it a lot of credit.
This whole movie just feels like amateur hour in every way. I don’t know of any other way to describe it. It’s like a high school production of a play called Healing Hands that a student wrote. Something like Highlander or Heroes did more with this kind of material. The movie barely does anything with it, which is a shame cause it’s not a concept doomed from the start. Too bad.
Oh, and notice the number of times I called him by his name? The movie does it even more. It kind of sucks the seriousness out of the whole thing when people keep saying Buddy over and over again.
Freshman Father (2010) – Ah, college. Six yeas of education at a junior college, then three years of suicidal inducing hoop jumping at Cal. But at least I passed first semester calculus on my first attempt. Cause apparently, when you go to Harvard at 18, married, and with a baby, the hardest thing will be passing first semester calculus. No joke, this movie inspired by John Wand, a guy who actually did go to Harvard with a wife and baby in tow, makes almost the entire movie about him passing first semester calculus. It’s kind of a disgrace to John Wand. Especially when they were even to lazy to copy some actual Calculus problems from a text book, but instead we get this.
You see part d! It says find and simply f(0) when f(x) = (x+1)(2x+1)(3x+1)(4x+1)(5x+1). In other words 1*1*1*1*1 = 1. Also, c which says here’s a function, don’t take the derivative of it, but just write it again. This after a question that spells out exactly what the subscript on the function means. And look at the rest of that test. I see no summations anywhere. Those are just derivatives. The test layout doesn’t makes sense. None of it makes sense. If they couldn’t even get that right, then wow!
Before we lay more stuff to bare, let me tell you the setup. It begins at senior prom where we meet John Patton (Drew Seeley) and the future Kathy Patton (Britt Irvin). Notice they didn’t use John Wand’s actual name nor do they say it’s based on, but only inspired by a true story. Of course she gets pregnant and they get married. After her mom tells her the key to marriage is a “happy boss”, it’s off to Harvard on a full scholarship to the nicest apartment ever for a student on scholarship, married, with a kid, going to a very expensive school.
Yeah, in what world does this movie take place? In a world where this is Calculus 101. On the first day if I’m not mistaken.
I love when she brings home a fan and he says they can’t afford it. Sure, because it’s the fan that doesn’t make financial sense here. None of this would matter if the whole film wasn’t about this kid overcoming the very things that are totally misrepresented. And it never gets better. The only thing I can say in it’s defense is that it does get across that the kid cares about his child. However, I would bet John Wand has a few choice words for how they present his ex-wife. She barely exists except to complain about how the baby doesn’t seem to like her, confess she got herself pregnant, then she just abandons the baby with him. You thought they would explain how she got herself pregnant? Of course not! That would possibly make John Patton seem like an idiot for not wearing a condom. And no, I don’t think she poked holes in a condom she gave to him like in the movie Your Sister’s Sister (2011).
Oh, and this is another one of those Hallmark movies that censors itself. The two of them are at a theater when she starts having contractions. She curses and the movie bleeps it. This is one of several Hallmark movies that censor words as innocent as “butt”. Sometimes inconsistently like in The Last Cowboy. If they can’t air it that way, then why is it shot that way? There must be something to the process of making these movies I’m not aware of or there is that much of a disconnect between the producers and the network.
He keeps trying to do the herculean task of passing first semester calculus, which seems like it takes him several semesters. The timeline in this movie isn’t exactly clear. It must go more than one semester though because we see he celebrates Halloween and appears to be at a Christmas party with his calculus professor. Also, I believe she has the baby during the holiday break.
Yeah, we meet two of his professors and they are remarkably kind to him. That part isn’t misrepresented. I did encounter several professors who were very nice and personable people when I went Cal. I can even say that’s it’s not unheard of for a professor to give you a passing grade when you should fail because it isn’t important that you actually passed. That happened to me. Granted there were health circumstances involved, but you get the point.
Which reminds me, my upper division computer science courses still had way more students in them then his first semester calculus class. The only time I saw classes that small were labs and discussion sections. Those two things are also oddly missing from this movie. It makes it seem like it’s just you, the professor, and the material. I doubt things were that different 7 years before I went to a four year college. This movie takes place in 2000.
There’s also this ridiculous back and forth with the dean as if she is there anytime you need to talk to her. Granted he is a rather unique student that she would be aware of, but it comes across as pretty ridiculous. Especially when he says to her that he thinks she got her PhD in 5 years, but she corrects him and says 6. Really? 6 years? Seriously? That’s pretty quick to get a PhD in physics. A simple Google search says 8.2 years. I mean it takes 4 just to get a bachelors, how is possible to get two degrees higher with only two more years? Makes no sense.
None of this makes any sense. It guts, flattens, and trivializes what this guy did in real life. At least they didn’t show some footage of the real John Wand at the end like The Blind Side (2009) did just to make sure we knew how much they screwed up. Don’t put yourself through this.
Portrait Of Love (2015) – And don’t put yourself through this either. Although this is just boring rather than almost offensive. This is just absolutely paint by numbers Hallmark. Just like the movie Chance At Romance is. A woman who is a successful fashion photographer is offered a job in Paris. Take a minute and see if you can guess what happens next?
Did you think she goes back to the small town she came from because of a flimsy excuse by the writers so she can reconnect with an old flame? Of course you’re right. I really wonder how many of these Hallmark movies are the exact same movie.
Oh, and how small of a town?
So small it’s just called Bank. How hard is it to just come up with a fake name for things like this? I’ve seen them do it in other Hallmark movies. In Second Chances they needed an author for a book so they took one of the screenwriter’s names that worked with the producer Larry Levinson and just dropped the ‘c’ in Rachel to get Rahel Stuhler.
See! It’s not that difficult.
When she arrives it turns out there is an art contest going on and all you need to know is that he has a daughter who helps to push them back together. You know how it plays out. There is a little bit of nice genuine emotion near the end that the film does deserve credit for. However, the rest feels like it was made by zombies with their aspiring acting zombie friends. There’s a continuity error at one point and this horrible go to out of focus transition that is used at least twice.
And it’s not short either. It hurts the eyes. Also, the same director who did this uninspired film did the uninspired Just The Way You Are. I’m almost 100% positive that he even uses this exact same shot in that movie as he does in this movie.
I’m beginning to feel for the directors of these movies. They must be handed some awful scripts, shoestring budgets, and very little time in order to make these movies. I refuse to believe that these same directors would make these kind of stupid mistakes or take such generic stuff if they had any choice in the matter.
Won’t kill ya, but it may put you to sleep.
A Kiss At Midnight (2008) – Thank goodness I watched this film for this batch of Hallmark movies cause it’s actually enjoyable. No, not because it’s script is any less generic. No, not because they get computer screens correct. It’s because of the actors young, middle aged, and old. The kids do a good job. Faith Ford is funny. Hal Linden of Barney Miller is in this and is a welcome presence. Even if he does make a sexist joke that is meant to be sexist, but is oddly out of place. But most importantly, it has the Got Milk? guy.
Just like the games Truxton and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are running jokes on Classic Game Room and AVGN respectively, I take every opportunity to reference Tammy And The T-Rex, in which he gets killed in by a T-Rex with Paul Walker’s brain in it.
But back to this movie. The plot is that the boy and girl run competing dating websites. The girl, played by Faith Ford, signs up on the guy’s site to bring back information that his computer dating site doesn’t work. Of course, the guy has two little girls who get involved to ultimately bring them together. Also, Faith Ford’s mom and Hal Linden get married as a little subplot. It’s all just well acted and pleasant enough to be an enjoyable, all be it forgettable, hour and a half or so. I think that’s all anyone asks of a Hallmark movie. It’s just remarkable how illusive that can be at times.
This one did have computer screen screw ups or at least stupid attempts to make generic versions of Google.
Clearly, GMail is dead and we should all be using Toogle Mail. Also, notice that it looks like you are seeing a screenshot of a browser being looked at within a browser.
Of course Toogle is also a search engine.
The religion listed in this dating profile is “Spiritual”. They didn’t have a problem showing a dating profile saying a person was a Christian earlier, but then there are two of them listed as “Spiritual”. I’m guessing those people are Satanists and don’t want to scare away potential sacrifices. At least that seems to have been the logic that went into the video Katy Perry, the Super Bowl and Satan based on the quote in it’s description.
Out of the four here. This is the one to go with. It’s a good time.
Through the Shattered Lens 