After I finished up with The Perfect Daughter, it was time to continue cleaning out the DVR by watching Get Out Alive.  Get Out Alive originally aired on March 27th on the Lifetime Movie Network and it is quite possible the silliest movie that I’ve ever seen on Lifetime.

Now, that’s not necessarily meant as a complaint.  Part of the appeal of the movies that premiere on Lifetime and LMN is often the very fact that they are so silly and melodramatic.  Get Out Alive is a film that not only embraces the melodrama but practically drapes itself in it.  And while the naysayers may complain that Get Out Alive doesn’t make much sense, they’ll be missing the point.  It’s not about making sense.  It’s about being entertaining.

Or, at the very least, memorable.

Or, at the very, very least, it’s about going totally batshit crazy during the second half of the movie.  Get Out Alive started slow.  For the first hour, I was unimpressed.  But then it went totally batshit crazy during the second hour and I said to myself, “This is why we watch Lifetime movies!”

Get Out Alive tells the story of a young married couple.  On the outside, they look perfect.  But, once you start to dig and actually look under the surface, you discover that they are on the verge of breaking up.  Lucy (Beverely Mitchell) is organized and practical to a fault.  She is not spontaneous.  She does not take risks.  For some reason, she wears absolutely no makeup, which she really could have used in a few scenes.  (She also could have benefited from doing something with her hair.)  Meanwhile, husband Greg (Ryan Williams) is all about taking risks and living life to the fullest.   Their marriage has become so strained that Greg was even briefly tempted to cheat.

Well, what better way to fix things than to go to a marriage retreat?  They’re invited by another couple, both of whom swear that the retreat will work miracles.  And, at first, everything seems fine.  The retreat is located in a beautiful wilderness.  The cabins are nice.  There’s an older, friendly couple who immediately befriend Lucy.  Sure, the guy in charge (played by Vincent Gale) is a little creepy but who are we to judge, eh?

(Did I mention that, like most good Lifetime films, Get Out Alive is a Canadian production?)

However, there are a few things that make Lucy suspicious.  For instance, there are guards wandering all over the compound.  The old couple vanishes.  At one point, Lucy tumbles down a hill.  Greg suggests that maybe she just tripped but Lucy is convinced that she was pushed!

So, what’s happening here?  Well, as I watched Get Out Alive, I came up with two theories.

My first theory is that the whole thing was just a big trick to make Lucy think that she was in danger.  Seeing Lucy frightened would cause Greg to realize how much he loved his wife and then the movie would end with the guy in charge emerging and revealing the hoax.  “You saved our marriage!” Greg would happily proclaim.

That was one theory.  My other theory was that the retreat was actually an elaborate ruse to steal Lucy and Greg’s internal organs and sell them to the highest bidder.

Which theory was right?  You’ll have to watch the movie to find out!  I’m sure it’ll show up on Lifetime again at some point in the near future.  Lifetime is pretty good about continually rerunning their movies.

But anyway, my point is that Get Out Alive is totally ludicrous and kind of silly but that’s kind of the film’s charm.  It makes so little sense and takes place so far outside of the realm of probability that it becomes oddly fascinating.  Add to that, the film’s title doubles as good advice.

You should always get out alive!