Brad reviews NOWHERE TO RUN (1993), starring Jean-Claude Van Damme!


In NOWHERE TO RUN, Jean-Claude Van Damme plays Sam Gillen, a recently escaped convict who finds himself hiding on the outer edges of a rural farm owned by widowed mother Clydie Anderson (Rosanna Arquette) and her two children, Mookie and Bree (Kieran Culkin and Tiffany Taubman). Through a variety of circumstances, Sam learns that a ruthless developer, Franklin Hale (Joss Ackland), and his enforcer Mr. Dunston (Ted Levine), are trying to force all of the farmers to sell their land, using violence if necessary. When bad guys show up one night and threaten Clydie and her kids, Sam emerges from the woods and kicks their asses. Soon Sam finds himself fighting off more of Hale’s goons, romancing the beautiful widow and becoming more emotionally connected to the kids. With his past closing in, Sam decides to do whatever it takes to protect Clydie and her kids, even if that costs him his freedom.

The late 80’s and early 90’s saw the emergence of two new action stars… Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme. As a constant patron of our local video stores, I was there at the beginning of their careers and rented each of their new movies as they became available. Van Damme would establish himself in hit films like BLOODSPORT (1988), KICKBOXER (1989), DEATH WARRANT (1990) and UNIVERSAL SOLDIER (1992). As a big fan, I found myself in a movie theater in January of 1993 to watch his latest film, NOWHERE TO RUN. 

With a plot that resembles an old western… a man corrupted by wealth tries to force a widow off her land until a kind-hearted drifter steps in… NOWHERE TO RUN isn’t trying to reinvent the action genre, but it does give Van Damme a different kind of role. His Sam Gillen isn’t a wisecracking action hero or an unstoppable martial artist. Rather, he’s a flawed man with a particular set of skills who’s looking for redemption. I think Van Damme plays that soulful weariness better than most would give him credit for. Rosanna Arquette brings a credible presence to this genre film that helps sell the relationship between her and Van Damme, and the presence of her kids, also amps up the stakes and gives the story a genuine sense of vulnerability. When Sam decides to fight back, it’s not to protect himself, but to protect people worth standing up for. That motivation helps make the film more engaging than you might normally expect from an early 90’s action film. 

Speaking of action, NOWHERE TO RUN doesn’t feature a ton of action, but what it does have is effective. The early sequence where Van Damme’s character initially steps in to help the terrorized family is especially strong. There are several additional fight sequences and a prolonged motorcycle chase to provide some entertainment, but don’t expect wall-to-wall action or you could be disappointed. Joss Ackland (LETHAL WEAPON 2) and Ted Levine (THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS) are suitably nasty villains so we definitely want to see them get their comeuppances, and the film effectively obliges. I also like the fact that NOWHERE TO RUN is set out on a rural farm. This setting enhances its “western” feel, and I certainly appreciate that unique element for an action film of this era. 

At the end of the day, I enjoyed NOWHERE TO RUN when I watched it in the movie theater back in 1993, and I enjoyed it again today. It’s certainly not flashy and action packed like HARD TARGET or TIMECOP, but it is a solid, and surprisingly emotional Van Damme film. I recommend it. 

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.26 “Three Dudes And A Baby”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

All good things must end.

And so must all bad things.

Episode 2.26 “Three Dudes And A Baby”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 20th, 2000)

It’s over!

After two seasons and over 50 episodes, Malibu, CA is over!

As opposed to the other Peter Engel shows that I’ve reviewed on this site, Malibu CA doesn’t get a real finale.  Instead, the final episode is just another stupid 22 minutes that signify nothing.  When waitress Stacie (Kristen Miller) goes out of town, Murray, Jason, and Peter take care of her baby.  Awwwww …. wait a minute.  Why would anyone leave their baby with those idiots?

When the three men find out that Stacie is getting divorced from her husband, all three try to step up.  Murray asks Stacie to marry him.  So does Jason.  Peter offers to adopt her.  Stacie reveals that she and her husband have decided to stay together.  Are you sure, Stacie?  Murray is like really rich.

Meanwhile, Lisa (the character, not me!) gets upset because her little sister is a fan of Traycee’s television show and is thinking of quitting college so she can become an actress.  Lisa blames all of this on Traycee which is weird because 1) Traycee didn’t force Lisa’s sister to do anything and 2) Traycee has found a lot of success as an actress and if Traycee can do it, why can’t Lisa’s sister do it?

This is a typical Lisa story.  Lisa (the character, not me!) acts like a total bitch, whines nonstop, and blames everything on Traycee, even though none of it is really Traycee’s fault.  Adding the character of Lisa was one of the biggest mistakes that was Malibu CA made during its second season.  The first season was pretty dire but, in the end, it was actually better than the second season and that’s entirely because the first season did not feature Lisa (the character, not me).  I don’t want to be too hard on the actress who played her because it’s not exactly as if she was being given great material to work with.  That said, Lisa was a poorly-written character who basically was portrayed as always being annoyed with something.  The fact that the finale of the show focuses on her as opposed to wrapping up the stories of Jason and Scott says a lot about why this show was the most forgettable of all of the Peter Engel-produced sitcoms.

And so, Malibu CA comes to a close and there’s really not much to say about it.  Peter Engel tried to work his Saved By The Bell/California Dreams/Hang Time magic but the show never really found a consistent tone and neither of the Collins brothers were particularly likable protagonists.  It’s really not a shock that neither Jason Hayes nor Trevor Merszei went on to have acting careers after this show ended.

On a positive note, Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor were consistently amusing, if just because they were smart enough to embrace the oddness of their characters.  And Ed Blatchford had his moments as the father figure.  Otherwise, this was a forgettable sitcom that signified the end of an era.

Next week, something new will be coming to TSL in this timeslot.  What will it be?  We’ll find out next Thursday!

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.25 “Big Daddy”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week sounds pretty bad.  On the plus side, I’m nearly done with this show.

Episode 2.25 “Big Daddy”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 13th, 2000)

This episode of Malibu CA is the last episode to not be available on YouTube.  Here’s the plot summary from the imdb:

Lisa tells Jason and Traycee about the good feeling she gets from volunteering at the local Community Center and encourages them to do likewise. Traycee is ready to volunteer but Jason isn’t interested until he sees some of the pretty girls from the center, especially Diana. Jason hopes to get some one-on-one time with Diana at the Center but she assigns him to be a “Big Buddy” for a local boy, Kenny. At first the two don’t get along very well, with Kenny insulting Jason every chance he gets. But eventually they warm up to each other and Jason lets Kenny borrow his old guitar, on which he plans to teach the youngster to play.

According to Wikipedia, Scott Whyte (of City Guys “fame”) appears in this episode as Alex’s new boyfriend, who Scott suspects is a thief.

Both plotlines sound pretty dire.  It’s interesting that the second season featured guest appearances from people who previously appeared on Hang Time and City Guys.  I guess the thinking was that it would help the show’s rating.  It must not have worked because there was never a third season.

Next week, we have the series finale and that episode has been uploaded to YouTube so I’ll get to see how this all ended.  Even better, I’ll be done with Malibu CA and not a minute to soon, to be honest.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.24 “Scott A Go Go”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This episode …. well, I don’t have much to say about it.  Find out why below.

Episode 2.24 “Scott A Go Go”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 6th, 2000)

This is one of the Malibu CA episodes that has not been uploaded to YouTube so I can’t review it.  However, I can give you the plot summary from imdb:

Lisa tries to find out what Scott has bought for her birthday but he won’t tell. Traycee and Alex ask about the present and Scott tells them it’s rollerblades. The girls tell him Lisa has her heart set on an expensive Tiffany watch. Later Lisa asks Scott for some hints as to what his gift is and she mistakenly concludes he bought her the watch. She’s so overjoyed that Scott doesn’t have the heart to correct her. Scott wonders how he will pay for the $800 gift. Murray suggests that he come with him to the “Guys a Go-Go” club and audition as a male dancer.

Wow, that sounds awful!  Malibu CA is a show that is so predictably bad that just reading the plot description, I can already imagine Scott looking confused, Lisa overacting, and the audience going, “Wooo!” at Scott dancing.

By the way — Lisa has her heart set on a $800 Tiffany watch?  Really?  Lisa (the character, not me) might want to consider that Scott is a waiter!

Anyway, if this episode is ever uploaded to YouTube, I’ll do a proper review.  Until then, I’m just happy to have an excuse to not have to watch this show this week.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.23 “The Houseguest”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, it’s competition to see who can be the worst character.

Episode 2.23 “The Houseguest”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 29th, 2000)

A recurring theme for these reviews is that Lisa (the character, not me) is the worst.  Amazingly, in this episode, she’s only the third worse.

The second worse is Jason.  When Murray announces that he’s going to be spending the week at a convention for surfers, he leaves the key to his apartment with Lisa at the Surf Shack so that Lisa can give the key to the house sitter.  Jason and Scott, wondering why they’ve never been invited to Murray’s apartment, steal both the key and the note that Murray left.  Along with Lisa, they go to his apartment and break in.  It turns out that Murray, who is the son of a multi-millionaire, has a really nice apartment that has a hot tub in the living room!  In other words, he’s a rich guy with a rich apartment.

Now, there’s a few things to consider, when it comes to deciding who is the worst of these three.  First off, all three of them are breaking into Murray’s apartment despite the fact that he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want them there.  Secondly, thanks to Jason and Scott, Murray’s house sitter is now out of a job because they didn’t get the key or the note telling them where the apartment was located.  Third, Jason decides to move into the apartment and pretend that he owns it because he has a crush on the lingerie model living next door.

When Murray comes back unexpectedly, Jason tells Murray that Peter’s aunt just died and Peter would appreciate it if Murray spent a week living at the Collins house.  Jason then tells Peter and Scott that Murray’s aunt died and that he needs a place to stay for a week.  This is the dumbest freaking thing I have ever seen.  Why would Jason come up with two lies that would definitely fall apart as soon as Murray or Peter or Scott, for that matter, had any sort of casual conversation?

Regardless of his logic (or lack of it), it’s all enough to position Jason as being worse than both Scott and even Lisa.

And yet,  of all the character in this particular episode, Jason is only the second worse.  Alex (Suzanne Davis) is even more terrible than Jason in this episode.  When soap opera star Traycee says that she needs to hire an assistant, Alex volunteers for the job.  At first, Traycee tells Alex to fill in for Lisa at the Surf Shack so Traycee can take Lisa to the new Matt Damon movie.  (I hope they enjoyed The Talented Mr. Ripley.)  Then Tracyee orders Alex to “detail” Peter’s car.  That all made me laugh but then Alex insisted on helping Traycee out on the show.  Traycee lets Alex read the latest script for her show.  Alex gets offended by the script, telling Traycee that, since she’s playing a doctor, she needs to stand up for herself and tell the producer that she’s not going to wear a bikini in all of her scenes.  Even though Traycee doesn’t want to, she tells the producer exactly what Alex told her to say.  And Traycee gets fired.

Why is Alex the worse?  Alex is correct that the soap opera is exploitive and sexist and not a realistic portrayal of life in hospital.  However, Alex is not the one on the show.  Traycee is one on the show and she’s happy with her job and she’s certainly making more money as an actress on a soap opera than Alex is making as lifeguard or Lisa is making as a waitress.  It’s not Alex’s place to tell Traycee to refuse to do a scene, especially when Traycee herself doesn’t have any objection to anything in the script.  Traycee does get her job back, on the condition that she fire Alex.  “Okay,” Traycee said, “you’re fired.”  YAY, TRAYCEE!

(To be honest, there’s something a little hypocritical about Malibu CA criticizing a show for featuring women in bikinis when every episode of Malibu CA might as well have been shot with ogle cam.)

This was a bad episode but, to give credit where credit is due, Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor once again showed that they were the only two consistently good things about Malibu CA.  Even though they were playing caricatures, both Brooks and Taylor brought a lot of energy and sincerity to their performances.  It made Murray and Traycee the only likable characters on both this particular episode and the series overall.

Only three more episodes to go!  My nightmare will soon be over.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, everyone on the show continues to be absolutely terrible.  Every day, I am thankful that there are only a handful of episodes left.

Episode 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 22nd, 2000)

This week’s episode of Malibu, CA was perhaps the worst 22 minutes of television that I have ever watched.  Not surprisingly, the episode focused on Lisa (the character, not me).

Lisa wants to be a doctor.  She’s just received an ER internship.  But when Scott cuts his finger, she sees the blood and faints.  When she shows up at the ER, she gets overwhelmed by all the patients and runs around in a panic saying things like, “You could have flesh-eating bacteria!”  The ER doctor tells Lisa that she has no business in the medical field.

And he’s absolutely right.  If you can’t handle the sight of blood, you shouldn’t be a doctor.  If you can’t check someone into the ER without telling them that they might have flesh-eating bacteria, you shouldn’t be a doctor.  That’s just common sense.  Being a doctor is an important job.  You don’t get a second chance to not kill someone.

And yet we’re supposed to feel bad for Lisa as she worries about never becoming a doctor, even though it’s her own fault for telling a patient with sunburn that he has flesh-eating bacteria.  Lisa’s reaction to what appears to be a rather small cut on Scott’s finger is so over-the-top that it should automatically be disqualifying as far as becoming a doctor is concerned. Being a woman means dealing with blood on a regular basis and I’m talking about a lot more blood then you’re going to get from cutting a finger.  Lisa (the character, not me) is an unforgivable wimp.

And yet she is given a second chance, after someone injures themselves while surfing and Lisa tells everyone not to move his head.  The doctor at the ER theorizes that Lisa only freaked out about the blood because of how much she loves Scott.  “That why most doctors don’t treat their own family members!” he explains.  Lisa was so worried about freaking out over the blood that she got overwhelmed during her first night at the ER and …. LISTEN, I DON’T WANT A DOCTOR WHO GETS OVERWHELMED!  I don’t care what the excuse is.  I don’t want an incompetent doctor!

Let’s move on.  The B-plot was yet another plot where something good happens to Traycee and her stupid friends ruin it for her.  Traycee runs into a record promoter on the beach and he automatically gives her a recording contract.  She sings one of Jason’s songs.  The music video is filmed overnight but, when Jason, Tracyee, and Alex watch the video, Jason and Alex realize that another singer has been dubbed over Traycee’s vocals.

Jason is offended.  It’s goes against his …. his what?  Up until now, Jason has been portrayed as a compulsive liar who only cares about money.  Now, suddenly, he cares about integrity?  Anyway, after Jason tells her, Traycee is also offended and she refuses to continue working with the promoter.  I assume that means Traycee will now be sued for several million dollars.  Way to go, Jason!

God, I hate this show.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.21 “Parent Trap”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Soon, I will be finished with this show.  I’m just trying to keep my spirits up.

Episode 2.21 “Parent Trap”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 15th, 2000)

Peter is having a midlife crisis so Scott, Jason, and Traycee introduce him to Traycee’s mom, Candee (Wendi Winburn).  Peter falls for Candee and decides to ask her to marry him.  Traycee warns Scott and Jason that Candee has been proposed to by a lot of men — including Donald Trump! — and she always turns them down.  But, for some reason, Candee accepts Peter’s proposal.  But then, at the celebration dinner, Candee mentions that she wants to travel and Peter mentions that he wants to stay in Malibu and manage his restaurant (even though he tried to retire just a few episodes ago) and Candee and Peter decide not to get married.  They both share a laugh over the whole thing which struck me as odd.

Meanwhile, Lisa gets upset when Murray paints a naked picture of her.  She goes to Murray’s art showing and attempts to paint clothes on her body and seriously, I just wanted the police to arrest her and drag her away.  What a stupid storyline.  Lisa (the character, not me) is the worst.

This episode …. hey, it fit the running time and stuff happened.  Apparently, by this point in the second season, that’s all anyone was demanding from Malibu CA.  There’s an odd lack of conflict in this episode.  Candee wants to go on safari.  Peter doesn’t.  They laugh and call the whole thing off.  Uhmm, okay.  Most engagements end on a bit more of a dramatic (or, at the very least, an emotional) note.  When I was 18, I was briefly engaged until I found out that my fiancé’s family didn’t actually own all of those oil wells in South Texas, despite the fact that he claimed otherwise.  That was not a happy breakup.  Everyone in this episode is so agreeable that it’s boring.  For someone who was totally in love, Peter certainly seem to be cheerful about never seeing Candee again.  Seriously, he picked his tacky restaurant over the supposed love of his life.  What an idiot.

Oh well, at least this show is nearly over.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.17 “The New York Girl”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, it’s guest star time!

Episode 2.17 “The New York Girl”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 26th, 2000)

There are only two likable characters on Malibu CA.

One of them is Murray, played by Brandon Brooks.  Usually, I hate overly eccentric sidekicks but Brooks played the role with such sincerity that he won me over.  The other is Traycee, played by Priscilla Inga Taylor.  Traycee is likable because she’s supposed to be an airhead but, because everyone around her is so terrible, it’s hard not to appreciate her kind and nonjudgmental attitude.

As for our other characters, Scott (Trevor Merszei) is not as bad as he was during the first season but he’s still basically a shallow frat boy.  Jason (Jason Hayes) is a sociopath and, deep into the second season, Hayes still had a bad habit of looking directly at the camera before delivering his lines.  Peter (Ed Blatchford) was likable but it’s hard to respect his decision to continually leave his restaurant in the hands of idiot sons.  Lifeguard Alex (Suzanne Davis) is boring.  Scott’s girlfriend, Lisa (Marquita Terry), is a judgmental killjoy who needs to change her name.  (If her name was Lisa Marie, I’d probably have to abandon this show.)

My point is that there’s really no one to root for on Malibu CA.  Murray and Traycee are mostly just supporting characters and all of the main characters suck.  Given that no one was going to watch this show for the main cast, it’s perhaps not a surprise that, in the 2nd season, Malibu, CA started bringing in guest stars from other Peter Engel shows.  Earlier, Hang Time’s Dick Butkus showed up as Uncle Charlie.  This week, City Guy’s Marissa Dyan shows up as Maggie, an old friend from New York.  Maggie used to be awkward and had braces and Jason pretended to be sick to get out of going to prom with her.

(Why was Jason going to prom in New York when, last season, he was a junior at Malibu High?)

When Maggie shows up in Malibu, Jason is shocked to discover that she now looks like Cassidy from City Guys.  Jason is eager to date her now because Jason is an extremely shallow person.  When Maggie finds out that Jason faked being sick to get out of prom, she gives him a chance to come clean.  “Were you really sick?” she asks.  Jason, being the worst person ever in the history of television, swears that he was.  He also asks her to bid on him in a bachelor auction that Lisa and Alex have put together for charity.

Ha ha, Jason, joke’s on you!  Maggie not only doesn’t bid on him but she allows Jason to be “won” by Kitty (Missy Dotty), who is slightly overweight.  The audience gasps, stunned at the idea of Jason having to spend time with someone who isn’t blonde.  And it bears repeating that Malibu CA is, without a doubt, the worst freaking thing I have ever watched for Retro Television Reviews.  Anyway, Jason apologizes to Maggie before she goes to New York.

Meanwhile, Peter and Scott had a stupid bet going over which one of them could raise the most money for charity at the bachelor auction.  Does no one find it weird that the auction is basically just Peter and his sons?  Peter’s a wimp and his sons probably aren’t going to survive the #MeToo era.  Are Lisa and Alex actually trying to raise money for charity or is this all a cruel joke?

I hate this show.

 

 

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 2.16 “Movin’ On Out”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, guess who is the worst?

Episode 2.16 “Movin’ On Out’

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 19th, 2000)

This episode revisits a familiar theme.  Lisa — this is, the show’s Lisa as opposed to your intrepid, red-headed reviewer — is the absolute worse.  This week, Lisa is annoyed with Traycee because Traycee doesn’t always give Lisa her messages and Traycee sent the plumber home before he could fix the sink.  (Traycee thought Lisa was trying to set her up on a date with the plumber.)  Lisa says, “I can’t live like this” and proceeds to write up a long list of rules that Traycee will have to follow if she wants to continue living in the apartment.

(If I remember correctly, Traycee’s name is on the lease so how exactly Lisa is going to kick her out, I have no idea.)

It’s a really long list.  Traycee decides to move in with the Collins brothers.  The Collins brothers are excited because Traycee is planning on throwing a lingerie party with all of her friend.  (Jason and Scott assume they’ll be invited.)  Lisa tell Jason and Scott that they will regret letting Traycee move in but actually, Jason and Scott love living with her.

Meanwhile, Lisa gets a new roommate, who turns out to be a psychotic wrestling fan.  And really, that’s where this episode should have ended.  Lisa spent this episode acting like a spoiled snob, going so far as to tell other people — like the Collins brothers — not to let Traycee live with them.  Hey, Lisa — IT WAS TRAYCEE’S APARTMENT IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE!  And didn’t we already do this stupid story at the start of the season?  Yes, we did!  This episode should have ended with Lisa realizing her new roommate was crazy.  Instead, it ended with Lisa giving Traycee a not terribly convincing apology.

Anyway, Traycee does move back in with Lisa.  She was tired of the Collins boys always wanting her to throw another party.  Lisa kicks out her new roommate.  Has Lisa ever considered that she might be impossible to live with?

Fortunately, the B-plot was kind of cute.  After witnessing him saving the life of a sea lion, Alex develops a crush on Murray.  Murray likes Alex but he worries she’s too beautiful to ever stick with a guy like him.  Jason advices Murray to act like an obnoxious jackass because women love that.  (Excuse me while I dramatically roll my eyes.)  Murray takes Jason’s advice, even though Jason hasn’t had a girlfriend since Stads abandoned him for Europe.

(Seriously, Stads dumped Jason for a continent.  Ha ha, sucks to be you, Jason.)

This B-plot may have been dumb but you know what?  Brandon Brooks was adorable as the emotionally vulnerable Murray.  Brooks is often the only reason to watch this show.  He manages to play the goofy best friend without turning the character into a Screech-style caricature and that makes him unique amongst the goofy best friends who populated the sitcoms that Peter Engel produced in the 90s and early aughts.  When I watched the pilot, I never would have guessed that Murray would eventually become my favorite character but that is what has happened.  On a show where everyone else is either self-absorbed, bitchy, or just a jackass, Murray’s good vibes are often Malibu CA’s saving grace.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.15 “Goin’ Up In Smoke”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, Jason’s smoking!  And Dick Butkus shows up.

Episode 2.15 “Goin’ Up In Smoke”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 12th, 2000)

Okay, can we just agree that Lisa is the absolute worst?

No, not me!  I’m talking about the show’s Lisa, the premed student played by Marquita Terry.  In this episode, she somehow gets a job writing theater reviews for the local newspaper.  When Traycee puts on her own version of Romeo and Juliet (an “urban” version that she calls Rom-e-yo and Juliet), Lisa has to review it.  Lisa doesn’t like the play so she writes a negative review in which she says that Traycee is a terrible actress.  Traycee reads the review and gets offended.  Lisa says that she didn’t have a choice.  She had to be honest.

Actually, Lisa did have a choice and it wouldn’t have been involved any sort of dishonesty.  Lisa could have simply said, “I can’t review this show because I have a conflict of interest.”  The show was adapted, directed, and produced by Lisa’s roommate!  That’s all Lisa had to say to get out of writing the review.   The newspaper could have sent someone else to write the review and Lisa would have been off the hook.  Instead, Lisa went to the show, trashed her roommate in the newspaper, and then acted like somehow she was the one being inconvenienced.

Seriously, Lisa is the worst and it doesn’t help that Marquita Terry’s performance on this show was so incredibly bad that she made the cast of One World look Emmy-worthy.  Seriously, you have to be really bad to make Cray from One World look good by comparison.

That was the B-plot.  The A-plot found Dick Butkus returning as Uncle Charlie, just in time for Jason to start smoking …. just like his favorite uncle!  Peter freaks out.  His son is smoking!  Hey, Peter …. your son is 19 years old and legally an adult.  If he wants to smoke, he can smoke.  He’s a musician in Malibu so you should really be thankful that smoking cigarettes is all he’s doing.

Uncle Charlie is a smoker too.  He and Jason try to quit together but, after one hour without a cigarette, they’re both ready to kill someone.  Uhmmm …. okay.  I don’t smoke but I know plenty of smokers and most of them can last for more than an hour without a cigarette.  Anyway, Uncle Charlie gets lung cancer because this is a Peter Engel sitcom and, therefore, every point has to be made with the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

This episode felt familiar, mostly because every single Peter Engel sitcom had at least one insane anti-smoking episode.  Having Dick Butkus show up just reminded me of how much better Hang Time handled smoking.  This episode annoyed me beyond all belief.

Thank God it’s the final season.