Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.17 “Runaway”

Posted on August 26, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

It’s time for more bicycle action.

Episode 2.17 “Runaway”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on January 19th, 1997)

A teenage girl (Boti Bliss) is missing on the boardwalk. Maggie Garrity (Justina Vail), who runs the local shelter, is looking for her. When she asks the bike patrol for help, TC is dismissive up until he looks up from his paperwork and sees Maggie. I’ve noticed that this is a patten with the bike patrol. It’s rare that they do anything until they see it will involve hanging out with an attractive members of the opposite sex.

TC recruits Chris to help him put up flyers. Chris rolls her eyes because, seriously, why should a member of law enforcement be concerned with a teenage girl who has been abducted by a pimp (Gene Lythgow) and his psycho girlfriend (Ami Dolenz)? Personally, I would dread working for Chris because she never stops complaining. It says a lot about this show that the we’re nearly done with the second season and Chris still doesn’t have a personality beyond being whiny.

TC falls for Maggie but Maggie’s a nun! After they manage to rescue the missing girl, TC asks Maggie if maybe she could stop being a nun for a new nights so that they could go out on a date. Maggie says that it doesn’t work like that. What I find interesting is that TC has no problem casually asking Maggie to give up her vows just because he wants to date her. Hey, TC — this is why you’re single!

Meanwhile, Palermo has new expensive bicycle. What a dork. When the bike gets stolen, Victor has to find it. Palermo sure is mad about his missing bike. What a loser.

This show is not growing on me.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.16 “Soft Targets”

Posted on August 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a crazed gunman takes over the beach. Good thing the Bike Patrol’s there….

Episode 2.16 “Soft Targets”

(Dir by Ron Satlof, originally aired on January 12th, 1997)

Zack Torrance (Terence Knox, a.k.a. St. Elsewhere‘s Dr. White) is a former soldier who claims that he has information about the CIA smuggling drugs into the U.S. as a way to help raise money to defeat the communists in Central America. This is a conspiracy theory that I’m very familiar with. I don’t quite buy it because it assumes a bit too much competence on the part of the CIA. That said, it’s a popular conspiracy theory amongst some. All I know is that communism sucks.

Kind of like this show!

Anyway, Zack opens fire on a beach and holds everyone hostage because he wants to get his story out. For some reason, the job of securing the beach and negotiating with Zack falls to these dorks:

The CIA shows up in the form of Franklin Quill (Sherman Howard). Quill takes over the negotiations and, while TC and Chris glower in the background, he proceeds to shoot and kill Zack. Zack dies and the story doesn’t get out. TC looks upset but he doesn’t really do anything to stop Quill so you know what? Get bent, TC.

Seriously, this episode …. ugh. First off, hostage episodes are boring to begin with. There’s only so many times you can watch some sweaty guy barking out orders before you get bored with the whole thing. Pacific Blue makes things worse by bringing in the Bike Patrol. We’re supposed to dislike Quill but actually, Quill shows up, takes charge of the situation, and brings things to a close. The fact that TC spends the whole episode standing around with an annoyed expression on his face doesn’t make Quill any less effective. For this entire episode, TC whines and bitches about Quill’s tactics but TC never actually develops any tactics of his own. If anything, the Bike Patrol is kind of superfluous in this episode.

Terence Knox was believably desperate as Zach. Holly Robinson Peete showed up as a woman who was wounded by Zach’s initial attack on the beach. She survived and then married a lifeguard (Robert Joseph). Palermo was not in this episode. Instead, he left to train a Bike Patrol in another country and left TC in charge of the Santa Monica’s Bike Patrol. Big mistake, if you ask me.

If there was any pleasure to be found in this episode, it came from just how poorly the Bike Patrol came across. Seriously, they couldn’t catch Zach. They couldn’t control the beach. What exactly do we need these people for? Bike Patrol, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.15 “Black Pearl”

Posted on August 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the bicycle mayhem continues.

Episode 2.15 “Black Pearl”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on January 5th, 1997)

TC arrests a woman named Alana (Angela Shelton) on drug and assault charges, just to discover that she’s an undercover DEA agent. TC fears that Alana is in over her head and he tells Alana’s superior, Enright (John Michael Bolger) that he needs to pull her out of the operation. Enright is like, “Whatever, bicycle boy.”

And, to be honest, I think Enright kind of has a point. Why are the bicycle cops always trying to tell other law enforcement agencies what to do? Every episode, either TC or Palermo and Chris gets a really angry look in their eyes and starts barking out orders at people they barely know. It’s bad enough that they ride bicycles. Do they have to act like a bunch of self-righteous pricks as well?

Speaking of bicycles, Victor has to get recertified to be a bike cop. Uh-oh, sounds like Victor could lose his job! Even worse, Victor’s partner in this episode is Chris so not only is Victor in danger of getting fired but he has to spend an entire week listening to Chris put him down. Seriously, there are few characters in the history of television that I dislike as much as I dislike Chris Kelly. Chris is the type who dismisses everyone’s problems before then launching into her hundredth monologue about how much it sucks going from being an Air Force pilot to a bike cop.

Victor trains with Hans Rhey. In this episode, everyone is like, “Oh my God, Hans Rey!” I had no idea who Hans Rey was. I looked him up after this episode and apparently, he was a superstar on the bicycle circuit. Hans does a lot of clunky bike tricks As was so often the case withe professional athletes who played themselves on shows like this, he wasn’t much of an actor. If anything, this episode reminded me of how stupid most people look riding their bicycles in the middle of the street.

Victor gets recertified. Alana ends up dead. Presumably, TC’s upset but since the actor playing him was only capable of one fascial expression, it can be hard to tell. In the end, the real tragedy remains how dorky everyone looks on the bicycles.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.14 “One Kiss Goodnight”

Posted on August 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Cory helps a man who can’t remember how lame this show is.

Episode 2.14 “One Kiss Goodnight”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on December 15th, 1996)

Alec Cooper (Markus Flanagan) gets amnesia after he falls off the balcony of his hotel room while trying to escape some mysterious men with guns. Cory tries to help Alec figure out who he actually is and she starts to fall in love with him in the process. Alec admits that there seems to be something familiar about Cory.

Well, that means there are only two possibilities.

Cory and Alec are either meant to be together

Alec is married to someone who looks just like Cory!

It turns out the latter is true. Alec eventually get his memory back and Cory meets his wife, who indeed looks a lot like her. Cory goes back to being single. Interestingly, Chris spends this entire episode telling Cory that she needs to date more but she doesn’t approve of Cory dating someone who has amnesia. Then again, Chris doesn’t really approve of anyone doing anything.

Meanwhile, TC’s girlfriend makes the decision to leave Santa Monica so that she can attend a graduate program and become a counselor for rape victims. This is the sort of storyline that would have been touching if TC has any personality or if he and his girlfriend had any sort of chemistry. But they don’t.

It probably sound like I hated this episode. Actually, I think it’s one of the better episodes of season 2, if just because the bike riding was kept to a minimum. The bikes would have made this awful. Without all of the bike nonsense, it was merely forgettable. That’s progress!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.13 “Outlaw Blues”

Posted on July 29, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, there’s way too much happening on the Boardwalk.

Episode 2.13 “Outlaw Express”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on December 8th, 1996)

Mahmoud (Shaun Toub) is selling cheap jewelry on the boardwalk. He gives Chris a “silver” necklace that makes her neck turn green. Uh-oh, someone’s allergic to tin!

Palermo’s daughter is hanging out with some extreme athletes who are pressuring her to take part in increasingly dangerous pranks on the boardwalk so that they can film them for their web site!

Two criminals are hijacking trucks and then forcing merchants to sell stolen goods! When they see that one truck driver is wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt, they shoot him in the back and then tell him, “Say hi to Jerry for me.” (I’m guessing they were referring to Jerry Garcia and not Jerry Springer but who knows with this show.)

Finally, Victor’s mother is staying at his apartment which means Victor can’t get laid!

Wow, there’s a lot to deal with this week. When a show tries to juggle this many plots, it really does remind you of the importance of having clearly defined and compelling characters. Pacific Blue doesn’t have any of that so this episode kind of sucked. We are 24 episodes into this stupid show and I still can’t tell the difference between Victor, TC, and Palermo whenever they’re riding their bikes. That’s a problem. 24 episodes in and Chris still doesn’t have a personality beyond being annoyed by everyone she talks to. That’s another problem.

(“I didn’t catch your first name Officer Kelly,” Mahmoud says. “Officer,” Chris replies, deploying the power glare.)

Seriously, just think about how much it would suck to be a victim of the crime, call 911, and then have these douchebags show up.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.12 “Wheels of Fire”

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, TC is pissed off because he’s expected to do his job.

Episode 2.12 “Wheels of Fire”

(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on November 17th, 1996)

Two Russian mobsters are shaking down businesses on the boardwalk. Only Ed Tarlow (Richard Redlin), a paraplegic who owns a “head shop,” is willing to testify against them. This means that he gets two undercover bicycle cops assigned to his shop to provide protection. TC and Cory get the assignment but it turns out that TC doesn’t want to protect Ed because he feels that Ed is selling drug paraphernalia and that Ed “is a cop hater.”

Hey, TC — it’s your job, idiot. You’re supposed to help everyone on the boardwalk, regardless of how you feel about them personally.

Still, TC spends most of the episode pouting. It’s mentioned that he’s also worried about studying for his upcoming sergeant’s exam but if TC is too immature to protect Ed without bitching about it than maybe TC doesn’t deserve a promotion. TC is also upset because his girlfriend wants to go out-of-state so that she can enroll in a graduate program, become a sex abuse counselor, and help rape victims. Because how dare she try to help other women without checking with TC first, right? TC IS THE WORST!

Eventually, Palermo rolls up and tells TC that Ed is a decorated veteran who was paralyzed by a cop during an anti-war protest. TC realizes that he misjudged Ed and he finally stops pouting enough to catch the Russian mobsters. But you know what? It shouldn’t matter how Ed ended up in wheelchair and it also shouldn’t matter whether or not he’s a veteran. TC’s job is to protect people from crime! Ed has got two Russian mobsters trying to kill him. TC should be protecting Ed because that’s HIS. DAMN. JOB!

Meanwhile, three woman are secretly beating up creepy men on the boardwalk. One of the women is a rape survivor and the other two women claim that they are getting vengeance for her. What is the deal with this show not only using rape as a plot point but also trivializing it in the process? Chris Kelly eventually arrests the women and does her thing where she glares at everyone.

Palermo’s 15 year-old daughter goes to Del Toro and asks “type of condom do guys like.” It turns out that she’s thinking about having sex with her 19 year-old boyfriend. Del Toro’s answer should have been, “Your boyfriend is old enough to buy his own condoms.” Instead, Del Toro convinces her to hold off on having sex until he can check out her boyfriend. Her boyfriend turns out to be a nice guy but still, a 19 year-old dating a 15 year-old is kind of weird. (It’s less the age difference and more the maturity difference. Four years isn’t that big a deal when it’s something like a 26 year-old and a 22 year-old. But this is the difference between someone starting high school and someone starting college.) It’s also statutory rape, though no one seems to be too concerned about that.

Anyway, Palermo finds out so guess which couple isn’t going to be having sex for a long time?

This was another stupid episode of Pacific Blue. Again, the problem isn’t just that the cops all look stupid on their bicycles. It’s also that the cops represent everything that people hate about cops. Chris and TC are both self-righteous and immature. (When someone complains about Chris nearly running someone over on her bicycle, Chis replies that she’s doing her job.) It gets annoying after a while.

This week’s episode served as a reminder to never depend on anyone riding a bike.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.11 “Deja Vu”

Posted on July 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, someone is out to frame Palermo! It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Episode 2.11 “Deja Vu”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on November 10th, 1996)

Palermo is upset because his former partner is returned to the boardwalk and is now running an arcade. Gene Savage (Joe Cortese) may have once been a cop but now he’s a paroled ex-con and it was Palermo’s testimony that led to Savage being convicted in the first place. Palermo suspects that Savage is out for revenge and it turns out that he is. He tries to frame Palermo for a murder. Internal Affairs demands Palermo’s badge.

And the thing is …. I know I’m supposed to feel bad for Palermo but I don’t. Palermo’s a self-righteous jerk. He’s been a self-righteous jerk since the start of the show. He acts like riding a bicycle somehow makes him superior to everyone else on the boardwalk. Finding out that he testified against his partner makes him seem like even more of a jerk. It’s hard to like a snitch.

This entire episode is built around the idea of Palermo being treated unfairly but I kind of feel like he needed to be taken down a rung or two. Maybe now, he won’t be so rude when he arrests people. Maybe he’ll understand that not everyone cares about his whole bicycle thing. Probably not, though.

While Palermo was dealing with his ex-partner, Cory and Chris dealt with the Good Samaritans, a group of blue beret-wearing citizens who attempted to fight crime on their own. Andy Miller (Keith Coulouris) was determined to take down the local drug dealer. When Andy’s partner (Claudette Mink) got shot and nearly died, Andy snapped and grabbed a gun and tried to get revenge himself. Cory was there to arrest not only the drug dealer but also Andy. “You’re a danger to the community and yourself!” Cory snapped.

Ugh. People who ride bicycles shouldn’t try to act like badsses. Seriously, is there a less likable cast of characters than the Pacific Blue crew? It’s not a good thing when a cop leaves me rooting for the criminals.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.10 “Cranked Up”

Posted on July 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Chris nearly gets everyone killed …. again!

Episode 2.10 “Cranked Up”

(Dir by Corey Michael Eubanks, originally aired on November 3rd, 1996)

The bike cops are taking part in an “eco-relay,” (which I guess is a bicycle race) through the mountains surrounding Santa Monica. Upon arriving at the park, Chris and Corey spot two rednecks on ATVs.

“Those are illegal in state parks!” Chris says.

And you’re off-duty, Chris. Seriously, Chris is the most annoying character on this show and that’s kind of amazing when you consider the competition.

Anyway, during the race, Chris spots a meth lab that is being run by those ATV-riding rednecks. Even though she’s off-duty, doesn’t have a radio, and doesn’t have any way to bring in any backup, she still decides to take down the meth lab herself. Instead, she gets captured by the rednecks and their girlfriend, Mary Lou (Maddie Corman). Mary Lou lights a cigarette and Chris yells at her about it. I’m surprised that they didn’t just give Chris back after having to spend ten minutes with her.

The other bike cops go to search for Chris. Chris manages to escape on her own but, when she reaches the other bike cops, she explains that the meth lab could have “crank” out on the street by nightfall. The cops — who are ALL off-duty — decide to take down the lab without bothering to call for back-up. (Seriously, they could have just called the real police from the finish line.) The end result is that Cory gets shot (but, luckily, doesn’t die) and all the other cops get captured, including Chris for a second time. Luckily, Lt. Palermo shows up and rescues everyone. They don’t win the race but they do take out a meth lab. Of course, they could have easily won the race and then called the real cop to take out the meth lab afterwards and, as an extra bonus, Cory wouldn’t have gotten shot.

This was a Chris-centric episode, which means that the majority of the episode was divided between Chris bragging about being a badass and Chris complaining about situations that wouldn’t have happened if she wasn’t so freaking incompetent. This would have been a fun episode CHiPs but, with Pacific Blue, it’s just another reminder that bicyclists are worthless.

One final note: Maddie Corman is the wife of former actor and director Jace Alexander who, in 2015, was arrested for possession and distribution of child pornography. Corman did not divorce her husband but instead turned the experience of being married to pedophile into a one-woman off-Broadway play and even did a tour of all the morning shows promoting it. I don’t blame her for her husband’s crimes and I can totally buy her claim that she didn’t know anything about what was on his computer until the police showed up but, still, to then use those crimes to promote herself …. that’s always struck me as being more than a little icky.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.9 “Genuine Heroes”

Posted on July 1, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the cast of Pacific Blue gets outacted.

Episode 2.9 “Genuine Heroes”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on October 20th, 1996)

Pacific Blue makes an unforgivable mistake in this episode by giving a plum guest-starring role to Charles Napier. When your show is populated by boring regular characters and actors who are distinguished by their almost total lack of screen charisma, the last thing you want to do is bring in a certifiable badass character actor like Charles Napier. If Lt. Palermo and the bicycle crew seem charmless during a normal episode, just imagine how much worse they look when compared to Napier.

Napier plays Tyrone Justice, a Texas bounty hunter who has come to Santa Monica to track down a bank robber and his girlfriend. The members of the bike patrol are like, “We’re not going to let you cause any trouble down here,” and it’s kind of hard not to smirk because Tyrone Justice is Charles Freaking Napier. He wears a leather jacket and carries a shotgun. The bike patrol wears shorts and those stupid plastic helmets and spends all of their time riding their bicycles. Like, seriously, shut up, bike patrol.

Meanwhile, VJTV (which I guess is the show’s version of MTV) is shooting on the beach for spring break. Del Toro has a crush on VJTV personality Ginger Delvecchio (Angelica Bridges). Cory rolls her eyes whenever Del Toro sees Delvecchio, complaining that Delvecchio’s career is due solely to her sex appeal and how she looks in a bikini. (This argument perhaps would have worked better if delivered on a show that didn’t open every episode with stock footage of women in bikinis.) Cory complaining feels out of character. Usually, Kelly is the member of the bike patrol who is written to be an annoying straw feminist. At the end of the episode, Ginger leaves VJTV for a show that is obviously meant to be Baywatch. Seeing as how Pacific Blue itself is an obvious rip-off of Baywatch, all of the smirks and sighs feel a bit hypocritical.

Anyway, this episode was pretty dumb. It’s impossible to take people who ride bicycles seriously. When the bike patrol arrested Charles Napier, I had to laugh. There’s no way Charles Napier would ever surrender to some douchebag on a bicycle.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.8 “Undercover”

Posted on June 24, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Chris goes undercover.

Episode 2.8 “Undercover”

(Dir by Terrence H. Winkless, originally aired on October 13th, 1996)

A smarmy detective wants Chris to go undercover to help investigate a suspected money launderer, Tim Wakefield (Scott Plank). Palermo argues that Chris doesn’t have enough experience to work undercover but the detective asks Chris, “What do you want to do? You ready to get out of those bicycle shorts and do some real police work?”

I have to admit that line cracked me up. It really made the whole episode. Palermo got offended, as he always does whenever anyone points out that bike cops look silly with their shorts and their crisp white shirts. What was great about the line was that it was true. The detective may have been smarmy but he was right about Chris being invited to do “real police work” and he was right about bike cops not being real policemen. Everyone know it’s true! Seriously, if a bicycle cop ever tries to pull you over, just slam down on the accelerator. What are they going to do? Chase you when you’re going over 30 mph? I think not!

(Seriously, two seasons in and the show is still trying to convince us that bike cops are real cops. Sorry, Palermo, it’s not going to happen!)

That said, this episode’s main plot still ended up falling flat because Chris is not a very interesting character and her whole undercover thing wasn’t particularly credible. When she went undercover, she still came across as being just as stiff, humorless, and unlikable as when she’s riding her bike and threatening people with arrest. Tim Wakefield, of course, fell for her and Chris was supposed to be attracted to him and conflicted about her assignment and I never bought it for a second.

(As for Wakefield, he turned out to be not as bad of a guy as everyone assumed. He was arrested but his lawyer got him off and the episode ended with him sending Chris a postcard from some tropical beach. I think Chris was supposed to be wistful as she looked at the postcard but, since Darlene Vogel was apparently only capable of one facial expression, who knows for sure?)

Meanwhile, Cory dealt with being stalked by a mentally unstable ex-boyfriend, Wasn’t it just last week that Cory’s partner was being stalked by a mentally unstable woman? This show certainly does enjoy repeating itself. While Palermo worried about Chris, TC and Victor chased some roller-blading teens who were shooting random tourists with paintballs. The roller-blading scenes were kind of exciting but, unfortunately, they had to share space with all of the awkward bicycle scenes.

This episode had its moments. The roller-blading was cool. The detective making fun of Palermo was gratifying. Overall, though, the fact that the show centers around bicycles continues to be a flaw that simply cannot be overcome. There’s simply no way to make anyone riding a bicycle look impressive, I don’t care how serious they try to look.

Sorry, Pacific Blue.