2007’s The List opens during the dying days of the American Civil War.

A group of wealthy plantation owners form a secret society.  They pool together their fortunes and they each sign onto a list.  Over the years, whenever a member of the Society passes away, their eldest male descendant replaces them on the List and also has access to the fortune that that the Society secretly holds.

In 2007, directionless attorney Renny Jacobsen (Chuck Carrington) is shocked when his father dies and leaves him next to no money.  As Renny tells us over and over again, he really could have used some of his father’s fortune.  However, his father does leave him a key the leads to Renny uncovering a tape that explains everything that he needs to know about the Society.  All Renny has to do is sign his name to the List.

The Society is now run by Desmond Larochette (Malcolm McDowell) and we know that he’s evil because his name is Desmond Larochette and he’s played by Malcolm McDowell.  Larochette seems to be more than happy to allow Renny to join the Society but he’s not quite as happy that another member of the group died and only left behind a female heir, Jo Johnston (Hilarie Burton).  The members of the Society are faced with quite a quandary.  Should they allow a woman to join their society?  And, if not, what should they do now that she know about the Society’s existence?

When Jo goes to the mansion for the Society’s meeting, she spots a portrait of a gray-haired gentleman and asks who he is.  Gus Eicholtz (Pat Hingle) explains that the painting is of John C. Calhoun, who served as Vice President under Andrew Jackson.  “He looks angry,” Jo says and honestly, that was a piece of historical and artistic criticism that was so simple-minded that Jo really should have been disqualified from joining the Society at that very moment.

First off, how are you going to join a Southern secret society if you don’t know how John C. Calhoun is?  Secondly, the portrait in question is actually a pretty famous one.  George Alexander Haley painted it while Calhoun was Secretary of State.  Even if you don’t know who John C. Calhoun is, chances are that you’ve seen the painting.  Finally, there’s the claim that “He looks angry.”  The painting was completed in 1845.  Everyone looked angry in 1840s!  Even the noted bon vivant Henry Clay looked angry in his 1848 State Department portrait.  (And Clay actually had his picture taken for his official portrait.  Imagine how furious he would look if someone had painted him?)

Anyway, Renny joins the society but Jo does not,  But then Renny discovers that it’s not as easy to get his hands on the money as he thought and he spends the entire movie complaining about it.  That’s pretty much it.  There is some suggestion that Desmond might have demonic powers, but it’s not really explored.  Another heir dies mysteriously and it seems like Jo is being targeted as well.  Again, it’s not really clear why.  In the end, Renny puts God before the money but it kind of comes out of nowhere.  It’s a muddled story and, by the end of the film, it’s still a struggle to figure out what it all meant.  At the very least, Malcolm McDowell seemed to be having fun, playing an evil character and speaking in an almost indecipherable accent.