Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for Isaac’s heart to get broken, yet again!

Episode 2.22 “Love Me, Love My Dog/Poor Little Rich Girl/The Decision”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on February 24th, 1979)

Isaac has sworn off falling in love with passengers.  As he explains it, he’s fallen in love with a movie star, a singer, a criminal, and a journalist and, every time, the romance ended as soon as the ship docked.  Isaac is tired of getting his heart broken and, unlike Doc and Gopher, he doesn’t view romance as just being a game.

Still, as soon as Isaac spots Selena Moore (Debbie Allen) boarding the ship, he’s interested.  He insists that he’s not going to act on his attraction but both Gopher and Doc tell him that it’s okay to just have some fun.  And when Selena starts showing up at the bar and telling Isaac about her doubts about whether or not she wants to get married to her fiancé, Isaac decides to follow Gopher and Doc’s advice.  He and Selena have a shipboard romance.

And, of course, Isaac falls in love.  He said that he wouldn’t but he does because that’s just who Isaac is.  Isaac is the most sincere character on the show.  Gopher is goofy.  Doc is a walking HR nightmare.  Julie is practical.  The Captain is stern.  And Isaac is the one who impulsively falls in love, even though he knows he’s probably going to get hurt.

When Isaac trips and falls after one night of dancing, Doc jokingly declares that Isaac will never walk again.  Selena runs away in tears.  That really should have been a clue that she loved her fiancé more than she was letting on.  When the ship finally returns home, Isaac can only watch as Selena greets her fiancé, who turns out to be an older man who uses a wheelchair.  Isaac can only wipe away a tear and hand the roses that he got for Selena to a random passenger.  It’s a bit sad, even though the outcome was predictable.  Ted Lange and Debbie Allen both made the story work far better than one might expect it to.

And it’s a good thing that Lange and Allen worked so hard because the other two stories are nowhere near as strong.

One of the stories features Fannie Flagg as Alicia Finch, an eccentric woman who sneaks her terrier (played by Cricket) onto the boat.  (Cricket gets her own credit, which is cute).  Alice meets Mason Randolph (Gene Rayburn), a single man who also loves dogs!  Unfortunately, Cricket starts yapping and biting whenever she sees Mason.  It looks like Alicia and Mason will never be.  However, when the boat docks, Mason’s dog is waiting for him.  Even though Mason’s dog is quite a bit bigger than her, Cricket takes a liking to him.  This story was extremely predictable and Gene Rayburn was a bit annoying as Mason.  (Apparently, he was a game show host and he delivers almost all of his lines as if he’s waiting for the audience to applaud.)  On the plus side, Cricket was really cute.

Finally, Suzanne Welles (Maren Jensen) is a waitress who has won the lottery but now that she’s rich, she’s not sure if auto mechanic Alan Harmon (Dennis Cole) really likes her or just wants her money.  Alan is also the Captain’s mechanic and Stubing comes up with a plan that’s so stupid that it makes you wonder if he should really be in charge of cruise ship.  Basically, Stubing tells Suzanne that she’s right about Alan and that he’s only after her for the money.  Alan then says that the Captain is correct.  Stubing thinks that if Suzanne’s suspicions are confirmed, she’ll be able to relax and fall in love with Alan without worrying about why he’s pursuing her and …. wait, what?  How does that make any sense?  Why would Suzanne continue to spend time with Alan after he tells her that he’s only interested in her for the money?  I mean, the boat is full of single, handsome men.  The plan is idiotic but somehow, it works!  Everyone tells the captain that he’s a genius.  Seriously, what a weird story.  I mean, Isaac is pouring out his heart and getting hurt again and the Captain is busy encouraging his passengers to lie to each other.

The cruise was definitely mixed bag.  The Ted Lange/Debbie Allen story was nicely done.  Cricket was cute.  Lauren Tewes got to wear a really pretty dress for the ship’s Mexican Fiesta Night and I loved the sparkly blue evening gown that Maren Jensen wore while having dinner at the Captain’s table.  But the non-Isaac stories were, respectively, bland and incredibly dumb.  I guess no vacation is perfect.