Cinemax Friday: Operation Cobra (1997, directed by Fred Olen Ray)

Posted on September 11, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Interpol agent Kyle Connors (kickboxing legend Don “The Dragon” Wilson) is sent into a tailspin when his partner, Trevor (Rick Hill), is apparently killed during a failed operation. Connors’s boss (played by the film’s director, Fred Olen Ray) orders Connors to go on leave so Connors promptly heads over to India. Connors is planning on capturing Daveed (Evan Lurie), the drug dealer who Kyle blames for murdering Trevor.

While searching for Daveed with the help of an honest (and obviously doomed) cop named Ravi (R. Madhavan), Connors has several battles with a group of Indian ninjas who are intent on capturing a mysterious woman named Shallimar (Deepti Bhatnagar). Connors also meets yet another mysterious woman, Callista (Tane McClure), who claims to be an intelligence agent and who tells him that Daveed’s boss is actually the enigmatic Victor Grayson (Michael Cavanaugh). While Connors is tracking down Grayson, he finds out about yet another shadowy crime boss known as The Hydra and a computer disk that can apparently be used to hack into computer in the known world.

Can you guess who The Hydra actually is?

As any aficionado of late night Cinemax can tell you, Don “The Dragon” Wilson and Fred Olen Ray are a match made in heaven. If you were growing up in the 90s, you knew Don “The Dragon” Wilson was cool because everyone who talked about him used both his given name and his nickname. He was never just “Don Wilson” or “The Dragon.” Instead, he was Don “The Dragon” Wilson. Though Wilson never had much screen presence, he was a good on-screen fighter and the fact that he wasn’t a typically muscle-bound action hero made him more interesting than an ‘actor” like Steven Seagal. Fred Olen Ray, meanwhile, was smart enough to get out of the way and let Wilson kickbox his way through the movie. Though the story is nearly impossible to follow, a few good fight scenes more than make up for it. Ray understands that is what most of his audience (maybe all of his audience) is going to be watching for.

Though the plot of Operation Cobra never makes any sense, most people will know what they’re going to get when they see who directed it and who is starring in it. Even though the film wasn’t shot in the most photogenic areas of India (because that would have cost too much money), it still makes good use of its location footage and it’s hard not to be entertained by a film features Don “The Dragon” Wilson, Tane McClure, Rick Hill, and Evan Laurie. That’s B-action movie nirvana. I also liked that it was never entirely clear what the computer disk actually did but that it was extremely important than it not fall in the wrong hands. It was the ultimate MacGuffin and because the film was made in 1997, it wasn’t necessary to go into details. All that had to be said was that it had something to do with computers and that automatically made it a big deal. That’s just the way things were in the 90s.

Everything You Know About Vampires Is Wrong: Night Hunter (1996, directed by Rick Jacobson)

Posted on October 3, 2019 by Jedadiah Leland

Forget everything you know about vampires!

Did you think that vampires could only go out at night? Wrong. They can run around in broad daylight.

Did you think that you needed a cross or a stake to kill a vampire? Wrong. You can break their necks or use a shotgun.

Did you think that we get new vampires by vampires biting their victims late at night? Wrong. Vampires can only breed during a solar eclipse.

Did you think that there’s thousands of vampires hiding out across the world? Wrong. There’s only seven left.

That’s the idea behind Night Hunter, which stars Don “The Dragon” Wilson as Jack Cutter. Cutter’s grandparents were vampire hunters. His parents were vampire hunters. Cutter was destined to be a vampire hunter. And now that he’s the only member of his family left alive, he is determined to wipe out the last few remaining vampires. Jack has two problems. The first is that the police don’t believe in vampires so they just think that Jack is going around Los Angeles and killing random people. The second is that a solar eclipse is rapidly approaching and, if the vampires breed, all of Jack’s work will be for nothing. Accompanied by a plucky tabloid reporter named Raimy (Melanie Smith), Jack searches for the king of the vampires. Not coincidentally, Raimy looks just like the woman that the king once loved over a hundred years ago.

For a direct-to-video vampire film, Night Hunter’s not bad. Wilson may not have been a great actor but he was one of the best kick boxers in the world and this brings a verisimilitude to Night Hunter‘s action scenes that most direct-to-video action films couldn’t hope to duplicate. Rick Jacobson directed the majority of Wilson’s films and, in Night Hunter, he keeps things moving along at a steady pace. Night Hunter doesn’t waste any time getting to the vampire action and it never pretends to be anything more than what it is. Best of all, the film’s got Maria Ford as a French vampire named Tourneur who says things like, “I will not await vengeance, the hunter will die!”

When I first watched Night Hunter, I thought that it was a rip-off of Blade but Blade actually came out two years after Night Hunter. Unless Don “The Dragon” Wilson (who co-produced) was a fan of Tomb of Dracula, the similarities between the two films are probably coincidental. While Night Hunter may not be Blade, it’s still pretty damn cool.

Italian Horror Showcase: Zombi 4: After Death (dir by Claudio Fragasso)

Posted on October 18, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1989 Italian zombie film, After Death, takes place on a Caribbean island. I’m not sure if the island was actually given a name in the film. If they mentioned it, I either didn’t hear it or I didn’t bother to jot it down in my notes. But, to be honest, the island doesn’t really need a name. If you’ve ever seen an Italian zombie film, you’ll recognize the island immediately. It features the same lush tropical jungle that was used in Hell of the Living Dead and there’s the usual voodoo-loving island natives. Whether it was in Zombi 2 or Zombie Holocaust, you’ve seen this island before.

Years ago, Jenny grew up on the island. Her parents were scientists, working to discover a cure for cancer. But, after one of them shot and killed the local voodoo priest, all of the scientists on the island ended up getting eaten by zombies. Jenny would have been eaten as well, except for the fact that she owns a magic necklace.

Now an adult, Jenny (Candice Daly) is returning to the island with a group of mercenaries. We know that they’re meant to be mercenaries because they have guns and grenades and headbands. They’re not exactly the most impressive paramilitary crew that’s ever appeared in a movie. I mean, if this was a Predator movie, it would be a contest to see which one of them ended up getting killed first.

Jenniy and the mercenaries are heading to island to discover why her parents were killed. As soon as they arrives at the island, their boat’s engine dies, which is really rotten luck because now they’re stranded. Of course, their luck is about to get even worse….

But first, we cut to some hikers. They’re hiking the island and you have to wonder why Jenny and the mercenaries were acting like this island was so isolated when apparently, anyone can just hire a guide and hike it anytime they want to. Anyway, the hikers stumble into a cave that they shouldn’t have stumbled into. This leads to the zombies once again coming to “life” and proceeding to attack anyone who they perceive as not belonging on the island.

Only one of the hikers survives. Fortunately Chuck (played by Jeff Stryker, a porn star who appeared in this film under the name Chuck Peyton) manages to find the mercenaries and together, they all hide out in a deserted laboratory. Unfortunately, one of the mercenaries has been injured by the zombies and is slowly dying. Soon, everyone is under siege as the undead surround the lab….

So, After Death is a totally ludicrous film that I can’t help but kind of like. It doesn’t quite rise to the level of being a guilty pleasure but, for the most part, the cast fully commits to their thinly-written roles and, from the minute the dead come back to life, the action is nonstop. These aren’t your typical mindless zombies, just wandering about and randomly eating people. Instead, these zombies are on a mission and their determination makes them a bit more menacing than the typical decaying cannibal. While director Claude Fragasso never creates the type of ominous atmosphere that distinguished the zombie films of Lucio Fulci, he still keeps the action moving at a steady pace. Even the fact that the ending makes no sense adds to the film’s weird charm.

After Death is also known as Zombi 4: After Death. When Dawn of the Dead was released in the Italy, it was called Zombi. It’s success led to Lucio Fulci making a film called Zombi 2, which, while being a fantastic horror film, had nothing to do with George Romero’s classic. The success of Zombi 2 led to Zombi 3, which was started by Fulci but completed by Claudio Fragasso’s frequent collaborator, Bruno Mattei. (Fragasso also wrote the screenplay for Zombi 3.) Beyond the undead and the island setting, After Death has nothing to do with the previous Zombi films. It has even less to do with the subsequent Zombi 5: Killing Birds. However, you have to give the Italian exploitation film industry some credit. They never allowed a good title to go to waste.

The Things You Find On Netflix: The Scorpion King 4: Quest For Power (dir by Mike Elliott)

Posted on January 8, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Believe it or not, The Scorpion King 4: Quest For Power is a historical footnote. It is the first 2015 release to be available for viewing on Netflix streaming! That’s because The Scorpion King 4 was a straight-to-video release and Universal Pictures doesn’t seem to have much faith in the film’s commercial prospects. In fact, if not for my love of historical footnotes, I probably would never have even watched the film.

But I did watch it, mostly because I didn’t like the idea of The Woman In Black 2 being the only 2015 films that I had seen up to that point.

And you know what?

The Scorpion King 4 is cheap, silly, and often times impossible to follow. But, when taken on its own terms, it’s also a lot of fun. At the very least, it’s more entertaining than The Woman In Black 2.

As for what the film is about … well, that’s a good question. To be honest, I’ve never seen any of the previous Scorpion King films. I know from Wikipedia that the character was spun-off from Brendan Fraser’s old Mummy film and, while I’ve seen bits and pieces of it on cable over the years, I’ve never actually sat through that entire movie. However, I do know that the Mummy was Egyptian and apparently, so was the Scorpion King.

So, you would assume that Scorpion King 4 would take place in ancient Egypt. And indeed, the opening scene is set in the desert and involves the Scorpion King, also known as Mathayus (Victor Webster), and his partner Drazen (Will Kemp) storming a fortress that feels vaguely Egyptian. After a lengthy battle, Mathayus and Drazen steal an urn that is covered with hieroglyphics. However, Drazen double crosses Mathayus and takes the urn for himself.

Okay, I thought, we’re obviously in Egypt.

Except, of course, in the very next scene, Mathayus meets with his employer, King Zakour (Rutger Hauer). King Zakour explains that Drazen is the son of a rival king (played by Michael Biehn, who makes little effort to hide his Southern accent). Zakour also explains that the urn hides mystical secrets that, if deciphered, could allow Drazen to conquer the world. Zakour sends Mathays to the rival kingdom, ordering him to deliver a peace treaty.

And, while Zakour delivers all of this exposition, it’s hard not to notice that he appears to live in an ancient Roman villa and he has a rather cheap-looking crown perched on his head.

Okay, I thought, the film has moved to the Roman Empire but at least I know we’re still in ancient times…

Except then Mathayus rides his camel into the rival kingdom and it turns out to look a like the set from a community theater production of Spamalot. As soon as Mathayus arrives, he is captured by Drazen’s men and ends up in a jail cell next to Valina (Ellen Holman), a revolutionary who is wearing a green, prison bikini top. After Mathays is framed for the king’s death, he and Valina escape from the prison and run into the wilderness, where Valina changes into a battle-worthy bikini top.

They reach the house of Valina’s father (Barry Bostwick) and it turns out to be a Dutch windmill! So, within the first 30 minutes of the film, we’ve gone from ancient Egypt to the Roman Empire to a medieval village in England to Renaissance Netherlands. Eventually, our characters will end up in another village, one that happens to feature a temple that looks a lot like a left over set from Hercules in the Haunted World…

What’s surprising is that the film’s refusal to settle on a definite setting or time period is actually oddly charming. As soon as that windmill showed up and a feather-covered Barry Bostwick flew across screen (Bostwick is an inventor who has filled the windmill with blueprints for cars and airplanes), I knew that this was a film that was at peace with being a mess. And you had to respect the film’s no apologies attitude towards being incoherent.

Trying to keep up with the plot is exhausting so I suggest that, if you should find yourself watching The Scorpion King 4, you ignore the plot. The best thing about The Scorpion King 4 is that it doesn’t take itself all that seriously. All of the dialogue is either intentionally melodramatic or anachronistically humorous and all of the actors seem to be having fun going over the top. Some of the fight scenes are exciting, some of the scenery is pretty, and some parts of the film are better than others.

In the end, The Scorpion King 4 is pretty forgettable. But it’s still better than The Woman In Black 2.