Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/5/24 — 5/11/24

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

This Abbott Elementary Mother’s Day episode was sweet and funny. No, Janine, Kevin Hart is not your father.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will be dropping shortly.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about ChiPs here!

Coronation Street (Hulu)

On Tuesday, I watched two episodes of Coronation Street on Hulu. They were both from January of this year. Bethany returned home! I have no idea who Bethany is or who anyone else on this show is but I still found it interesting to watch. Maybe I just miss London. Due first to the pandemic lockdowns and now to the way that anti-Semitism is spreading its shadow across Europe, it’s been a while since Jeff & I last visited.

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Monday morning, I watched a really sad two-parter in which Phil talked to an old widow named Kaye who had basically become so enthralled by a catfish that she gave him the password to her bank account. Kaye’s daughter tried to tell Kaye that her online boyfriend was a fake but Kaye was very angry and would not listen. I felt terrible for her and her family.

On Tuesday, I rewatched the episode with the woman who was convinced that she was married to Tyler Perry, despite having never met him before. Dr. Phil, of course, took time to point out that he knows Tyler Perry and is apparently one of his best friends. Dr. Phil knows everyone! I followed this up with an episode featuring a man who thought he was engaged to a Kennedy cousin named Misty. Not surprisingly, there is no Kennedy named Misty.

On Friday and Saturday, I watched too many episodes. Most of them were about feuding in-laws.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On Tuesday evening, I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order and I have to say that I groaned a bit when I saw it was going to be yet another episode about a murder involving a wealthy family. There’s a lot that I have liked about this season but I’m a bit bored with every episode revolving around the same generic wealthy characters. Not every case has to be a society scandal. That said, last week’s episode did feature some interesting twists and turns and personally, I think the jury made the right decision. Overall, it was a good episode though, once again, we had to spend some time listening to Maroun whine about having to do her job.

On Friday, I watched this week’s episode. The defendant was an ex-con who had previously been given a lenient plea deal by Nolan Price. Because of Price’s involvement, Baxter took over as lead prosecutor on the case and demoted Price to second chair. This not only kept Maroun out of the courtroom and minimized her involvement in the episode (yay!) but it also gave Baxter a chance to show off his abilities. The great thing about this episode is that Price finally got called out for being so wishy-washy and self-righteous.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Malibu, CA (YouTube)

I wrote about Malibu, CA here!

Miami Vice (Freevee)

I wrote about Miami Vice here.

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Snub (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday, I watched a bunch of music videos from 1987. It was fun!

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

Posted on May 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, season 4 comes to an end.

Episode 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 23rd, 1981)

This week, Tattoo is stunned to see Manuel (A Martinez) and Consuelo Lopez (Linda Cristal) get off the plane with their young son, Paquito (Anthony Trujillo). Tattoo immediately guesses that Mr. Roarke must have given them a special deal so they could come to the Island and he snaps that Roarke is too nice.

Roarke, never one to worry about being nice when it come to Tattoo, replies that young Paquito nearly died earlier in the year and now, Manuel and Consuelo are on the verge of losing their frame. Manual and Consuelo wanted to give Paquito a wonderful birthday party before they end up homeless. Take that, Tattoo!

Manuel’s wealthy relative, Dona Delores (Victoria Racimo), is also on the Island and Paqutio soon starts hanging out with her, despite Manuel resenting her for having money. Delores, who cannot have children of her own, has an idea. Maybe she could adopt Paquito and give him the life that Manuel and Consuelo never could. In return, she could help Manuel’s out with his money problems.

Don’t worry! Manuel and Conseulo don’t lose Paquito and they even get to stay on Fantasy Island. And it also turns out that Delores isn’t so bad after all. This is Fantasy Island and nothing bad has happened on Fantasy Island since that hunter died at the end of his fantasy. The ending is happy and the fantasy is ultimately pleasant and kind of forgettable. In the end, what I’ll always remember is that the voice of young Paquito was obviously dubbed by an adult woman trying to sound like a child. That was kind of weird.

Of course, it wasn’t as weird as the other fantasy.

Nancy Harvester (Randi Oakes) has spent the past few years of your life taking care of her terminally ill uncle. After her uncle passed, he left her a fantasy in his will. He wants Nancy to enjoy life and finally get a boyfriend. When Roarke informs Nancy why her uncle wanted his will to be read on Fantasy Island, Nancy replies that she’s never even been with a man and there’s no way she can make her uncle’s last fantasy come true. (Her uncle’s last fantasy was for his niece to lose her virginity? That is definitely kind of creepy….) Fortunately, Nancy’s childhood crush, Gene (Jim Stafford), is on the Island and Roarke summons a special friend to give Nancy advise.

Meet Helen of Troy (played by Jill St. John)!

Yes, the same Helen of Troy who inspired one of the bloodiest and most tragic wars in ancient history is the person that Mr. Roarke recruits to give advise to Nancy. I mean, was the mermaid busy? What about Aphrodite? Remember how Aphrodite lives on Fantasy Island? Couldn’t Mr. Roarke have asked them to help out?

Interestingly enough, the dialogue between Helen and Roarke indicate that they are lifelong friends, which would indicate that Mr. Roarke is several thousand years old. Helen also makes a few comments that suggest that she and Roarke were once quite close. Was Mr. Roarke involved in the war with Sparta? I wonder which side he was on.

But what about Nancy? Does Helen help out Nancy? Yes, of course she does. This is Fantasy Island so, of course, Nancy and Gene depart on the same plane.

All fantasies come true on Fantasy Island, which is one reason why the original show continues to be so loved. I would argue that the reason why the recent Fantasy Island reboot failed was because it complicated things by attempting to explore the lives of the people who lived and worked on the Island, as opposed to just focusing on fantasies with happy endings. For all the time that I’ve spent speculating about what the Island actually is and how it works, it ultimately doesn’t matter. No one cares how Fantasy Island works. All that matters is that it does.

So ends season 4 of Fantasy Island. It was a bit of an uneven season. The obvious hostility between Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize made more than a few scenes a bit awkward to watch. I miss the playfulness that defined their interactions during the earlier seasons. But still, the Island is lovely and it’s fun to imagine what it would be like to really go there.

Next week, Roarke and Tattoo are joined by a new helper as the fifth season begins!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.23 “Man-Beast/Ole Island Opry”

Posted on April 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we learn something new about the Island.

Episode 4.23 “Man-Beast/Ole Island Opry”

(Dir by George W. Brooks, originally aired on May 16th, 1981)

Did you know that Fantasy Island is home to a world-famous country music venue?

Yes, I’m talking about the Ole Island Opry! Operated by Lottie McFadden (Anne Francis), the Ole Island Opry is a mainstay of the Island, even though it’s never been mentioned before. Lottie says that everyone from Charley Pride to Hank Williams to Dolly Parton has played at the Ole Island Opry.

If you’re anything like me, you’re saying, “What the heck?”

I mean, seriously, why have we never heard of this place before? How many country music fans live on the Island? Why would established artists be so eager to play at a venue that’s sitting on an isolated island? And how big is this Island anyway? With the fishing village, the native villages, the downtown area that we see sometimes, the children’s side of the Island, the ancient castles, the isolated mansions, the Ole Island Opry, and all the magical portals, Fantasy Island has got to be at least the size of New Zealand.

These questions go unanswered, as usual. Instead, the episode focuses on Charlie Rowlands (Jimmy Dean), who was an up-and-coming country music star until his wife died and he gave up stardom to raise his daughter, Jennie (Wendy Schaal). Charlie is an old friend of Lottie’s and his fantasy is for Jennie to make her singing debut at the Ole Island Opry.

What Charlie doesn’t know is that Jennie has a fantasy of her own. She wants her father to stop pressuring her to become a singer so that she can focus on her love of photography! Mr. Roarke is able to grant both fantasies. Jennie sings but is really bad and her father finally realizes that she’s not meant to be a country-western star. Instead, Jennie asks her father to come up on stage and sing a song. Charlie sings King of the Road and, despite being a bit older than the usual up-and-comer, he gets a recording contract. He also wins the love of Lottie, who leaves the Island with him. As for Jennie, she can now attend a Yankee art school without feeling guilty. Yay!

Jimmy Dean gave a charming performance but otherwise, this fantasy was just silly. Perhaps it would have worked if Charlie and his daughter had stepped into the past and found themselves in Nashville in the 40s but having Jennie make her debut (and farewell) at the “Ole Island Opry” just required a bit too much of a suspension of disbelief. As well, Mr. Roarke has a habit of combining people’s fantasies without giving them any advance warning. It always seem to work out okay but I still think Mr. Roarke is lucky that he hasn’t gotten sued by a guest who didn’t want to share their fantasy with anyone else.

The other fantasy featured David (David Hedison) and Elizabeth Tabori (Carol Lynley) coming to the Island in an attempt to cure David of a recurring nightmare that he’s been having, one in which Elizabeth and he are in a dark cave and Elizabeth is terrified of something. Mr. Roarke quickly deduces that David is a werewolf. David can be cured by a very rare plant. Unfortunately, it will take the plant a few days to arrive so David will have to survive two full moons on Fantasy Island.

As with most of this show’s horror-themed fantasies, this fantasy was simple but fun. The werewolf makeup was pretty basic but David Hedison poured himself into the role of the tortured David Tabori. Fortunately, the magic flower arrives just in time to curse David of his ancestral curse.

As David and Elizabeth leave, Tattoo says that David must have been crazy because werewolves don’t exist. Suddenly, Tattoo realizes that he’s turning into a werewolf. Roarke has a good laugh as the end credits roll.

This week was another uneven trip to the Island. It’s interesting that, even with a werewolf on the loose, everyone still braved the night to attend the show at the Ole Island Opry. Fantasy Island is a strange place and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/21/24 — 4/27/24

Posted on April 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Baby On Board (YouTube)

I wrote about Baby on Board here!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out! (YouTube)

My review of this week’s episode will drop in about 90 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here! Poor Wheels.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which Dr. Phil confronted a pathological liar named Brittany. She stormed off stage. The audience gasped.

On Monday, I watched a two-part episode featuring a crazy woman who insisted that both of her children were paranoid schizophrenic. Dr. Phil said he would help her if she agreed to delete her YouTube channel. “No,” the woman replied. The audience gasped.

On Tuesday, I watched a two-part episode in which a man was falsely accused by his ex-wife and mother-in-law of sexually abusing his daughter. What a toxic family! I mean, the guy was kind of a jerk but no one deserves to be falsely accused of something like that.

On Wednesday, I watched a divorced couple yell at each other over who was responsible for their son’s video game addiction.

On Thursday, I watched a two-part episode in which a masseuse named Tarek came on the show to try to clear his name after he was accused of sexually assaulting 18 of his clients. Tarek asked to be on the show and demanded to take a polygraph exam. What was weird about that was the fact that Tarek was obviously guilty and a terrible liar. No one was shocked when he failed the polygraph.

Later, I watched an episode about a mother-in-law who accused her son’s wife of being the “spawn of Satan.” Yikes! The wife was actually very nice and had the patience of a saint.

On Friday morning, I watched an episode in which Phil got annoyed with a teenage girl who hoped that getting pregnant would lead to her getting her own reality show.

On Saturday, I watched an episode featuring a young woman who insisted that her mother had kidnapped her son. The young woman wanted to sue her parents but she also wanted them to lend her the money for the attorney.

Dragnet (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched my favorite episode of this old cop show. Friday and Gannon appeared on a talk show and debated an underground newspaper editor and a sociologist. Someday, I’ll write a full-length review of this episode because, from a historical point of view, it’s really is spectacular.

I followed this up with my second favorite episode, in which Friday enrolled in night school and promptly arrested one of his classmates.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Freevee)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Snub UK (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode of this old music show on Friday night. The music videos were enjoyably trippy.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

World’s Most Evil Killers (YouTube)

On Friday, I watched an episode about Arizona’s Baseline Killer. He was definitely evil and he was a killer so I guess the show delivered what it promised.

World’s Most Evil Prisoners (YouTube)

On Wednesday morning, I watched a profile of Christa Pike, the youngest inmate on Tennessee’s Death Row. And yes, Christa Pike did appear to be really, really evil. As a fellow redhead, I was upset to see a member of the 2% behaving so badly.

On Friday, I watched an episode about T.D. Bingham, a leader of the Aryan Brotherhood. He was definitely a scary guy, as well as being an evil prisoner. So, just as with World’s Most Evil Killers, this show delivered what it promised.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.22 “Hard Knocks/Lady Godiva”

Posted on April 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Fantasy Island, where Mr. Roarke does whatever he wants.

Episode 4.22 “Hard Knocks/Lady Godiva”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 9th, 1981)

Sheila Godfrey (Michelle Phillips) comes to Fantasy Island with a simple fantasy, one that Mr. Roarke manages to totally screw up.

Sheila grew up in Montana and loves horses. Because she was often ill while she was growing up, she was often not allowed to ride as much as she would have liked. Now, she wants to be the world’s most famous female equestrian. To me, this seems like a pretty simple and straight-forward request. Sheila is asking to be famous for riding a horse.

Roarke, however, decides that Sheila’s fantasy is that she wants to be the most famous female equestrian in history. And, in Roarke’s opinion, that means that Sheila wants to be Lady Godiva. Now, setting aside the idea that Mr. Roarke is suddenly such a stickler for detail that he’s forcing Sheila to go with a literal translation of her fantasy (which is something that no other guest has ever had to deal with), is Lady Godiva truly the most famous female equestrian ever? Katharine Hepburn used to ride horses. Belle Starr used to ride horses. Joan of Arc rode a horse on occasion. What about Annie Oakley?

But let’s accept that Sheila’s fantasy is to become Lady Godiva. Roarke doesn’t even do that! Instead, he gives her a magic horse named Lancelot, which Sheila rides into medieval England. And, in the past, Lancelot turns into a donkey and Sheila is promptly arrested for poaching on a nobleman’s land. Sheila ends up a servant to Lady Godiva (Gunilla Hutton), who is being imprisoned in her own castle for criticizing the taxes that her husband, Leo (Ken Berry, who is very much not British), has placed on the people living on his land. When Leo says that he’ll release his wife and lower the taxes but only if she’ll agree to humiliate herself by riding her horse naked, Godiva agrees. However, before the ride, she is given a magic potion that knocks her out.

It falls to Sheila to disguise herself as Godiva and take the famous ride. The servants respect her decision and turn their back as she rides by on a horse. Well, one guy does take a look and gets yelled at as a result. “You’ll always be known as Peeping Tom!”

Sheila returns to the present and is somehow not upset about the fact that she really didn’t get her fantasy. (Not only did she not get the fantasy she asked for but she didn’t even get the fantasy that Roarke claimed she was asking for. I mean, even if we accept that Sheila’s fantasy was to be Lady Godiva, that didn’t happen. Instead, she became a servant who pretended to be Lady Godiva.) Roarke agrees to send her Lancelot and also informs her that handsome Sir John Apensdale (Patrick Wayne), who Sheila fell in love with while in the past, was actually a Montana rancher who was having a fantasy of his own. And he’ll be happy to teach Sheila how to ride!

Meanwhile, Steve Pryor (Philip Levian) comes to the Island with the fantasy of being a hard-boiled detective. Roarke gives Steve his fantasy and even provides him with a mentor to offer him advice. Who is that mentor? The ghost of Humphrey Bogart (played by Robert Sacchi)! Only Steve can see Bogart, which leads to a lot of scenes of people wondering why Steve is talking to himself.

The case involves delivering a package, picking up a key to a safety deposit box, and dealing with a femme fatale (Martha Smith). It’s a pretty simple case, to be honest. But at least Steve gets to hang out with Bogart. And, to give credit where credit is due, Robert Sacchi’s Bogart impersonation was spot-on.

This episode was silly enough to be likable. That said, I do think Sheila could probably sue Mr. Roarke for not actually granting her fantasy. Seriously, I wonder how many lawyers Mr. Roarke kept on retainer.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/14/24 — 4/20/24

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Yay! Janine is finally back at the school, where she belongs. Hopefully, we won’t have to spend any more time with those district dorks. Considering how much I disliked the whole district storyline, I’m kind of thankful this is a shortened season. I don’t know I could have handled 20 episodes of Janine working for the district.

Plus, it looks like Ava Fest was a huge success! Congrats to all!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Blind Date (YouTube)

On Saturday evening, I watched an episode featuring a guy named Igor who had a terrible date. I wonder if, back in 1999. Igor had any idea his bad date would still be available for viewing in 2024.

Check It Out! (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will be dropping in about 90 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On Sunday night, I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order. I have to admit that I cringed at first, especially when it appeared that the villain was going to be a Republican congressman. Law & Order is always at its worse when it tries to deal with partisan politics and the stuff with the congressman was painfully heavy-handed. (One can tell that it’s been a while since anyone in the writer’s room talked to an actual Republican.) Fortunately, the show’s signature twist was that the congressman had nothing to do with it and the murderer was a Ukranian refugee who claimed to be suffering from PTSD. Naturally, Maroun wasn’t sure if the woman should be prosecuted because she had family members who suffered from the same thing. Price told Maroun to stop crying and do her job and good for him. Anyway, this episode turned out to be stronger than I was expecting. It was another entry in what has, so far, been a pretty good season.

On Thursday night, I watched the latest episode of Law & Order. A chef, who had previously been wrongly convicted of rape and murder, was killed by someone. His attorney was arrested but then Nolan started to have doubts as to whether or not the guy was actually guilty. It turned out that it was actually the attorney’s wife who committed the murder. This episode was obviously designed to try to make Nolan into a more likable figure. (“Nolan Price does it again!” Shaw happily said at one point.) But the whole thing just fell kind of flat. The only moment that really worked for me was when D.A. Baxter told Nolan to stop whining and do his job.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The Masters (Sunday Afternoon, CBS)

Congratulations to Scottie Scheffler! And yes, I do enjoy watching golf. I like the peaceful beauty of the courses.

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

New Sounds (Night Flight Plus)

This was a music video show that aired in the late 80s, I believe. I watched an episode on Friday night. Some of the music was good and some of it was kind of forgettable. Such is life.

Our America With Lisa Ling (YouTube)

On Saturday, I watched an episode of this old news program in which Lisa Ling interviewed parents whose children had been taken away from them. Lisa Ling is one of those reporters who has a tendency to do a fake “journalist voice” whenever she speaks and it kind of made it difficult for me to treat the episode with the seriousness it deserved.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Veronica’s Video (YouTube)

I sacrificed my eyesight to review Veronica’s Video.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.21 “Basin Street/The Devil’s Triangle”

Posted on April 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week is a bit uneven. Let’s dive into it!

Episode 4.21 “Basin Street/The Devil’s Triangle”

(Dir by George W. Brooks, originally aired on May 2nd, 1981)

Pilot Clay Garrett (Joe Namath — yes, the goofy football player) and cameraman Tom Spencer (Christopher Connelly) have come to Fantasy Island with Kerry Dawson (Trish Stewart). Kerry is the host of a show where she explores isolated locations of the world. Clay flies her where she’s going. Tom films her. Throughout the episode, it is suggested that — much like the characters at the center of Cannibal Holocaust — they’ve occasionally been guilty of staging the footage that has made them famous.

Kerry wants to search for the remains of an airplane that disappeared over 40 years ago. The plane was flown by the famed aviatrix Wilma Deitrich. Why they don’t just admit that Wilma is a stand-in for Amelia Earhart, I have no idea. Mr. Roarke warns Kerry that the fantasy could be dangerous but he does not stop Clay, Tom, and Kerry from boarding a plane and then flying out across the ocean.

The plane ends up in the Devil’s Triangle, which I guess is this show’s version of the Bermuda Triangle. The plane crashes on an uncharted island. Kerry gets bitten by a snake and Clay sucks out the poison before he and Tom set off to look for the remains of Wilma’s plane. Clay and Tom, incidentally, are both in love with Wilma. Will Wilma select the boring cameraman or the boring pilot who sucked snake venom out of her body?

It’s a question that would perhaps be more compelling if Kerry had the slightest bit of chemistry with either man. But she doesn’t. Joe Namath is as stiff here as he was in C.C. and Company. Christopher Connelly looks bored. Kerry does eventually pick Clay so hopefully, they’ll be happy together.

(And yes, they do get off the island. They find the wreckage of Wilma’s plane and use it to repair their own plane. Amazingly, Wilma’s plan is still full of operational parts despite having spent over 40 years sitting on a deserted island.)

As for the other fantasy, Charlie Raines (Cleavon Little) wants to go to turn of the century New Orleans and meet his hero, jazzman Camptown Dodd (Raymond St. Jacques). Roarke and Tattoo give him a magic clarinet and send him to New Orleans, where he immediately finds himself auditioning for Camptown. Camptown wants Charlie to not only join his band but also lead it after his death.

DEATH!?

Yes, death. Camptown refuses to sell Opium in his club and, as a result, he has been targeted for assassination by a corrupt police officer. Charlie is so upset about this that Roarke himself steps into the fantasy to let Charlie know that he can’t change the past.

Okay, so Charlie can’t save Camptown but surely, he can bring Billie Joe (Berlinda Tolbert) into the present with him, right? Afterall, Charlie has fallen in love with her. No, Roarke says, that’s not how it works.

Fear not, though! Once he’s in the present, Charlie discovers that Billie Joe was actually a guest at the Island and that Roarke combined two fantasies into one. Yay!

The jazz fantasy was predictable but it was still better than the other fantasy. Cleavon Little, Raymond St. Jacques, and Berlinda Tolbert all actually seemed to be invested in their characters, which made them a lot more fun to watch than the stiffs on the deserted island.

This week’s trip to the Island was a bit uneven. The jazz fantasy was occasionally entertaining. The other fantasy was forgettable. I don’t hold that against, Mr. Roarke. That’s just the way it goes sometimes.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.20 “Delphine/The Unkillable”

Posted on April 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 4.20 “Delphine/The Unkillable”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, Originally aired on April 11th, 1981)

For our first fantasy, Dr. Paul Todd (Randolph Mantooth) is a paleontologist who feels that the first life on Earth was silicon-based and that the missing link lives underneath a volcano on Fantasy Island. He comes to the Island with his girlfriend, Liz (Annette Funicello) and his assistant, Kyle (Alex Cord). With Roarke’s weary approval, they head off to the volcano to search for proof of Todd’s theory.

And they do find proof! After Kyle attempts to sexually assault Liz, she falls through a crevice and finds herself in the lair of …. well, it appears to be someone who is waring a rubber suit but Paul and Kyle are convinced that they’ve found their silicon man! (Kyle attempting to force himself on Liz is seemingly forgotten.) The Silicon Man appears to be immortal, which proves to be a bit of problem when it decides to carry of Liz. But then the Silicon Man falls in a pool of lava and dies so I guess he wasn’t immortal. At the end of the show, Tattoo suggests that the The Silicon Man was made of lava and that’s why he was vulnerable to it but …. what?

Mr. Roarke doesn’t seem to be that worried about the Silicon Man or the fact that one of the island’s volcanoes is spewing lava. He’s more concerned with his goddaughter, Delphine (Ann Jillian).

According to Roarke, Delphine is the daughter of one of the Island’s oldest families. She has spent the last few years off the Island, working as an assistant for a magician named The Great Zachariah (Carl Ballantine). Delphine’s secret is that she actually does have magical powers! She’s the one who does all of Zachariah’s tricks for him. However, Delphine now wants to marry Greg (Don Galloway) and she doesn’t want him to know that she can move stuff with her mind and make people materialize out of thin air. Her fantasy is to lose her powers.

Zachariah, not happy about the prospect of losing his assistant, comes to the Island and teams up with fortune-telling Madame Cluny (Doris Roberts) to trick Delphine into revealing her powers and driving Greg away. Myself, I’m not really sure I understand why her magic powers would be a deal-breaker. I mean, Delphine can literally do anything! And, as we see in this episode, she only uses her powers for good. Why would Greg have a problem with that?

On the plus side, Ann Jillian (who starred in another show that I reviewed on this site, Jennifer Slept Here) gives a good performance as Delphine and it’s easy to imagine an alternate version of the show where she played Roarke’s sidekick. On the negative side, the rest of the show and both of the fantasies are just silly and never make any sense.

This was not a memorable trip to the Island. Seriously …. silicon?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/31/24 — 4/6/24

Posted on April 6, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week. (Most of this week was taken up with movies as opposed to television.)

Dirty Pair Flash (YouTube)

Yuri and Kei tried to capture a notorious con artist but instead ended up getting stranded in the middle of the wilderness with him. This is the first episode of Dirty Pair Flash where I’ve actually been able to follow the plot and I have to admit it was pretty amusing. I relate to Yuri. We have a similar attitude towards life and I appreciated her efforts to stay positive.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

Dr. Phil talked to a cheating husband and the wife who got revenge by having an affair of her own. Phil seemed fairly annoyed with both of them and I really can’t blame him.

Geraldo (YouTube)

In an episode from the late 80s, Geraldo Rivera talked to teenagers on death row, all of whom claimed to be former Satanists. I didn’t believe a word of it. One of the teens that Geraldo talked to ended up going to Oklahoma’s gas chambers ten years later so I guess the whole Satanism scam didn’t work for him. Myself, I’m just wondering how long Geraldo Rivera has been around.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Hulu)

Heh heh, the bowling episode. Dee finally knocked over a pin, just to discover that everyone had already left to go find something better to do. I laughed.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, via Peacock, I got caught up on the last three episodes of Law & Order. They were, as is typical of this show, uneven. The first episode that I watched dealt with a shooting at a hospital and it was well-done. The second episode was yet another one about a murdered millionaire and a dominatrix and it was enjoyably trashy. The third episode was a take on the death of Jordan Neely and it felt a bit like Leftist fanfic, straight down to portraying the Daniel Penny stand-in as being a secret white supremacist.

I continue to enjoy Reid Scott’s performance as the newest cop. Tony Goldwyn has now taken over as District Attorney and I guess he’ll be okay, though it’s going to be difficult to replace Sam Waterston. Neither Price nor Maroun seem like they were worth Jack resigning to protect.

Night Court (Peacock)

I finished up Night Court’s second season this week. I’m not really sure why I felt the need to watch the remaining episodes, because I laughed even less while watching the second season than I did while watching the first season. I think the main problem with this show is that there’s really no room for the characters to develop. Abby will always have to be impossibly naive or the show will have to totally change direction. Dan will always have to be a cynic or the show won’t work. The supporting characters all have to be one-dimensional or the show will be thrown off-balance. It’s just not a very good show, despite the best efforts of Melissa Rauch and John Larroquette.

Watched and reviewed elsewhere:

Baywatch Nights
Beane’s of Boston
Check it Out — The review will be dropping in about 90 minutes
CHiPs
Degrassi Junior High — The review will be dropping tomorrow
Fantasy Island
Friday the 13th: The Series
Highway to Heaven
The Love Boat
Miami Vice
Monsters
T and T
Welcome Back Kotter

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.19 “The Proxy Billionaire/The Experiment”

Posted on April 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, things get weird.

Episode 4.19 “The Proxy Billionaire/The Experiment”

(Dir by Richard Benedict, originally aired on March 21st, 1981)

This week’s episode is a bit of an odd one.

The first fantasy is fairly typical for the series. Playing two roles, Robert Goulet is cast as both a billionaire and as Frank Miller, a Wall Street analyst who wants to be a billionaire. The real billionaire agrees to allow Frank to live his life for the weekend. Frank soon discovers that being a billionaire is …. well, actually, it’s pretty cool. Except, of course, Phyllis Davis and Troy Donahue are plotting to poison him at a luau so that they can steal all of his money. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke shows up at the luau in time to catch the vial of poison as Davis and Donahue attempt to toss it away. Frank learns that being a billionaire is fine as long as no one wants to kill you. Still, he has to return to his normal life at the end of the weekend. Fortunately, the millionaire’s administrative assistant (Britt Ekland) has fallen in love with Frank and she decides to leave the Island with him.

As I said, this story felt pretty typical of Fantasy Island. Probably the highlight was Mr. Roarke walking in on Tattoo badgering Frank for financial advice. Roarke responded by giving Tattoo a strong glare that, if nothing else, reminded the audience that Tattoo and Roarke absolutely despise each other.

The other fantasy was …. well, it was weird. Dr. Lucas Bergmann (James Broderick) and his daughter, Lisa (hey!), come to the Island. Each has a fantasy. Lisa (played by Laurie Walters) says her fantasy is for Lucas to relax and enjoy himself and to stop obsessing over bringing the dead back to life. Lucas’s fantasy is to bring the dead back to life. Roarke sets Lucas and Lisa up in a bungalow that once belonged to another scientist who also wanted to play God. Roarke warns Lucas that the local Islanders are superstitious and they might not appreciate him tampering in God’s domain.

(If the Islanders are that superstitious, how are they handling living on a magical island that is ruled by a mercurial demigod?)

Soon, the Islanders are beating their drums and Lucas’s mute assistant (Woody Strode) is looking concerned. Lucas steps outside and discovers that Lisa has apparently drowned in a nearby lake. Lucas decides that she’ll be the subject of his experiment. Can he bring her back to life? Lucas doesn’t find out because the Islanders storm his bungalow and Lucas runs into the jungle, fleeing until he eventually runs into Roarke, Tattoo, and …. LISA!

It turns out that Lisa was only pretending to be dead in order to teach her father a lesson. And it also turns out that the Islanders were in on it and Woody Strode can speak.

WHAT!?

Seriously, was there not a simpler and perhaps less traumatic way to teach Lucas a lesson? This seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to. Lucas does realize that he doesn’t need to raise the dead to be happy so that’s good. Still, this whole thing just feels weird.

Of course, weird is good when it comes to Fantasy Island. With Roarke and Tattoo barely on speaking terms, it’s even more important for the fantasies to be memorable. And I will never forget about the time Mr. Roarke tricked a scientist into believing his only child was dead. Seriously, I’m stunned Mr. Roarke was never sued.

Next week, we meet Mr. Roarke’s goddaughter!